Swinging without Swapping?

[Neofree]

Mods: Please move to appropriate forum if this one is not the best for the question. Thanks.

I joined just to ask a question. A long time ago (80's or 90's) I saw a TV show about swinging that I thought for sure said there was something simular to swinging but didn't involve swapping. Like a couple would meet another couple to have sex with their own partners but beable to watch the other couple and never touching each other. Is there a word for this? Does anyone even do this?

[JustAskJulie]

This type of activity would fall under what we refer to as "soft swinging" which includes pretty much everything from this watching/being watched activity up to actually exchanging partners for everything short of sex.

[larryt9]

My gf and I have been going to a swingers club for the last two months, and that's all we've done so far. We have sex in the group sex rooms, but just stay to ourselves. We love it as it is, but will probably slowly expand our activities. I don't think either of us has the desire to swap partners though.

[Neofree]

Well maybe I remembered wrong but I almost thought they had a word for it (other then what you said). I am curious what the risks are of going to just a normal swinger party but only to be with my wife. I am worried that if we did something like that maybe something more would happen then we intended. Do people safely set these rules and keep them?

Thanks,

Neofree

[VegasLee]

You set your rules and it is up to you and only you to follow them.

Most "swingers" know that No means NO and they will not do anything with/to you that you do not desire. Just be sure that if you are partying with others that you let your intentions and rules be known. No one care read your mind.

If others make offers to you to do something you don't want to do, says no. It is as simple as that.

By my defenition you would not be a swinger, you would be an Exhibitionist but that is the great thing about the lifestyle, you can be what ever you want as long as you repecpt the people involved and don't force your views on or desires on anyone else.

Have fun!

[VanHlebar]

NeoFree,

We have only been to one club and to zero house parties, but from everything that we have read and to everyone that we have talked to so far, as long as you are upfront and honest with anyone that you deal with I don't think you will have an issues.

Yes, there will always be a few people that might think you two are really in the wrong place, but only you and your wife can define what swinging is for you. My suggestion... keep reading here, post questions and join in on the topics as you feel comfortable with. You and the Mrs need to set your rules and be firm about them and don't change them in the middle of anything. Any changes should occur when the two of you are calm and relaxed.

Enjoy what is to offer and hopefully we will see you and your wife more often! Btw.. Welcome to the board!

-Van

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

By my defenition you would not be a swinger, you would be an Exhibitionist but that is the great thing about the lifestyle, you can be what ever you want as long as you repecpt the people involved and don't force your views on or desires on anyone else.

Wise words from VegasLee.

Even if you don't engage in ANY sexual contact with other people at a swing event, in most cases there would likely be no problems with you two being there and just having sex with each other. If you have not promised in advance to engage in sexual contact with anyone else, and the rules of the club and/or event you attend don't require some type of swapping, then you should be in the clear.

I have been to on-premise clubs, house parties, and swing camp-outs. While at all of these there has been much sexual activity between a variety of couples and singles, there have almost always been couples that only limit their sexual activities to themselves. Sometimes these couples have been asked to play with other couples and/or singles. When their responses were "No", they were respected, from what I saw.

In fact, besides playing with others, a LOT of swingers don't mind -- in fact, they quite enjoy -- seeing another twosome make love. (Frankly, I think a lot of people enjoy the "live porn", but they also appreciate the bond a couple has.) So, if you love doing it, even in front of other people, most swingers wouldn't mind watching it.

"No" does REALLY mean "No" in a true swing environment.

And I agree with VegasLee, have fun!

Thrax

[Chip_n_Muffy]

Didn't those used to be called "cuddling parties?" You cuddled with others and returned to your spouse for the end of the evening. Kind of a gateway drug to the swing world.

Chip

[Neofree]

Thank you all for the replies. I think I will never know what that old show was talking about, and it's not really important. I talked to my wife about it and she is not interested in doing it because she is afraid that either I or her would end up doing something we regret. I am fine with this, this is not a must-do thing for me, but I am curious how to deal with the feelings about it.

[sexyshelby]

Bring your wife here. Spend some time browsing together. I'm not saying you can change her mind, but it may help both of you deal with your feelings.

~SS

what you are referring to is called "voyeurism". and hubby and i have done this. it's rather enticing if the others that are having the sex are attractive. we have also been on the giving end of that and we were told we were quite enjoyable to watch.

[AlterEgos]

Originally Posted by Neofree

Thank you all for the replies. I think I will never know what that old show was talking about, and it's not really important. I talked to my wife about it and she is not interested in doing it because she is afraid that either I or her would end up doing something we regret. I am fine with this, this is not a must-do thing for me, but I am curious how to deal with the feelings about it.

She is not interested in even going to a party and not participating?
Maybe try warming her up with some porn while you guys are getting busy.

[Neofree]

I think she is mostly afraid of destroying our relationship. And so am I. If we did anything along these lines that destroyed our relationship that would be unbearable for both of us. I've always felt we have a stronger bond then most and can't easily be seperated like many other marriages have ended, but making a wrong move here could be just enough to do it.

As for the porn, we do that a lot already. I think we've done a quite a bit of different activities alone. I would be interested in role playing, but neither of us really have any idea how to do it without feeling so silly.

I almost wonder what is safer? A party with lots of people or a meeting of just a couple? If you agree not to touch but only to watch - and you have done this a few times - are we both going to find ourselves wanting more? And then doing it and finding us in a position we thought we wouldn't reach and break apart? Certainly many people do this sucessfully, but how many couples fail at it for every couple that doesn't?

[JaneAndJohnDoe]

Originally Posted by Neofree

I would be interested in role playing, but neither of us really have any idea how to do it without feeling so silly.

Oh, I definitely recommend role playing as a major spicer-upper! I have an idea for you, that you both may find fun...

John and I wanted to step back in time and re-create our initial dating feelings, so we thought of a fun way to "date all over again" without us being our actual selves.

What we did was agree to meet at a specific restaurant/bar. I went in first and sat at the bar. When John came in, we had already agreed that we would not know each other, as if we were complete strangers. He came in, and sat at a bar stool next to me.

What was amazing was that we really got into the role! Here was this man whom I knew intimately, but by stepping into the role, it was as if I was seeing him for the very first time!

We spent the next few hours playing the game of "first meeting", pulling out all our best subtle flirtations, knowing glances, laughing at our own nervousness, and even creating our characters, which were slightly different than ourselves.

Honestly, it felt like I was seducing a new man, and it was incredibly exciting for me! I mean...I logically knew it was John, but in the role, it was like he was a different person.

Maybe try something like this with your wife. It may be the spice you need together, and it could easily lead to her opening up in a way you've not yet seen. It is really interesting how it feels when you allow yourself to seduce a stranger, even if only while role playing.

[Neofree]

Well we've talked about it some more and now are *considering* swinging with no swapping. What is the best thing to do first? Is it better to go to a club first or to talk some people on personals? We created an account on SLS...

Thanks,

Neofree