Why are people so hesitant to be surgically safe?

[prometheius]

I thought it would be interesting to find out other peoples views on the subject of safe sex/being surgically safe. N8tureGirl and I have been in the lifestyle for just over a year now, and we’ve found that most of the males of the couples we’ve played with are not surgically safe. I am V-safe and as of this month, N8tureGirl will be surgically safe also. What I would like to know is: Why don’t more people address this issue? I do realize that there may be some people out here that might still wish to have children, but for the most part, if they haven’t had kids by now, what are they waiting for? After all, most of us here are 30 somethings or older. I have been frustrated by people, (men in particular), who seem to think that it should be our responsibility to make sure a pregnancy doesn’t happen. Condoms don’t always work, and most people say that they don’t like using them since it does change the sensations felt or not felt. To further my opinion on this matter, sterilization is much less expensive and uncomfortable for the men than the women.

When we got into swinging, we didn’t think about the fact that we were going to have to spend thousands (literally), on having the Mrs. fixed so she could enjoy herself without that concern hanging over her head. We’ve been told by more than one man that he was afraid that having the procedure done would hurt. This is a WTF moment for me, is there no pain in bearing a child? What about the financial pain of raising an unplanned child, or worse yet, the emotional pain of terminating an unwanted pregnancy? To me, this smacks of being self centered and makes me want to tell the guy that he can play with us once he gets his business taken care of. Fortunately, that will soon no longer be an issue for us.

I just wanted to hear other peoples' opinions on this issue.

[NCfuncouple98]

We have talked for years about Mr. NC being V-Safe. Swinging has now brought it back up to the forefront. Right now it's just a matter of scheduling. Unfortunately he doesn't have much for vacation time, and being a mechanic, he can't exactly go back to "normal" work too quickly.

As for me, we wanted my tubes tied when our daughter was born almost 9 years ago, but they wouldn't do it after her birth, wanted me to heal for 6 weeks then come back. Mr. NC just wouldn't hear of me having to heal just to go through another procedure. So we've just never done it. It wasn't that big of a deal for us, until now.

We are hoping to both be surgically safe within a year, if all goes as planned. Right now it all comes down to scheduling the time off, and coming up with the $ that our lousy health insurance doesn't cover.

[prometheius]

For Mr. NC, have it done on a Friday and he should be able to return to work on Monday as long as he doesn't strain himself. Your recovery time would be much longer.

Our health insurance isn't much help either as we expect to have to pay for most of her proceedure since our deductible is not yet met. I was fortunate to have my chords clipped back when I had good coverage and it cost me nothing. Even so, male sterilization is by far cheaper. Best wishes for you both!

[BiloxiCouple]

My wife has been fixed for years for health reasons. Being safe for me is an unnecessary surgery. There are other alternatives to being safe with swing partners.

With all that said now, before April of last year it could have been a possibility to have the surgery. After April, because of being on blood thinners (for the rest of my life), I am avoiding any surgery if possible. Don't need the risk. The zipper cut was enough

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

My wife has been fixed for years for health reasons. Being safe for me is an unnecessary surgery. There are other alternatives to being safe with swing partners.

That is a typical comment. However other than not having sex, surgically safe is as close to 100% effective as you can get. No other method has that kind of reliability.
I do realize that you are in a greater risk group for complications and would never suggest you go under the knife, but what would you do if that condom breaks and a few months later you get that dreaded e-mail or phone call that your gonna be a daddy?

Just trying to generate some discussion on the topic of how men feel about getting a vasectomy. There seems to be more women that are surgically safe then men. Why do men fear it so? Do you think I am not scared to have my tubes tied? Well to be honest, I am terrified, after all they have to put me to sleep to do it, you men just get a local, then snip, snip and 30 minutes later you go home.

[slevin]

And then there are lots of people who either want to have kids in the near future, or want the possibility of having kids to still be on the table

[rpu3]

N8tureGirl and I have been in the lifestyle for just over a year now, and we’ve found that most of the males of the couples we’ve played with are not surgically safe. I am V-safe and as of this month, N8tureGirl will be surgically safe also. What I would like to know is: Why don’t more people address this issue? I do realize that there may be some people out here that might still wish to have children, but for the most part, if they haven’t had kids by now, what are they waiting for? After all, most of us here are 30 somethings or older.

For some of us, it's a personal choice, and not a matter of "what are you waiting for?"

For me, it's as simple as I choose not to. My life, my options, my body, my choice. There are non-invasive and/or non-surgical ways to manage birth control and that's the method I've chosen. I figure men have the same right to choose, even if it's less invasive, etc.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by prometheius

I have been frustrated by people, (men in particular), who seem to think that it should be our responsibility to make sure a pregnancy doesn’t happen.

It is each individual's responsibility to themselves to do what they feel necessary to not become pregnant, not someone else's responsibility.

I cannot be upset with a man who chooses not to get snipped. But I CAN choose not to swing with him if I feel it's too much risk for me. It is my choice, my decision, and I would never feel someone else is ruining my fun or the options I have because they have chosen not to go the surgical route to keep themselves, and others, from becoming pregnant. If I were still menstruating, I'd have options I would take to protect myself from pregnancy. And one choice I would have is not to swing at all.

Fortunately, I was already past menopause when we began swinging. My husband was snipped 20 years ago when I got off birth control pills and we decided we didn't ever want to have children. If he hadn't been snipped back then, he would have before we started swinging, because he would feel it is his responsibility to keep himself from becoming a father.

LM

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by N8ture Girl

That is a typical comment. However other than not having sex, surgically safe is as close to 100% effective as you can get. No other method has that kind of reliability.
I do realize that you are in a greater risk group for complications and would never suggest you go under the knife, but what would you do if that condom breaks and a few months later you get that dreaded e-mail or phone call that your gonna be a daddy?

Just trying to generate some discussion on the topic of how men feel about getting a vasectomy. There seems to be more women that are surgically safe then men. Why do men fear it so? Do you think I am not scared to have my tubes tied? Well to be honest, I am terrified, after all they have to put me to sleep to do it, you men just get a local, then snip, snip and 30 minutes later you go home.

To answer what is in bold... This is the blunt answer. I want no one getting near my nuts with a knife. One sneeze.....

You can do what if's all day. It's still not reality. I really dislike "what if" logic.

If someone isn't safe and you aren't comfortable with that for your situation then don't play with them. Not all situations require that someone be v-safe. My situation and life is different from others. I'll do it the way I want and they can do it the way they want and I'll find someone that is compatible with our chosen path.

[MrsVan]

MrVan is V-safe but he made that decision a long time ago after him and his ex-wife had their 2 children. As for me, I go back and forth cause I guess for me I still want another child but in the same respect I know that it is not possible for us. I guess I am just afraid to give it up, just a piece of me that I am not ready to let go of.

However, now with the decision to have to do this for medical reasons makes me decide that it is better for me to do it now while I am young so that I can live a healthier life and not be so concerned with my health issues I am facing.

I think a lot of men are afraid to get it done as they do not want to go through the pain or have some one go there with a needle or whatever to get the procedure done.

MrsVan

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by N8ture Girl

Why do men fear it so? Do you think I am not scared to have my tubes tied? Well to be honest, I am terrified, after all they have to put me to sleep to do it, you men just get a local, then snip, snip and 30 minutes later you go home.

That about sums it up. I've been V-safe for close to 5 years now, and it was about the way you described it. The procedure took about 30 minutes, and was painless. I had a 'scalpel-free' vasectomy, and no knives came anywhere near 'the boys.' The recovery took me about a week, but I did spend a lot of time sitting up instead of laying down as my doctor recommended. I had it done on a Thursday, and was back to work on Monday (I had Fri, Sat, and Sun off at that time, so I missed one day of work - vacation time.) The total cost was about $600, and we paid it with our tax refund. (The twisted side of me finds that funny - I don't know why.)

I think men are afraid of it because they don't understand it. They don't remove anything 'vital.' They simply snip the 'supply line' of sperm cells. I have no sexual side-effects from the surgery. In fact, truth be told, there are fewer 'side effects' because I have that potential problem solved. I don't have that worry hovering over my head, and I can relax and enjoy the experience without worrying about a condom breaking or a missed pill.

Overall, it is a lot cheaper, less invasive, and just easier for the male to get a vasectomy than it is for a woman to get a tubal ligation. Still, it's your choice. Lin had a tubal ligation done before we met, so she was already safe. I got the vasectomy done when it started to look like we were going to become a full-swap couple. I do think that if more men checked into it, they would change their minds about it. It's one week out of your lives guys, and they don't turn you into a eunuch. At least check it out.

[HornyCouple]

I had the big V many years ago and it was really no big deal at all. I am very surprised that more do not do it.

As for women having a procedure, it is more complicated and the reality is that it is the woman who gets pregnant not the man. What is it for somebody to lie or be wrong about be sperm free? Granted i would hope that anybody we play with we have determined we trust to play with bareback.

I personally believe most men will not do it because of the 'macho' attitude.

i will do anything i can to make playing with others easier and more stress free.

[WestValleyNewb]

I visited Doctor Snip Snip when my oldest was 3 and my youngest was 6 months old.

The 3-year-old did not understand why I could not take her to the park in the bike trailer. "Daddy has an owie in his tummy", I lied to her.

Maybe he says this to all his patients. But my doctor remarked that I had done a remarkably good job of shaving the areas he would be working on. I've just got done lurking on the "Ladies, do you like you men to shave down there?" thread and it's good to know that I can put that skill to use again.

My vasectomy was very clearly the best $20 I have ever spent.

The only problem was that the brochure that the doctor sent me before the operation said that "some discoloration" may occur in the affected area.

"Some discoloration"? Most of my scrotum turned a color half way between black and the color of the Minnesota Vikings' home uniforms for a couple of weeks. That was a bit frightening. But it went back to normal soon after that.

[Speed & Trixie]

I'm sorry but it is ABSOLUTELY your responsibility to make sure you don't get pregnant if you do not wish to become so! I am a woman, I am a human, I am responsible for my body, and no one else. I control what and WHOM goes into my body, and it's my job to keep MY body healthy and safe (not yours, not Speed's, not our swing partners).

It may be "unfair" that a man can ejaculate in a woman, impregnating her, then leave forever while she is "stuck" carrying and birthing the child, but you are aware of this fact of life. It is what it is. If we women don't want to be pregnant, it is our individual responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen. Yeah, it sucks, right along with PMS and periods and yearly exams, but there it is.

I can ask if a man has had a vasectomy (and trust his answer), I can demand he wear a condom, I can tell him not to cum in me, I can get on birth control myself, I can NOT have sex with him.... hell, at least I have options! (BTW some options are better than others, I know...)

I would never ask a man "what are you waiting for?" or ask a man to go have surgery because I don't want a child. By extension, if a man ever asks me "if you don't want kids why don't you just get fixed?" or "why are you on the pill?" I will respond by saying "because that's what's right for me and my body." Personally, for me, I feel like being on the pill and insisting on condoms is just fine. Is there still a 0.00001% chance I could get pregnant, YES. But I am very comfortable with that level of risk, for me.

No one wants to be told what to do (or not do), especailly when it comes to our bodies!

[prometheius]

Originally Posted by Speed & Trixie

No one wants to be told what to do (or not do), especailly when it comes to our bodies!

Good golly, I didn't start this thread hoping to see it turn into this! Please, don't take every word I type so litterally. My only hope was that all of you kind people would read my post and express your opinions on the jist of the topic.