Herpes...

How do you find other couples who like to swing that have the herpes virus? I can't believe that no swingers have the virus, since 1 out of every 4 adults in the United States have herpes according to some major health organizations. Please respond!

[JustAskJulie]

I'm sure you are right that there are plenty of swinging couples with herpes. At one time I saw a webring for swingers with herpes (I'm looking for it again now to provide the link).

I think what it might be is that either
a) those who have herpes won't admit to it and just swing when they aren't showing symptoms (since supposedly you can't spread herpes when you aren't showing symptoms)

or
b)Those with herpes just don't advertise for fear that their honesty would drive others who don't have herpes to berate them.

Personally, I say just be honest about who you are and what you are dealing with, there are others out there and they will find you if you let them know you are there.

Yahoo's webrings are down at the moment so I can't find that ring.. but when I do come across it again I'll post the link.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[cplapsry]

Originally Posted by herpescpl

How do you find other couples who like to swing that have the herpes virus? I can't believe that no swingers have the virus, since 1 out of every 4 adults in the United States have herpes according to some major health organizations. Please respond!

There are many herpes related sites and I have looked for most of them. We have herpes too and belong to this site: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Herpes_Swingers/
I post it here because the site has been posted in other threads on this site.

[adventureUS2]

You would be suprised to find that most people who have herpies don't know they have it. Its hard not to notice a gentital out break. But most people believe the out breaks around their mouth is a cold soar or a fever blister.

[eagerbeaver]

I agree with the above post. I am a nurse and lots of women harbor the virus in the vaginal wall or on the cervix and outword signs are never present. Some people with the virus have symptoms a few days prior to an eruption of the sores-these can be as simple at being tired, sore throat, head ache, joint pain, ect. Herpes virus lies on the nerves in the body. I have had patients tell me that they know they are going to have a break out because their heal of their foot hurts or their hands are sensitive. Most people that have lived with herpes are in tune with their body's symptoms prior to a break out. Just remember, Herpes can be transmitted prior to the pustule appearence. Let me put it to you this way, Chicken Pox is a form of Herpes. People (children) are infectious 24 hours prior to any appearance of pox. The same goes for herpes. The best bet is...ALWAYS use condoms.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by adventureUS2

You would be suprised to find that most people who have herpies don't know they have it. Its hard not to notice a gentital out break. But most people believe the out breaks around their mouth is a cold soar or a fever blister.

Many people who carry genital Herpes never actually have any physical outbreaks. They can pass it on to others without ever knowing they have it.

You are right too about those who have oral herpes, by giving oral sex with an oral herpes outbreak (cold sore) you can be giving someone genital herpes.

[luvinit]

I contracted herpes from a FMF with a couple that had been married 25 years and I totally trusted were STD free. It took about 18 months before my husband got it from me. We just recently had same room sex with another couple with some FF touching and we thought they would run the other way when we told them we had herpes, turns out they have it too. You never know who is a swinger and who has herpes. We just lucked out that a couple that was already friends of ours were both. If I was going to put up an ad I would state that we have herpes right up front. We posted an ad before and the first couple that contacted us blocked us as soon as we emailed them that we had herpes. I was mortified and closed the ad. It was a whole year later before we found the couple we are swinging with now. It has been a long time coming but it was sooooooo worth the wait.

[shelliemn]

Very interesting reading...and one hell of a way to put a damper on a fantasy.

From time to time I read that scientists are working on a herpes vaccine. I wish they'd get it to the masses.

I worked with a woman once who told me about her herpes. It can be a very unpleasant experience.

And since most people who have herpes never have outbreaks, who knows, maybe we all have it now.

I think there's a blood test for herpes, but my doctor said there isn't last time I was tested for STDs. She told me that if I have herpes, I'll know it. Perhaps not, huh?

If it wasn't for herpes, I'd be out fucking like crazy! It's my favorite hobby

[tweedle]

Amen to that !!!

[wiscpl]

We were recently contacted by a couple through SLS in which they mentioned through their profile that they had genital herpes. We really appreciated that they were upfront and honest about their condition when they described themselves but unfortunately had to turn them down. In our profile we mention we are STD free and play safe so we stay that way. We are sure they are a great couple and are probable missing out but this is the one thing we are afraid of most when we decided to enter this lifestyle. We hope everyone is as open and honest as they are when they aproach someone.

[luvinit]

If I had it to do all over again I wouldnt believe anyone that says they are STD free. The couple I was with had been married for 25 years, were not swingers and were good friends of mine, turns out she knew she had it just didnt like to think about it, or thought she was cured. Some people are just in denial. I would play like everyone has it!

[ncdragonpair]

The yahoo group above has over 1000 members. Some are trolls, some are spambots, but there are also a ton of real couples and singles on there. We've yet to meet anyone off it, however we have chatted with single women and couples with herpes many times. We met a few singles off of other herpes groups, and if you're in Charlotte there is now a moderated yahoo social club. It's for singles mainly, though there are probably many other couples on there lurking. It's only been up about 3 months. Mpwh.net has a "seeking couples" tag you can designate yourself as, but I think they have some stupid rule about not having anyone else in your photo. Which makes no sense. I am not a paid member so I couldn't tell you much. They don't offer lifetime anymore, and monthly drafts on the ideal we'll find anyone locally off there isn't appealing. Some of the free herpes dating sites have tags for couples seeking, and alternate relationships, but we've not heard much from them. It's a very stale environment to search in. There will be activity, then nothing, for weeks. Good luck everyone who needs it.

rAy

[SnowWolf]

it was this way in my case. I knew I had Herpies 1 which are the cold sores but didn't know until a little while ago that I also had Herpies 2. Even though I never did have a break out in my genital area. My X had a blood test and they found it in there test. I got tested and found out I have it as well.

[rduelist]

We prominently mention in all our adds that we have Herpes. My wife takes medication, so rarely has outbreaks. I essentially never have outbreaks any more. From what I read however transmission is possible even if you dont know you are having a mild outbreak. Essentially you should simply know that no matter how hard they may try to ignore it or if they simply dont know, about 20% of the people in the country have genital herpes. If you think about this the probability of being exposed is fairly high. I often see people claim that swingers are somehow less likely to transmit this and other diseases. That is wishful thinking at best. In some ways you are almost safer knowing that your potential partner is honest than hoping that they are. Somehow we always seem to think that the high class, good looking, hot couples must be safe, and that those with a disease must be somehow dirty and low class. It doesnt work that way.

The Yahoo site has been good for us -- we have met several couples there and have been quite lucky in that they were all great people. As others have said I think that absolute honesty is the way to go - we have met many others who have the disease, and even a few who dont, and as long as everyone knows whats up its cool.

[OttawaCuple]

MrOttawaCuple & I are not yet active swingers, although we are discussing the possibility.

We both have herpes.

When we met each other, neither of us knew cold sores could, thru oral sex, transmit the herpes virus to the labia. He'd had cold sores every winter since he was a kid and as far as he knows, had never transferred the virus to anyone. During his outbreaks, to protect me from getting cold sores, we wouldn't kiss, but being oblivious to the risk, we DID have oral sex.

Three months after we met, 2 weeks after having oral sex during a cold sore outbreak, I got a massive "Primary Outbreak" of genital herpes. I got one more minor outbreak 3 months later, and from then on, I get an "I'm not really sure, but I think it's an outbreak" outbreak about once a year.

About a month ago, a week after I "thought" I might have had an outbreak, MrOttawaCuple had his first genital outbreak which was also so minor that we weren't sure it wasn't just a pimple.

Having been on the receiving end of getting genital herpes unexpectedly, I know how devastating it is to find out you have it. I thought my sex life was over. Fortunately I now know that having herpes is most often not much different than getting pimples (or having the occasional cold sore) and, as long as your partner also has herpes, it really doesn't affect your sex life at all.

Our prime concern is to not spread the virus to anyone else, so if and when we start actively swinging, we will make sure any potential playmates know we carry the virus long before there's any sexal contact.

I'm sure there will be a lot of great couples who won't play with us, but I'm hoping there will also be some fantastic couples who happen to be HSV carriers too who will be thrilled to find a couple like us to play with.

MrsOttawaCuple