Using STD Testing as a Screen

My wife and I tried swinging for the first time a few months ago. We went to an upscale club, hit it off with another married couple, and traded partners. We had an exciting time and really enjoyed ourselves that night.

However, in the ensuing week, a little bit of paranoia set in with us that we may have contracted an STD. We had ourselves tested and retested and seem to have come up clean, but it was stressful for a little while. We concluded that even though we enjoyed swinging together, we did not enjoy the ensuing weeks. The risk of how we tried swinging the first time was too much for us to deal with.

Should we decide to swing in the future, we think we'll have to be much more thorough in getting to know and screen people. We were wondering does anyone use STD testing as a screen? We would consider asking this of any future partners. What do swingers think of this? Is it at least partially useful?

[dayhiker]

I'm guessing few use STD test as part of their screening since noone has replied.

If a couple was in your situation, I'd say try to find a couple that you can build a relationship and swing exclusively. Can be hard to do, but also can be rewarding to have that kind of relantionship.

dayhiker

[good times]

We have only been actively swinging for about 5 years, but we have never been asked if we have been tested. So, my guess is that no, most don't use testing to screen potential playmates. I have to ad though, that I think the main reason most don't use it is that I personally don't think it would be a very effective method of screening. lets face it, test results are pretty unreliable for the types of STD's you are likely to run across in swinging, and they are worthless once the tested person has had their next play partner.

I can relate to what you are thinking though, as I went through the same thing at first. What I did was thoroughly studied STD's. what I found out was that I was overly worried about it, and my odds of playing with someone who had the types of STD's I was worried about was low enough not to be a significant concern to me.

[StacyCat]

If you are going to get paranoid after swinging, then perhaps it is not for you.

You can try to go the polyamory/relationship route. As a swing partner, I wouldnt agree to an STD test. Anyone can ask about my previous tests, thats always available (aka, "I was tested in X Month for these STDs and was negative, and ive had X number of partners since.)

[Geoduck]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Should we decide to swing in the future, we think we'll have to be much more thorough in getting to know and screen people. We were wondering does anyone use STD testing as a screen? We would consider asking this of any future partners. What do swingers think of this? Is it at least partially useful?

I'm sorry to hear how uncomfortable you were after your experience. We're not swingers yet, but we'd be worried about STDs, too.

Let's discuss HIV first, since it's deadly. If someone has the virus and is tested before it expresses itself in the person's system, the test will come back negative. Let's assume someone who is newly HIV positive got tested a short time ago, and presented you with a lab slip saying so. Shortly after the blood work was done, the lab result might have been different, showing the true positive result.

I'm not trying to be scary here. My scenario is unlikely, though possible.

If you go to clubs--and who in a swing club carries negative-STD lab slips with them?--always use condoms, though that's no guarantee.

I've seen many swinger ads that state the couple or person is DDF, which means "drug and disease free," and asks that responders be the same. Many ads ask for a recent STD test, which usually means a fairly recent HIV test. (Again, how recent is safe?)

But HIV isn't the only STD to worry about. A young women friend of ours who is not a swinger recently became worried about an STD. She divorced a year before and had a one-night stand. They used condoms, but she swallowed some semen. She ended up going to a clinic for a full battery of STD tests, and the people there told her that because she gave the man oral sex and got his fluid in her mouth, it was possible for her to have gotten gonnerhea. She was tested, and all was fine, to her big relief.

Again, I'm not saying this just to scare you. After all, we're a couple thinking about becoming swingers.

But STDs exist and they are a threat. Some, like gonnerhea, can be cured with a shot. Some, like HIV, are deadly. Some, like herpes, while not deadly, would be a real pain to deal with for the rest of your lives.

Swingers have to accept some risk. No lab slip is 100% proof that the person is STD-free.

So it comes down to this: Do you accept the risk--and I grant that if you're a careful swinger that it's not a big risk--or do you not have other partners?

I'm sorry if I sound pessimistic here. We think threesomes and foursomes are extraordinarily exciting, and we're seriously considering doing them.
Then again, STDs are one of the roadblocks along the way, and we aren't quite sure how to handle it. If we swing, we'd be a condom couple for intercourse, no question. But condoms or dental dams for oral sex? Yuck! Therein lies part of the tale.

Best of luck to you!

Geo

[PBJ]

I placed the original post and am glad to see that people responded with some good thoughts. My wife and I haven't gone swinging again, but have been kicking around another go at it.

Honestly, if not for the std issue, I think we would go swinging quite regularly. Aside from being alot of fun, the experience definitely enhanced our intimacy and sex life.

Let me comment on some of the other posts. We've come to the conclusion that contracting HIV through swinging is an extremely remote - probably less than 0.001% when using condoms with another committed couple. Chlamidiya, Gonnoreah, and Syphillis are easily detected and cured. So that leaves you with HSV, which is a major lifetime nuisance, and HPV, which is the only cause of some cancers. Condoms are pretty much useless against both viruses and I'd bet that one or both viruses are prevalent among 30% of swingers. So if you swing regularly (as we'd like to), you're running a very high risk of ending up with one or both of these buggers.

So why are people in the swing community put off by the idea of having a test done for potential partners? Maybe its not a sure thing, but a negative test does at least improve the odds. Does it not? (Granted a test for HPV isn't available for men.) And if we are essentially "playing the odds" with an activity that we enjoy, why not try to maximize those odds?

Also, if testing is out of the question, is the only other solution available to "spend more time getting to know" the other couple?

[rachan]

My regular male partners as well as my husband and I are tested on a regular basis. I have unprotected intercourse with my regulars but I'll insist on using condoms with any new partners I happen to meet.

R

[NandT]

We are currently "soft-swinging" with just one other couple. Based on all of our past history (if it is true) we feel pretty safe. We did a little swinging with this other one guy some years ago; he has moved to NYC and now all he talks about is how much he's been getting laid, how many different partners he's having, and how many clubs he goes to and all of these gang-bangs and 3somes, 4somes, and moresomes. He's invited us to visit him, but needless to say, we probably won't have any activity with him because of the concerns about STD's.
This is no different than in a regular dating situation. If you meet soemone and they have not been with too many partners you feel safer than if they had 200 in the past year!
Still everyone has to make their own decisions about swinging & safety. Some will be paranoid, some just won't care.

[tribbles]

You already know about no test available for men re: HPV How often you do think a woman should be tested? Look up how the test is done....

Look up the testing for HSV. How long after exposure does it take for a blood test to be effective at giving results?

Hopefully, more info on testing will answer your question:

So why are people in the swing community put off by the idea of having a test done for potential partners?

[cubnamy1995]

One thing about swinging is that in doing it, you are taking a calculated risk. People either don't know they have one, or if they do, they are not telling. Just like so many other things in life, you have to weight the risks vs. the benefits and decide if it is right for you. We have been fortunate in not having come into contact with any ourselves, but we have not been playing long either. Just be careful, but I would think that if you insisted on your play partners being tested and showing you the results ahead of time, you would get very few takers. Sucks? yep. But it is reality.

[havefuninsun]

I think if testing were easy, quick, and reliable, a lot of folks would be in your camp. But, because things aren't so easy, quick, and reliable, folks have to weigh their odds.

We talk a lot to potential playmates about their past experiences, etc. before making a decision to play with them. Not only do we not want to be put at risk, but we wouldn't want to risk giving something to an already trusted couple.

Some folks, too, have a real lackadaisical attitude about diseases too ("oh, it's only Gonnoreah -- a shot of Penicillin will knock that out"); we don't. In fact, I'd be must as mortified having to be treated for Gonnoreah as I would HPV.

So, we know we're taking risks, we weigh the information we have, don't play as often as we might like to (frankly), and go from there.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Hoping I do not sound too cynical but I have no concept of a dermatologist, gynecologist, urologist or public health clinic awarding a signed certificate saying "Michael J Is Disease-Free." What in the world do we mean by "screening".

[celtic239]

I would agree with PBJ in that using a condom can greatly reduce transmittion of HIV and other VD but pretty useless against genital herpes/warts. The thought of being forced to take Valtrex for the rest of my life isn't appealing.
I recently read, and I hope that this is an urban legend, that gonnereah can exist in the water of a hot tub that is not properly maintained. That can't be true, is it?

[PBJ]

I've read that the HSV Test is 85-90% accurate after 4 weeks from exposure and 99% accurate after 12 weeks. So a negative test is definitely not a guarantee that someone is HSV free, but I like the improved odds. To me anyway, the extra hassle seems worth it if it offers some extra insurance against having to take Valtrex for the rest of my life.

Getting that same extra insurance against HPV is much more difficult. You can't do anything to determine if a single man is a carrier. With committed couples, you could test the woman and make the assumption that the man has the same status. However, testing for HPV in women is also not easy. A colposcopy is too invasive and pap smears are not very accurate. I have heard that there is a new blood test for women, but I know nothing about it.