STD & oral sex worries

[marincpl]

We are going to our first party on Saturday and have some questions. Our plan is to just meet people and not do anything. But our main concern, before we go to the next level with anyone, is what about STDs? We are fine with sex with a condom and I feel pretty secure that that will be fine. My question is with oral sex. I've read that for him to give oral to a woman is fairly safe. However, for me to give oral to a guy there are some issues. He'd like me to use a condom if I'm going to give a bj to a guy. I don't want to taste it or anything. How are you more experienced couples with using condoms for bjs? HOw do you know when they say they are disease free that they are?

Thanks!

[Mr. Better Half]

Originally Posted by marincpl

He'd like me to use a condom if I'm going to give a bj to a guy. I don't want to taste it or anything. How are you more experienced couples with using condoms for bjs? HOw do you know when they say they are disease free that they are?

Well, if you want advice from an experienced couple, we can't help you! We are still newbies and have done soft swap only. (We are working on it!) So this opinion will definitely be worth every penny you have to pay for it!

When we started looking into the lifestyle a scant few months ago, we knew that we would have a rule that condoms would be used for everything (oral and vaginal). We were so sure of it that we would have sworn that we would never change our minds. Well, Mama told me not to swear...

We read a few threads on the subject here and it seemed that the concensus (as I recall) was that more people generally used condoms for intercourse but not for oral. We still weren't convinced, but I think that softened our position some. For both of our soft swaps the intention was to go full, but circumstances intervened. And both times, condoms were not used for the oral. Things just kind of flowed, and being extreme newbies we just went with what the more experienced couple did. If we had gone full, we would have used condoms.

I am not saying that this is the correct answer; that depends on what you want. You certainly have the right to use condoms whenever you want, and ask that your playmates wear condoms, also. But if condoms for oral is going to be a requirement for you, I would advise letting the other couple know this ahead of time. Some of the posts I read were from couples that said that they didn't have any interest in playing if the oral required condoms. That is their perogative, just like requiring condoms is yours; it just means that the four of you will not be compatible and won't end up playing.

You could also look at the situation and determine if the condom requirement is really that important to you. It certainly was important to us before we did anything, but it became unimportant when we ran into our real-world (and possibly flawed) perception that lots of people don't use them for oral.

You said that you don't want to taste anything if you perform oral on a guy. Well, that settles it; your decision is already made! Just let the other couple know of your decision ahead of time.

How do you know that a couple is disease free when they say they are? The bottom line is: you don't. You have to look at probabilities, and I don't have those hard numbers. One advantage is that couples that swing are generally more honest with each other than the average couple in the population. Hopefully that honesty carries over to their dealings with other couples. I would guess that honesty is probably more likely if you get to know them somewhat and then play, but I don't have any hard data for that, either! In the end, you take some risk. Whether it is more than walking across the street, who knows? By being careful you can probably minimize it to some unknown degree.

However, if I were you, I would take everything I say with a grain of salt because I am definitely a newbie with very limited experience. I am sure that some people with more experience will also jump into this thread with their thoughts and opinions. I have told you what I think, but realistically you should give more weight to what they say than to what I say.

Hope this helped (a little)!

[singleagain]

My ex was a nurse. We discussed condom use fully on several occasions. Her conclusions were that since std's are transmitted most easily through the exchange of bodily fluids that it really didn't matter what kind of bodily fluids were exchanged, there would always be an exposure without protection. We never played with people who were reckless. With that said, when we got to know a couple or a single real well and observed their behavior there were times when we did not use any kind of protection. This swinging we all play is a game filled with risks. The risks may be emotional (the green eyed monster being the most prevelant) or physical (an std or worse yet HIV). Are the risks worth it? In our opinion they were. We never played with more than four different couples and I don't recall ever contracting anything worse than a yeast infection (yes, guys can get that, too). She got crabs from a guy once and gave them to me. Talk about fair play! Just remember that you should always know the symptoms of an std and find a doctor )that will keep quiet about your sex life) and get regular checkups. HIV and AIDS cannot be cured nor can herpes but most everything else responds well to anti-biotics. Google the Centers for Disease Control and read everything you can about STD's there. This link (http://www.cdc.gov/node.do/id/0900f3ec80009a98) to their site is really informative. An informed swinger is a smart swinger.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by marincpl

We are going to our first party on Saturday and have some questions...I've read that for him to give oral to a woman is fairly safe. However, for me to give oral to a guy there are some issues. He'd like me to use a condom if I'm going to give a bj to a guy.

If any woman asked me to wear a condom for oral sex, I'd most likely say, "Don't bother." Considering how many communicable diseases are transmitted through the air we breathe, it's a pretty good bet that by the time you get down to a blow job, youve already traded enough germs to make each other very, very sick. Fortunately (and assuming you're in otherwise good health), your body deals quite effectively with 99.99% of those germs, and drugs will handle another .09%. Unfortunately, the remaining .01% are resistant to both drugs and the immune system, and could conceivably kill you.

Oh well, you weren't planning to live forever anyway, were you?

There is nothing, including condoms, that will guarantee you 100% protection from STD's, although there are a number of ways you can lessen your risk considerably. One is to assess the general health of your partner. Do they appear to take pretty good care of themselves overall, or are there such things as missing teeth, morbid obesity, etc? Are they gasping or wheezing? Do they have visible sores or anything else that seems out of the ordinary on their genitals or elsewhere? If so, a condom is little protection from the kinds of things they could be carrying.

Another thing to consider is their lifestyle. Are they into gangbangs or anonymous sex with strangers? Do they make a point of having sex with every new couple at a club or party? Is the male bi? I'm not saying any of these things are wrong, I'm just saying that people who participate in them carry an increased risk of carrying STD's, and that you should plan your play accordingly.

How do you know when they say they are disease free that they are?

Basically, you don't. When you're having sex with somebody you've only known for an hour, or only know from their online persona, there are no guarantees. They could be married cheaters, disease carriers, mother stabbers and father rapers, serial killers, war criminals, escapees from an institution for the criminally insane, or a combination of all of the above. What you do know you're getting is somebody who can talk a nice line for an hour or so, and who has a nice body. If they turn out to be genuinely nice people, it's icing on the cake. If they later turn into friends, than you've truly "grabbed the brass ring."