Oral sex on the man - is it safe to finish?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by tribbles

Which is why, I suggest that women ask men not only will you warn me if you are going to come but CAN YOU...

I have thought about this all day - and while I completely concede that sexual dysfunction does occur, I am not sure that the burden of "fishing" should be put on the woman.

If my wife goes into a room to play with a new playmate, she is going to assume, as most women would, that he is "normal". And by "normal" I mean that he functions as most other men would and that her experience - while with a different playmate - is going to be fairly predictable; and lacking any potentially unpleasant surprises.

Mrs Spoo has been in the lifestyle for a few years and (as most women here) has given her share of blow jobs. Few have been to orgasm as they often are just foreplay to intercourse. She has, at those times, wanted to give a blow job and believes - until proven otherwise - that the man she has chosen to give it to is a "nice guy"; a gentleman.

In other words, he isn't going to simply take the liberty of cumming in her mouth without the courtesy of a warning. With the exception of a couple of really bad experiences, most men have been so courteous. And for some, she has chosen to carry the blow job to its fitting end.

Ahhh... The results of good communication and great chemistry!

In all of her time, however, she has yet to meet a man (and yes, we talked about this) who could not tell that he was having an orgasm. So, by our experience, this would be a rare condition. It would never occur to her to ask about it - and to be honest, it would probably dampen the mood.

If a man knows that he has this issue, it should not be for the woman to ask if he has a sexual dysfunction (how awkward would that be with the other 99% of the male population?). The male with the issue should speak up and warn ahead of time. After all, it is his issue - and an uncommon one at that.

As for the other 99% of males - you can tell, you do know and you have plenty of time to warn.

Spoomonkey

[tribbles]

The 'burden' should be on whoever knows the situation can happen. If it really, really matters - the woman can ask.

Spoo, you understand a bit about denial so I hope you can understand how a guy this happens to occasionally, may not even think to warn someone -- he is in denial it can happen that time and probably has pushed any real awareness of it happening from his brain. Guys don't keep track of how often they have ED and I bet the keep even less track of how often, if ever, they experience any unusual ejaculations/orgasms. (In our case, my DH didn't think much of it cuz it has never been an issue for us together. Only due to knowing him and understanding others did we have a clue it would/could matter to other people. So the married guys who do it, may not 'get' it's a problem cuz it hasn't been a problem in their marriage).

How knowledgeable about human sexuality are people? Do people who stay swingers usually learn more, sure, but not all. And some people new to the LS are going to know very little.

Once I was teaching adults how to put a flexible tube up the urethra and into the bladder to drain urine. A adult male (over 30), married and a daddy, exclaimed "There is more than one hole????" Now, he was sexually experienced but didn't know the anatomy in detail. Later I heard a couple other males telling him they had not known either.

So, don't assume cuz someone has a difference, they know it's a difference. It might be that they never saw it as anything to tell people about.

Situations like that might also explain why the really nice guy that a women starts blowing, who says he will warn her before he cums, blows it in her mouth. It may not be that your jerk radar was off-he actually IS a nice guy , and he really didn't mean to.

He needs to be educated and to understand he has to tell women so they can make a choice.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by tribbles

Situations like that might also explain why the really nice guy that a women starts blowing, who says he will warn her before he cums, blows it in her mouth. It may not be that your jerk radar was off-he actually IS a nice guy , and he really didn't mean to.

I agree. If a guy doesn't know he is different, he may not say a word. However, since he didn't - he'd probably be labeled a jerk regardless of what he says after the fact. The "I didn't know I was going to finish" is actually a fairly common excuse for men not pulling out with women - orally or vaginally. So - fair or not - someone who is not aware that they have something significant that they should disclose upfront is going to be lumped into the "jerk" category.

However a man who disclosed his issues up front would probably be understood and considered a gentleman for being honest. Being considerate is one of the traits that the couples that we are friends with all share.

One of the things about choosing to be non-monogamous is taking an extra step or two to understand sexuality - yours and that of others. It may take some time - and we all make mistakes along the way - but it helps avoid awkward situations that have to be explained later, bookended by numerous apologies.

To be honest - and I think I am fair in saying this - if a guy finished in my wife's mouth and afterwards said "oh, I have a health issue that causes me to have no control" we would have a difficult time believing him and would both be quite pissed about it. Of course, I know that we are different and expect a lot from our playmates (honesty, sincerity, common courtesy, etc.) but that is how we would react.

Spoomonkey