Please tell me I'm not alone in my decision to only play with condoms

[couplewanting50]

The safety wishes of a partner should be respected. If condoms are your choice, then that is what should be. We have the wish, or hope, that one day we might find someone with whom we could confidently be bare, but who knows if that can or will ever happen?

So..... we have experimented with a number of brands of condoms, and have purchased what is probably a laughable amount of them from drugstores and online vendors, but even that has been fun, truly. It is part of the larger experience of entering swinging.

That is your rule. It is that simple. You have no burden of proof. Also the condoms can be part of the intimate play.

[2FRIENDS]

They say in baseball - "You are only as good as your last at bat" well with test results "They are only as good as the next time you have un protected sex"

[BodyScape02]

I agree it is a trust issue and he is sounding really "me me me " -ish.

To me the only question about condoms is the after taste ... and thanks to flavored condoms ( mint, chocolate, bannana, strawberry...) it is a non issue.

As I see it the objection would be yours ( in reguards to the taste of latex)

It is never acceptable to go without from any standpoint when you are talking about casual sex. yeast infections can be transmitted from a male who has had sex with an infected female and it would never show...no syptoms at all.

Avoiding that one is reason enough... tell him to get real and responsible... and pick a flavor.

Wow! I am new to this board, but way to much drama here!!! I think there must be some really good counselors. To make some of the statments based on one paragraph seems a little far fetched!! To quote:

jcbicouple
We think that condoms are the LEAST of your problems.

Based on him openly talking about this? What other problems do you think they have in your expert opinion??

Boris:
In any exchange of bodily fluids

Do you use dental dams, no kissing etc, etc??

tcimnd:
Your main issue here is one of trust.

Trust is what this lifestyle is all about isnt it?

Now, while I do NOT condone going bareback, what about real advice and less flame to a guy that is not even on the site. Maybe hammer should show him this. You all may be ashamed of yourselves. Oh well, I guess I am on to the next thread to see what else, if anything I can learn from this site....

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by NeverSayNever

To make some of the statments based on one paragraph seems a little far fetched!!

Actually - folks were giving advice based on the information offered. Are there two sides to every story? At least! But, when you are working with limited information, you do what you can with it.

Frankly, it seems to me the advice given by the forum was quite intuitive. When people come here to settle disputes, you will actually see a lot of wisdom - i.e. "condoms aren't your biggest issue." When folks can't discuss this stuff to resolution at home, they are likely to be given a broader view to think about.

But - if it makes you happy - perhaps we should simply not offer any advice unless people offer a full history - complete with both sides of the story - and only after submitting to a panel of inquiry. Start a petition to that affect.

Spoomonkey

[DBL D]

You certainly have the right to discuss your boundaries and expect them to be upheld. That may be the bigger issue. What other rules do you suggest that your hubby doesn't like? Condoms are certainly a neccessity for some and we won't argue about that, but there does seem to be more happening than just this issue.

(Back into my hole now.)

Male D

Originally Posted by DBL D

You certainly have the right to discuss your boundaries and expect them to be upheld. That may be the bigger issue. What other rules do you suggest that your hubby doesn't like? Condoms are certainly a neccessity for some and we won't argue about that, but there does seem to be more happening than just this issue.

(Back into my hole now.)

Male D

OK, I have only posted to one thread and it seems this is not for me. I came to the wrong place, let the flaming begin....I just dont get it. What "else" do you see going on here. I do agree on the open forum like Spoo to some extent. There is some good advice given, but then some major flaming also by some. Still Dbl D, what is it you see, what about a person male or female that has spoken the their spouse about condom use do you see so much else. I am listening, looking.....

[intuition897]

Sorry NeverSayNever, gotta agree with Spoomonkey on this one. We do what we can with what we've been given, and after reading umpteen posts that are similar to hammerit's, you start to get a feel for what the underlying issues are. No, we don't know all the issues; no one ever does. And as far as therapists go, I wouldn't trust their advice just because they've got the fancy piece of paper on their wall that says they're qualified to read my mind. After being here about a year now, I've gotten to know many of these fine folks pretty well, and I've seen a lot of sage advice from board members. I think if you hang around a while, you'll see some of that.
As for the drama...well, I guess it just depends what other sites you're used to. To be perfectly honest, one of the reasons I'm a swingersboard junkie is because this board is so blunt and drama-free. I didn't see any drama, just straight-up opinions.

And what's my opinion about hammerit's dilemma? We tell each other to listen to our gut instincts, and my first impression is that the focus is all wrong. The focus seems to be on getting laid (for Mr hammerit) and then pouting because, when he DOES get to have sex with other women (something that he should be counting his lucky stars for), he has to use a condom. If Mrs. hammerit is uncomfortable going bareback, then she's uncomfortable going bareback. The rules are simple: don't push and don't allow yourself to be pushed. If you break the rules, you're asking for heartache. I think this is why jcbicouple suggested that condoms were the least of their troubles. The real issue seems to be that they're not on the same page with their boundaries, he wants to go ahead anyway - with unresolved issues in tow, and she does not.
His argument is that (aside from "Condoms suck!") the other couple is clean and is insisting on blood tests. Unless the doctor puts shrink wrap and an expiration date on them, there is no guarantee that someone hasn't screwed around behind his or her partner's back. No one knows for certain. In the medical/dental field, practitioners and all personnel use "universal precautions". This means that each and every patient is treated using maximum infection control precautions. It's no guarantee that the doc isn't going to slip and accidentally poke himself with the syringe, but I'm sure it's done its part in greatly reducing the spread of infectious disease. Using condoms EVERY time is essentially doing the same thing; we may not be able to control what others do, and we can't realistically eliminate the risk, but we choose not to add to the problem of spreading infectious disease.

Bottom line is, if she's uncomfortable with it, he should be listening to her and not trying to find some way to get away with it.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by NeverSayNever

OK, I have only posted to one thread and it seems this is not for me. I came to the wrong place, let the flaming begin....I just dont get it. What "else" do you see going on here. I do agree on the open forum like Spoo to some extent. There is some good advice given, but then some major flaming also by some. Still Dbl D, what is it you see, what about a person male or female that has spoken the their spouse about condom use do you see so much else. I am listening, looking.....

I guess it was the general tone of your post. When someone uses ALL-CAPS it's either because they're excited (happily) about something or they are yelling.

Perfect World: you ask, we answer. Calmly...succinctly.


Imperfect World: A lot of us are little detectives, and sometimes we may jump to the wrong conclusion or ask if something else is going on to keep from jumping to the wrong conclusion (that there is something else going on). A lot of us here have been much more verbose than you have been with us, plus, here I am answering a question asked in response to my (our) question.

I wasn't jumping on you or flaming you, nor will I. Like I said, it is important to uphold rules.

Good luck Girl!

M.D.

ok then

[swinger5]

Never say never, please stay on this board, you can get a lot of advice here!! I also agree with some of you, there are usually two sides of the story.

[BorisNatasha]

Please don't feed the trolls.

Boris

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by BorisNatasha

Please don't feed the trolls.

Boris

Dito

You know the first thing I do when I think people are being to harsh is be harsh to them. :rollseyes

In fact Boris, dont bother. This forum obviously has some really narrow minded people, and the intellect just isnt there for many. I am sure there are some good people here, but from what I have seen, I am better off somewhere else. I will not be seeing any kind of reply from you so dont bother. Happy hunting all!!

[Alura]

Y'know, I think the problem here is not with NeverSayNever. I think it is with the internet and, more specifically, the attitude common on many message boards.

We've spent years making this board a friendly place. It disappoints me severely when folks insult others and take it personally when someone disagrees with them.

So long, NeverSayNever! I'd add "good riddance" but it is never good to lose a member who has the ability to contribute. We love reading your opinions but shrink from your attitude.

Please keep it friendly, folks. It's what sets us apart.

Mr. Alura