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They might be bringing drama if....

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What are some obvious signs that you have seen that a couple you have met might not be ready to swing, or might be bearing drama.....

 

1. One partner talks down to the other

2. One partner talks badly about the other to you

3. They always seem to sit an armslength away, never touching each other.

4. One of them looks pissed off just to be there

 

 

What other signs can you think of that a couple might be bearing drama?

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1. The other couple never looks at or touches one another

2. One partner speaks for the other

3. They bring up past stories of jealousy and say "but we're past that now"

4. They initiate new rules "on the spot"

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It has been known to happen...

 

We were gathered at a friend's house for a Christmas Party. The hosts are mutual friends of another swing couple we are close with. To understand the social dynamic, you need to understand that we met our close friends through the hosts. We hit it off with our new friends in both friendship and play, but both couples decided that playing with the hosts was not in the cards. We are all still friends, but its a little touchy when the 6 of us are together.

 

S&C are the hosts

P&G are the close friends

We are Mr. and Mrs. Alpha

 

The evening began with P&G, Mr. Alpha and I, making it clear to the hosts (S&C) that this was going to be a vanilla evening - no play. While we are all flirts, we made it clear up front that the flirting was in no way to be an indication of an interest to play.

 

I happened to say that my feet were cold, and C gave me his slippers. S went crazy. She wouldn't look me in the eye, and demanded that I give the slippers back. She declared a new rule "no sharing slippers."

 

I think you can understand why we decided to keep things on a vanilla level. S wants to be open to sharing, but I am afraid she has some jealousy issues to overcome, first. Great people, though, and great friends.

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LMAO! That has got to be filed under "craziest rules I've ever heard"

 

If someone gets jealous over sharing of slippers, coats or other non-sexual objects... they might be bringing drama!

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1. One of them has to get drunk before the fun can begin.

2. He says my wife wants to do this, but you never hear from the wife.

3. They are married, but not to each other.

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Hot Raleigh Cpl said:

3. They are married, but not to each other.

 

I've been told this at the club before, along with "my wife thinks I'm in Tunica." I was just waiting for the spouses any minute to walk in pistol in tow. Needless to say, we weren't playing with them.

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They are married, but not to each other, oh yeah, have a "couple" who has been trying to get us to meet for a while, no way!

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You can tell the drama causing couples when...

1) they can't take no for an answer.

2) they are not on the same page.

3) you catch them in a lot of lies.

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funcpl4life said:
Long silences erupt in response to the strangest things.

 

Ok, you gotta expand on this?

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I've been told this at the club before, along with "my wife thinks I'm in Tunica." I was just waiting for the spouses any minute to walk in pistol in tow. Needless to say, we weren't playing with them.

 

Hey - I work in Tunica :) (small world, heh) And I bet that those are the people that put in their ads that they wil be in Tunica for the weekend, and to contact them ASAP too.

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1. Too many rules - especially rules intended to control their partner sexually, rather than about sexual preferances.

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They have stories of horric dramas that have happened to them in the past. Anyone can have a brush or two with some wierdos but if they have stories that are completely over the top and have multiple problems with different people over a period of time, it's THEM that is causing the problems.

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They have stories of horric dramas that have happened to them in the past. Anyone can have a brush or two with some wierdos but if they have stories that are completely over the top and have multiple problems with different people over a period of time, it's THEM that is causing the problems.

 

- Every story is a horrific drama and they feel the need to include names (first and last if they can remember them).

 

- The answer to every question you ask them is a 20 minute long story that leaves you scratching your head and wondering "WTF is wrong with these people?"

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-If he tells you that he's only doing this for her so she can be with other girls. Then later she tells you this story of how she got together with a girl and how jealous he got.

 

- If you go out to dinner and they look at the menu and comment on how expensive things are, then decide that they will choose between food or alchohol.... and choose alchohol.

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If you go out to dinner and they look at the menu and comment on how expensive things are, then decide that they will choose between food or alchohol.... and choose alchohol.

 

Seriously? That happened?

 

And I just want to reiterate an earlier one: when one (or both) people have to get completely drunk just to get things started.

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When one or both of them are just a bit too quick to point out and comment on other couples who they deem "bad swingers" for whatever reason.

 

Any couple who brings a case of beer to a party with no intention of sharing it. (AKA - one or both of them need to get drunk to play.)

 

Couples who reply to an invitation to a party, and that reply includes the line "Well, if Couple X is going to be there, we won't come."

 

I was chatting with the male half of a couple who seemed to be pretty nice, and we got to talking about house parties. All of a sudden he pipes up with, "So are the guys at these parties pushy, or am I going to have to knock somebody out?" -Danger Will Robinson!-

 

Needless to say, that was the end of our conversation, and I haven't seen or heard from them in about 3 years...

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Yes that seriously happened recently I might add.
OK, I want to understand. Are you saying that their credit card was at its limit or that they counted the dollars in their wallet and purse and they realized they were short? Or are you saying that they dislike food because it ruins the buzz they get from the alcohol?

 

Either way, I agree. It was a sure sign that drama would ensue.

 

~Michael

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Ok, you gotta expand on this?

 

There were just long, uncomfortable silences after subjects like shoes, vacations, car repairs, television shows, etc. Things that we thought were "safe haven" topics. It was just too weird. We bolted. Maybe they were just lousy conversationalists, but it didn't feel that way.

 

Mr. FC4L

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OK, I want to understand. Are you saying that their credit card was at its limit or that they counted the dollars in their wallet and purse and they realized they were short? Or are you saying that they dislike food because it ruins the buzz they get from the alcohol?

 

Either way, I agree. It was a sure sign that drama would ensue.

 

~Michael

 

Not sure, what the deal was exactly there. I got the feeling that in general the prices at the restaurant were higher than they were used to (they could have figured this out before they got there by checking the menu online). She wanted to drink and evidently if she chose to drink she couldn't afford to eat too.... so she chose to drink.

 

FWIW, this was the same couple as in the other example given in the same post.

 

There were just long, uncomfortable silences after subjects like shoes, vacations, car repairs, television shows, etc. Things that we thought were "safe haven" topics. It was just too weird. We bolted. Maybe they were just lousy conversationalists, but it didn't feel that way.

 

Mr. FC4L

 

I don't know if that's drama... or just a complete lack of chemistry. We met a couple like that once and it was like pulling teeth. Finally Pet asked "so what do you guys do in your spare time?" Their answer... "Sleep". yeah just really didn't have anything to talk about.

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1. The wife has to get "approval" from her husband to do anything

2. One partner is always "too tired "

3. One partner is naked but the other half is still fully clothed

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3. One partner is naked but the other half is still fully clothed

 

I know there are exceptions to every rule, but we know a couple that are always like this. She does all of the playing, and he watches - that's their thing. He gets his excitement watching her, so he rarely ever even takes his shirt off, let alone his drawers. I happen to know that when they get home, he has a bunch of pent up energy to release, and, well, lets just say he releases it.

 

We don't consider that 'drama.' Maybe it's just their 'kink?'

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Here's one we ran into - "she has a therapy dog, and the dog must be welcome." Ok, I thought maybe it might be a seeing eye dog or something similar. Nope. Turns out it was a little flea breeder of such a mixed background that even the vet didn't know what the hell she had. They called it a therapy dog because she just couldn't leave little Scooter (or whatever the hell his name was,) alone without her going berserk about the fact that he was alone to begin with...

 

It went downhill from there.

 

So - new rule - NO THERAPY DOGS! They breed with drama...

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Here's one we ran into - "she has a therapy dog, and the dog must be welcome." Ok, I thought maybe it might be a seeing eye dog or something similar. Nope. Turns out it was a little flea breeder of such a mixed background that even the vet didn't know what the hell she had. They called it a therapy dog because she just couldn't leave little Scooter (or whatever the hell his name was,) alone without her going berserk about the fact that he was alone to begin with...

 

It went downhill from there.

 

So - new rule - NO THERAPY DOGS! They breed with drama...

 

Maybe not drama, but jeez, it could lead to drama if she wanted that little dog up on the bed, couch, counter, table, etc... with her partner. Actually, it's just plain gross. Nothing like going at it and your little dog is staring at you the whole time.

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I know there are exceptions to every rule, but we know a couple that are always like this. She does all of the playing, and he watches - that's their thing. He gets his excitement watching her, so he rarely ever even takes his shirt off, let alone his drawers. I happen to know that when they get home, he has a bunch of pent up energy to release, and, well, lets just say he releases it.

 

We don't consider that 'drama.' Maybe it's just their 'kink?'

 

I used to know a couple just like this as well. Once the realized this was their kink and let others know it they were one of the most drama free couples I knew.

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I used to know a couple just like this as well. Once the realized this was their kink and let others know it they were one of the most drama free couples I knew.

 

Yes, I agree that situation would be ok if we knew it before hand. In this situation we didn't know that he had no intention of playing even though we went to a hotel at the other wife's suggestion. She proceded to get naked as soon as we got situated in the room while he stood around with this stunned look on his face. It did not go very much further from there.

 

What was weird was they were supposedly experianced and he talked a big game until we actually got to the room.

 

I think we were nearly as surprised as he was ! They were such nice people too.

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Here's one we ran into - "she has a therapy dog, and the dog must be welcome." Ok, I thought maybe it might be a seeing eye dog or something similar. Nope. Turns out it was a little flea breeder of such a mixed background that even the vet didn't know what the hell she had. They called it a therapy dog because she just couldn't leave little Scooter (or whatever the hell his name was,) alone without her going berserk about the fact that he was alone to begin with...

 

It went downhill from there.

 

So - new rule - NO THERAPY DOGS! They breed with drama...

 

While I am all for therapy when needed and I have several dogs, I think we would have bailed when we heard "Therapy dog"

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I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt when the subject of the 'therapy dog' came up. I know that there are all kinds of therapy dogs - everything from seeing eye dogs to dogs who help those who can't hear. Ok, no biggie - it's actually rather neat how man and animal can work for one another. But as the conversation moved forward, and I discovered that they actually meant she needed therapy and had a dog, I threw the brakes on and had a mental image of the robot in Lost in Space, waving his arms, yelling, "Danger Will Robinson...!"

 

There was never any mention of the dog being included in any playtime, and I really don't think that was ever their intention - they did want the dog to be with her at all times, however. I kind of associated the dog with Linus' blanket - you know, Linus from the Charlie Brown comics. Where Linus had to have that damned blanket with him no matter where he went, this woman had to have that dog with her.

 

Needless to say, we never got beyond the first meeting - I don't remember if Lin or I got the headache first...

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Yes, I agree that situation would be ok if we knew it before hand. In this situation we didn't know that he had no intention of playing even though we went to a hotel at the other wife's suggestion. She proceded to get naked as soon as we got situated in the room while he stood around with this stunned look on his face. It did not go very much further from there.

 

What was weird was they were supposedly experianced and he talked a big game until we actually got to the room.

 

I think we were nearly as surprised as he was ! They were such nice people too.

 

that's definately a different story. Clothes on or not... if one partner is not planning to play that should be made clear before anyone ever gets to a hotel room.

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Guest warrencouple

I sincerely hope, that myself and the Mrs never end up in this thread...

:)

 

Mr.

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3. They bring up past stories of jealousy and say "but we're past that now"

 

I don't agree with this assertion. Maybe I can agree in part. Some years ago I was very jealous and to be honest I like sometimes to talk somebody about my last jealousy. Although I lost my jealousy because of another reason than swing and before our first experience in swing. I would say in other words:

‘They often say they are not jealous and often ask you about your possible jealousy’

About one year ago we encountered with such case. We had met couple which were newbies. Wife of that couple could not and did not want to have sex with the first comer thus they did not want to get first experience at once but preferred to become friends. Of course we did not mind. Some time we met to walk and rest together. Of course we often flirted while we were together. He often said that he was not jealous, too often… and he very often asked me about my potential jealousy. After some time we almost became friends, flirting friends. Suddenly he began to behave strangely and at last had acknowledged that he was very jealous and could not see his wife having sex with somebody. OK, we had said, let’s be simple friends, swing is not for everyone. But he could not even be friends. The reason was simple, his wife had said him she wanted to try. And he could not forgive her and forget those words.

That moment of course we were not real friend, friendship need time. But it was too difficult for us to lose them though, and we remember the tears in his wife’s eyes.

So that’s that.

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Here is some snippet from a profile of a couple that contacted us recently. There are some huge red flags there that they may bring drama with them:

 

What we're looking for:

 

Looking to spice things up. My wife just told me last night that she wants us to find a girl that would love giving head to me but not the sex part, at least not at first. Someone to do the head thing and let her have the sex??? Later if all works out then maybe we can do a threesome.

 

In the right situation, with females only my wife might join. She has no interest in a another male, but likes the ladies.

 

Beyond the issues this couple will have (has?), what's in it for us? My wife gets to go give him head and get nothing in return? What's in it for me? I don't think they've thought this through very well at all.

 

Mr. WS

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Here is some snippet from a profile of a couple that contacted us recently. There are some huge red flags there that they may bring drama with them:

 

 

 

Beyond the issues this couple will have (has?), what's in it for us? My wife gets to go give him head and get nothing in return? What's in it for me? I don't think they've thought this through very well at all.

 

Mr. WS

 

The answer to that is in another profile we read recently. "It's not about us, it's ALL about us." (or rather them).

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They feel the need to tell you their entire life story before they'll start playing . . .

 

=)

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