How do you handle group/party sex safely?

[LikeMinds321]

How do you handle group/party sex safely?

As a newbie who's not swung yet, thinking about being active in a group of six or more scares the H out of me!

Me and hubby believe in safe sex practices and even when looking ahead to being with one other couple I wonder about all the touching going on and mix of fluids (saliva, vaginal, anal, pre-cum, cum) that we will need to keep track of and keep from transferring to others. Gloves, condoms, latex dams, washing hands, all necessary but I can see myself having my state of arousal being hindered by my policing the activities.

On the few sex videos I've watched that were designed to be educational, NOBODY seems to give a hoot about protection...it's all lust, lust, lust. Is the party life truly this loose and carefree?

Those of you who like sex parties, how many people are usually at a party you participate in?

How do you handle all this safely while keeping yourself focused and aroused?

Mrs. LM

[Alura]

Well, Mrs. LM, I think swinging, like motorcycling, can never be safe. It can be safer than it might otherwise be. You have to decide what risks you're willing to take and tailor your activities to that level. The only true safety is sticking only to your partner.

Unfortunately, nobody seems sure just what the risks are for any given sex act. You have to pick the side you want to believe.

I agree with you that precautions diminish the level of arousal. The recommended precaution that would turn me off the most is eating a woman with a piece of saran wrap over her pussy. If either Mrs. Alura or myself felt a couple presented any risk at all of STDs, we'd not play with them, with or without condoms. To trust your life to a piece of rubber that breaks too often is, we think, foolhardy. However, if we felt a couple offered no risk, but they would be more at ease if we used condoms, we'd happily comply.

We would not consider playing with a couple who didn't want to kiss.

We've had quite limited experience (five play couple partners in twenty years) and have always relied on careful choosing of our partners to stay STD free. Our partners have always been long-term married folks who had limited or even no experience outside their marriage.

If a couple have been married for ten years or more and have never played before, there is virtually no risk, in our opinion. If they have played but the play has been limited to similar couples, there is still virtually no risk. Of course, people can and do lie but you have to consider how likely that may be and adjust your decision accordingly.

If the orgy scene is important to your fantasies, you will have to accept some degree of risk, even if you use condoms, saran wrap and refrain from kissing. The only way around this that we would accept is to form a group of couples as described above who will never play outside the group. Even then there will be some risk. In twenty years of playing, off and on, we've never been able to organize such a group.

My doctor told me that the AIDS virus is very fragile and easily killed by the chemicals in saliva and stomach acid. Therefore, virtually no risk comes from oral sex or kissing. Spermicide also kills the AIDS virus and can add a modicum of safety, but is there a brand that doesn't taste awful?

Now, before I get flamed totally for this post, let me say that this is only our way of approaching the question of safety in swinging and in no way should it apply to any other couple, unless they play with us.

Mr. Alura

[good times]

Dito

We feel pretty much the same. Also after studying the risks we have pretty much come to the conclusion that we are much more likely to die in an accident on the way to the club than we are of an std.

[MrYaWanna]

We always use condoms when swinging. Just like we always wear seatbelts, have insurance, look both ways before crossing the street etc. I can't think of anything that is worth doing that is without risk.

In a group sex thing my job is to watch out for YaWanna. It's hard for her to tell if all the guys are putting condoms on. Only when I can see her and take care for her am I able to enjoy myself. Is it risky? Yep. But then again getting out of bed every morning is too

[Spoomonkey]

In my normal life - I assess risk for a living... Yep - I am one of THOSE guys...

Sex is just like anything else in the world - there is an amount of risk involved. The question is - just how much risk are you willing to absorb?

It may appear that Alura is a pretty risky guy, but his selection process is his "protection". It isn't fool proof, but as he has pointed out - neither are condoms... His approach does have the advantage of not squeezing all the blood out of your trouser mouse...

For us - the point of this is fun. We do not have a selection process like Alura - but the idea of licking plastic is pretty - well... ICK... So - we go commando with the oral stuff.

But if part A goes into part B (as I believe you mentioned in a previous post, LM) then we are all about the condoms! Pregnancy prevention? Nah... Neither me or the missus can further polute the populace... But we really hope to come home with nothing more than fond memories...

Condoms are not foolproof - oral sex isn't 100% safe - and don't even get me started on crabs... Itchy little bastards...

But we play as safe as we possibly can while balancing that with a desire to have fun and experience the moment. Maybe we absorb more risk than most - maybe we absorb less... It's all in what you are comfortable with.

The real trick is avoiding "hype" risk... I was watching "South Park" the other night and (yeah, I know it's going to rot my brain) They did a great job of parody-ing "hype" risk... "Hype" risk is the risk that is is blown out of proportion... A mountain out of a mole hill - so to speak... On South Park, the parents were so concerned about child abduction that they built a wall around the town (only to have it constantly attacked by "god-damn mongolians") and eventually even kicked their kids out of town (because, as it turns out, most abductions are by a parent).

Is it dangerous out there? You bet.. Play safe... Be wise...

Do we need to build a wall? Not unless we all want to spend our time fighting off "god-damn mongolians"...



Spoomonkey

I saw that one!!!!

[LikeMinds321]

The orgy scene is not a part of my fantasies, Alura. I doubt it will ever be. But even with just one other couple, that makes four in the room and that's two more than I'm used to!

Cling Wrap, Saran Wrap, whatever wrap, it always breaks with a spirited tongue. Hubby and I are now trying latex dams and condoms on ourselves, to see if we can adjust to these barriers. If we're going to ask our playmates to use them, we want to have experienced them beforehand.

Condoms with intercourse or anal sex will always be in place when we play. But I love cunnilingus and fellatio without barriers, so I know I'll be struggling with that decision.

And kissing...I can't imagine passion without it! I love to kiss!

We each perceive risk in different ways.

Spoomonkey, I really appreciated your point about "hype" risk.

NEW THOUGHT: What questions do you ask new people you meet that helps you determine how risky it will be to play with them?

Mrs. LM

[SluttyWife]

Since we're very selective and many potential playmates
don't take a liking to our latex supply we actually do far more kissing than actual all out swinging!

Slutty Wife

[Monolith]

Latex is my best friend! I would hope that we could find trustworthy partners that we wouldn't have to worry about getting STDs from...but even so, I really don't want to get anyone else besides my wife pregnant. Of course condoms are not foolproof, but I want that first layer of defense. Licking a saran wrapped vagina might be weird though... it reminds me of those Glad wrap commercials.


Monolith

[Alura]

Please keep in mind that the above post is based on what we have done in the past, not what we might do today or in the future. Well, we'll probably never go to an on-premises club...

When we first started experimenting with this lifestyle the Scandanavian Air Lines Steward had just started spreading AIDs around the gay bath houses in the major cities in America. It was unknown here in Oklahoma. The worst disease one might get was cured with one shot of penicillin. We were playing with a couple who had been married in their teens and never had a sex partner other than each other. Plus the other lady was a nurse, studying to be a doctor. Her field was communicative diseases and we relied on her knowledge of the subject.

We figured if our partners didn't have a disease, we wouldn't get one.

Mr. Spoomonkey seems to think we're a risky couple but we think it is far safer to play with a couple who has had limited experience than to play with virtual strangers at clubs wearing condoms. That scares us.

We are not opposed to, nor would we ever refuse to use condoms. The only "downside" is that a condom renders my foreskin useless. My pleasure isn't markedly diminished but, according to NightGoddess, the lady's might be.

[quote]Originally posted by LikeMinds321
Condoms with intercourse or anal sex will always be in place when we play.
In my opinion, a good choice. Condoms certainly don't increase risk, unless one over-relies on them and increases other risky behavior. We don't care for anal sex but I can't imagine doing it without condoms since anal sex is much riskier for getting diseases than any other form of sex play, isn't it?

But I love cunnilingus and fellatio without barriers, so I know I'll be struggling with that decision.
You might check somewhere to learn if saliva and stomach acid does, indeed, kill viruses. My doctor says so, but he's just a hick Okie, too.

And kissing...I can't imagine passion without it! I love to kiss!
Again, the effectiveness of saliva would be good to know.

We each perceive risk in different ways.
Absolutely! Each couple must decide what risks they are willing to take and what measures they are willing to take to minimize those risks.

Spoomonkey, I really appreciated your point about "hype" risk.
I agree with y'all on this. The risks, when playing with married couples, are probably much less than our fears would indicate.

NEW THOUGHT: What questions do you ask new people you meet that helps you determine how risky it will be to play with them?
What can I say without being vague? We just try to get to know the folks. We learn what their hopes and expectations are, what their comfort zone is, and what experiences they've had. We're big on body language and "reading eyes," which can tell you a lot. At the end of the evening, Mrs. Alura and I would discuss whether or not we "liked their eyes" and whether or not we feel we can trust what they say.

Frankly, we are probably more concerned with whether they are both enthusiastic about the lifestyle or if one may be there just because the other wants to be. We would probably not have gotten to the face-to-face meeting if we didn't believe they were safe from diseases.
Could I have been more vague?

Mr. Alura

[LikeMinds321]

Yes, Mr. Alura, I agree.

A person's eyes let you see how beautiful their heart and soul is.

I love looking into a face more than any other part of a body.

Mrs. LM

[Spoomonkey]

Alura

No - I don't think you guys are any more risky than the rest of us. In fact, I would agree that using condoms with people you have just met is pushing the envelop of risky play. I tried to make the point that your selection was your protection. I respect that and think you two are a wonderful gutsy couple in this lifestyle. I did not mean to insinuate that what you do is risky - if I left that impression please accept my apology. I have fully read your posts and understand your process of selection.

You two are an awesome couple and we hope that we get to meet you guys at a meet up someday.

Spoomonkey

[shoreguy]

In our not huge amount of experience (12-15 couples in a bit over a year, it gets hazy due to some parties), we've never come across anyone who requested a condom or dental dam for oral sex. Condoms are always a part of vaginal/anal sex with others.

That seems to be the norm around here.

And since the rest of this thread is so down on parties: Damnit, parties are fun!

[Alura]

Originally posted by Spoomonkey
Alura

You two are an awesome couple and we hope that we get to meet you guys at a meet up someday.

Spoomonkey

Thank you! We think y'all are awesome, too, Mr. Spoomonkey, one of the reasons we hope we can arrange to be in Indianapolis.

I'm wondering if we're overdoing the STD-scare discussions. Certainly, we need to be aware of this issue and discuss ways to conrol the risks, but I think of new members signing on here, eager to have fun, and find themselves bombarded with STD talk. This is not the only forum where it's come up.

When I taught in the motorcycle safety school, one of our instructors fell into the habit of telling vivid stories about motorcycle accidents in the first class to the newby riders. His purpose was to convince them of the need for learning safety precautions. Of course, how to manage risks in motorcycling was the purpose of the course and we taught it, but by the time we got the students to the bikes they were so tense and scared they had trouble concentrating on what we were trying to teach them.

The rest of us surrounded the guy after class and said, "Shut the hell up with the blood and gore, dammit!" He did, the students relaxed, were able to learn and most importantly, had fun.

Mr. Alura

[Spoomonkey]

Ah - but did you teach them to wear a helmet?



I grew up in a family saturated with motocross (the males) and biker chicks (my sisters, and eventually my mom, developed this thing for men in biker gangs - fascinating people those "Outlaws"). So I saw my share of ugly motorcycle accidents... Needless to say, I couldn't talk myself onto a motorcycle to save my life.

You are right - we can really overshadow the fun when we focus on the dangers. Safety is good, but when all is said and done, the risk doesn't really go away. And "scrubbing in" like a doctor doing brain surgery really kind of ices the "lust" of it all. Hmmm... Are we making swinger sex too much like an alien abduction? That's a thought worth pondering...

Mr Spoomonkey