What do you think is soft swinging?

[NandTfromCA]

First of all, this is not a soft swing bashing thread, nor is it a thread whining about how tough it can be to be a soft swinger.

My goal is to find out how our experiences are in line with those of others.

Our soft swing definition- Any combination of sexual activities (kissing, oral, fingers, hands, etc) excluding the man penetrating the woman with his penis.

We have played with a few soft swing couples and found out during or after that every one of them has had insecurities, marriage problems, or significant trepidation. The friends we have spoken to about this have said that their experience with soft swing couples has been similar.

I know there are soft swing couples that don’t have any of that baggage and that we would love to play and be friends with, but what I’m wondering is-

QUESTION: Is this uncertainty significantly more common with soft swing couples than full swap couples?

If so, I would imagine it could be frustrating to be a down to earth, stable, secure soft swing couple trying to find others that are the same.

All that said, maybe I am way off base. What are your thoughts?

Mr.

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by NandTfromCA

We have played with a few soft swing couples and found out during or after that every one of them has had insecurities, marriage problems, or significant trepidation. The friends we have spoken to about this have said that their experience with soft swing couples has been similar.
Mr.

You just describe our experiences and why we don't soft swap. Way too much drama for us.

[2jersey]

We suspect there may be a natural progression for many new swingers - beginning experiences are soft in nature, and full swap occurrs down the road a bit. We are currently a soft swap couple, but we expect to transition to full swap once we have a solid base of good experiences (and buy some condoms).

If our theory is correct, it stands to reason that most soft swap couples are also relative newcomers to swinging. Assuming newbies are more prone to insecurity and trepidation - the same would apply to soft swingers.

We can also imagine soft swap couples who are hesitant to full swap because of STDs, and we, personally, wouldn't expect these particular couples to exhibit a greater than average tendency towards drama. Why would they?

We can't speak from personal experience, but we assume that certain full swap couples who engage in separate room play may have doubts about the "insecurity" and "trepidations" of full swap couples who insist on same room play. We, ourselves, have wondered about full swap couples who don't engage in kissing - is this a sign of insecurity?

Any boundary which is placed on safe and mutually satisfying sexual activity might be a symptom of some level of trepidation or insecurity?

[jandg]

We are a soft swing couple, happily married for 20 years. In addition to no intercourse, we also refrain from kissing others on the mouth.

We find that oral, caressing, touching, etc, are "playing", while kissing and intercourse, at least for us, define "passion" which we reserve for ourselves.

We've been lucky to meet some others in our area (Las Vegas) that have the same interests. We've also met single men and couples that are visiting that have no problem "playing" with us.

So far it's worked out great.

[blondie77]

We agree with 2jersey here...we started out as soft swap simply because we were new and weren't really sure about this lifestyle except that it interested us and it turned us on. We took the slow road and I'm glad we did. As the saying goes, Only go as fast as the slowest partner. Now we enjoy full swap and are very comfortable. The same thing can be said about the no kissing rule and other such rules and boundries....is it insecurity or just a couple who is testing the water so to speak? The people we have met in this lifestyle that have such rules have turned out to be new to the lifestyle and unsure of how to proceed. I can't assume that it's like that for everyone, though. I only know that we started out soft swap because it was our comfort level at the time. Our comfort level has increased because we were able to communicate our desires without being afraid of judgement. Don't know if this really answers your question...but I try...

[Swingercast]

Don't rule all of us down to earth, stable, secure, drama despising soft-swingers out...that would be frustrating!! Allie

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by Swingercast

Don't rule all of us down to earth, stable, secure, drama despising soft-swingers out...that would be frustrating!! Allie

We certainly wouldn’t rule you or any other soft swing couple out, but just like we would with a newer couple (with all couples but more so with newer and/or soft swing), we would want to thoroughly understand motivations and boundaries before we decided to play, or not.

2Jersey is the type of soft swing couple that we would DEFINITELY play with.

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by NandTfromCA

2Jersey is the type of soft swing couple that we would DEFINITELY play with.

We'll need to stop at the pharmacy first (ran through our final case of condoms just last night), but we can probably be there by Midnight.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by Swingercast

Don't rule all of us down to earth, stable, secure, drama despising soft-swingers out...that would be frustrating!! Allie

Swingercast and jandg,

In line with the subject of this thread-- what's been your experience with other soft swing couples? I'd like to put aside the question of new couples taking time to get comfortable, if they are not ruling out full swap in the future. I am wondering about NandTfromCA's original question, paraphrasing: Are uncertainty, trepidation and marital difficulties significantly more common with soft swing couples than full swap couples? I'd love to hear more from jandg and Swingercast, as well as others, on this one.

We recently played with a soft swap couple for the first time, and had NO issues. They have been doing this for a number of years. We don't know for sure why they are soft swap (didn't want to pry too much or seem like we were pressuring them). But they said they got married when she was very young and have always been soft swap. I wonder whether she has just never had intercourse with another man and wants to keep it that way, for whatever reason. They seemed entirely secure and both were enthusiastic about being with us.

Never mind that we don't "get" (i.e. understand) soft swap...that's another thread.

[fun4Ds]

oh my we feel slutty now. see we started out thinking we would in fact soft swing and move up to full swap but it didnt work out like that we were so caught up in our first experiance we kinda shot the rapids so to speek . i guess the couple we were with were realy secure and all the talking kinda payed off. later we had wonderd if we had missed something we were in fact going to maby try to hook up with soft swingers just for the experiance.so i guess if we go to that, we will be forwarned about issues as to why they only soft swap. thats going to look strang on a profile


we are a full swap same room couple looking for soft swing playmates ought O

[Swingercast]

Will respond later to your question Fuse...running out of the office- Allie

[jandg]

I can't speak for the out-of-town visitors, but the local couples that we've been with are in long term, secure relationships.

[hard8cocklover]

what is soft swing?
It sounds comfy.

[darlindebi]

We have always considered ourselves "soft swing", but have opened ourselves up to a whole world of new experiences. We are probably the most open-minded, "drama -free", emotionally secure couple within our circle of friends. Our reasoning for choosing the soft path, is essentially that I much prefer playing with the women, and we feel that it would be dishonest to advertise ourselves as fullswap, when I have very little interest in other men than my husband....

[WesternSwing]

I don't think more soft swing couples have marital problems, but I do think that there can be more drama since many are testing the waters and don't know what they are okay with and what they are not. Jealousy and drama ensue.

I can say though that one soft swap couple we played with was a very, very hot experience. Watching them have sex was incredible. There is a whole different dimension to watching a couple that is totally in love and knows each other's buttons having sex. The look of passion in their eyes, their movements. It's hot, sexy, and romantic all rolled-up into one moment. We'd like to experience it some more.

Mr. WS