What questions do you ask potential partners about their sexual history?

[C@YWMI]

Team stick to your guns you are entitled to your opinions, your post have a lot of logic to them, I don't always agree with your post but I do like the way you explain them

[anandjeff2]

When I talk with people I ask them the same questions in differnet ways hubby does the same we then add up the answers and if they dont line up we find we cant trust these people. We are very safe and dont even want to get involved with someone we feel we cant trust. I ahve found if people get offended when yuo ask sexual questions they arent in it for the long haul..anyone who is interesed in th lifestyle has to eb able to lok at themselves honestly and be quite frank when it comes to sex. Innuendo, avoidance or redirection from anyone usually gets them crossed off my list. I am a shoot from the hip type and prefer those liek me.

An

[JustAskJulie]

Re: Promiscuity.

I saw this post from John (Flori_DAman) in another thread and thought it fit perfectly here.... so I copied it.

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
The one thing that I noticed about your add was a sort of an explanation that you arent promiscous. Swingers also are discerning but love sex. The term promiscous has usually just meant that one will have sex without commitment. If that is the term then most swingers are in fact promiscous.

Is that bad?

I think not. If you fuck everyone that bats an eye at you then you are probably insecure. Now that could be bad, just for the sake of your own psyche. It could mean that you are using sex for an escape mechanism for other hidden problems.

[thesexmonsters]

My husband and I have only played with one other couple, and I can count on one hand the number of people I was with before him. I have also never had unprotected sex with anyone but my husband (and never will). However, I still consider myself a bit "wild" just because I'm interested in swinging. Of course, this may be because of the fact that most of our friends are starting families and seem to have completely put their sex lives on the backburner, while we're exploring a whole new aspect of our sex lives.

But obviously, the term "wild girl" means different things to different people!

- The Sex Monsters (female half)

[MagicEnigma]

I think when we start talking about ¡°wild girls¡± we run the risk of trying to label people across the board.

I think that simply having the lifestyle I do makes certain precautions obvious and at the same time not enough. In high school, I insisted on a condom every single time I had intercourse of any kind. But the honest truth is that I knew even then that it wasn't a 100 percent given that they would work. However using one reduced the risk to a point where I put faith into the numbers. After getting to college I admit I got lax about condoms because I started on the pill almost as soon as I could. The STD issue wasn't something most of my friends talked about. When I got involved with my last relationship, I got back on the condom bandwagon, this time because of concern about STDs. Since getting into the lifestyle, I've insisted on it on the few times I've been with somebody outside of our group, or the club trips I've made. But even then, inside of our group, there are times I don't insist if the guy doesn't bring it up. Mostly because I know these people. In all cases, I've had condoms break during parties, I've had leakage, and I've even had them come off inside me. I honestly think if there was or is an STD in our group, not much is really going to keep it from spreading at some point. The basic nature of my sex life leaves me having to accept some risk.

[highlander]

Personally, I'm more concerned with
a) frequency of testing
b) the range of diseases tested for
c) history of use of cocaine, methamphetamine, opiates
d) their general knowledge on STD's
e) demonstrated track record of having stable relationships

Than I am what they say about their sexual history. Anyone can say anything. Some of the most risk prone people I know make claims of being highly monogamous or having limited numbers of partners. I'd rather rely on something that can't be faked

[Trojan Defense]

Originally Posted by highlander

Anyone can say anything. Some of the most risk prone people I know make claims of being highly monogamous or having limited numbers of partners.

You are right about that.

One of the tactics that I sometimes use involves using some reverse psychology. Rather than ask a person "Do you use condoms?", to which the correct answer is implicitly obvious, I try a different approach. I may ask a question like, "If we do anything, would I have to wear a condom? I hate the way they feel." as to insinuate I am against safer sex, when really I am for it. If the person is genuinely for condom use, then their answer will remain the same, no matter how I frame the question, and insist that they be used. However, if the person is not genuine about it, then I may get an enthusiastic "Nah, you don't have to wear a condom. I never use condoms. lol" which tells me exactly what I wanted to know in the first place.

In this way, I am sometimes able to trick a dishonest person into giving an honest answer.

[highlander]

It is plausible that something like this might actually work for you. However, I don't think it is necessarily something that can scale.