so, when does sex become unsafe

[interested-05]

My wife and I are relative virgins to the lifestyle, we've had a couple dates, progressed from voyeuristic and now to touching and forplay, with the other couple, thinking about trying oral and my wife is pretty clear about not going full swap, yet wants to know at what point are we risking std's and how to minimize the risk yet still enjoy many of the benefits of swinging.
obviously full intercourse becomes risky, and condoms arent foolproof, but where is your comfort level before taking precautions?

[graygo98]

.... as soon as you touch another person. That exposes you to the potential of HSV and HPV. Add unprotected oral and you also add gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis and God knows what else to the mix. Perhpas even HIV, although that would probably be statistically improbable to about the nth degree.

How do you minimize risk? Don't leave your basement. Ever. Beyond that, take care who you play with and how. And, do some research... a lot of it... so you understand what you are doing.

[sweet_tna]

You're pretty much at risk with any sexual encounter outside of marriage. The key is to decide what risks you're willing to take and choose what steps you wish to take to minimize them (use condoms, dental dams, no intercourse . . . etc.).

Our personal comfort level is condoms for penetration.

[tribbles]

Study all the STD's and then decide what you can cope with the idea you could get.

We figure we could get all kinds of infections without having fun so if it happens when we are having fun, we will just deal with it.

[socolais]

The other side of that coin is - when does sex (with others) ever become safe? That's a difficult question and one we wrestled with for a while. There are way too many unknowns and the definition of "safe enough" is elusive. The playmates we've been with have mostly been much like ourselves in that they are also concerned about their risk exposure. The similarity of concern gives us confidence.

We like recurring house parties where folks generally know most of the other folks there. The logic is that a "typhoid Mary" would quickly be identified and eliminated from the group. It's not a perfect solution of course because any outbreak is likely to cause a big disturbance and it's something like locking the gate AFTER the cows have run away - but it works for us.

We balance the risks to preserve our comfort with swinging and enjoy the adventures. If and when something happens, we'll deal with it and move on with life. I wouldn't want fear of the unknown to deprive me of enjoying life.

I'm not certain, but I think the "sweet spot" in the risk/fun curve might be very close to something like "same room sex" with a few friendly couples. Lots of overt sexual flirting and adult party games in a fun sexually charged atmosphere combined with energetic party sex with the best lover in the room - damn, that's a scenario that's hard to beat..... We attended house party once and played only with each other - that was a GREAT time!!! Lots of sexy naked folks walking around and having a good time, the sounds and smells of sex oozing from the rooms....

[BCinIN]

I would say using protection during penetration is the happy medium between risky bliss and sheltered deprivation. A good thing about swinging with long-term married couples in particular is that they are far less likely to have any infections than singles or non-committed couples (I may get flamed for that, but the testimonial evidence of it is pretty clear). We don't limit ourselves to married couples, but do feel more comfortable with them. The logic for us is that long-term married couples will be that much more careful, knowing that anything one of them contracts will almost certainly spread to the other eventually. Before we would do anything "unsafe" with any couples, knowing them well (and trusting that they take precautions) is a must.

[BiloxiCouple]

Have you tried the safety of webcamming?

[interested-05]

ahhh yes, webcamming, don't have a webcam, just can't imagine online, being anywhere near as much fun as being there.
So far, we are thinking that having a relatively small number of married friends, is what we are ready for. How we feel a year may change, but that is part of the adventure. IF, we achieve full swap, condoms are definitely part of the plan.
Odd, when I was single, I worried less about it. But maybe its more important to me now that I have a wife, I truly Love and care for. And am looking out for her safety. Just to be on the safe side, I had myself tested for std's, and came up negative to anything they tested for. That way I know I am clean. Vasectomy taken care of last year, so we don't expect to be spreading anything else, lol.
WE expect to spread fun, pleasure, and a little joy to those we open our sexuality to.