Soft Swap????

[Spoomonkey]

Good qeustion, Butterfly!

I think we both wanted full swap from the outset. But we were very cautious about how we brought it up with each other. I don't really want another woman, nor does Mrs Spoomonkey really want another man. What we wanted was the excitement of the moment, the freedom to express ourselves with people who are also free to express themselves.

I think the reason it happened so quickly for us was that we went "steady" with another couple for quite a few months. We were new, they were experienced. They were not at all pushy and it took five months to actually engage in our first experience. During those five months we created, refined, scraped, recreated our limits. I think as we realized just how honestly comfortable the other one was, we grew bolder and took the next steps. Our first full swap experience was four months after that (chronicled on the swinger stories in "Emergence pt1 and the waiting-to-be-posted pt2).

What we had to come to terms with was trust. In this case, trusting that the other one wasn't "playing to please"; we had to know that each of us were really comfortable experimenting beyond the bounds of our very erotic marriage. We were/are very sensitive to each others feelings and would never push the other into something that wasn't comfortable. But once we knew where the other was, it was easy to take that step together.

That said, I don't want to give the impression that not going "full swap" is a sign of a lack of trust. Not at all! Trust is knowing that you are both in it together - not worried about one running ahead of the other - constantly confident that your bond is as strong in your limitations as it is in your fantasies. If that deep kind of trust exists in a monogamous couple or in a soft swap couple, it is just a valid and valuable as what a full swap couple has. The point is in knowing that every step is about the two of you, regardless of where those steps lead you.

Spoomonkey

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by butterfly29

What made any of you comfortable enought to full swap? What do you feel you had to come to terms with before you swapped, or did you just wake up one day and yell "SWITCH"?

Mr Spoomonkey pretty much summed it up in his post in regard to trust and comfort between us.

For me there was another factor. It was also getting comfortable with myself and my boundaries. The Mr. is the one who had brought up the whole idea of swinging and I wasn't sure if I would be comfortable seeing him with another woman or me being with another man. He gave me the freedom in each situation to go with the moment as far as I was comfortable. (his limits being more expansive then mine at that point ; )
Basically I over thought everything but when the time would come it was so enjoyable I was able to go with it and realized how much I enjoyed our decision to swing.

Mrs Spoomonkey