Safety in the puppy pile

[unusualsuspects]

My wife and I think we have safe sex: we use condoms for any vaginal intercourse but nor for oral, and we go through a lot of condoms if we're changing positions a lot. This is fine when we're playing such that we've each got our own partners and don't share too much.

Our question is what to do when it's a big pile of people. The main thing we see is since both of us don't use condoms during oral sex, there exists a lot more risk because of the nature of multiple partners. When it's just two people, it's not so bad: transmission rates orally are low enough we accept that, but how about this scenario...

I perform oral sex on my wife, then on our new friend. Am I wrong in being concerned that my wife has now essentially had unprotected sex with this woman?

Now you'll say, "female to female transmission is low too" ok... so how about this one... our new friend performs oral sex on her male partner then on my wife. Now has my wife had unprotected sex with that man?

After 2 years and a handful of great experiences, we're still clear, and we are pretty selective about partners, and I think that takes a lot of the risk out of it, but are we overthinking?

[The Fuse]

You know, I don't think you're overthinking. This kind of thing has been on my mind lately. We don't do the group scene very much, maybe four or five times in three years. At least twice, I have ended up with an infection. Once it was a bacterial infection, back in 2007, and once it was a UTI, last month. Each infection had indirect effects that lasted a while, even after I went to the doctor the first time to get the main infection cleared up.

I hate to add to the list of things to worry about, but I believe both of my infections were from "digits" rather than from oral. The first time we were with two couples we were close to, and no condoms were used, so I think that's how I got the bacterial infection. But that could just have easily been from someone fingering the originator and then fingering me, without washing, instead of from intercourse.

Fingering is how I think I got the UTI -- either that or just plain old bacteria on his fingers from normal living. The fingering was very vigorous, so that might have been the cause too or at least contributed to it. It was really intense at the time but the price was too high later.

These things, along with plain old preference, have turned me off of the group scene. We were never that interested in it anyway, but now less so. We'll be more likely to turn it down, and if we do do it again, I'm going to be the killjoy who says "Please wash between touching her and touching me".

So I don't know whether oral is the main thing to worry about. Fingers are at least as likely a way to spread some kinds of infections.

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by unusualsuspects

and I think that takes a lot of the risk out of it, but are we overthinking?

Yes and No, in no particular order to both lines of thought here.

[SW_PA_Couple]

I'm simply relieved to learn that "puppy pile" is not what I initially thought.

[fun4Ds]

I can't say your over thinking anything. In fact, I think what your saying is true and correct. We have thought about it also.

However, we feel with confidence by the time we are getting sexual with our play partners. Well, by then we are past those barriers and focus on, good sex...

So far, we dont have any cooties, and niether do our friends

[CXXC]

Ok! I'm the germphobe in the crowd. I'll admit, I think aobut it no matter what I am doing. Even in the heat of the moment, I consider what can happen in certain situations.

Purel and hand wipes only work so well. Without haivng a surgical scrub sink equiped with surgical soap and scrub brush, there is little anyone can do to stave off the effects of the normal flora found on the human hands. Add the bacteria, yeast and various other "bugs" found in and on others and you have a melting pot of possible issues.

Condoms work only so well. Fingers are the guilty party most times. Oral activities are not as bad yet do present their own set of issues.

What it boils down to is this:
Ensure that both you and your partner(s) are clean, stay clean and change condoms between different partners. Asking a partner to wash their hands before fingering you is not out of the question. It is a pain in the butt, but who wants to end up with an UTI or ecoli?

It is so difficult to be passionate while still trying to be safe. Most swingers understand and will accept your fears.

[jamen]

ok ok qustion what is the percentage of possible barrier breach of STDS.That is our biggest fear.I know you have to watch out for warts but they are visable.how about some actual numbers.Are we having fun yet?

[good times]

Originally Posted by jamen

ok ok qustion what is the percentage of possible barrier breach of STDS.That is our biggest fear.I know you have to watch out for warts but they are visable.how about some actual numbers.Are we having fun yet?

If you are referring to a condom as the barrier, and HPV or HSV as the std, and you are playing with someone who is having an active outbreak, the percentage would be around 100%, as they are transferred by contact.

[Speed & Trixie]

Ugh, I think about un-sexy GERMS all the time!! (Figured I'm the "paranoid" one since I have a background in microbiology/parasitology.) Speed goes to the junkyard and works on cars a lot, so I'm constantly checking his hands and under his fingernails!

If a playmate said "excuse me, I'm going to go wash my hands," it would actually be a turn-on for me! I see a guy who takes the time to be clean as very considerate and responsible, and I like that When he came back, I'd be even wetter!

Trixie