Oral sex on the man - is it safe to finish?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by tribbles

Spoo...you trust your wife, right?

Yes I do...

And according to her, she believes that men know. She's had men who have "gone off" without warning and it pisses her off. Why? Because men know...

I do not doubt your experience, but I can describe the typical male orgasm. It feels good, it feels better, it feels great, FIREWORKS! It is a pretty simple process actually.

Spoomonkey

[tribbles]

Originally Posted by rpu3

Last time I checked, male ejaculation pretty much followed the same physiological reaction, does it not? Or are the textbooks all wrong and there are millions of versions of ejaculation?

Based on my admittedly limited experience of male orgasms through performing oral sex, I've learned that I don't really need the man to tell me he's coming, nor would I be surprised when he came, because the body is pretty predictable at orgasm time. If I was inclined not to swallow, I'd know when to pull myself away, even without a warning or a guy getting it that he's coming, thanks to predictability in physiology.

I would say, most the time, I can tell, especially with oral BUT....he has surprised me. Ever stopped all stimulation and held a penis in your mouth and had it start twitching and squirting 30 seconds later without more stimulation or the nuts pulling up more? We both thought he was no where near. Then BANG....

Is he normal? Well...the lifestyle has taught us that answer And like I said before, we make it a point to tell people right away. And don't think that's always easy cuz we aren't the 'get to know you first' types. We have been in group play areas where we never learned people's names but we managed to warn them he can't always feel an orgasm before it's too late to prevent where the first squirt goes. He has said he wishes he had more of a build up cuz on those times cuz the ones where it builds up, feels better than the Bang, over the top, no warning from 0-60 in an instant ones.

Which again, gets us back to communicate and part of that might also be to believe ....whether it's like your experience or not...believe others when they tell you theirs.

[tribbles]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Yes I do...

And according to her, she believes that men know. She's had men who have "gone off" without warning and it pisses her off. Why? Because men know...

I do not doubt your experience, but I can describe the typical male orgasm. It feels good, it feels better, it feels great, FIREWORKS! It is a pretty simple process actually.

Spoomonkey

Did you really misunderstand the part about trusting your wife?

I believe your wife believes - and we have learned many others believe that as well...so, if your wife hates it that much, she might want to ask them "CAN you tell me when you are going to come?" Now, if they say, YES and then blow in her mouth...the guy is a jerk. Any guy who has times he can't tell, like my guy, I hope would be as honest as mine..."No, I can't always tell. So let's not go there". Yeah, that has happened.

I also believe your description of the typical male orgasm.

The way he has described the orgasms he could not tell were on their way was more like this: It feels good, it feels good, it feels good, FIREWORKS. (And that's why they look like too, when I see them. This is from knowing his face during all different levels of excitement, I can say that he ain't bullshitting about it).

Note he missed the normal 'feels better, feels great' part? It doesn't happen every time but knowing it can be like that and it upsets others, we communicate that it can happen.

It must be hard to believe others don't experience everything the exact same way you do. But they don't. If someone says they experience something different, and you listen, you might learn it's not horse crap everytime.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by tribbles

It must be hard to believe others don't experience everything the exact same way you do. But they don't. If someone says they experience something different, and you listen, you might learn it's not horse crap everytime.

I can accept that sexual dysfunction exists. And I feel sorry for your husband if this is the case. I would certainly not want to trivialize his condition.

But yes, it is difficult to believe that a person has no orgasmic build up. I have never seen a person like this (I have seen a few who simply don't care to mention it and a few men who struggle with premature orgasm).

If your husband has a sexual dysfunction, then warning women ahead of time is a fair solution.

So let me amend my statement to say that normally functioning men can tell - and it is highly unlikely that the men you will run into in the lifestyle can not tell that they are nearing orgasm.

Spoomonkey

[lovinher]

How can somebody have control, as you say he does if doesn't know it's coming? Now to be fair I have heard of this but it isn't what you would call a normal orgasm. Instead of an ejaculatory orgasm it is more oozing type of thing. Some men who have had prostate surgery experience this. From what I remember when this happens men don't have a typical orgasm. If he is actually ejaculating then I don't buy his story. The feeling of ejaculation (orgasm) comes from the build up of seminal fluid and the rush of fluid passing through the ejaculatory tubes. A man ejaculates because the fluid builds up, is released and is then forced out by muscle spasms. To be graphic, if it is shooting out, there must be a build up.

Maybe your husband has some sort of problem but if he doesn't then it may just be a convenient excuse. Besides it only takes a split second to pull out or point the thing in another direction. Seriously, maybe he should get checked for this.

I don't think I have ever said ejaculation or variations of it so many times in my life.

[tribbles]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I can accept that sexual dysfunction exists. And I feel sorry for your husband if this is the case. I would certainly not want to trivialize his condition.

But yes, it is difficult to believe that a person has no orgasmic build up. I have never seen a person like this (I have seen a few who simply don't care to mention it and a few men who struggle with premature orgasm).

If your husband has a sexual dysfunction, then warning women ahead of time is a fair solution.

So let me amend my statement to say that normally functioning men can tell - and it is highly unlikely that the men you will run into in the lifestyle can not tell that they are nearing orgasm.

Spoomonkey

Okay, we can agree it is not typical and probably falls under the term dysfunction. (And don't feel sorry, it is not an every time thing, but once in a while. Since there is no warning for him when it will occur, he does warn others to be fair). http://www.utulsa.edu/collegian/arti...p?article=3168 describes the ejaculation without orgasm that can happen and I'd say that if you image that as the far end, my hubby occasionally experiences both that and the no buildup to orgasm. It's not his norm, but knowing it can happen and others may be pissed if he doesn't warn them...well..he's a nice guy. He tells people.

I don't think you should expect to find only typically functioning males or females in the lifestyle tho. It may be you do not want to play with anyone that has a sexual dysfunction of any kind, but we are not unique in the lifestyle.

Which is why, I suggest that women ask men not only will you warn me if you are going to come but CAN YOU...new people especially may not even know what is typical. If it's your normal and no one told you it's unusual, how would you even know it's abnormal?

If you go back to the 'what does a swinger look like?" and the answer is "look at people in the mall"....look at the percentages of people with various levels of dysfunction, sexual and physical, and swingers are no different.

[tribbles]

Originally Posted by lovinher

How can somebody have control, as you say he does if doesn't know it's coming? Now to be fair I have heard of this but it isn't what you would call a normal orgasm. Instead of an ejaculatory orgasm it is more oozing type of thing. Some men who have had prostate surgery experience this. From what I remember when this happens men don't have a typical orgasm. If he is actually ejaculating then I don't buy his story. The feeling of ejaculation (orgasm) comes from the build up of seminal fluid and the rush of fluid passing through the ejaculatory tubes. A man ejaculates because the fluid builds up, is released and is then forced out by muscle spasms. To be graphic, if it is shooting out, there must be a build up.

Maybe your husband has some sort of problem but if he doesn't then it may just be a convenient excuse. Besides it only takes a split second to pull out or point the thing in another direction. Seriously, maybe he should get checked for this.

I don't think I have ever said ejaculation or variations of it so many times in my life.

I'd worry if it wasn't something that has happened at times for many years. But considering he has seen a urologist for other things in the past, and it all checks out fine without any structural variations outside the norm, I think we are good.

And to be graphic in return, he seldom shoots and often oozes. But when it's ejaculatory in nature, it's a LOT of ooze kinda fast. And yes, once that happens, he can feel the muscle contraction but the first contraction happens so fast, even pulling out at that point, some of it will get in a mouth that might not want it. Cuz if he doesn't get that build up and suddenly gets a muscle contraction, by the time he feels the contraction and fluid moving in the tubing, odds are high he won't have time to pull out fast enough. Not that at that point he wouldn't pull back if he had been asked to but why not warn the lady before hand and let them know the risk?

Also since I've been on the receiving end, so to speak, and normally, I can tell and see/feel the build up, I know I'm not seeing the normal build up and release when it happens this dysfunctional way. So an experienced female might think, "no problem, I'll be able to tell". And find herself with a mouthful

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Really?

Orgasms sometimes simply sneak up on men? "Oops... Geez... I guess I just came in your mouth... I had no idea that was about to happen..."

Can you find any proof of such a bizarre phenomenon? I'd love to see it. Perhaps you've simply been buying a load of horse crap for far too long

Spoomonkey

PS - Comparing the physiology of an orgasm to the biology and psychology of sexual identification/preference is a bit numb-minded...

I'm with you. If you know you just cum without control you need to put your dick in a condom. You cum in my mouth unexpectedly and without asking prior you will get something spit right back at you. I would absolutely NOT appreciate that one bit.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by tribbles

When we were new in the LS, we didn't realize how many have issues with it and also how many are used to males who have real control over when they come. The Mr. here isn't like that. We do turn down people who expect or need a guy with that control. (But you remember how hard it was to talk about things the first few times?)

There have even been times, when some lady in a group just starts to suck him and I speak up to warn her, "he may not have any warning himself that he is going to come so if you don't want it in your mouth, stop now". Now he often can say that himself but in the beginning the excitement was so strong at times, he simply could only gasp and moan. He has also learned to pull away, right away, to talk about it and not let someone find themselves pissed off cuz they assume all males are the same as the one they know.

So ladies, don't put it all on the guy...TELL them not to come in your mouth and ask them if they have the ability to warn you so you can pull your mouth off.

If he assumes it's ok (cuz his wife swallows) or you assume he knows it's not....or you are both too shy to talk about it before you do it....less fun could be the result.

Okay, I can understand that your hubby is like this...but if he cannot control when he cums may I ask why he doesn't glove up? If you were to tell me that my answer would be to make positive that he was wearing a condom (if we did bareback play).

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by tribbles

YOU have plenty of physical cues and advance warning...are ALL human males wired exactly like you?

Then Spoo..you are bi cuz there are bi-males and if all males are exactly the same, all males are bi.

Are you buying it?

Me either.

People are different. That is why communication is key.

Yes, people are different. This is true. However, in my opinion if your husband cannot control it or cannot give advanced warning at all he should have a Trojan on. JMO.

[tribbles]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

Yes, people are different. This is true. However, in my opinion if your husband cannot control it or cannot give advanced warning at all he should have a Trojan on. JMO.

I'm guessing you skimmed the posts before this...if he were to play with someone who asked for that, then he would be wearing one.

Do people in your area put on condoms for oral without being asked to? Put them on for hand play? Wear them around the house? Sorry, I know the posts before were long and involved.

You must have missed the many times I posted that we tell people of this occasional issue and do not ever agree to swear to have control that may not be possible.

Do we sometimes end up not playing with people? Yep. Do some people say "Tell me if you can"...yeah. Do others say "Whatever, lets just do it"...Yeah to that too.

Do we play with condoms? yeah Do we play bareback? yeah Do we communicate with people even in group play/orgies wild situations? Yeah, we have found ways to manged it even then.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by tribbles

I'm guessing you skimmed the posts before this...if he were to play with someone who asked for that, then he would be wearing one. Do people in your area put on condoms for oral without being asked to? Put them on for hand play? Wear them around the house?

In our limited experience, most here do not wear condoms for oral (or hand jobs for that matter)...and maybe some do wear them around the house...you can never be too safe you know. jk

Even if it's occasional, most men experience decreased sensation with a condom on....so maybe trying it like that a few times would at least let him enjoy more sensation before going from 0-60?

I've met a few guys like this (the orgasm quite literally takes over without much of a build up)...and the warnings are always appreciated. I think you are doing the right thing by doing that.

Maria

[Sico_tiko]

Hey Dude, there is a simple thing that u could do just have a drink with the couple before playing and ask them what do they accept maybe they do not accept cuming in mouth or anal. some couples are like that anyway the best thing to do is just ask.

[sweet_tna]

My $0.02: You do what YOU are comfortable with. If you've decided (even if it's on a couple-by-couple basis) that you do not want someone cumming in your mouth, SAY so before play starts. That's not a 100% guarantee that it won't happen, but it will lower your chances a great deal.

As for the Mr., you need to ask that of your playmates before it starts. This way, no one gets an unwelcome surprise.

Now in my albeit limited experience, I can pretty much tell when my play partners were ready to pop while performing oral without them saying so. But everyone's different, so that's why you make your preferences clear ahead of time.

=)

[BiloxiCouple]

If you don't want someone cumming in your mouth, then don't put it in there.

I don't want some guy cumming in my mouth, so it doesn't go there. Elaine doesn't mind however.

But, which is worse? The cum or the other secretions left behind during a blowjob? So I guess you are still receiving bodily fluids all the time when there is any penetration without a condom.

Both parties have to take responsibility in the end or in the mouth.

Then there is the LARGE group situation.......