What is SAFE SEX?

[JustAskJulie]

We've had other topics in other areas that have led to this question, so now I put it out here for everyone.

Do you practice safe sex in swinging? AND if so, What is safe sex to you?

For some it is simply using condoms for vaginal sex. For others it is using condoms for vaginal and oral sex, and for yet others it may even include dental dams for oral performed on ladies. So what does it mean to you? How far do you go to keep yourself and your spouse safe from the possible spread of STD's.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[lycioos]

I would have to say that we feel that any type of oral sex is far to personal for us to ingage in outside of marriage. We feel that is the most personal of areas so it is clearly off limits to anyone besides our spouces. With that said, Condoms are the tools of choice.
Hats off to the couple who uses the dental dams and condoms. I think it is great. Nothing is worth your life. If you can get UTI's from a persons mouth due to bacteria, it has to make you wonder.

[lycioos]

I guess noone wants to touch this subject. Sometimes the reality of it all is a bit scarey.

Just curious Julie, how about you? What do you consider to be "safe sex," and do you practice it? How often do you get tested? We always have to request it during routine blood work. Alot of doctors feel that because we are married we are not at risk. Not necessarily true.

[This message has been edited by lycioos (edited 08-08-2001).]

[JustAskJulie]

I think a lot of the regulars figure we've already covered this area in other posts (the posts that led to this post), so I don't think it's a matter of not wanting to touch the subject but more likely feeling that they already have.

For us, we use condoms for sex, but we don't choose to use them for oral sex, nor do we use dental dams for oral sex. Those are areas where the pleasure outweighs the risks for us. We realize the risk is there, but we know that 1) it's not as high as with vaginal intercourse and 2) it's just a risk we choose to take.

We get tested at least annually. I usually request a full std testing and AIDs testing when I go in for my annual pap smear. Hubby gets tested during his annual physical as well.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[CanadianCouple]

Julie --

For Janette and I, safe sex means condom use for intercourse only. Aside from that, we don't feel the need to take further precautions. True, there are risks, but you take them in many other walks of life as well. You take a risk each time you get in your car, but you use your seatbelt (hopefully) to minimize the risk, you drive defensively, you refrain from driving impared, etc...

The point is, you do what is reasonable to protect yourself, while enjoying what life has to offer. And each swinging single and couple must find what their ideal balance between caution and pleasure is.

Dan

[lycioos]

I'm just curious. How many people have you met in the lifestyle that were forthcoming about std's ect. We met one person that let us know ahead of time that he had herpes. That was definetly somthing we weren't comfortable being involved with though we really apprehiated the honesty. Is that kind of honesty the majority or the minority? Or is it rare that people with std's are "out in the open?" Just curious.

[JustAskJulie]

The funny thing about honesty is the only way to know if they were lying is to find out the bad way. So unless you come down with something.. there's no way to know whether they were being honest (by not saying they had something) or lying by omission.

Personally, I have had one couple tell me they had had an std in the past (HPV), they didn't currently have any problems with it and had had any warts removed several years before.. but they still felt that I should know before we played. Now THAT is HONESTY.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[gem]

I woud hope that they are all honest.. but one thing I have noticed in people who have been promiscuous since having sex at a young age (which for nc, is quite common), by the late teens they are afraid they have possibly contracted something already and are too afraid to go find out. so they keep themselves in the dark.. a common thing I have heard from guys is 'I was tested a couple months ago (ie: 9months ago or a year+ ago). that, with me.. just leaves me feeling very 'ehh..'. I have contracted an std, hpv. I tell the person I have this, keeping it at a friendship level, before things start to get heated. however, like the news says, 1 in every 4 people have it.. but I've known women who have only been with 4 people in three years, max, tell me they caught it.. all I can say is I hope those of us that do have stds are open about it.. it's not like it's the end of the world. people and toys are out there for women And men. hehe..

p.s. I was not aware that hpv could be removed? *makes mental note to kick her doctor next visit around*

[Lorrelei]

Safe sex for me is using condoms for vaginal and anal sex.

[Tanman aka Mike and Marie]

Safe sex to us is using condoms, we have never used oral dams and probably wouldn't.

To us its important to know who you are having "fun" with, we try to get to know someone first before we proceed.

[Regularguy]

I have never seen anyone using condoms or plastic Saran wrap in swing clubs for oral sex. On the other hand, since most good lovers engage in an equal amount of oral compared to vginal sex, kinda makes you wonder why people use it for intercourse but not oral sex...makes no sense whatsoever.

Safe sex to me is heterosexual sex with a person who is healthy like me.

[mksNmd]

Reality is: There is no safe sex when you engage in sexual activity with multiple partners. When you're in the lifestyle you are at a greater risk than someone that sits at home on the weekends and plays only with his or her spouse.

The most obnixious people in the lifestyle: Those who engage in unprotected oral sex and expect the male to don a condom for vaginal intercourse (we don't do anal - ever). As a matter of fact how can you really enjoy oral with a dental dam or saran wrap?

Safe sex: You're both virgins when you first meet and you never engage in any kind of sexual activity with anyone other than your partner for the rest of your life.

[R&C]

"The most obnixious people in the lifestyle: Those who engage in unprotected oral sex and expect the male to don a condom for vaginal intercourse."

Well I guess we are among the most obnoxious in the lifestyle then. However, our experience is that the people that feel this way (see quote) we won't swing with any way because they always seem to be more interested in "notching a bedpost" than engaging in a relationship. We swing with friends, and only friends. What we have found is that just jumping in bed with someone we don't know isn't very satisfying or much fun.

Everyone sets their own level of risk acceptance, and if you can't respect ours then you don't respect us.

[bimrdcpl]

Our version of safe sex is condoms for anal and vaginal......but I have a question for the question. LOL I know people dont normally use condoms or dental dams for oral sex which I can understand no one really wants to eat palstic, but how come it is ok to swallow someone when its not safe to have there bare parts rubbing together? Isnt that kinda defeating the purpose? I dont know if I worded that correctly but I think you get the point.

Dawn

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by bimrdcpl
Our version of safe sex is condoms for anal and vaginal......but I have a question for the question. LOL I know people dont normally use condoms or dental dams for oral sex which I can understand no one really wants to eat palstic, but how come it is ok to swallow someone when its not safe to have there bare parts rubbing together? Isnt that kinda defeating the purpose? I dont know if I worded that correctly but I think you get the point.

Dawn

You might want to check out this previous topic discussing the risks of stds for giving oral sex.

STD's From Oral Sex.

While there is still a definate risk for a woman giving oral sex to a man, the risk for him is much lower (whether he is receiving or giving to a woman). Her risk increases even more if she swallows.

It's like someone else mentioned, swinging is risk and we each determine what level of risk we are willing to take.