Can we limit it to touching and oral only?

[Nervous1023]

I still have some mixed emotions about doing this as to what I am comfortable with. I have a question here that might help me if you can answer it... Can a couple be with another couple only with the oral/touching boundaries and only be with thier mate? Honestly I think ( at first) this would be the only way I felt okay as what I allow my hubby oral and touched to get and vice versa. I hope I don't sound strange. I don't mind hubby getting oral if I know he's only gonna be in me. I haven't been with anyone but him and we've been married 12 years. I don't want to "share" him, but adding the other parts to enhance I can be alright with. ( actually I get turned on by this thought ) Anyone else do this or feel this way???? Or am I not ready for this at all??? Please be honest with your answers....I don't want to make a mistake.

[janaandjames]

do not do anything you are not comfortable with.
some light touching, petting and so forth, might be just fine, .. and that does tend to charge up a sex life.
but if thats all you are comfortable with, set that as a boundary and stick to it.
lots of couples do that, its called soft swing ...
then the couple has sex with each other and its very hot.
just be sure you are totally c omfortable with what you are going to do.
you dont want to have regrets in the morning L
jana

[sepacouple]

You should not be doing something you are not completely comfortable with and you and your husband should make sure this is what you BOTH want.

That being said there is is not really a right or wrong on what a couple wants to do with another couple (or single) as long as everybody is acceptable to it (and remember no means no).

What you describe as what you might be comfortable starting with is usually refered to as one variation of "soft-swinging" and there are many couples (ourselves included) that consider that thier limit and are very happy with never moving on to a "full-swap" instead reserving intercourse for only thier spouse or SO.

Good luck in whatever you decide and make this is what you want before jumping in and feel free to post any other questions you might have, you will find that we are a friendly bunch here.

[Nervous1023]

Thanks you made feel sooooooooooooo much better. I know hubby would like more, but he said the limits are up to me. If I want this or not. Okay, this gives me something to talk to him about and not sound like I'm saying no. Because I do think about certain parts and get hot. But I can't share my spouse, thanks I feel better to know other do this . Nor do I want to be shared. ( yet??) Thanks again.

[HappyPeople]

Although we do the "whole nine yards", we'd still soft swing with another couple - lots of people only do that. Sometimes, swinging only includes having sex with your own partner in the same room as other couple that is having sex.

As long as you let the other couple know what your limits are in a socially comfortable way, I doubt that anyone would have a problem with them. It's fairly common to find couples with limits and for us, it's no big deal if thier limits are different than ours.

[Nervous1023]

Wow, I'm so glad I asked. I was alittle upset when hubby asked. But since he did I've been looking at sites to see what he "saw". And yes some of it turns me on. But I didn't want to give him an answer right or wrong without getting some answers. HUGH wieght lifted, becuase I know I can fulfill a fantasy and not cross a personal line.

[HappyPeople]

Originally Posted by Nervous1023

Wow, I'm so glad I asked. I was alittle upset when hubby asked. But since he did I've been looking at sites to see what he "saw". And yes some of it turns me on. But I didn't want to give him an answer right or wrong without getting some answers. HUGH wieght lifted, becuase I know I can fulfill a fantasy and not cross a personal line.

It sounds like you two have a great relationship... He proposed something "strange", you both talked about it, and you researched it. Bravo to you both, you sound like you've really got your heads together. Whether you play with others or don't, it sounds like you've got a winning combination either way.

[Nervous1023]

Well I let Hubby read all of this....Needless to say he's a happy boy right now. Thanks again. I can't tell you how glad I am that I asked.

[Mike and Jan]

There's one thing that nobody has mentioned that you might keep in mind.

My wife and I had rules at one time that allowed everything except intercourse. Her limits.

Well, we were with one couple for the second or third time that we really liked and my wife and the man went off to the bedroom alone. The other wife and I stayed in the living room and played while they were gone. I kept the rule!

After about an hour my wife and the other husband came back and my wife smiled and said that I should take the other wife back to the bedroom without rules.

OK, it had been her rule and was probably OK, in her mind, for her to end it. But, I do remember being a little miffed for a moment. Well, until I got back in the bedroom with this beauty that I'd only had foreplay with. Then, I quickly forgot about being miffed.

But, if you do start feeling more comfortable with swinging and decide you might just like to expand the experieince with a certain man..., let your husband know beforehand. That way he can enjoy it with you and not feel 'miffed'!

[kittycat11]

Nervous, another newbie here and my SO and I are only soft swap at this time. I am perfectly fine with foreplay, oral, and all that but I know that in my heart I am not ready to watch him have intercourse with someone else. I am proudly the "slowest runner" and therefore, we go at my pace. My So is perfectly happy with that. We have still fulfilled a couple of fantasies and have had some really good fun and met some great people. Two couples we have spent time with are soft swap as well, so limits and boundaries were not a problem; we were all on the same page. The last couple was typically a full swap couple but they respected our limitations and still made a date and we had a ball. We just move along at the pace I am comfortable with and even the first soft swap was a little emotional for me so taking "baby steps" is the way to go. He is ready to watch me with another man, thinks it would be really hot and I am ready to do that but I have told him, in all honestly that I cannot reciprocate and watch him with another woman . It's just the page I am on right now and he is perfectly okay with that. We figure things will fall into place and boundaries will disappear in their own time and naturally with the right couple and right time. For you veterans out there.. is it odd for me to be okay with fucking another man yet not be okay with him doing the woman? I am really okay with giving him the show he wants and its not about being one sided (he really loves to watch me do my thing!) I just know that my heart is not there yet and dont want us to crash and burn.

[In2curiosity]

Originally Posted by Nervous1023

Wow, I'm so glad I asked. I was alittle upset when hubby asked. But since he did I've been looking at sites to see what he "saw". And yes some of it turns me on. But I didn't want to give him an answer right or wrong without getting some answers. HUGH wieght lifted, becuase I know I can fulfill a fantasy and not cross a personal line.

One thing I have noticed for us is that the different websites and stories can scare the hell out of us being brand new. There is a couple who attend both clubs we are deciding to attend and they write an amazing blog of the activities and experiences they are having in the lifestyle. After reading it and also looking at some other website put up by couples in the lifestyle I was terrified as well as turned on. I love that they are so free and open, but I know I am nowhere ready for the experiences they are having......at least not yet.....and perhaps not ever. It almost made me decide that swinging was not something I am comfortable with doing. But then I realized that this is only one small segment of the swinging population and of course they are going to be more out there since it seems that exhibitionism is part of the turn on for THEM.....it doesn't mean that we or other couples need to feel the same way to have fun.

I guess what I am saying is what everyone else has said.....This is what each couple decides it is....There shouldn't be peer pressure, or even the lifestyle accepted norms to find and try to fit into.

We have decided that our very first and only rule at this point is that we are going to an on premise club and we are only going to socialize, flirt, and try to get to know some of the people there. Even if we are approached, or one of us wishes that we could partake, we will give ourselves the time to put some space and distance between the event to talk things through and make sure this is what we both want and are comfortable doing. If we are comfortable then we can attend the next months event and discuss what we are comfortable with doing or not doing at that event.

The best advice I have gotten from this forum is that experiences should happen at the slowest partners pace.

Mrs. Me

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Nervous1023

I still have some mixed emotions about doing this as to what I am comfortable with. I have a question here that might help me if you can answer it... Can a couple be with another couple only with the oral/touching boundaries and only be with thier mate? Honestly I think ( at first) this would be the only way I felt okay as what I allow my hubby oral and touched to get and vice versa. I hope I don't sound strange. I don't mind hubby getting oral if I know he's only gonna be in me. I haven't been with anyone but him and we've been married 12 years. I don't want to "share" him, but adding the other parts to enhance I can be alright with. ( actually I get turned on by this thought ) Anyone else do this or feel this way???? Or am I not ready for this at all??? Please be honest with your answers....I don't want to make a mistake.

You are doing the right thing taking it slow. Sometimes it's hard to find a couple to play with that will only do soft swap, and no couple wants to be the source of any problems that could arise in your marriage as you test the waters, so be very sure this is what you want before you get into it. The point here is that you are involving other people in you experiment in your marriage. It wouldn't be fair to them if you or your husband freaked-out during or afterward, they would feel terrible.

So talk it over more with your husband and decide exactly what you are okay with and what you aren't. From there you can move forward with finding a couple that is a good match for you.

Mr. WS

[janaandjames]

OK, it had been her rule and was probably OK, in her mind, for her to end it. But, I do remember being a little miffed for a moment. Well, until I got back in the bedroom with this beauty that I'd only had foreplay with. Then, I quickly forgot about being miffed.

>>>>>>>>>>>

this is a great point.
important to talk about everything first.
even when you think it is ok with the other.
last time we were at an on-premise club .. lots of people dancing etc., and we do full swap.
still, my wife had decided she wanted to have sex with this man who she had been dancing with.
usually we are together at all times, but that night, we were not, our rule is that we play together, and things have to be "approved" by the other person before we do anything sexual with someone.
anyways, she came and asked me if it was ok.
she knew it would be, but i was very pleased that she asked first

james

[AZ Dreaming]

For you veterans out there.. is it odd for me to be okay with fucking another man yet not be okay with him doing the woman? I am really okay with giving him the show he wants and its not about being one sided (he really loves to watch me do my thing!) I just know that my heart is not there yet and dont want us to crash and burn

Kittycat, I can only speak for us. This is how I was for quiet a while. We moved really slow.(like a few years slow ) For a while we only did MFM, then moved to soft swap and then when I was ready we finally full swapped. It is all about what works best for the two of you and what you are comfortable with. Don't push yourself, just let it happen as you are ready. Good luck and have lots of fun!!