Safe Sex Freakout!!!

[CanadianCouple]

CuteCouple --

Are you certain it was the OTHER couple who stormed out? Because judging by your chip-on-the-shoulder attitude, you sound as if you'd be the one boogying for the exit if something didn't set well with you.

Look, 'safe sex' is widely interpreted within the swinging world as condoms for intercourse. PERIOD. It's up to you to convey a broader meaning.

Dan

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CuteCouple:
Do you guys think it's alright for gay men to go around giving blow jobs without protection, just curious?

Different scenario regarding the spread of disease. You see, that gay guy getting a hummer likely had it inside someone's anus at one time, and we all know anal carries the highest risk for infection through sex. Which is why my wife and I won't swing with any man who describes himself as bi or bi-curious.

Don't ask for opinions if you can't handle honest replies. In retrospect, it seems to the two of us that YOU are the one passing judgement on the rest of us who forgo condoms and dams for oral sex.

Dan and Janette

[CuteCouple]

Cyberwife-thank you for your words. It's nice to know that someone appreciates and respects our opinions and desires. I will most definately be communicating my "idea" of safe sex beforehand to avoid any future disasters.

CanadianCouple-Chip on Shoulder? Why are you people telling me not to judge you, when you are judging me? I said in my last post, how you guys have sex is your choice. You are still pounding me over the head with what's "widely interpreted" in swing scene as safe sex! Sounds like a double standard. That is fine, but it's not the way I will play, no matter how many times I hear the term "widely interpreted". I already said, to avoid any mishaps or confusions, before I have any other involvements I will spell it out in CAPS before I meet anyone!

As for getting opinions fine, that's wonderful and I have said that I am going to take the advice I did get but nobody bothered to see that. Seems funny how you don't even want to listen to other opinions other than your own and what is "widely interpreted" and the second someone comes here and says something different it's not a supportive community, it's a putdown hayday of the people who prefer to practice safe sex! What a joke this is!

If something didn't "set well with me" I wouldn't run away, I'm honest enough to say it upfront. If she was uncomfortable with anything she could have said something, my bf still wouldn't have had oral with her without protection, but maybe the situation could have been different. I would never just get up, get dressed, and leave without trying to resolve something! I'm a big believer in compromise, in finding a happy medium, and there is no way you can compromise when you are staring at the back of someone's head as they are leaving. You don't know me but seem to be making some very generalized assertions on my character based on someone elses hissy fit...

As for gay men, I can see there is another double standard, but hey lets not bother with that one, since it's only YOUR opinions that count around here... and as for something not sitting well with me and boogying out... this Place is making me damn uncomfortable, I haven't once personally attacked anyone, just asked questions, which nobody bothered to answer, about why people choose to practice unsafe oral sex... nobody bothered to give me an opinion on that, I just get told I'm judgemental for challenging thoughts but it's okay for you guys to challenge my thoughts, in addition to putting me down, just because I posted a question...well, I'll be sure not to make that mistake again because advice and opinions are great and much appreciated but I really don't need to come here and read putdowns. Chow

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
Different scenario regarding the spread of disease. You see, that gay guy getting a hummer likely had it inside someone's anus at one time, and we all know anal carries the highest risk for infection through sex. Which is why my wife and I won't swing with any man who describes himself as bi or bi-curious.

I see a double standard here myself.. and maybe you just weren't as clear here as you meant to be. Yes there is a higher risk of AIDs in the gay population and therefore swinging with a bi guy (who has most likely been swinging in the gay community as well) would definatly increase your risk. I don't see how you can narrow that down to anal sex.
What you said in your post is anal carries the highest risk for infection.

I think that if a gay guy chooses to give a blowjob without protection then that is his choice and the choice of the person he is blowing.

CuteCouple, no one here is condeming you for your choice to have safe sex at all times. That is your choice, just as choosing not to have safe sex at all may be the choice of others in the lifestyle. That doesn't mean that I'm going to swing without comdoms or that I'm going to start using dental dams. So to your question of why some people choose to have unsafe sex? It's a risk they choose to take. Each person/couple when entering this lifestyle has to look at it and decide if they want to take the risks involved (both those in regards to sex and those not), and if so which risks they are willing to take. I would say that most people just continue in swinging (in regards to safe sex) as they were before they started swinging. You said that your boyfriend had never had unprotected sex (I'm assuming you meant oral as well), so you continue in that way. Many people use condoms for oral and they continue in that way, and many people have never used a condom for oral and they continue in that way. Yes they are taking a risk, but that's the choice they make.

You keep saying that everyone here is jumping on you about what is "common in swinging", no one is jumping on you. The mentions of "unsafe" oral sex being common is just people here letting you know what to expect in this lifestyle, not them condeming you for doing something that is'nt so common.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

Rap music sucks.
If you like rap music, then you are stupid or retarded.

Lets try it this way....

Un-safe sex is wrong.
If you have unsafe sex, then you are stupid or retarded.

Nobody said these things, but I see posts where people must think that this is what was said. This all goes back to a little thing called, communication.

CuteCouple, There is nothing wrong with what you did except you did not communicate with the people you were going to be swinging with. That's it, no crime, no hassle, no biggie. It happens. You obviously have already decided that you will be more open and up front in the future and that should solve that problem for you. That is why you posted in the first place, correct?

Yes the word 'fanatic' was used, but not in the way you took it. I think you misunderstood how it was being used. Again, shit happens. No broken glass, so lets move on.

We are glad to have you here posting on the board because you have opened a place that we have not gone in exploring this lifestyle. (at least here on the message board) As I am sure you will understand, we are not all always ready to change the way we do things, and change can make some people nervous. That's when we just need to make sure that we are being extra clear in what we are trying to say. No reason to hurt someones feelings by not being more carefull of what we say.

I know that at times, I am guilty myself. We all are. And this post is not directed at you. It's to remind ALL of us.

All that said, Welcome to the Swingers Board. Nice to meet you.

CyberHusband

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 07-31-2001).]

[CuteCouple]

I guess, I'm just a big advocate for safe sex for all. That means gays, lesbians, straight men, women, swingers... everyone. Maybe it's my age, I don't know, but in my generation, safe sex is promoted very strongly in college and HS so it has been thorouly beaten into my head. I'm sorry if I offended anyone by using the word ignorant and I guess everyone here isn't ignorant, you know the risks and are chosing to take them.

Safe sex is a very strong issue for my bf and has been since his teen years. He watched his uncle die a painful, horrible death from an AIDS realated cancer.

So yes, for sure change does make a lot of people uncomfortable and it is most certainly difficult but in the end we all know what is personally acceptable and conduct ourselves accordingly.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by CuteCouple:
I guess, I'm just a big advocate for safe sex for all. That means gays, lesbians, straight men, women, swingers... everyone. Maybe it's my age, I don't know, but in my generation, safe sex is promoted very strongly in college and HS so it has been thorouly beaten into my head.

You may have a very valid point on why you look at things differently than the rest of us. Most swingers are older and still come from the time before AIDS was as big of a deal as it is, and because of that still have the "it won't happen to me mentality". I'm sure as well that your boyfriends closeness to the issue affects his decisions just as it would anyone else's.

Granted AIDS is probably the greatest worry for any of us, but keep in mind of course that when it comes to STD's there are several that can be spread by something as simple as kissing (herpes being one of them). Along with practicing safe sex (which we all should do and I strongly advocate on this site - although probably not as strongly as you would personally like), we also should all be a little choosy on who we swing with.

Point in case - When I was in Vegas I attended a swinger party at the home of some swingers that I know. I was QUITE surprised by what I saw take place. I realize that some of these people know each other, but I also KNEW that most did not as they were there (like myself) for the weekend. We were playing a game where several guys were blindfolded and hands tied and several girls were being "naughty" to them and at the end the guys were to guess which girl was which.. one of the girls in the game climbed on each guy bareback (no condom) and fucked him. My jaw wasn't the only one that dropped. That seemed to be the common thing at the party.. something I personally didn't hold to and luckily I had brought my own condoms to use, even so I wasn't very active at that party as I might have been if condoms were the rule of the day.

Just remember it's just as important to know where your partner has been as it is to make sure they use a condom.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[CanadianCouple]

Cutecouple --

Sorry if you took any offense at what I said, but you took an aggressive tack when it seemed uncalled for. As swingers, we all have our own standards for safe sex, and it's up to each of us to make them clear to potential partners. We once met a couple who were seasoned swingers, but nothing happened because these two insisted NO condoms be used. Seems the other guy just can't perform with them, but they won't have sex unless bareback. Naturally we declined, but my point is they made abundantly clear their stance on the issue. You must as well, and there'll be less chance of a misunderstanding. And you saw this for yourself the other night.

Dan

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
I don't see how you can narrow that down to anal sex.

It's my understanding, and widely believed in general, that anal sex carries the highest risk of HIV transmission via sex, due to the high occurrence of bleeding in the rectum during anal intercourse. That was my point in regards to swinging with men who've been with other men sexually.

Dan

[anandjeff2]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
Cutecouple --
Seems the other guy just can't perform with them,

Dan

I know this feeling..Jeff never had a problem with condoms til we got married and he got to go bare...after that he couldn't cum wearing one...he definately has a sensitivity issue which I think is cuased by a very tight circumcision he had as a babe. If we are having great sex sometimes he can't cum then because if he doesnt hit a certain spot on his penis during intercourse just right he cant get that excited..makes for hours of fun at times but others its no fun as much fun as you have you want him to see stars too!!

An

[anandjeff2]

Oh just read that post ..doesnt look good..LOL a added note ..since we have not full swapped yet we havent encountered that problem yet!!! :-)

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by anandjeff2:
...after that he couldn't cum wearing one...

Sounds like a guy 'problem' many ladies wouldn't mind running across.

Like most men, I don't like wearing them when I'm with other women, but it's a neccessity of life these days. It's not so much the feeling of having one on, but having to STOP to put one on, at the most awkward of times. But you have to take the bad with the good, I guess.

As a matter of fact, Janette and I just got off the phone with a couple who live here locally. They have some experience, and they too use condoms for intercourse. We have a tentative social-only meeting with them for next week.

Dan

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
.....As a matter of fact, Janette and I just got off the phone with a couple who live here locally. They have some experience, and they too use condoms for intercourse. We have a tentative social-only meeting with them for next week.

Dan

That's COOL!

Hope everything works out for all of you!


CyberWife

[Stratecpl]

Hey, Dan!

Good luck to you and Janette! Hope things work out. Uh..... let us know the DETAILS... LOL

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[LookingTenn]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:

It's not so much the feeling of having one on, but having to STOP to put one on, at the most awkward of times. But you have to take the bad with the good, I guess.
Dan

I always like to put them on for the man I'm with, done right, can be really erotic