The joy of being D/D free!

[Spoomonkey]

We had the full scale work up this week - and while the entire process was painless (compared to the peace of mind in knowing that you are doing the right/safe things) it was a bit scary. The doctor who did all the tests was quite attractive and surprisingly (almost uncomfortably) flirty, especially when examining the little monkey...

Anyhoo, if you have never had it done, you should. And to get you mentally prepared, here is the run down...

We decided to go to the sexual health clinic rather than have to explain to our doctor why we wanted a full STD screen. In hindsight, I am glad we did. They deal with sexual health all the time, so they were very knowledgable and familiar with us swinger types. They said they knew we were because we came in as a couple and neither was pissed at the other

Anyway - we expected a nasty little clinic, but it is actually quite nice - which was quite nice...

My only complaint is, they have a sign sitting on the check in desk saying "men - do not urinate two hours before exam." Well - I drink over a gallon of water a day, so going two hours without peeing isn't going to happen. Besides - they DIDN'T have the sign on the bathroom door - which was just before the clinic entrance - so I ended up having to wait a little longer. So - HEAD'S UP, GUYS! Hold your water...

We walk up and the lady shows us the options and asks, "do you want a number 1 or a number 2?"

"Are we ordering Chinese food?" I ask...

She snickers and from that point on, we're buddies...

We take the number 1 because it is the full meal deal - and then we wait... And wait... And wait...

When we finally go in, I am already expecting sloppy, free clinic phlebotomy - and when a tough looking, deep accented Russian nurse walks in, my willy shrivels to nothing. I feel a taste of Gulag coming. As it turns out, she WAS very no-nonsense and straight forward, but the pain was nothing. I HATE needles and swoon when I see one, but for some reason I was actually able to watch her do her thing and I never flinched or felt a thing.

I think she was extra gentle though because I was flirting heavily (I do that when I'm nervous). "That's quite an accent," I said with a smile. "Are you from Texas?" She laughed and went into a speil during which I picked up the words "Russia", "Chicago" and, I think, "Pan Pizza". Other than that, I have no idea what we talked about...

Then she leaves to run my blood to the lab...

And I wait...

And wait...

And read sexual health pamphlets.

Did you know that what we really need to do is just never, ever have sex? That is pretty much the gist of everything put out by the board of sexual awareness. We need to learn to be content with massage.

Then doc comes in. She looks striking like the first woman I ever had sex with in the lifestyle - and is quite flirty. Yum!

And she was extremely nice. She asked a few questions:

"Sexual preference: Male, female or both?"

"FEMALE - I swear it!"

"Ever sell your body for money?"

"Why? You have a little disposable cash?"

Sheepish grin...

"No - but I do have kids - so I'm strongly considering it."

She laughs.

"Any symptoms?"

"No."

"So, what brings you in?"

"High risk lifestyle."

"Say no more... Drop your pants."

She swabs my throat - looks at my skin, which leads to a ten minute discussion of my tattoo, she's fascinated by it - then she fondles me (HER words, not mine!!!) - and uses two swabs on my johnson... This part was worse than the blood draw...

"Yes, that's fine. Looks nice. Hmmmm. Now you know why my husband doesn't want to hear about what I do all day."

It's just fun to have a nice doctor

Anyway, the doc comes in after more waiting and says:

"It's all negative - there are still some cultures to run (which we now know are negative as well!) - but if there were anything, we'd see an infection of some sort." She smiles. "Just keep doing whatever you are doing to stay safe, because it is working."

I walk out with a surprising spring in my step...

And what sucks is the entire next day at work I wanted to share my joy. "I'm STD free!!!" But, you just can't...

So - I share here...

And encourage everyone - if you haven't, or don't regularly - go grasp that peace of mind, for you and your playmates

Spoomonkey

[wiscpl]

Congrats Spoomonkey! Everyone should be tested now and then even if they are not in the lifestyle. Some of those nasty criters can go undetected for a long time.
I can remember the last time we went and had to explain to our doctor the reason we were there. She gave us the speach about monogomy and moved right along. Next time we'll try one of those clinics as they seem to be lifestyle friendly.

[LikeMinds321]

Spoo ~

I had so much fun reading your post! Thanks!

We went to the clinic before we started swinging - about a year ago - and it's time to go back and get tested again, as a matter of routine.

Thanks for the reminder.

It's best to keep on top of the D/D check ups when we're enjoying sex with others.

LM

[warkman]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Did you know that what we really need to do is just never, ever have sex? That is pretty much the gist of everything put out by the board of sexual awareness. We need to learn to be content with massage.
Spoomonkey

OK, we can safely assume (yes? ) that's not the regimine you choose to follow.

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

She smiles. "Just keep doing whatever you are doing to stay safe, because it is working." Spoomonkey

I'm curious to know if there's anything beyond using condoms, (just for penetration?), selective in choice of partners, luck??

Anyhow, I've only been checked twice, once back in 1984 or 85 at the height of the initial A.I.D.S. scare , and once when we got married 15 years ago. We haven't started to swing yet though. Good for you Spoo and congrats!

[intuition897]

Spoo, that was one of the most entertaining (and enlightening) posts I've ever read here. It's nice to know that if you take the situation in hand (no pun), you're likely to end up embarrassing the doctor moreso than yourself...which can be a lot of fun! Hey, they're bound by Dr/Patient confidentiality so you're free to say what you like as long as it's not illegal. And they have to sit there and squirm as you say it. Yeah, I could see how STD screening could make for an interesting date idea.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Yeah, I could see how STD screening could make for an interesting date idea.

HA!

I think that would be a GREAT first date!

In fact, I think I'll go here and find a date to do that with

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by warkman

OK, we can safely assume (yes? ) that's not the regimine you choose to follow.

We tried it - but they didn't have the right color straw for "massage only" swingers at the club

Originally Posted by warkman

I'm curious to know if there's anything beyond using condoms, (just for penetration?), selective in choice of partners, luck??

Honestly, exactly what you list is what we do. But, like everyone else, we have our moments where we fear that simply shaiking hands will give us some disease that will cause us to spontaneously combust...

STDs are a serious concern, but I think there is a relentless marketing machine that has cropped up since AIDS became an issue that has created this nightmarish monster. Serious? Yes. An almost certainty? No. And in a community where everyone is pretty damn nervous about catching something, I think we can play with a little more comfort...

Spoomonkey

[Carol_Danny]

That was great Spoo, made me chuckle. Thanks

We are BIG believers in regular STI check-ups. Even with practising "Safer Sex" (penetration with condoms only), we both go every 4-6 months, and get as complete a STI screening as possible. Carol even gets vaginal wall scrapings for HPV (one cause of cervical cancer). We always encourage everyone we know to get tested fully and often.

Danny & Carol

[mrs good times]

As Carol and Danny stated women are tested for HPV and Clamidia (sp) if they have there yearly PAP exam. Another time that you are tested for STD's is if you undergo surgery. I was surprised the first time I had to sign to be tested for STD's including Aids before surgery. Now I am glad they do it because I have been tested 4 times in the past three years and didn't have to tell them about my lifestyle.

[WildMiCouple]

Spoo.....after that Doctor visit, I'll bet you'll be back for regular checkups

Our experience was quite different. About 20sum yrs ago, prior to being married, Tammy came down with an irritation in a rather intimate area It progressed to the point that I took her to the U of M hospital. I waited in the waiting room, while she visited the Doc. When she was done, we left without her so much as saying a word to me. I couldn't get a word out of her til we got home. The Doctor.....who I think was just an intern.....told her she had a venereal disease. Well she new she had been faithful, and he told her it must have come from me. She was ready to dump me for it. I also new that I had been faithful and showed no symptoms. So I went to a different clinic to get tested. And yep it was a female Doctor. A little different when your in your early 20's too She whips out this long wood Q-tip and proceeds to swab me. Before I was done, she looked at me and told me she'd be very surprised if I had a vd. But it would take a week to grow the culture at the lab to confirm it. She was also very angry with the Doctor/intern that Tammy had seen. There was no way for him to know for sure without the lab results. My results ended up negative and Tammy went to a different Doctor who cleared up what I think was some minor infection. It was all I could do not to back to that hospital and deck that arrogant ass.

Brett

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by WildMiCouple

The Doctor.....who I think was just an intern.....told her she had a venereal disease. Well she new she had been faithful, and he told her it must have come from me.

Wow...

What a dick...

That's the second similar story I've heard this week like that. How I long for the day when malpractice means a free blow to the head with something blunt, flat and slightly heavy...

Spoomonkey

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Carol_Danny

Carol even gets vaginal wall scrapings for HPV (one cause of cervical cancer). We always encourage everyone we know to get tested fully and often.

Danny & Carol

That's what they did to me when we went. I went in thinking, a little blood draw and we're out of there. Then after she takes more than a little blood for the many different STD's they test you for she asks me "Do you need to use the restroom before your exam" I'm getting an exam? But I see my OBGYN? Yes, but for a full STD work up you get an exam. Surrender Well, it wasn't that bad just unexpected.... but now I know for when we go again.

Mr Spoo just looked at me after I told him on the way out and said "hmmmm, that must be why your's was $10 more" Gee, must be!

Mrs Spoomonkey

[couplewanting50]

Our county health departments do these tests. They do not offer immediate results. You have to go back five days later. The people are very pleasant.

[txduo2000]

I can't remember if I already posted on this thread and I am too lazy right now to go look.

We had ours done back in May at our county health department. No terribly invasive questions ... either that, or I just don't care since this is not my regular doctor whom I will see on a regular basis. They test for everything EXCEPT herpes there. They explained why, but I don't remember exactly ... something about not having the correct testing materials, funding, blah blah blah. The test results were available the next day, by phone. We just called in, gave our assigned number (presumably for anonymity and privacy reasons), and they voiced the results. I am a little disappointed that we didn't get a written statement in order to keep regular track, but you know, government funding being what it is, I guess paper is too expensive.

The only drawback is the eternally long wait. You get one of those "cable-guy" appointments. You know, the ones where they say, "arrive at 1 and we will see you between 1 and 5". And also, though I hate to sound derogatory, the place is PACKED with crackheads and prostitutes! Hey, I am glad they are getting tested, and it's my choice to go there instead of to my doctor, but my conservative appearance (business suit, hose, heels) doesn't blend well in that mix. lol

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by txduo2000

The only drawback is the eternally long wait. You get one of those "cable-guy" appointments. You know, the ones where they say, "arrive at 1 and we will see you between 1 and 5". And also, though I hate to sound derogatory, the place is PACKED with crackheads and prostitutes! Hey, I am glad they are getting tested, and it's my choice to go there instead of to my doctor, but my conservative appearance (business suit, hose, heels) doesn't blend well in that mix. lol

Our County Health Department is where we went. They only have after 4:00 hours one night a week so I figured they'd be packed. It's also first come first served and once they reach the number they know they can take in a night they cut it off. So even though they are open until 7:30 that night if they get the max they can do by that time they could cut it off at 5:30 or 6:00.

Knowing that I called ahead because we wouldn't get there until 5:45. The lady was super on the phone and said if I gave her our names she would pull a number for us and put us in the 5:45 slot. We got lost on the way and didn't get there until 6:00 but she had our number and by 6:30 we were back in a room starting our exams. There really wasn't a big crowd and though we were the last to leave (after getting our results) around 8:00 it went fairly quickly. A lot of the people we saw ranged from business dress like us to maybe just some poor people with no insurance. Didn't see any crack heads or skanky prostitutes.

All in all it was a pretty decent experience and will be a regular part of our swinging rules/checks/plans, etc

Mrs Spoomonkey