No Condom Rule????

[NewAndNervous]

In today's risky world, why would couples elect to abstain from condom use? Especially with new people that they do not know in any way. Does anyone here elect to say "no" to using a condom? If so, why would you take that risk?

[Pepper & Drew]

There's plenty of couples that don't use condoms, for a variety of reasons. At times, I've kind of been taken aback at the lack of condoms. A lot of swingers feel that swingers are a demographic with fairly low risks--since most of the time they are married, with children, well educated, more mature, and fairly cautious. That being said, there is only one couple that we've gone bareback with. We trust each other. Yes, it's a risk, but it's a relatively small one (we feel) and one we're willing to take. It's certainly not something we'd do with every couple--hell, probably not with most couples, but in this case, we felt it was right.

People weigh their risks verses the benefits, and it's a personal decision.

Pepper

[WesternSwing]

Well said, Pepper. We have a "no glove, no love" rule ourselves, but we have gone bareback with two couples we've known well and for a long time. This is very much the exception to the rule, though.

Mr. WS

[good times]

I agree with what pepper said, and can only add that a lot of people do not believe that condoms provide anywhere near the amount of protection from STD's as is commonly believed. In fact, some people look at folks that REQUIRE condom use with the same amount of wonder as you do about people who do not use condoms. If you spend much time at on-premise swing clubs you will observe people engaging in behaviour that is commonly believed to be risky for contracting STD's. They obviously believe that the condom they are using will protect them, even when the research evidence does not support that belief. My feeling is that if you are engaging in an activity with condoms that you wouldn't engage in without, then you are at much higher risk than the person who does not use condoms but is more selective about what types of behaviour he is willing to engage in with others.

We have only met one couple that REFUSED to use condoms though. I think most people who will play without condoms are like us, we will use condoms if requested, but we aren't willing to do anything with a condom that we would not do without.

In the end what pepper said is right on, it is a personal decision you must make for yourselves.

[nimbis43]

We use condoms but by the same token feel condoms give a false sense of security. If we know a couple well enough we will consider going bareback, but they have got to be squeaky clean and responsible people. As already discussed in this thread there are STD's that condoms won't protect against such as herpes. Bottom line is one of the basic rules of the Lifestyle, do what is comfortable to all and make sure everyone knows what to expect upfront.

[skyhigh619]

My wife gets a sort of rash when condoms are used. We know the guys who we let cum inside her so we know it is safe.

[MikeandDawn]

Originally Posted by NewAndNervous

In today's risky world, why would couples elect to abstain from condom use? Especially with new people that they do not know in any way. Does anyone here elect to say "no" to using a condom? If so, why would you take that risk?

We never ask our M partners to use condoms. In fact, we have a "no condom" rule, but I think our situation is a bit different. We basically engage in poly relationships with only males. And we screen and check the prospectives thoroughly to find only virgins, as Dawn gets off on being a virgin's first. And we both really, really enjoy teaching them how to pleasure a woman. We'll just play at first, but when we're sure we've met a guy we want to invite into our relationship, we discovered a little trick to get a free HIV antibody test. We set the deal before him. We have a "mother-in-law" apartment above our garage. We offer to let him move in on these conditions:

1. He must get a $50,000 (or more) life insurance policy through our insurance agent. This requires the antibody test. When he brings us the declarations page for the policy, we know he passed. So far, all have.

2. For the time he's in a relationship with us, he must remain manogomous to us.

3. He must live in our apartment during the relationship. The rent is very reasonable ($200/mo), but he must take care of his own utilities.

4. No photography of him with us is allowed. We will allow him to photograph us, though.

In exchange, he's free to have sex with Dawn any time she agrees, whether I'm home or not. This helps keep him agreeable to condition #2. Dawn insists on her partners cumming inside her. It gets her off like crazy, and it fires me up, too. When I'm not home, Dawn will usually go up to his apartment to have sex, unless they want to bathe or shower together, then they use our bedroom. But on special occasions, like her birthday, we'll let him spend the night in our bed so we both can give her FULL attention. On his birthday, Dawn stays the whole night with him. On my birthday, I usually get tied to a chair and watch them. facelick When he's spent his load inside her, I get untied and we all three play. For just evening play, we'll use either bed. We'll also occasionally take two or three day trips. Most times, we'll take him with us, and share a hotel room with a king size bed.

[Better Half]

Originally Posted by MikeandDawn

We never ask our M partners to use condoms. In fact, we have a "no condom" rule, but I think our situation is a bit different. We basically engage in poly relationships with only males. And we screen and check the prospectives thoroughly to find only virgins, as Dawn gets off on being a virgin's first. And we both really, really enjoy teaching them how to pleasure a woman. We'll just play at first, but when we're sure we've met a guy we want to invite into our relationship, we discovered a little trick to get a free HIV antibody test. We set the deal before him. We have a "mother-in-law" apartment above our garage. We offer to let him move in on these conditions:

1. He must get a $50,000 (or more) life insurance policy through our insurance agent. This requires the antibody test. When he brings us the declarations page for the policy, we know he passed. So far, all have.

2. For the time he's in a relationship with us, he must remain manogomous to us.

3. He must live in our apartment during the relationship. The rent is very reasonable ($200/mo), but he must take care of his own utilities.

4. No photography of him with us is allowed. We will allow him to photograph us, though.

In exchange, he's free to have sex with Dawn any time she agrees, whether I'm home or not. This helps keep him agreeable to condition #2. Dawn insists on her partners cumming inside her. It gets her off like crazy, and it fires me up, too. When I'm not home, Dawn will usually go up to his apartment to have sex, unless they want to bathe or shower together, then they use our bedroom. But on special occasions, like her birthday, we'll let him spend the night in our bed so we both can give her FULL attention. On his birthday, Dawn stays the whole night with him. On my birthday, I usually get tied to a chair and watch them. facelick When he's spent his load inside her, I get untied and we all three play. For just evening play, we'll use either bed. We'll also occasionally take two or three day trips. Most times, we'll take him with us, and share a hotel room with a king size bed.

I don't think that this would qualify as a 'poly' relationship. I don't even know if it sounds like a swinging relationship. But as long as all the parties involved are happy, then more power to them. However, this sort of reminds me of an earlier thread started by Spoomonkey regarding bringing someone home as a 'pet'. While that thread was approached more or less tongue-in-cheek this sounds like a real-life situation of such an occurance. Interesting......

Better Half

[!!abbot]

Whether or not to use a condom in my opinion depends on the personal likings of both the partners. Well one cant certainly deny about the safety measures of the condoms but once you are having sex with a single partner I think there is no need to use the condom. In my case I can say that I know when to stop and therefore when I feel that I am now going to ejaculate I can safely take out my dick from where it was. But not all people can do the same still there are many available pills which can help prevent the fertility process so why compromise on enjoyment! Unless there are multiple sex partners condom is a No No for me!

[Amanda69]

If we know a couple well enough we will consider going bareback, but they have got to be squeaky clean and responsible people.

Problem is the multiplication factor in this. They sleep with two other people, who slept with 4 other people etc etc...and somewhere down the line was the one who catches the bad break, spreading it to all the other wonderfully, responsible people who "trusted" their partners.

Heck in how many loving, allegedly monogomous marriages did the wife or husband suddenly find themselves with an STD because the other partner had stepped out on them....please the only person you can be 100% sure about is yourself..don't take chances.

Condoms may not be 100% but the other alternative leaves you 100% open to STD's.

[Alura]

NewandNervous wrote:

In today's risky world, why would couples elect to abstain from condom use? Especially with new people that they do not know in any way. Does anyone here elect to say "no" to using a condom? If so, why would you take that risk?

We've never used condoms because we feel that if a couple offers risks bad enough to require them, the risks of having sex with them WITH condoms is too great. In other words, if we feel we need condoms with a particular couple, we won't play with them at all.

That reduces the number of prospective playmates a lot with the results that we've played with five couples in twenty-five years. We have never played with anyone that we "[did] not know in any way." We don't go to clubs and we don't play with singles.

Our playmates have all been long-term, committed married couples who have had little or (for the most part) no outside contact. Of course, any of them could have lied to us but that's where the ability to read "white eyes" comes into play.

Abstinance is by far the best way to prevent STDs. Next comes only playing with folks who don't have STDs. Way, way down the line is condoms.

No matter how a couple goes about the sport of swinging, there is always some risk involved.

Mr. Alura

[ohash01]

I tend to be on the anal-retentive side of things and I also have a little "germie" issue. Germs freak me out. If you have a cold, I'm probably running in the other direction. I work at a hospital, but in HR...Mr. got a stomach bug once. He called me at work to tell me. I ran to the supply closet, got masks, rubber gloves, and hospital grade disinfectant, then I ran home and de-germified the whole house.

I have to feel safe. Plus, I have no health insurance. So I'm not taking any unneccessary risks. You know - if condoms had NEVER been invented and were unknown to all, obviously I wouldn't be using them. But since they are, and they make things safer (even though not COMPLETELY safe) I'm all for them.

[She_n_Jaybee]

Originally Posted by !!abbot

Whether or not to use a condom in my opinion depends on the personal likings of both the partners. Well one cant certainly deny about the safety measures of the condoms but once you are having sex with a single partner I think there is no need to use the condom. In my case I can say that I know when to stop and therefore when I feel that I am now going to ejaculate I can safely take out my dick from where it was. But not all people can do the same still there are many available pills which can help prevent the fertility process so why compromise on enjoyment! Unless there are multiple sex partners condom is a No No for me!

The common term for men who use the "pull out before I cum" method of birth control is daddy. My second wife couldn't take birth control pills. Not a good thing for women with a family or personal history of cancer. For a period of time after undergoing chemotherapy, pregnancy is a very bad idea. During that 6 month period she used the "pull out" method. Ended up pregnant twice. As a method of preventing the transfer of STD's, it's like touching an iron to keep from getting burned. If the iron is on ...

[Amanda69]

The common term for men who use the "pull out before I cum" method of birth control is daddy.

AKA Vatican Roulette....

[discoandvyper]

No glove, no love with us. We don't care how well we know you. We don't care how up to date your STD test results are. We don't care that Disco had a tubal ligation and is more than likely not able to get pregnant. No glove, no love, period.