Review: "Swinging for Beginners: an Introduction to the lifestyle" by Kaye Bellemeade

[JustAskJulie]

If this is the first introduction for someone to the lifestyle I would think many would run screaming, I'm amazed to see the positive reviews this book has on Amazon... but then again most of those are from people with no experience in the lifestyle and this book as truly their introduction.

This book is admittedly based on her personal experience and opinions and it is full of both. Some of the "personal experiences" are entertaining and some make good points, others left me wondering what the point was. Overall, the book left a really negative taste in my mouth because of how much of it was just her opinion. The book is written in an overall light tone which should make it easy to read. The problem for me is that I kept having to put it down to bang my head on something or write out my thoughts about what the author had said.

Some of the implications that the book left me with as I read it and often asked "WFT!?"

It [Swinging]means that you're not willing to risk your relationship by having an affair

this one left me thinking that the author had the idea that swinging was a good choice to avoid cheating.. or to save a marriage.

Most men , unless extremely jealous or insecure, will jump at the idea of swinging....

if you can't handle your partner going off to be alone with someone else, you can't really handle swinging.

The author completely contradicts herself from one page to the next on the topic of standing people up. One page she talks to those who back out basically saying that it's ok to do it. That it's ok if you are just all about the fantasy and you can't handle the reality. Then on the very next page she talks to those who have been stood up and calls the people who do the standing up Bastards! Granted I agree with the second page, but it just didn't make much sense in light of her comments on the previous page.

She uses a personal experience (not her own) to relate how important it is to follow others rules but no where in the personal experience that is shared does it appear that the rules were ever made clear to the person who broke them. Yes, it's important to follow the rules of others, but you have to take responsibility and enforce your own rules as well. Too often the personal experiences are negative and after reading so many from the author I can't help but feel that she is full of drama (and so are her friends), for that many bad things to happen to one couple (and their friends) within swinging.

She refers to a husband who after going to a swinger party decided he wasn't comfortable and wanted to leave as a "crybaby".

She encourages using false names and information on documents you may fill out at a swinger club even after addressing the fact that those documents are a legal formality.

Her advice for breaking it off with a couple who has gotten too close to you... tell them you are taking a break from the lifestyle. If they don't get the hint from that... just ignore their emails until they do.

The book does have a few gems but they are rare and buried amongst too much personal opinion to make buying (or reading) this book worthwhile .... and that's my personal opinion.

I would not recommend this book as a "an introduction to the lifestyle" or a guide for beginners to get an understanding of what to expect. You will get an understanding of how this particular author views and has experienced the lifestyle... a view that is just too narrow to help many. This book should be called "How to Swing with Drama".