What is SAFE SEX?

[Alura]

We believe there is no such thing as "safe" sex, only "somewhat safer" sex. We prefer to think of it as "sensible sex." We would never knowingly play with someone if we knew they had an STD and guess that few would. Even if there was only a hint of a problem we'd opt out, even if our bodies were encased in rubber. A condom is certainly not enough protection for the risks involved. We have kids who are counting on us to raise them.

So far we've restricted our play to other married couples who have not been promiscuous. If a couple has been married for twenty years and sexually exclusive for that time, it's highly unlikely they have a problem. Of course, they could lie but we try to be good judges of character in making our decision.

We understand that this restricts our access to playmates and certainly reduces our opportunities for play. Without counting the days, it's been over two years since we've played and will be even more time before we find a couple we feel comfortable with. We don't mind. We are each other's favorite sex partner. Playing only with each other is no sacrifice!

Alura

[AlanCatherine]

It's like someone else mentioned, swinging is risk and we each determine what level of risk we are willing to take.

What level of risk... Having raised that point, what precautions can you take if the exchange of fluids, ie cumming in her vagina or mouth, is the turn-on?

I have read posts in other forums by women who want to take up to 30 guys with all of them cumming in every orifice, with the only proviso that they be clean.

I know that kind of desire has gotta be on the fringes of sanity but if that's what you get your kicks from, how can you make it safe?

[Paramour2_99]

Safe sex is sex with someone who you know for a fact is health and clean. And this person you should be exclusively committed to.

[AlanCatherine]

Safe sex is sex with someone who you know for a fact is health and clean. And this person you should be exclusively committed to.

Paramour2_99, if you want to live by that, you may as well just say "dont have sex" and you know how that advice will go down on this forum. You don't know anyone who is clean and healthy "for a fact". We are all infected with SOMETHING and most of us don't even know it. Sometimes I wonder how bad a disease it can be if you don't know you have it...

[wetmouth]

simple tell them you will take them to a doctor for blood test to see ,then they and you will know the truth

[good times]

Safe sex to me is;

No sex while operating moving vehicles or heavy equipment.

If at the rifle range, no sex in front of the firing line, only behind.

Never have sex in the middle of the street, always off to the side.

While skydiving, confine all sexual activities to altitudes over 1000 feet above the ground.

Allright, I couldn't resist, but I really don't have a good answer for this for a couple of reasons.

First, I think the risk that a lot of people perceive of std's in the swinging community is highly exagerated. I have never met anyone in the swinging community with any std that condoms would have prevented. So our policy is to use condoms if requested and use our best judgement when picking play partners.

second, the most common std's like, herpes and genital warts are not effectively prevented by condoms. So our policy to stay sober and be very observant is the best protection we can expect, in my opinion.

[AlanCatherine]

I agree with Good Times. Good judgement can go a long way toward a reasonable probability for safety. Probability is the best we can hope for since certainty is unattainable.

[lovedoctor]

This is a great thread and a must read for everyone!

I agree that the first precaution is in the selection of sexual partners. Getting tested regularly is also important, and if you are playing with lots of people without use of condoms, then probably full STD testing (cultures and blood work) every 4 months would be my recommendation. Condoms go a long way in protecting one, however they do have their failures and there is still risk (however lower, it is still a risk) with oral interactions and if the male ejaculates in the mouth, then that increases the risk too.

So, the only truly safe sex is mental sex - no physical contact. (IMHO, that's fun - but not fun enough! )

[lcjtsd]

We agree with Good Times.

[tncinmd]

As usual with this topic, we find much to agree with on both sides of the issue. But, we've always wondered why there is so much paranoia about STD's when the majority of deadly diseases are not sexually transmitted ones.

Airborne diseases, such as SARS, certain flu strains, etc are by far more common and as dangerous as AIDS. Misuse of antibiotics and overuse of antibacterial agents have produced increasingly resistant strains. Even when treatable with antibiotics, you really don't want to go through IV administration. The wife is prone to certain kinds of infections due to her diabetes, so we speak from more than a few unpleasant experiences.

So, our question is, why aren't those of you who are concerned about STDs eqully as concerned about other deadly transmitted diseases. If you're using condoms as a must, do you wear face masks such a those we saw in Asia during the SARS epidemic ? We are not being flippant here. Arguably you know more about potential sexual partners than a stranger passing by in the street or sitting next to you at a restaurant. In either case you're sharing the same air.

We're just curious as to whether the tabu of sexual intercouse with someone other than your S.O. is the real heightening factor. We seem to be much less casual in sexual encounters in sharing tongues, for instance. Bodily fluids exchanged with much thought to caution.

We repsect all opinions, as we hope you respect ours. We are just curious about this disperate behavior.

[two4youinswva]

I was going to say masturbation is the only safe sex......
Then I remembered the time I was doing just that, and my grip slipped and I bloodied my nose...

So, believe me, masturbation isn't as safe as they make it out to be!

[tncinmd]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

I was going to say masturbation is the only safe sex......
Then I remembered the time I was doing just that, and my grip slipped and I bloodied my nose...

So, believe me, masturbation isn't as safe as they make it out to be!

Sounds like you need some non-slip gloves

[EricSacto2]

For us, safe sex means pulling the car to the side of the road first.

[dave1234]

My wife and I require condoms for vaginal but not for oral. Neither of us, however, will let guys cum in our mouths. I always double check for a condom when she is having intercourse. We also don't allow swing partners to penetrate her anally. I personally hate condoms so I engage in intercourse with my wife and just engage in oral with our partners.

The oral sex thread here seems to be a bit paranoid. These are some of the facts and anecdotes I have picked up over the years:

There is only one case of documented oral transmission of HIV.

Saliva and stomach acid are pretty effective at killing germs that don't belong there. HIV is very fragile - it dies almost immediately outside the body.

A Nevada brothel worker I played with a few years back (I was in divorce recovery mode) told me she always let men cum in her mouth (and she swallowed for nice guys like me). She was in her 40's and had been working legally and illegally since she was 14. She was tested for HIV and other STD's monthly and never came up positive.

Most people already have herpes - their bodies are just good at keeping it under control. Most of us had a few cold sores as kids and then they stopped. Susceptibility to frequent active herpes is probably a funtion of an individual's immune system.

I worry about the attitude that swingers are relatively safe. I have watched gang bangs at our club where a particular woman gathers up every single guy at the pool and has unprotected intercourse with them. That is insane!

[lovedoctor]

Originally Posted by tncinmd

Airborne diseases, such as SARS, certain flu strains, etc are by far more common and as dangerous as AIDS .

So you are saying that ONE airborne disease OR ALL aiborne diseases are more common than HIV OR ALL STDs?

Just asking so that I can get a handle on this...I'm not clear what you are saying.

And if ONE Airborne disease over a given period of time (very important)(say SARs) is more common worldwide than....mmmm let's say HIV infection (since not everyone that has HIV actually has AIDs), then please, for the sake of education, tell me specifically where you got your data - where can I prove to myself that this is true. It just seems counterintuitive; but that's just me.