Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I just heard an idea from a couple of putting in their profile that they are soft-swing only even though they are actually full-swap, for the purpose of eliminating any contact from swingers who were just out for the sex and not looking to actually develop relationships/friendships.

 

What is your take on this? How would you feel if you were a soft-swinging couple that contacted this couple? Or if you were a full-swap couple that suddenly found out that this couple was now an option when you might have thought otherwise based on their profile?

 

How do you feel about this type of deception, is it ok?

Share this post


Link to post

It sounds like a dumb idea to me. Why would anyone believe that all soft swappers are looking for relationships and all full swappers are just looking for sex? Many full swap couples will probably not respond to their ad and soft swap couples aren't looking for full swap. As a full swap couple we would not be especially interested in responding to a soft swap only profile although sometimes exceptions could be made. It sounds to me like typical internet BS where deception is the rule instead of simply being honest about what you want and expecting the same from others.

 

Greg

Share this post


Link to post

You know, we just ran into a couple at the club recently that told everybody, including us, that they were soft swap only. The next night we saw them and, quite frankly, kind of blew them off because we just aren't into the soft swap thing. They kept hanging around us and finally asked if we would be interested in getting a room and swapping. Seems like kind of the hard way to go about it to me. In this case they were pretty hot so we didn't really give the deception angle much thought, but now that I think about it, I can't help but think that the other people they told that they were only soft swap might be offended if they were to find out that they then turned around and swapped with someone else. It seems to me that the fact that they are being deceptive would hurt them much more than the deception would help them in the long run.

Share this post


Link to post

Deception is not good.

 

We don't, nor do we expect everyone to tell us everything. But when it comes to the pertinent info like "what you want to do with us", it's key.

 

It's ironic that someone will lie to try and get someone else to tell the truth.

Share this post


Link to post

We think it is really sad and agree fully with N&G--how dumb. But, I think it is a reflection of the increasing number of couples experimenting with swinging without having really looked into themselves and their relationships to see what they are all about. One of the things that we really like about the small number of committed lifestyle couples that we have met is how well adjusted they seem to be regarding not only their sexuality, but themselves. I think the deception is an outgrowth of the large number of "dabblers" that are now around who aren't sure about who they are because they haven't really dealt with the deeper questions of why they are drawn to swinging. That confusion in who they are and what they are after manifests itself in (among other things) their inability to accurately describe what they are interested in or comfortable with doing.

Share this post


Link to post

There are plenty of soft swing couples - and we just don't contact them. They don't contact us either. Nothing against them - and no offense taken - but we just really wouldn't be compatible.

 

So, the couples (if they are out there) who do that are simply going to be passed over by most. There was a point where we decided that we would play soft with soft play couples if they wanted - but we realized that when we do that what "soft swing" often meant was "we can do what we want, but you best not step over any lines with us."

 

In our worst experience, the husband went down on Mrs Spoo - which I assumed meant we were all okay with ALL of us doing that - even goofy little me :o But apparently, not so much...

 

Needless to say - things ended quickly...

 

Plus - there are so many full swap couples - couples that you can develop friendships with - that we decided, "what's the point?" We just don't have room in our social calendars for soft swingers.

 

If someone pretended to want what we wanted - just to get to know us - only to bait and switch - we'd be pretty pissed.

 

Spoomonkey

Share this post


Link to post

Well, sounds like they want to get to know the couples before the full swap sex...,

 

So, doesn't that make them a soft-swing 'at first' couple?

 

Maybe that's the way they should have worded it.

Share this post


Link to post

I have to say that deception is deception, and if they are doing this just because they don't want to have sex on the first date, then what else are they lying about? It just seems like a dumb way to go about it. They should just say in their profile "we don't like to play on the first date". Then others know they are full swap but won't expect any on the first meeting.

 

Mr. WS

Share this post


Link to post

I can see why people do that. Mr. and I advertise as soft-swing...simply because that's what we are AT THIS MOMENT. Are we opposed to full swing? Nope. We just need to find the most ideal couple before we make the choice. At that point, we will probably change our profiles, but with the stipulations...you know..."full swap if we are VERY comfortable". We don't think it's fair to put full swap as an option yet, then have full swap couples contacting us...they'd be disappointed with us. It's not deception - it's just keeping us from having to answer all those messages with a negative. Like "sorry - not yet". I always feel like poo when I have to do that.

Share this post


Link to post

We are full but we decided to slow things down and go soft swap so we contacted this couple that advertised themselves as softswap. We all hit it off really well and eventually we found ourselves in a nekkid puddle with them.

Right in the middle of these festivities, she turns to him and says 'You want to fuck her dont you? Go ahead.'

 

Huh? Mr and I both, instantly, called time out and the four of us had some long discussions. Not just about false advertising, but also about her chosing who I get to fuck. :rollseyes

 

I think that maybe couples go with the 'soft swap and maybe full swap with the right couple' because they want to soft swap with a couple first and see how it goes before committing to the full swap.

Share this post


Link to post
I just heard an idea from a couple of putting in their profile that they are soft-swing only even though they are actually full-swap, for the purpose of eliminating any contact from swingers who were just out for the sex and not looking to actually develop relationships/friendships.

 

How do you feel about this type of deception, is it ok?

 

If they are looking for more of a relationship then they need to just say it up front! This deception would not make me a happy camper and if we did hit it off, would make me back away, wondering what "other" deceptions are they running on us? I would most likely end it at that point.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest ibn battuta

I guess I could understand why they would do it... if the couple only has done soft swaps before but is considering a full swap if they can meet the right people, feel comfortable etc, then I guess advertising for a soft swap and hoping for a full is ok... but even under those circumstances I really don't think its a good idea. First, as many others have already stated, honesty and open communication are essential to the whole process. If the individuals come into an encounter under false pretenses, I doubt any good could come of it.

Also it seems rather selfish to me. While the couple that placed their add may be in some respect protecting themselves from couples that "just want sex", they seem to be assuming that a soft swaping couple wants a long lasting relationship or at least a more platonic relationship, which may not be the case. The add placing couple seems to be unconcerned with the feelings or wants of the soft couple.

I guess it just seems like a power trip to me. The soft swapping couple will come into the encounter expecting one thing, then suddenly (if the couple that placed the add deems them worthy) the fake soft couple will spring a whole different level upon the unknowing couple. Most likely the soft couple will either leave the encounter annoyed and upset, or they will be pressured into going through with a full swap. Again, not what I would want to happen.

 

Hopefully my response makes sense. I always find it hard writing about nameless people. :confused:

Share this post


Link to post

 

I just heard an idea from a couple of putting in their profile that they are soft-swing only even though they are actually full-swap, for the purpose of eliminating any contact from swingers who were just out for the sex and not looking to actually develop relationships/friendships.

The reasoning behind their decision is flawed. But they may be inexperienced swingers and don't realize that whether a couple is soft swing or full swap has nothing to do with whether swingers have an interest in developing a friendship before playing.

 

What is your take on this? How would you feel if you were a soft-swinging couple that contacted this couple?
If they surprised us with fliping into full-swap mode during some soft play, we'd not be happy about that if it hadn't been discussed and agreed upon beforehand. I do think a number of swingers who are newer to swinging want soft swing but are open to full swap, once they find the right couple. So they list themselves as soft swing only so as not to jump the gun if they aren't yet sure of playing that way with a full-swap couple.

 

Or if you were a full-swap couple that suddenly found out that this couple was now an option when you might have thought otherwise based on their profile?
We've had this happen and it was fine with us since, in our profile, we say we are open to soft swing and full swap. We have had some great times doing only soft swing with couples whose profiles say they are only soft swing, which for us means everything except penetration with a play partner. (BTW, we clarify what we both mean by soft swing before we meet.)

 

One couple who was soft swing had their first full swap with us because they felt comfortable with us.

 

How do you feel about this type of deception, is it ok?
I think whether it is deceptive or not depends on WHY the couple says they are soft swing only. In other words, what's their motivation and reasoning behind doing it; is it to be tricky or to move slowly?

 

As an example of another kind. I used to have myself listed on our ad site profile as bisexual, but when I made that change (from bicurious), more couples contacted us who were obviously most interested in girl-girl play. That is not my focus. I consider myself an 80/20, and that 80% wants a MAN. So I changed my status back to 'straight' and still have my profile written as before, which says that I am open to soft play with women when there is mutual agreement and compatibility, however, men are my priority. This has eliminated the hassle of contacts from couples more interested in girl-on-girl action. Am I being deceptive by listing myself as 'straight?' I don't think so because in my profile I clarify my stand on bisexual play.

 

LM

Share this post


Link to post

Had to post this email banter we had with a couple that solicited us. This is not the first time we’ve received a solicitation like this. To us this is deception from the beginning which we tend to shy away from and we tried to let them down without ruffling their feathers.

 

Fun****

 

Wow! Who knew that such deep debates over politics and world conflict occur on CT. LOL! We have enjoyed looking at your profile and think that we might have some common interests. We enjoy both witty conversation and FUN times. Let us know if you would like to meet for dinner, drinks, or whatever!

 

Sweet_Candy

 

Thank you for your interest your pics and profile are nice as well. We do see a red flag in your profile, we are full swap and prefer the same. Other than that everything else was great. Good luck in your pursuits.

 

Fun****

 

Sorry, that red flag should only be yellow. We actually PREFER full swap if the chemistry is right. We had that on our profile for a while but found out that it really turned off some of our 'just seeking friends/soft swap only' friends. (Afraid that we were going to jump them. LOL) Also, we kept on getting contacted by couples wanting sex ONLY. Does that info change anything?

 

Sweet_Candy

 

We are here for sex with benefits, if we become friends even better. When we go out there's intent but never an expectation. We make sure those we are going out with are not wasting our time with wanting to be friends/softswap only. That might change your desire for us?

 

Fun****

 

We are FUN friends. But... we both have to like you before we become FUN friends with benefits. If you want to meet us for dinner, drinks, dancing, hanging out in the hot tub, or whatever, just contact us. Otherwise, we enjoyed chatting with you and understand! :) FUN, FUN, FUN!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Edited out any reference to other couple's screen name.

Share this post


Link to post

Im just speaking from my own opinion, because we are very new play and swing wise. But what happened to good old fashioned honesty? Now, given I tend to be too honest at times lol, and this has gotten me into trouble. Jay said I was too honest with a couple we were talking to. I wasn't being rude, I just wanted an honest answer. Aren't we all adults? You are asking me to share myself intimately with you, and I do appreciate straight up honesty. Anyways, if a couple does not want to have sex on the first night, and wishes to be friends first they should have that in their profile. Lying about being soft or hard swingers is NOT the way to do it.

Share this post


Link to post
On 8/24/2006 at 5:19 PM, JustAskJulie said:

I just heard an idea from a couple of putting in their profile that they are soft-swing only even though they are actually full-swap, for the purpose of eliminating any contact from swingers who were just out for the sex and not looking to actually develop relationships/friendships.

 

What is your take on this? How would you feel if you were a soft-swinging couple that contacted this couple? Or if you were a full-swap couple that suddenly found out that this couple was now an option when you might have thought otherwise based on their profile?

 

How do you feel about this type of deception, is it ok?

badgers wife,
 

Julie what is the definition of soft swap?

 

Does that mean that you only do something with your husband or wife when you are at the club?

Share this post


Link to post

I'll answer for her.  You are more or less correct, that is what it means.  Soft swap couples won't have intercourse with the other couple, but they will kiss, oral, hand job/fingering, etc.  Doesn't really have any thing to do specifically with clubs though, so you can use the same term when talking with someone either at a club or online and they should know what you mean.

 

We've got a Swingers Dictionary here too that is handy for figuring out what all this lingo means.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By Palatex
      Greetings all, new to the board and glad to be with all of you.
       
      A little background, I'm in my early 40s and my wife is in mid-30s. We're both DINKs (double-income no kids), both white with brown hair and eyes (wife is absolutely smokin' hot Spanish gal with the dark hair and eyes with a killer athletic body to boot).
       
      We're both "naturists" in that we like to get naked and have a little fun. We've tried out a few nudist resorts but are overall disappointed in that the clientele at such places were about 98% very old and/or very large unappealing people (great personalities, mind you, but definitely NOT something you want to see naked). Our "wild" side dictates we would like to go to a place where there is more of an erotic atmosphere without seeing our naked overweight grandparents ruining the moment.
       
      I guess you could call us "soft swingers" in that we love to watch and be with others in intimate moments, but we would never go so far as actually do the "swapping" part. We have yet to be able to do any of this, but we're looking forward to the opportunity someday - if it ever presents itself!
       
      We actually went to a swingers club once after reviewing all the "rules" and were made to understand that "no meant no", but apparently some guy there didn't get the memo and was groping my wife's leg after about 5 minutes after talking to him and his wife (even after we told him were weren't there to "swing"), so that experience unfortunately went bust. I should say we have nothing against swingers or swinging - it actually seems they are more within our age group and most aren't 300 pound escapees from the local assisted living centers like you seem to see at every nudist resort.
       
      We've been considering a "lifestyle" cruise, but again, since we aren't actual swingers, would we be out of place in such an atmosphere? We love to get naked with everyone and play around - but with each other. Anyone have any experiences on such a cruise? Is there a place for us "soft-swingers"?
       
      I know this is long-winded and for that I apologize (and if you're still reading, thank you!). I guess my ultimate question is... is there a place out there for people like us? I know we can't be the only oddballs out there like us... but I'm beginning to think we are!
    • By OhioCouple
      All swingers have their preferences when it comes to playtime. What do you prefer?
       
      I have tried to set this poll up so that singles and couples who also swing with singles and other couples may be able to answer it.
       
      You may choose more than one option.
       
      **EDIT** Please remember to vote by preference more so than what you are willing to settle for with others.
    • By lizandtom
      My wife and I have been together for 22 years, married 16 and have always had a good relationship. We've been in the LS for just over 4 years. Our first full swap was 3 1/2 years ago. She hit it off with the other guy great; she described him as a tomcat seeking prey. Apparently she likes a somewhat domineering male. Although I was with his wife 1 or 2 times, I really didn't feel the right chemistry, so that was it for me, with exception of some parties we had where it just worked out that I did her. He had asked my wife to call him after that first time, and they have been in in phone contact ever since, once or twice a week, which I had no problem with because my wife has always been upfront with me about all.
       
      When it was known that his wife wasn't my type, he told my wife not to tell me that they had phoned each other because he didn't want me going into aol chat and telling his wife that they had been in contact. Apparently he kept things from his wife. My wife tells me everything so I said that wasn't cool at all. Nevertheless, after 1 MFM with my wife and him, I wasn't into him telling my wife to keep things from me, and him going behind his wifes back to do as he wanted. My wife was enamored with him and though I expressed my grave concern that he was cheating on his wife, I allowed my wife to get together with him on occasion, like once every few months over the past few years but still saying I didn't like him keeping this a secret from his wife, as its something I never would do.
       
      Fast forward to our local club last month. We were chatting with a couple newly acquainted with us in our off premise club, and they said they knew that other couple (we didn't say anything about my wife being with that guy for the past 3 years occasionally), but the other couple says "we know them, his wife cheated on him a few years back; he found out was pissed and told the other woman and they nearly got divorced over it."
       
      Well that was it. When I heard that drama, I said to my wife "that's VERY uncool, and if relative strangers are knowledgeable about their drama, you will probably become known as the other woman of a cheating spouse, and we'll be blacklisted from our local LS community."
       
      So anyway, last night I said why don't we have 3 couples over Sat night because we've only gone dancing at our local club for the past month but haven't had any playtime. She said great, and that she had planned to go out on Friday night with this guy if ok with me. I said, here I am thinking about something for both of us on Sat., and she already has made plans for herself on Friday for an intimate encounter. So now I'm thinking that she really only goes along with all our playdates to keep me in the game, so I'll allow her to keep on going with this other guy. I called her out on it, and she says she just really likes him, but if I demand it's over then she'll be mopey and dissappointed, but will have to deal with it. Anyway, we talked some more and as a solution I am trying to convince her to convince this guy to get his wife in on it; I'll do his wife to take one for the team (she's actually very foxxy) for my wife to be happy and see the guy, but for her to keep on going with him while he's doing it all behind her back is just not cool with me.
       
      What do you think? Thanks.
    • By DeesireCpl
      ...
      We know of a couple who recently married and claim they are in the lifestyle as a straight couple. However this couple have placed ads and attempted to meet with bisexual males while trying to hide the fact but most people have seen their pictures have realized that it is indeed the same so called straight couple in the bisexual male ad and want to know why they are hiding an important fact like male bisexuality.
       
      It is not a crime to be bisexual ....so why hide the fact , the lifestyle is about honesty and trust. Lying and saying your straight when in fact your not is wrong in Swinging. Especially males considering most males are straight in the lifestyle with a small percentage being curious or bisexual. Most couples have a real problem with bi males mainly because most males of lifestyle couples are straight. What this couple just does not understand is people talk and word gets around that they are not totally honest which makes others feel well what else could they be hiding or lying about?
       
      How do you all feel about this situation ....if a man is bisexual and his woman straight should they lie in an ad or profile? for fear of not being accepted ....or when meeting other swingers say they are totally straight ? because they are nervous that the couple will run for the nearest door if they disclose that he is bi. Is that acceptable or should they be honest and say he is bisexual ,she is straight and be proud of who they are...not hiding or lying about important facts like that in the lifestyle. Who cares if people can not handle what your sexuality is just move on ...but in the long run it beats lying and pretending to be something your not. Dishonesty is not swinging , it's like kinda like cheating really isn't it ...
    • By mmds
      Ideas or resources for finding people not into swapping? There seem to be a number of couples we've encountered lately who want steamy entertainment without hard core expectations.
      They are interested in watching, groping around with others, etc., just not intercourse.
       
      This may be more of an emerging trend that makes sexual variety more acceptable or something that was always a part of the lifestyle. Either way, we think it's a great way to explore fantasies and realities. Any others of similar mind (and body!) on the site?
×
×
  • Create New...