What questions do you ask potential partners about their sexual history?

[curious24]

so i was wondering what kind of questions you ask people about their sexual history before you get with them? i know that i ask questions because i don't want to be with someone who has been with people that are questionable.. or can't answer the simple questions i ask... maybe i'm just paranoid about getting an STD or something.. but the reason i ask is that there is this one girl who is "wild" and she's told me about some of the things she has done etc.. but i don't know how "safe" she has been.. and it's hard for me to think of the right questions to ask her...

anyway thanks!

[TeamSoBe]

Wild girls are inherently not safe, sorry. If they tell you that they always use condoms then they are lying to shut you up. Wild girls are the ones who enjoy the thrill of being rebellious and irresponsible. Just assume that she has done whatever it is that you're worried about and don't ask her. If you're not comfortable with that then find a 'nice' girl instead, but she's probably done a lot of those things too she just doesn't advertise it like the one that's proud to be wild.

[ciscosv]

I am with TeamSoBe here. Women can be like men when it comes to the heat of the moment and all sesible logic has been thrown out the window. At first I didn't have an answer for your problem but maybe I do now. Alot of single people aren't using condoms out there. There was 1.6 (or was it 1.2) million abortions last year. There is birth control and the morning after pill out there and still that many? Ofcourse alot of factors are not considered like STD transmission. STD's can be a taboo topic and avoided by most. How many people do you know say, I don't have a herpes outbreak right now or I piss razors and fire. Will this be a problem?

If and when presented with the opportunity of intercourse, stammer first. An example would be "I know I have a condom somewhere. If she does not bring it up, ask her, "Should I use a condom?" Her reply will answer your inquiring mind. Use the condom anyways. If you are still a little freaked have lots of back up. I.E female condom in conjunction with the latex condom, lube, dental dam, Hannibal, Face and Mr. T.

Hope I was halfway helpful and good luck!

[ciscosv]

I think that this topic will be moved to the Safe Sex/STD's section.

The deal is that naughty or nice, Santa still brings you presents whether you want them or not. We are all adults and have the choice to use or not use protection.

TeamSoBe is saying "Be safe" in his own wimsical?sp way.

Wouldn't it be great to have a super power that lets you know who is burning or not just by glancing? You could be VDSTDHIV man.

When in doubt, take the conservative route. Words well lived by.

[bimrdcpl]

If and when presented with the opportunity of intercourse, stammer first. An example would be "I know I have a condom somewhere. If she does not bring it up, ask her, "Should I use a condom?" Her reply will answer your inquiring mind. Use the condom anyways. If you are still a little freaked have lots of back up. I.E female condom in conjunction with the latex condom, lube, dental dam, Hannibal, Face and Mr. T.

If you need all that then why on earth would you be having sex with her in the first place?....

One rule of thumb we use with anyone whether they are a single male, single female or a couple if we have any doubts about them we dont play. We come right out and ask them how many people they have played with and then we ask them how long have they been playing. Now granted they dont have to be truthful with us but we go with our gut feelings. And no matter how much we trust we always use the condom. Even if they told us they were virgins we would still use them.

[TeamSoBe]

Yes, I was just saying "be safe". A girl who is proud to be wild has certainly done a lot of guys unprotected, that's just how it works. The other problem is that a lot of girls who are not openly proud to be wild have still had their share of fun too. I have had quite a few female friends who I thought were relatively pure and wholesome but then I would later find out that they had actaully been with hundreds of men and had multiple abortions. Any girl that has accidentally been pregnant a few times has also been exposed to some ugly sexually-transmitted diseases. These are the 'nice' girls that I'm talking about, the wild ones are the same way, the only difference is that they are openly proud of it.

Look up some of the statistics on how many Americans are estimated to be carrying herpes or genital warts. Then look up some statistics on how many Americans are sexually active. Note that the numbers roughly correspond. Having sex puts you at risk of being exposed to diseases, it's just that simple. Protect yourself the best that you can, especially when you're with a 'wild' girl, but don't forget to do a little living before you die.

[J & K]

We trust nobody!!!!
Even if they say they are D/D free asume the worse in all cases.

We are all human and we all lied about our sex lives at some point to get someone into the sack. Be safe no matter how well you know or don't know them----can't go wrong with wearing a condom, but you sure in HELL can go wrong sometime by not wearing one.

You take the risk of your actions!!!!

Just remember prevention is worth more than not preventing getting something---it only takes one time brothers and sisters!!!

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by BostonDLT
...but on average, if you had to pick one sex..which would you guess would suggest not using one, hmm?

I don't consider myself 'wild' by any definition, (ok, maybe one or two! :-)) but I'd really like more of the details with regard to how YOU define a 'wild girl.' Really...how many men would I be allowed to have 'done' (god that sounds awful!) to be considered 'wild?' Is the final outcome (wild vs nice) also colored by the various acts peformed? Sheesh.

When I was single, I always insisted on a condom, much to the dismay of the male partner sometimes. But because they wanted it just as badly as I did, they gave in and put one on. When I met my husband for the year that we dated before moving in together, a condom was always used. No if and's or but's about it. Hmmm, is that is why he asked me to move in so he could sail bareback?

I too would like to know how many it takes to be considered 'wild'. I had several different partners during my single years. Now, I am having then while being married. So what is the magical number? Have I crossed the line from being 'wild' to being 'wildly out of control'?

I have never had an STD, nor an unwanted pregnancy. Does that make me a reasonably nice but *wild* girl?

I have a friend from high school who probably laid 2/3rds of the male populace in her junior and senior years and part of her freshman and sophmore years in college. She met and married the man of her dreams at the age of 23 and is probably one of the best mother/wife that I have ever seen. She has managed to stay married for over 20 years, to the same man and they are incredibly happy. I can't say that for the majority of all the other people that I have known in my life, myself included.

I think it is hard to catagorize men or women based on their past sexual history. I think both sexes should be based on their character regardless of how many people they nailed prior to you.

Let's face it, there are a lot of us out there that have had some pretty active sex lives before meeting someone that they want to share their lives with. There are just as many that enter into swinging after only EVER having had sex with their spouse.

I believe that it is as much a double standard for women to be considered *wild* as it is a man is to be considered being a *stud*.

Good/nice girls do come in *wild* packages too. As J&K said "You take the risk for your own actions". You cannot expect someone else to do it for you or be honest with you.

Ciscosv, you are right this topic belongs in the Sex/STD forum.

Lori

[curious24]

thanks for all your replies!

just to tell you a little story.. this girl i'm talking about i have left her not once but twice nude in her bed begging me to sleep with her.. funny thing is the second time i went out with her i found out her history.. she didn't seem too shy about it and almost proud that she's so open... and when i say "open" i do mean it in a bad way because of the people she's been with.. they are some real shaddy people.. but glad they are not in the lifestyle...

anyway, i had actually brought a condom with me thinking that i would get lucky.. but her stories turned me off so much.. her absolutely "whorish" attitude... it seemed like if you were a okay looking guy.. or any woman she would sleep with you... but i think what did it was when she wanted to have sex with me and did not care if i had a condom or not b/c she was "on the pill"... i knew right then and there that i shouldn't go anywhere near that...

again thanks for all your replies... i guess i'll just keep asking the same questions to women that seem interested in a romp in the hay.. hehe

[Quin]

Wow, TeamSoBe, can we say narrow-minded?

Technically, by society's standards, anyone who partakes in the swinging lifestyle with any regularity would be deemed *wild*.

As a *wild* girl (and that term is used by friends and close associates, not moi), I take offense to your comments on *wild* girls. From two points...it's extremely sexist and your explaination reeks of sexism and secondly, you're completely wrong. Do I even need to get into the stereo-typing thingie, I'd rather not (suppose it would fall under sexist possibly) or the double standard thingie. At 43 years of age, I have never had an STD, heck I've never even had so much as a cold sore for any reason. I have been using condoms since before AIDS/HIV were known.

Just because a female likes to enjoy herself, sexually, and may indulge with more people than YOU feel is kosher, does not mean said female is also stupid.

Quin
()()

[TeamSoBe]

You guys seem to be assuming that I'm sexist because my post referred to wild girls. Go back and replace "wild girls" with "wild people" in my post. I'm not making a distinction. I mentioned the wild girls and not wild people in general because the original poster was a guy asking a question about a wild girl. It's not that complicated and "he's a sexist" is an overly elaborate characterization.

I'm a bisexual guy. Even my vertical friends know this, not just swingers that I'm comfortable talking about sex with. I've dealt with enough stereotyping that you're not going to get any sympathy out of me.

Disagreeing with me because you think that I'm wrong is another thing entirely, I can respect that. You'll have a hard time trying to convince very many people that promiscuity is not a risk factor for sexually transmitted diseases, but if that's really what you think then have fun trying.

All that said, my original opinions stand, which can be condensed as:

1) Yes, she's a higher STD risk than you seem to be comfortable with.

2) No, don't ever ask a woman how many tools she's sharpened before you, it's rude because it makes her feel uncomfortable. Even if she's proud of herself she might feel obligated to put on an innocent image to impress you and that's a rude position to put her in.

3) Always assume the worst and protect yourself.

[TeamSoBe]

I say the wrong thing around here on purpose all the time and nobody ever calls me on it, it's nice when somebody does. Can't say that I'm convinced that I ever said anything wrong in this case though.

#1: Promiscuity is a stong risk factor for sexually transmitted disease. It just is, simple fact. Sexually transmitted diseases wouldn't get transmitted if nobody ever had sex. Have more sex, expose yourself to more risk. Say it isn't so if you like but a million easily accessible CDC documents disagree.

#2: Sure, men do that too. The question was about a woman, not a man. I have lied to both men and women about my past in order to get laid and I have been lied to by men in order that they might nail me. Men do it, women do it, 'wild' people do it.

[Tellya Later]

Everyone in this post probably has had a moment when they did not use some sort of protection for whatever reason and looking back wish they had. Thing is one is probably too many cause it only takes one time...bearing that in mind you can assume we've all had that fear when we've gone in for a check up, had blood work done, or specifically gotten an STD test.

But I digress. I finally met this girl who I had known for a while. I felt close to her and we eventually had sex. Why did she say when I jumped up and got a condom (the urge to fuck we at its peak) she looks at me and says "You know condoms fuck shit it up don't you"





After the fact I felt secure in that I used a condom...only later to find out that I was the 3rd guy she had had sex with in 24 hrs (we all knew each other) and it was quite possible I was the only one to use a condom.

And that was, at least I thought at the time, was one of the normal quiet girls. Of course I now look at having 2 kids by the age of 28 and being divorced differently of course.

[rings2]

I also have been wondering the same thing, maybe someone out there has the answer for us, since I was married for 34 yrs and now am single again, and now I trust the partner I have but for any one else I would be asking the same questions. Maybe you have to be very forward and just ask how safe was the sex you had in the past?

[TeamSoBe]

Asking anybody how safe they were in the past or how many people they have been with is both pointless and rude. If they don't have anything interesting in their past to tell you about, which is unlikely, then you look like a goon for asking. If they do have anything interesting in their past then they are going to lie about it anyway, so what's the point in asking? "Well, I've had sex with about 100 guys, I'm not really sure, and I usually make them use condoms unless I'm really drunk." Nobody is going to say that, so why ask?

It's really pretty hypocritical to ask anyway. Do you ask the person because you're trying to figure out if you're willing to have sex with them without a condom? Well that's hypocritical, they should use condoms with every other guy but not with you? If you're going to wear a condom anyway then why are you asking? It's rude, it doesn't help you to make any important decisions, you're probably going to get a false response anyway, there is just no point to it at all.

Regarding the "TeamSoBe is sexist" sub-theme: I have nothing to apologize for. I'm not being sexist, he asked a question about a girl, I gave my opinion and it was about a wild girl specifically because that's what he asked about. It's interesting that so many people here are so sensitive to any hint of potential sexism in a man though. I'm trying to figure out what that might say about our community.