Venting: Condoms, STD's the Universe and everything

[Carol_Danny]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

I believe the the title you gave the thread started with "Condoms, STDs...." led the responders to believe the primary focus of the thread was latex condoms. Thus our confusion and need for "2 pills and a doctor".

Yep, that was my original thought concerning the thread, and I originally posted with that in mind.

-- Danny

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by montresor

Considering that tncinmd are forum "veterans" and "help moderate" one, you'd think they'd know that posting something on a forum would, oh, you know, generate responses?

I agree with this 100%.

The immediate value of a discussion board is the discussion of an issue - the give and take of ideas and the balance of opinion. The enduring value of the discussion is the record of thought that is left for folks to use in developing their approach (or whether or not they will approach) something.

The problem with the type of board that you are proposing is this:

It would be a completely useless resource.

The statement, "I like skydiving" is interesting, but provokes no thought.

Many folks responding with "me too" would frankly be a waste of band width.

A response of, "I'm glad you do, but here is why I do not" can be the start of an interesting discussion. The risk, of course, is that someone (more often than not the guy who likes skydiving) is going to get his feelings hurt. But, the reward is that information and points of view from a variety of angles can be shared which will allow everyone to re-evaluate their thoughts.

Some people have very serious concerns about STDs (because a couple of them can kill you, according to legend) so any discussion about swinging without condoms might elicit a response or two. This exchange of information will help inform people about the risks and also cut through some of the hype surrounding STDs.

As someone who used to be a newbie, I can tell you, hearing the different positions is much more helpful in helping me evaluate my personal approach to the lifestyle than it would be if this board were simply a sort of country club where everyone received a blanket "atta'boy" regardless of what they chose to do.

I certainly respect the thought that you have put into your choices as well as the struggle that you apparently have with latex allergy - like Danny said above, you're choices do not affect me. It would certainly be a play barrier, as we are "condom only". We all have our boundaries and the lifestyle works best when we all respect those boundaries.

Spoomonkey

[mark069]

Originally Posted by tncinmd

We thought it was pretty plain what it was we were saying. We should have known better..

It seemed like you were asking where you could find non-latex condoms because of your allergy to latex but I guess you were just trying to justify your reasons for your sexual practices. Hey, I have no problem with people who like to take risks in life - I had a friend who flew small airplanes (in fact, he did die crashing his plane) and I myself ride a motorcycle so if having unprotected sex is your thing, go for it!

Originally Posted by tncinmd

We're sorry if this gives anyone a headache. If it does, take two pills, see a doctor in the morning, then get a second opinion.

No headache but apology accepted nonetheless!

[tncinmd]

Originally Posted by montresor

Opening myself up to a big honking flaming here, but....

Considering that tncinmd are forum "veterans" and "help moderate" one, you'd think they'd know that posting something on a forum would, oh, you know, generate responses? Forums are like conversations, and anyone logged on can jump in, whether or not what they say meets tncinmd's template of "getting it." If you don't like people's responses to what you've posted, maybe you should consider a format where stated opinions are not responded to. Like a billboard. Or a local access cable channel. Call the show "I'm Right, You're Stupid, So Shut Up."

Anyway, the not-very-latent hostility of their initial post, and the out-front hostility of their follow-up, seems to be out of place in a forum where working and playing well with others is one of the very reasons for its existence. I could do a deep textual analysis of the anger and condescension behind such phrases as "End of our 2 cent rant...keep the change," "We thought it was pretty plain what it was we were saying. We should have known better," "Let's try an analogy," and "We're sorry if this gives anyone a headache. If it does, take two pills, see a doctor in the morning, then get a second opinion," -- but I won't.

Whee doggies, as Uncle Jed has been wont to say. Maybe some people should do an online search for a forum for Swinging for Perfect Beings, Ascended Masters and Mensa Geniuses Who Are Smarter Than You. Down here on planet Earth, we all are just too vapid, apparently, for the likes of some cranium busters.

We're very impressed that you can read our minds. You should do this for a living.

We're not so impressed with your choosing to avoid the point of the post, which was general civility in posting to a thread you didn't start. In the forum we moderate, and in every other forum with which we've been previously associated, the moderators delete posts that are not germane to the original post or are flames.

We have, as is apparent in another thread in this very part of the forum, apologized when reminded by the moderators that we had hijacked a thread by introducing a question that was not on topic to the original post. We didn't throw a hissy fit when reminded of it by insisting she was a pedant. We were grateful for the reminder. We, too, can get carried away.

We do play well with others, but we don't play with everybody. Just like we don't talk to that couple at a vanilla party that has to loudy interject some point into every conversation whether it is appropriate to the topic or not.

You were right on target about there being some hostility in our previous posts. That is why we entitled this a vent.

[tncinmd]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I agree with this 100%.

The immediate value of a discussion board is the discussion of an issue - the give and take of ideas and the balance of opinion. The enduring value of the discussion is the record of thought that is left for folks to use in developing their approach (or whether or not they will approach) something.

The problem with the type of board that you are proposing is this:

It would be a completely useless resource.

The statement, "I like skydiving" is interesting, but provokes no thought.

Many folks responding with "me too" would frankly be a waste of band width.

A response of, "I'm glad you do, but here is why I do not" can be the start of an interesting discussion. The risk, of course, is that someone (more often than not the guy who likes skydiving) is going to get his feelings hurt. But, the reward is that information and points of view from a variety of angles can be shared which will allow everyone to re-evaluate their thoughts.

Some people have very serious concerns about STDs (because a couple of them can kill you, according to legend) so any discussion about swinging without condoms might elicit a response or two. This exchange of information will help inform people about the risks and also cut through some of the hype surrounding STDs.

As someone who used to be a newbie, I can tell you, hearing the different positions is much more helpful in helping me evaluate my personal approach to the lifestyle than it would be if this board were simply a sort of country club where everyone received a blanket "atta'boy" regardless of what they chose to do.

I certainly respect the thought that you have put into your choices as well as the struggle that you apparently have with latex allergy - like Danny said above, you're choices do not affect me. It would certainly be a play barrier, as we are "condom only". We all have our boundaries and the lifestyle works best when we all respect those boundaries.

Spoomonkey

A free exchange of ideas in any forum is what forums are all about, but, only where appropriate. The individual who posts about his or her love of skydiving is looking for people who share that feeling for an exchange of experiences and, perhaps, a continuing association based on mutual interests. Those who find it a dangerous activity can start their own thread on the dangers of skydiving, not interject their opinion to that effect where it is inappropriate.

We had what we thought was an interesting topic, whether there was an emphasis on safe sex because of the activity rather than the actual statisitical threat. We posted it under "What is safe sex ?" . Julie rightly pointed out in responding to another post that it had steered the discussion away from the actual point of the thread. We apoligized for that because she was absolutely right. We should have started a separate thread specifically on that topic.

We think whatever decision you have reached regarding safe sex is the right one, regardless of what it is. We have no arguement with you on that score. Our post was simply a pointed reminder that everyone should extend that same courtesy to others.

[tncinmd]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

I believe the the title you gave the thread started with "Condoms, STDs...." led the responders to believe the primary focus of the thread was latex condoms. Thus our confusion and need for "2 pills and a doctor".

It was our fault for not making ourselves clearer. We should have emphasized the vent part and placed "civility" in the topic. Our apologies.

[tncinmd]

Originally Posted by Carol_Danny

Well, we wear condoms because we always have the "slightest suspicion" that our partners may have an STI (they may not even know, themselves). That's what condoms are for! You referred to the CDC website, well, "Swingers" are considered to be in a High Risk category when it comes to STI's.

Do you know the sexual history of every partner you have had? Have you seen a recent full spectrum STI test from them? Do you believe that they are always fully honest in what they tell you? If not, you should be, at the least, slightly suspicious.

I am not disrespecting your personal decisions, as they have nothing to do with me. But when you do post your thoughts in a public forum, expect a response, be it positive or negative. If you make a post, and I do disagree, I will comment. You will find that we never "toe the party line", and will always say what we believe. There are always a number of sides to any discussion, and everyone should have a say. I have changed positions on subjects based on what I have read, and checked, in message forums. I keep an open mind, and although I can be opinionated, I can also change my mind if shown the way.

-- Danny

You are absolutely right to post an opposing opinion here in this thread. We have no arguement with that. Our original point was that it is not appropriate in some threads where it is not solicited. That was all we were trying to say. We're sorry it wasn't clearer and so many people were confused. It was obvously our fault for not being more specific.

[HappyPeople]

Him:

ok...

whatever...

nevermind...

:rollseyes

[HappyPeople]

tncinmd:

She sez:

I am a bit confused by this thread. Please clear something up for me...

Are you offended by the negative commentary made about barebacking due to it's risks?

[chastityrings]

This is totaly confusing topic or vent or whatever, I'm no expert on any of these subjects but..I have always found this board to be a smorgasboard of different views and opinions, even some challenging debates, but negative...not,just a healthy dose of different opinions, and the last I knew everybody was allowed to have those, no right or wrong involved,I'm sure no offense is meant or should be taken.
Peace All,
chastityr

[hilltop]

Yep, it can be a real source of frustration when you try and massage the universe into behaving just the way you want. All those elements that make it up (like us) have a tendency to wiggle out between your fingers and
react/respond according to their nature.

[tncinmd]

Originally Posted by HappyPeople

tncinmd:

She sez:

I am a bit confused by this thread. Please clear something up for me...

Are you offended by the negative commentary made about barebacking due to it's risks?

Nope...it was reaction to comments made where they are not appropriate. It was about the lack of civility. We'll never make the mistake of bringing it up again.

[tncinmd]

Originally Posted by hilltop

Yep, it can be a real source of frustration when you try and massage the universe into behaving just the way you want. All those elements that make it up (like us) have a tendency to wiggle out between your fingers and
react/respond according to their nature.

Well, yeah, some people are reformed drunks, smokers, etc and will butt in with their views, even where it's inappropriate. This is usually due to a lack of maturity on their part. In real life, they'll either be shunned or a couple of gentlemen will escort them to the nearest exit.

Just because you can say something, doesn't mean you should. We were a little fed up with that. It's inappropriate and insulting in certain places and at certain times.

Well, there are more civil places to visit....

[hilltop]

Sad to hear things aren't going just the way you want.

Take care . . . and good luck.