What is it with couples who require condoms for penetration but not for oral?

[Wildthingplus]

Regarding STD's: People, please do your homework. Much of the so-called info out there is nothing but a scare-monger's tactics. Very strange, but so much of it isn't the whole truth. Search the internet, read the medical journals, and you'll get more truthful info. We've been swinging for 8 yrs and haven't caught a thing -- not because we're lucky, but because we educated ourselves with the truth. Don't let anyone scare you into giving up.

[lcjtsd]

Wildthingplus,

You say that you have been swinging for 8 years and haven't caught anything. Could you please elaborate on this. Do you use condoms, don't use them, prefer not to use them? Use them for one thing and not another?

LCJTSD

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Wildthingplus

Regarding STD's: People, please do your homework. Much of the so-called info out there is nothing but a scare-monger's tactics. Very strange, but so much of it isn't the whole truth. Search the internet, read the medical journals, and you'll get more truthful info. We've been swinging for 8 yrs and haven't caught a thing -- not because we're lucky, but because we educated ourselves with the truth. Don't let anyone scare you into giving up.

We've been swinging 6 years and haven't caught anything either.

Obviously STD's are just a giant scam :rollseyes

While obviously there is a lot of hype in things like STD's, that doesn't mean they are not out there. We won't be giving up our condoms anytime soon.

[intuition897]

Most complicated thing we've contracted is a yeast infection (incompatible body pH's I guess). Like Chicup, we're not giving up our condoms any time soon.

If eliminating risk is a couple's priority, don't swing. Period. Otherwise, there will always be some level of risk. The more instances barrier methods are used in, the lower the risk. But sexual contact with anyone other than your own partner DOES increase the risk. Some people don't consider oral to be a high risk activity; others (like lcjtsd) consider it to be high risk. Vive la difference.

[lcjtsd]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Some people don't consider oral to be a high risk activity; others (like lcjtsd) consider it to be high risk. Vive la difference.

We believe that swingers, as a group, are more apt to get tested more often than other groups and thus less likely to have any STD. What we are asking is why would a couple do oral unprotected and then use a condom for intercourse? As we stated in previous posts, should anyone have anything, you have already sucked it or licked it into your mouth (sorry for being so graphic) and, this being the case, what is the condom going to do to protect you? You have already caught the STD!

If you like using condoms, great. But to say that you insist on using a condom to stay STD free while you are doing unprotected oral does not make any sense to us. Sorry, but we think this is a BS excuse. Flame us all you want for that statement but "Double Standard" sex does not make any sense.

LCJTSD

[Islanders]

I'm confused as well by the idea that people are willing to have unprotected oral sex, but insist on having protected sex when engaging in intercourse. STD's breed in moist places like the mouth and genitals. I feel that if you trust the couple you are swinging with enough to engage in unprotected oral sex than you might as well engage in uprotected sex for intercourse, as well (unless of course you are a woman who is using condoms as a form of birth control).
My husband and I are new to this scene, and are beginning to understand your frustration of finding playmates that want the same things you want. I think it's like many of you have stated earlier "it's the quality not the quantity" when trying to find couples to swing with. I'm discovering too, it takes a lot of time and patience trying to find the right couple or woman to swing with, especially when your parents like us with a busy schedule.
Good luck LCJTSD in your search for the right couple.

[lcjtsd]

Islanders,

Thank you for your reply. Yes, we agree that is is quality over quantity. We would love to find another couple (or two) that we could get together with with on a somewhat regular basis. With the online ads, there are so many posers and wannabes that it's not worth the effort. We too have kids and own our own business so we don't have a lot of time to go out and meet people in a swing type get together.

This issue does leave us completely perplexed. We're just trying to understand the issue. It makes it kind of frustrating also when you are Mr. & Mrs. Average, both straight and all the ads are looking for a bi-girl (which most will never find) or Hot, Fit and Athletic.

Good luck in your search. We have met one couple back in November who were visiting Las Vegas and we had a great time. They were just like us, same age group, kids the same age, married the same length of time, etc. So there are people out there. It may take some time to find them but they are there.

LCJTSD

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by lcjtsd

Sorry, but we think this is a BS excuse.

You call it a BS excuse - but at the same time admit (as above) that oral contact poses less risk than genital...

Who's throwing around the BS here?

If using a condom for intercourse lessens the chance for an STD - then a couple's desire to use them is not BS. Just because you aren't getting laid as much as you would like, please don't try to tell us all we're doing something wrong.

Spoomonkey

[lcjtsd]

Spoomonkey,

OK, Yes, I'll admit that it may pose less risk. I think you'll agree that any risk is still a risk. On the other hand, I'm still curious as to whether or not a couple involved in swinging is less likely to have any type of STD due to this group, in general, getting tested more often than others. I believe this to be the case.

[lcjtsd]

I've been trying to find the ad I read the other day on SLS. It was by a couple looking for a guy to play with them. In the ad they stated that if the guy was STD fee, recently tested and could prove it, that they might let him cum on the girls face. This got me wondering, they most likely do oral unprotected (as most on here do), so is their fear of STD's due to the false assumption that the danger item is the semen? Not realizing that, in men, STD's reside in the penis itself?

You see, by stating that "they might let him cum on her face", their fear is the semen. So, should they do oral unprotected, and the guy does have an STD, is insisting on a condom giving this couple a false illusion of safe? Do they believe that the STD risk is only with the semen? Has this false illusion of semen being the only thing to worry about been passed around so much that many couples believe that semen is the cause of STD's?

So, I will stand by my belief that to do oral unprotected and insist on condoms for intercourse "to prevent STD's" is based mainly on false beliefs on how STD's are spread.

Spoomonkey, I'm not saying that you're doing anything wrong. If using condoms helps you, and anyone else, feel safer, then by all means use them. You understand that STD's can be spread through oral. How many people don't know this?

LCJTSD

[good times]

Originally Posted by lcjtsd

Spoomonkey,

OK, Yes, I'll admit that it may pose less risk. I think you'll agree that any risk is still a risk. On the other hand, I'm still curious as to whether or not a couple involved in swinging is less likely to have any type of STD due to this group, in general, getting tested more often than others. I believe this to be the case.

I don't think it has anything to do with how often we, as individuals, get tested but has more to do with the reality that we, as a group, are just not usually members of any high risk groups for having STD's. When we first started swinging one of our main concerns was STD's. I did extensive research on STD's on the internet and came to some interesting conclusions.

Starting with the biggest worry AIDS, it turns out that for ourselves, who don't play with singles or drug users, never do anal, and don't have any conditions that enhance the transmission of AIDS like Syphilis or herpes. Our risk of contracting Aids through heterosexual Vaginal sex is a quite a bit less than being struck by lightning on the way to the club entrance from the car. Even if we had sex with someone who had Aids, it is unlikely that we would contract it through heterosexual sex. So based on my studies of the available materials AIDS is a non-issue for us.

Then we considered things like herpes, genital warts, vaginal infections, etc. Turns out condoms are not considered very effective at preventing the spread of these as you can transfer them with your hand or any number of other ways.

As far as we are concerned, the above do not warrant the use of condoms and in fact, it seems to me that using condoms for the above is just a false sense of security.

Then their are the curable diseases like Syphilis which condoms have proven more effective against than the above. Our feeling then was that because of the effectiveness of available treatments these types of diseases are so rare now days as to be a non-issue also.

So our conclusion is that if we really want to play with someone who insists on condoms, we will use condoms, but we prefer not to as we just aren't convinced by the hype that they are even remotely advantageous for the types of activities we engage in and the demographic of the people we play with in the lifestyle.

[lcjtsd]

I think it would help everyone here if we clarified our position and situation.

We started playing with others about 4-5 years ago. It all started when the Mrs. told me of a guy who was constantly being suggestive about what he would like to do. After talking about it, she decided that she would ask him if he were serious and, if yes, have fun with him. Well, he was serious and they had a great time together. Eventually, all three of us would get together and we had a great time. Alas, he ended up getting married and this fun ended.

This is when we found AFF and SLS and placed ads on both of these sites. Now, before we did anything with anyopne else, we were responsible and went and got tested to make sure that we didn't have anything. Ended up everything was fine.

As everyone knows, finding a single guy is a heck of a lot easier than finding a couple. So we ended up being contacted by a guy here in Vegas who is in the Air Force stationed at Nellis. He seemed really nice so we decided to meet. We drove about 45 mintutes and met him at a club close to Nellis. We ended up talking for about an hour and we were all getting along great. Please note, that at this time our ad did not state a preference to not using condoms. (I like seconds, what can I say). So when the discussion came around to sex, he informed us that he always uses condoms but oral without is OK with him. Well, since we had spent almost two hours already, we said that this would be fine.

Needless to say, we had a great time. Now, being the good, responsible swingers that we are, two weeks later we went and got tested for STD's. Guess what! Yes, we had Chlamydia! Now I just don't understand where we could have got it from. I mean, he did use a condom. This is suppost to prevent thing like this from happening, right? WRONG!!! Was the unprotected oral sex responsible for us catching this from him? Who knows. We do know that he was the one we caught it from and that the condom sure as heck didn't stop us from getting it.

After long discussion on this, we have come to the conclusion that should we meet anyone and they insist on condoms for intercourse but not for oral, we politely say No Thank You. Why, because they most likely have something they don't want us to catch and they don't believe that it can be transmitted through oral. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, not going to happen. If you do unprotected oral, use any reason you like for your preference on condoms for intercourse except to keep from catching an STD. We don't buy it.

This is our story and we're sticking to it.

LCJTSD

[lcjtsd]

Originally Posted by good times

I don't think it has anything to do with how often we, as individuals, get tested but has more to do with the reality that we, as a group, are just not usually members of any high risk groups for having STD's. When we first started swinging one of our main concerns was STD's. I did extensive research on STD's on the internet and came to some interesting conclusions.

Starting with the biggest worry AIDS, it turns out that for ourselves, who don't play with singles or drug users, never do anal, and don't have any conditions that enhance the transmission of AIDS like Syphilis or herpes. Our risk of contracting Aids through heterosexual Vaginal sex is a quite a bit less than being struck by lightning on the way to the club entrance from the car. Even if we had sex with someone who had Aids, it is unlikely that we would contract it through heterosexual sex. So based on my studies of the available materials AIDS is a non-issue for us.

Then we considered things like herpes, genital warts, vaginal infections, etc. Turns out condoms are not considered very effective at preventing the spread of these as you can transfer them with your hand or any number of other ways.

As far as we are concerned, the above do not warrant the use of condoms and in fact, it seems to me that using condoms for the above is just a false sense of security.

Then their are the curable diseases like Syphilis which condoms have proven more effective against than the above. Our feeling then was that because of the effectiveness of available treatments these types of diseases are so rare now days as to be a non-issue also.

So our conclusion is that if we really want to play with someone who insists on condoms, we will use condoms, but we prefer not to as we just aren't convinced by the hype that they are even remotely advantageous for the types of activities we engage in and the demographic of the people we play with in the lifestyle.

Dito Dito

[magnum]

Originally Posted by good times

I don't think it has anything to do with how often we, as individuals, get tested but has more to do with the reality that we, as a group, are just not usually members of any high risk groups for having STD's. When we first started swinging one of our main concerns was STD's. I did extensive research on STD's on the internet and came to some interesting conclusions.

Starting with the biggest worry AIDS, it turns out that for ourselves, who don't play with singles or drug users, never do anal, and don't have any conditions that enhance the transmission of AIDS like Syphilis or herpes. Our risk of contracting Aids through heterosexual Vaginal sex is a quite a bit less than being struck by lightning on the way to the club entrance from the car. Even if we had sex with someone who had Aids, it is unlikely that we would contract it through heterosexual sex. So based on my studies of the available materials AIDS is a non-issue for us.

Then we considered things like herpes, genital warts, vaginal infections, etc. Turns out condoms are not considered very effective at preventing the spread of these as you can transfer them with your hand or any number of other ways.

As far as we are concerned, the above do not warrant the use of condoms and in fact, it seems to me that using condoms for the above is just a false sense of security.

Then their are the curable diseases like Syphilis which condoms have proven more effective against than the above. Our feeling then was that because of the effectiveness of available treatments these types of diseases are so rare now days as to be a non-issue also.

So our conclusion is that if we really want to play with someone who insists on condoms, we will use condoms, but we prefer not to as we just aren't convinced by the hype that they are even remotely advantageous for the types of activities we engage in and the demographic of the people we play with in the lifestyle.

Interesting, well put...Being a single male in the life style, I tend to er on the side of caution and use condoms per request of one couple I play with. I do not play with many couples (2) or single ladies for that matter "difficult to meet a single woman in the lifestyle or not".

Magnum

[RW1F]

LC, Think of it this way........

Sometimes if I'm running a little late to work or to a meeting I will drive 80-90 MPH on the freeway. I consider that an acceptable risk.

However, no matter how late I am or how important the meeting is I never drive 120 MPH. I consider that an unacceptable risk.

How fast do you drive?