That pesky cold sore

[tribbles]

This thread FEELS to me that those with genital herpes are trying to make either a point, or themselves feel better, by blasting HSV-1 and giving information about why that is as bad as HSV-2.

Other than the fact we are probably already postive for HSV-1, (no cold sores but that doesn't mean anything-our age = over 90% odds of being positive) it sounds scarier from a physical point of view. HSV-2 doesn't cause blindness and doesn't cause Herpes Encephalitis.(I even saw a possible link being explored between HSV-1 and Alzheimer's!!!) Even though that is only a small risk, it appears to not be a risk with HSV-2. So, I am finding myself agreeing that the big bad HSV-2 is bad cuz people pass it sexually. It's social, not health. Healthwise, it looks from what I'm reading that HSV-1 is the "bad" herpes.

Then there's the discussion about why you should tell people you have HSV-2 but no one discloses the fact that they have HSV-1.

Many don't know HSV-1 is as the title states "that pesky cold sore". The rest of the people figure everyone has it. Granted, 10% don't but I can understand not telling people when it's considered something everyone has.


I think anyone who might be HSV-1 negative and not want to risk catching it needs to consider asking potential partners if they ever had a cold sore and might want to ask for a blood test -get one yourself too.....(it's not perfect, it is possible to have a negative test but be positive, from what I've read). With HSV-2 again, ask for the blood test and cross your fingers it's not a false negative.

Now, with that said, I also know that a lot of us are/could be carriers of the disease, have been exposed to it, have no idea, and could potentially pass it on even if we never have one symptom. I understand that. I get that. I'm not upset or angry about that. I play with people that I think are safe for ME ... if it happens, it does.

The rest of us will probably do exactly that.

[imsherona2]

Havefuninthesun! Thank you, Thank you, thank you....finally someone speaking with some intellegence (except me of course....LOL!). I could not have said it better, you have a great way with words and are so right on, so I thank you again....!! Everyone had something informative to contribute to this thread, but you said it the best, especially about the oranges and tangerines!!

Sorry for hiccuping there!!

[50sLady]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

Finally -- 50s Lady -- it's clear that you are very angry, upset, and hurt. You are doing a good job of educating yourself the best you know how, and I applaud you for this. I also think you would benefit from a support group if you haven't already joined one.

Thank you for your kind suggestion regarding a support group, but I have no need for one. My husband is my one man support group, as he has been for over 38 years.

I did indeed create this pesky thread to make a point, which has been made in various ways.

It has certainly clarified in my mind how to handle herpes and swinging.

[socolais]

Originally Posted by 50sLady

Thank you for your kind suggestion regarding a support group, but I have no need for one. My husband is my one man support group, as he has been for over 38 years.

It doesn't get any better than that!!!

[EmilyJ]

Great thread! Thanks to all for their contributions. I get nasty cold sores occasionally. I won't kiss anyone or give oral sex during an outbreak, but it's good to know I'm not likely to spread it anyways. Most folks our age already have it - or so it seems.

I've read that herpes sores erupt only in certain spots where the virus has attached itself to the nerve endings. This makes sense, as mine happen always in just three spots on my lips.

[michelle101]

I have gotten cold sores on my lips since I was 6 years old. I get them when I am stressed, when I have a fever or when i have some trauma to my lips I.E. got hit with something, got a fat lip.
I have been with my husband for 22 years now. Of course I don't give him oral or kiss him at the time of an outbreak, but after living together so long, If it was so easy to spread to others, you would think he would have it by now. In the lifestyle i have found that most people don't care if you get cold sores as long as you don't play with an outbreak. but at first I was a little scared that others reactions might be to never play with us, but most are understanding. When you tell someone you have the Herpes viris, they look at you badly until you tell them it is cold sores, then they say Oh thats ok I thought you meant genital. I try to be as safe as possible for everyones sake. If they find out and don't want to play with me, oh well, but that has NEVER happened.

[imsherona2]

Originally Posted by michelle101

I have gotten cold sores on my lips since I was 6 years old. I get them when I am stressed, when I have a fever or when i have some trauma to my lips I.E. got hit with something, got a fat lip.
I have been with my husband for 22 years now. Of course I don't give him oral or kiss him at the time of an outbreak, but after living together so long, If it was so easy to spread to others, you would think he would have it by now. In the lifestyle i have found that most people don't care if you get cold sores as long as you don't play with an outbreak. but at first I was a little scared that others reactions might be to never play with us, but most are understanding. When you tell someone you have the Herpes viris, they look at you badly until you tell them it is cold sores, then they say Oh thats ok I thought you meant genital. I try to be as safe as possible for everyones sake. If they find out and don't want to play with me, oh well, but that has NEVER happened.

Very well said, this is what I said previously! Thanks for explaining your situation cause mine is similar....It's always nice to see someone with the same or like circumstances to this cold sore subject!!

[widowerman]

Originally Posted by 50sLady

Glad to know you think cold sores on the mouth are not contagious.

FYI...if you get cold sores, you have herpes. You could be contagious at any time. Your skin may be shedding the virus with no sores visible.

Once more I’m confused with this cold sore/herpes stigma. If herpes was life treating than I’d say worry. Besides if you saw someone with an open sore you would not have to be in the medical field to use safety.

There are not too many people out there that actually suck oozing sores anymore like back in the crazy 1400’s. It’s just not done any more. This stigma of a cold sore or herpes seems more like the “mark”, you know the mark of the damned. I saw a child of maybe 3 or 4 years old that had a cold sore on her lip. She contracted it from her mother. Was her mother a whore? I don’t think so. The child’s mother contracted herpes from who knows where and just happened to pass it on. Did the “mark” diminish mother and daughter? Not in my eyes or my wife’s eyes. As I said it before, I must repeat myself, its herpes – not the plague. It is not the mark of the devil like some idiot TV evangelist would like to lead his flock astray.

I could care less about this mark of the vengeance of some imaginary god. People, we have to get over it. Herpes is not the end of the world and common sense should be your guide. If there is a sore, stay away or use caution. Just the same for avoiding the flu. Some people have the flu but no symptoms and pass it on while others with symptoms never pass it on. A virus is a virus. The best way to stay healthy is to be healthy. Get some more exercise, be more active, watch your body fat content, be careful of the foods you eat. You will not live forever but the days you do live will be self rewarding if you limit your stress. Having sex is suppose to be a great stress reliever, not a self induced purgatory of fear.

I have two daughters. One is married and expecting her first child. The other who is 24 years old still lives with me. To be very frank in this discussion, I may not know for certain but I can take a very good guess that both of these young women have had sex a few years ago to start. Is that a bad thing? I’d be a hypocrite if I said it bothers me. I’m certain that my wife, if she were alive today would not voice a concern on what her daughters are or were doing. She would never be a hypocrite. Her biggest fear as well as mine would be if our daughters were doing something dangerous. Dangerous as in drinking and driving, buzz driving, speeding, robbing a bank, starting the third world war. These things are bad, sex is always good when done correctly.

My daughters, just like you and me still have our lives ahead of us. Let’s all try to get through this thing together and in one piece please.

[SexyNSingle]

As a woman who has both simplexes, I can attest to the stigma that is often associated with Herpes.

I made the mistake many many years ago and didn't disclose to my straight partner about having herpes. We decided to play and with 2 weeks he was calling me in shear disbelief that he genital herpes. I felt so ashamed for not saying something, but after a lot of research and communication with my doctor etc, I learned that chances are he had the simplex for a long time, and it came out due to stress or poor nutrition.

I take Valtrex and I feel like I have been given a new lease on life. I do disclose it to my partners because I feel they have a choice and it is their choice not mine.

My partner amazed me after I told him, he was upset yes, but instead of being angry (his wife had played with my now ex husband and he didn't dislose it to her), he asked me to educate him, which I thought was incredibly mature and honest of him.

I disclose my situation to all partners, there is no ifs ands or buts about it and if I have an outbreak, simply put there is no playing.