Why do you full swap?

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by larryt9

But this all leads me to another question, and the real reason I'm writing this response. More then one person has suggested I examine my feelings of jealousy, and if I can get past my insecurities, doubts, etc, and can let Michelle be with another man, it will move our relationship to a whole new level. (Read Intuition's response). I find it a little strange, particularly from a group that probably has to fight for some acceptance of their lifestyle, to not just just accept the choices Michelle and I make.

We don't bother fighting for acceptance, because it isn't going to happen. The only thing we do tend to fight for is the right to do what we feel is best for our own marriages. For us, non-monogamy is the way to go. It has nothing to do with one way of life being better than the other. It's just different.

Originally Posted by larryt9

I don't agree with the premise that feelings of jealosy, etc, have to be gotten over, and that I am too insecure to let her be with another man. I hope no one gets defensive about what I'm going to say, because I certainly don't mean it as an attack of any kind. To each his own, live and let live. But I don't quite hear that in return. I feel that certain acts of intimacy between a woman I love and who loves me should not be shared with others. I truly couldn't imagine another man touching, caressing, making love to Michelle. I don't think that is something I should try to get over. The "its only sex" thing doesn't fly for me. Intuition and others seem convinced that their way is "better", as opposed to just saying it is better for them.

I beg your pardon, I never said that our way of life is better. I only meant that it is better to examine and understand one's reasons for doing something (or not doing something) so that you can better understand yourself. And if my post sounded negative, it is because refusing to self-examine stops you from exploring the lifestyle any further. Is that a bad thing? Certainly not. If you are happy and comfortable just having sex with one another in the club's erotic atmosphere, then more power to you! But if you were still interested in "adding another woman" (which it sounds like you're not), you will need to give your motives and reasoning some deep consideration if you don't want it to negatively affect your relationship.

BTW, no one would be "making love" to your partner. For us, it IS just sex, and it has nothing to do with love. It doesn't mean that we treat one another like so many pieces of meat; we treat one another with dignity and respect, and we respect the relationships of the people we have sex with. But sex is just a tool. At home, we use sex to express to each other the love we feel for one another (making love). When we're out playing, we express a kind of friendship.

I'm not saying that you should try to change your views if you are uncomfortable doing so. If you both feel that you are where you should be, and that monogamy is the best thing for your relationship, then you are both monogamous. Big deal. No better and no worse than non-monogamists. You both still have a challenging road ahead along that path, too, same as us. This is just my lengthy way of saying that in order to swing, you NEED to be able to separate where sex ends and love begins, and vice versa. If you find that you cannot or do not want to do that, then swinging (at least the partner swapping part) is just not your bag, baby.

Originally Posted by larryt9

I don't think there's any feelings either of us need to work past. Anyway, thats how I see it and what I'm picking up from some responses. Is it just my imagination, or do some of you feel that Michelle and I are less mature emotionally because we don't want to swap?
Thanks
Larry

Again, no, it's not less mature. It's only immature if you're running scared from facing the possiblity that you both may be non-monogamous by nature. This isn't the case. I definitely admire your and Michelle's willingness to consider the option. It shows open-mindedness and courage. If you find that you are just not interested in changing your relationship - you are happy with it just as you are - then you are where you should be. Forcing yourselves further would be simply wrong.

Wishing you both luck in your endeavours.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by intuition897

I definitely admire your and Michelle's willingness to consider the option. It shows open-mindedness and courage. If you find that you are just not interested in changing your relationship - you are happy with it just as you are - then you are where you should be. Forcing yourselves further would be simply wrong.

Wishing you both luck in your endeavours.

Dito

There's nothing wrong, at all, with having a monogamous relationship. It doesn't make your relationship less trusting, or less secure.

It's just what you two prefer.

As Intuition said, the fact that you two talked about possibly exploring your sexual boundaries is a hell of a lot more than some couples have.

Enjoy eachother and whatever makes you two happy.

[LOL_OMG]

I had begun a reply yesterday, but deleted it because I wanted to think about it a bit. It's unfortunate that some ugliness reared up in this thread because I think it can be very helpful to some readers, if not the OP. However, here's my take...

We've found there are many levels of swinging, and you will find almost everyone has their own special rules. Some people will kiss and not fuck...some people the opposite. Some people like to play in separate rooms, we like to be together. I think you will find that for each of you to enjoy the experience you find your own boundaries and talk about things (even in minute detail). We started out going to clubs and only touching/doing each other. At that time it was our mutual comfort level. Later on, he felt comfortable letting men or women fondle/kiss my breasts (and I very much liked the sensation). Since then we've inched our way to the deeper end of the pool. Things tend to evolve, and for us especially depending on the couple we are with.

I guess my point is, it's not about "taking one for the team". It's about doing what the team wants, and always checking that comfort level for both of you. That's what I believe makes us closer, because we're doing it together.

Mrs LOL