Been there. Done that. Had a good time.

[tnohcpl]

our story goes like this. j (her 61) and i (d 64) have been married almost 6 yrs. j has been fighting cancer on and off since 1997. she got breast metastis bone cancer in 03 around the time we started thinking about swinging. we met a few couples, but due to other factors (lived in seperate states for a yr or so due to work) we never were able to hook up with another couple. after getting the bone cancer with all the meds and the constant pain from it she lost almost all her desires to have sex (was a SUPER HORNEY LADY BEFORE) which i understand. well a few wks back i got a sore on my foreskin NEVER EVER BEFORE HAD ONE. WE WENT TO DR AND HE DID BLOOD WORK J IS HSV 2 AND I AM HSV 1. that was a totally shock as to where it came from. dr said it can lay dorment for yrs then show up one day. he also said as someone stated previous that a VERY HIGH presentage of folks have it, and may not know. i have gave blood on and off over the yrs, and would have thought they would have checked and got back with me if it had showed up. j has had to have numerous blood transfusions due the the bone cancer, and some folks say it could have come from that, and some say due to it being in the nervous system it can't be passed on thru blood. when we learned that we had it i wanted to tell all our friends (not swinging) that we had it, but dr said to keep my mouth shut about it. we have a couple of couples that r swingers one just moved here and the other lives in another state and will locate here. i went by dr office yest and got a copy of the blood tests and plan to show the couple that just moved here the tests results, and let them know we would love to be friends as we r now, but not swinging friends if they want to be. i plan on leaving it entirly up to them with no hard feeling if they say no thanks. going to do the same with the other couple when they come back down again. sorry for being so long, but just wanted folks to know u can get herpes and not swing at all. we did and it SUCKS. thanks, d&j

[nwincouple17154]

Just a quick note to the couple who doesn't disclose that information to potential play partners. There are some states where there are laws against knowingly passing on a STD. For you or anyone else who is infected with anything and decides to take those risks with other peoples health, you better take a good long look at your states laws and find out besides being jerks, if you can also be arrested for passing along an STD. I know if it was me and I got something from someone who knowingly didn't tell me ahead of time about the extra risk involved in playing with them, I would use the laws in my state in my favor.

I won't go into personally what I think of people who wouldn't say anything and just play anyway.

To those of you suffering from any STD, especially those brave enough to bring up the discussion here, you have my sympathies. I hope that some day soon they find a cure for Herpies and all STD's and this won't always be an issue for you.

What a wonderful lifestyle swinging would be if the only complication we had to worry about was pregnency and the occasional jealous/insecure spouse.

Trish

[lott]

First let me say I'm sorry to hear this news but its not life threatening and you can still live on and enjoy yourself.

Secondly, I think you should try to keep the virus at bay by eating whole foods as well as take avocados, coconut oil and essential oils(only a a drop is needed) daily to improve your immune system and maybe help your body get rid of the virus BUT this is in theory as it hasn't been proven but these oils mainly the herbal essential oils and coconut oil are antiviral.

Third, try to keep your skin well moistened with fats such as the coconut oil mixed with burts bees Repair Serum. This will keep the skin flexible and prevent future infections from herpes because herpes only passes through tiny breaks in the skin, mouth, anal, vagina into mucous membranes, which is why lube during sex is important also because it helps prevent tears in the vagina from friction.

You probably got it through oral sex and study show oral herpes is on the rise specifically with young people and their love for oral sex and multiple partners.

A non-latex dental dam should be used when performing oral sex and condoms also. There are so many choices for condoms that their is no reason why they can't be used when used correctly. The same for dental dams.

You should put some lube on your dick before putting a condom on, then put on a nice vibrating cock ring to keep the condom in place also to enhance the sex for both partners.

When using a non-latex dental dam, apply lube on the labia and then just go at it. It might seem out of place to do this but it isn't that bad once you train yourself to realize you can have fun and be safe and that it's not about the person being trusting but being healthy. They might not even know they have something. The only time raw sex is done should be with one special person and that should be your mate because you obviously know more about each other or you should if you take the relationship to that point.

Also, burts bees has a lip balm that should be used to protect the lips and prevent herpes infection as well as occurence due to the oils being antiviral.

Enjoy yourself, live life and realize sex is fun but it can only be better when the body is in top shape and protected at the cellular level. Exercising with weights and some cardio will help the body make use of the foods you eat better which means a better immune system. Plants, knowledge and technology are WONDERFUL things.

Burts bees repair serum:
Repair Serum - Burt's Bees

Burts bees lip balm: Lifeguard's Choice Lip Balm - Burt's Bees

003 condoms(Ultra thin)
Condoms - 003 Real Fit - E-condom.org
Ebay also has some

Non-latex dental dam:
Hot Dam Non-Latex Dental Dams Only $1.95/1-Pack

Essenital oils(take only a drop with an avocado and coconut oil. You can put them in capsule form if you don't like the taste. Capsules can be found at health food store)
Air-2 Shopping Cart > Essential Oils


Take care.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by tnohcpl

when we learned that we had it i wanted to tell all our friends (not swinging) that we had it, but dr said to keep my mouth shut about it.

I just cant read this and not ask why ? Why would your Doctor say this ? I'm just floored by this

[jnbsmokin]

Originally Posted by HerpesCpl

It amazes me how something so prevalent has such a stigma to it. We could have AIDs and come out more easily than we can with something as simple as HSV. All HSV really is is an annoyance, a skin irritation.

We have Herpes and we swing and we don't tell our partners that we have it. We don't swing when there are any symptoms or signs of potential symptoms and we do use condoms for any vaginal penetration. The crazy part is that we both had it when we were single and didn't know it and therefore didn't take precautions, so what's the difference between that and now. At least now we know so we do/can take precautions.

I discovered I had it shortly after I started dating my wife. But, I'd had it for probably 10 years by then. It started when I was in my late teens and I went to the dr the first few times and different drs all told me "it's just a skin/heat rash". So I put neosporin on it and went on my way. Then I started dating my wife and she told me that she had herpes. I told her about the skin rash I'd experienced multiple times now and we agreed I should ask a new dr and this time specifically ask for a Herpes test. Sure enough, that's what it was. We were lucky in that we both had it. Who knows how many people I spread it to unknowingly due to a bad diagnosis. When I just thought it was a rash, as long as sex didn't hurt I saw no reason not to have it. But, now I know what it is and the second I feel I MIGHT have an irritation all sex is off.

We feel that with more than 25% of the population having the virus, that couples are taking less of a risk by playing with us than they are with the many infected people who don't even know they have it. Somehow I'm betting we aren't alone.

I know it's attepted murder in some states to have aids/hiv and spread it/not tell a partner. And doing that and doing what you are doing, is absolutely disgusting to me! Sorry, but I think you should have to wear a sandwhich sign to any public on or off premise club, night club, bar, and so on! How can you do that to people?????

I pride myself on never having had a std, I do not have any form of unprotected sex with anyone who doesn't have regular testing between partners and right before we meet! Show me the papers, I show mine!

THIS IS FRACKING NASTY AND YOU WILL GET YOURS SOMEDAY FOR GIVING A FRACKING DISEASE TO PEOPLE WHO ARE STRAIGHT-FORWARD AND HONEST WITH YOU! LEARN ABOUT YOUR DISEASE!!!! YOU CAN SPREAD IT WITHOUT HAVING ANY SORT OF SYMPTOM!

people like you make me sick!!!
I know I'll get a bad rating for this, but this is fucking pitiful and people like this poster should be fucking shot, nasty sob!!! I would physically hurt/possibly murder/without a doubt would shoot them in the genitals, anyone who did something so absolutely disgusting as to lie and infect me!!! I have a temper... and a snub-nosed S&W 38, did I mention that I'm an awesome shot?! I'm not normally violent, but frack with my health and you WILL END! fucking nasty asses! It's because of people like you, that people like 50'slady, end up with this shit!!!!


50'sLady,
It was very brave for you to come out and be honest like that!!!! There are a lot of good poeple who end up with herpes( and then there are the peice of shit fuckers---like I just ranted about), you can still swing after all,, there are a lot of people with it--that are not nasty(like above). I hope you find it in you to get back into the lifestyle, you are honest and not alone! I'm sorry it happened to you!
B

[50sLady]

I hope I have not given the impression that herpes means the end of my life. It is a skin virus which has no cure at this time. I do plan to enjoy the rest of my life. I am looking forward to weddings and grandchildren. No one in my vanilla life knows what happened to me. I have no visible signs that others can see.

Herpes does mean the end of our swinging life. For that we are very sad. Yes, there are couples who advertise that they have the virus. In order for us to find H swinging partners, we would have to advertise too. There is such a stigma attached to the virus, that I just do not think I can do that now. It just seems so public. The thought of meeting couples and telling them face to face is even scarier. I do not need to fuck other people enough to subject myself to their rejection as they back away from us as if we would give them the virus just by looking at them.

I do want to remind everyone that when you get tested for STDs to show your playmates, should they even ask, you must ask for the HerpesSelect blood test. Normally doctors only test for the STDs that they consider a health risk. Doctors do NOT consider herpes a health risk unless you are pregnant. There is suppressive medicine available, which helps to reduce the outbreaks and also hopefully the pain of any outbreaks that do happen. The doctor will prescribe Valtrex and send you on your way.

Good luck to all of you in remaining STD free.
Please remember that most people who have herpes do not know it.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

I just cant read this and not ask why ? Why would your Doctor say this ? I'm just floored by this

I was wondering the same thing.

[tribbles]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I was wondering the same thing.

There is such a stigma attached to the virus,

Normally doctors only test for the STDs that they consider a health risk. Doctors do NOT consider herpes a health risk unless you are pregnant.

Please remember that most people who have herpes do not know it.

I think 50's lady answered it.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by tribbles

I think 50's lady answered it.

The biggest reason any stigman exists is because people won't talk about it... if that is the drs reason for saying keep it to yourself all they are doing is causing both the disease and the stigma to be spread.

[tnohcpl]

in defense of the dr saying keep u'r mouth shut he was refering to the fact that i wanted to tell all my friends not just the ones that could have been swing parters if and when j had gone into remission with her cancer and we had pursued swinging, which we definately will not now. i just wanted to give our friends the choice of remaining our friends knowing we had herpes. the dr seemed to think as long as we were not sleeping with them and not having outbreaks that there was no need in telling them. which bring to a point a good question for 50's lady and those in the know. when u got herpes did u tell u'r family and ALL u'r non swinging friends u had them. if yes what were there reactions, and did u loose a lot of them. thanks, d&j

[toomuchfun]

Some really good replies in this thread, it's awesome to see people actually talking about this issue.

To the couple that said they play with out telling people... I don't really agree with what your doing but it would be an outright lie if I said my wife and I haven't discussed doing the same thing... for the exact same reasons that you stated. But we would feel really terrible if we were to knowingly expose our friends, which is really what they have become, to the virus.



The other thing I want to mention is that my dramatic response to this must be taken in stride... swinging really is the only thing that is affected... swinging was becoming, or had become a big part of our lives but it's certainly not a part of our lives that we will be devastated with out.

Life goes on, and the doctors are right the virus has no medical seriousness... just a social one.

I doubt a cure will ever come but, I'm hoping soon that a vaccine is created, then people can get immunized and we can play again!

[50sLady]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

The biggest reason any stigman exists is because people won't talk about it... if that is the drs reason for saying keep it to yourself all they are doing is causing both the disease and the stigma to be spread.

Putting aside the chemistry issue, which all of us want with our play partners, would you play with me? I doubt it.

I am just not worth the risk for recreational sex.

Potential playmates will commend me for my honesty and back away from me as far as they can get hoping that I do not notice the look of horror on their faces.

To tnohcpl....no one knows about my herpes except for 2 close couple friends who could have been exposed and, of course, my husband. There is no need to tell anyone else ever unless you plan on having sex with them. This is a skin to skin virus and is not transmitted through clothing. Someone's mouth area or genital area has to come in contact with the skin of your mouth area or genital area to spread the virus.

[jnbsmokin]

Originally Posted by 50sLady

I hope I have not given the impression that herpes means the end of my life. It is a skin virus which has no cure at this time. I do plan to enjoy the rest of my life. I am looking forward to weddings and grandchildren. No one in my vanilla life knows what happened to me. I have no visible signs that others can see.

Herpes does mean the end of our swinging life. For that we are very sad. Yes, there are couples who advertise that they have the virus. In order for us to find H swinging partners, we would have to advertise too. There is such a stigma attached to the virus, that I just do not think I can do that now. It just seems so public. The thought of meeting couples and telling them face to face is even scarier. I do not need to fuck other people enough to subject myself to their rejection as they back away from us as if we would give them the virus just by looking at them.

I do want to remind everyone that when you get tested for STDs to show your playmates, should they even ask, you must ask for the HerpesSelect blood test. Normally doctors only test for the STDs that they consider a health risk. Doctors do NOT consider herpes a health risk unless you are pregnant. There is suppressive medicine available, which helps to reduce the outbreaks and also hopefully the pain of any outbreaks that do happen. The doctor will prescribe Valtrex and send you on your way.

Good luck to all of you in remaining STD free.
Please remember that most people who have herpes do not know it.

I know that it is not the end of life. But anyone who knowingly hides having it, potentially spreading it to unsuspecting victims.... well I have severe issues with that. And yes, I know it has to be asked for specifically, we get tested after 6weeks and 6 months of being with another person. We obviously don't play often. And I also know, that taking Valtrex only lessens the chance of spreading it. That is the problem, it only lessens that chance. And most people don't know it, but anyone who has any form of unprotected sex(vanilla or not) should still be tested for everything very often. That is an issue. People don't seem to think about it. How many of us would forgo our bi-annual dentist appointments? Very few who wanted to keep a healthy mouth. This is just as important. In fact moreso! You can't exactly spread gengivitas to a playmate, but it seems more people are concerned about it, then a life-long skin rash. Just a skin rash, that it may be, but I don't have it--- even though the statistic is 1 out of every 5 adults. Yeah, I research this sort of thing often because I care about keeping my body free of this sort of thing. Trading full test results is absolutely mandatory for any sort of unprotected fun, and if they have played since the test, it's completely protected or not at all. Doctors may not consider it a health risk, but if a person gives me something, knowing I am clean, even if it is just a rash--it is still at this time, lifelong! It's a life sentence, and you know, I would be willing to spend time in prison to be sure somebody else wasn't infected by a pos(s) like herpescpl.
That is sop disgusting.

You, 50'slady, are obviously a strong person, and like was mentioned before, there are groups on yahoo and Adultfriendfinder for people with herpes and other stds. Your swinging doesn't have to end, and neither does your honesty. Nor do you have to make it completely public.

[lott]

I hear what your saying and I agree with you, unfortunately we live in a world where most people lie about things that are small so you know they will do it something such as an std. The only thing you can do is protect yourself to the fullest every way possible while still enjoying yourself by learning how the body works and finding ways to keep it as healthy as possible and doing this means listening to all sides that have ways of doing this and if others have something to say about you taking precautions, that's their issue.

Here's something you should read:

New Study in Suburban Population Shows Herpes is Very Common | Market Wire | Find Articles at BNET.com

"ABOUT THE STUDY

The study took place at six randomly selected PCP offices in relatively affluent areas in each of six U.S. cities (Atlanta, Baltimore, Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Denver). At each office, approximately 150 people age 18-59 volunteered to participate. All blood samples were sent to a central laboratory to determine if the sample was seropositive for HSV-2, in other words, had the virus that causes genital herpes (GH). All samples were analyzed using the Focus Technologies HerpeSelect® 2 ELISA IgG test designed specifically to detect HSV-2 antibodies in the blood.

In total, 5,732 people were screened; 5,452 provided an analyzable blood sample and 5,433 completed a questionnaire. The final sample was 75 percent white, 14 percent African American, and 4 percent Hispanic. Eighty percent were employed full- or part-time, 74 percent had some college or higher education, 45 percent had a household income of $60,000 or higher, and 68 percent were married/living with their partner.

The overall weighted HSV-2 seroprevalence was 25.5 percent - that means 1 in 4 people tested positive for the virus that causes genital herpes. The seroprevalence increased from 13.4 percent in the 18-29-year age group, to 25.2 percent (30-39 years), to 31.2 percent (40-49 years) and 28.0 percent (50-59 years). Seroprevalence among women (28.3 percent) was greater than that among men (22.0 percent), and was consistently higher across all age groups. Of the 1,387 people that tested positive for genital herpes, only 12 percent knew they were infected.

The study showed that higher levels of education, income, and marital status did not reduce the chances of having genital herpes: those with some college had a prevalence of 27 percent, college graduates had a prevalence of 22 percent, married individuals had a prevalence of 24 percent, those living with their partners had a prevalence of 29 percent, and those with household incomes of $60,000-$80,000 had a prevalence of 25 percent while those with incomes over $100,000 had a prevalence of 22 percent.

The study was sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline, one of the world's leading research-based pharmaceutical and health care companies. "

I found an article that went in depth but I can't find it. It showed how a good amount of the people were asked if they had an std would they tell their partner and they said NO.

When you take into account 30% of babies are born where the father isn't their biological father, I wouldn't expect someone to tell you they have an std., you just have to assume someone has one until they prove otherwise.

[jnbsmokin]

Great post lott!!!!!!!!
This is exactly why we ask how often people play before we mention tests. We attack this issue head on in the second email, letting people know, we only play with test results, and only if they have had completely protected sex since the last test, and they must be willing to submit to a test 2 weeks prior to playing with us. Most hiv/aids tests take up to 2 weeks for results. We have no issue doing the same. One of our mfm was with a good friend of ours, he still had to get tested! I only say nasty, because of them being willing to spread it, the honest and up front people with stds get nothing but respect from us. I suppose in my temper, I didn't make that clear.