Staying a virgin and swinging

[Cabrownsugar]

Hi everybody,
A question to all the swinger on the board.
Can a virgin stay a virgin & swing? & why would a virgin want to stay a virgin & be a part of the swinging community?I was reading an old post about a female virgin & i also notice some virgin men posting on this board too.I had to post & hear what other swinger feel about this topic.
These virgins are coming to swinger for sexual experiences.Whats you're opinion?
Cabrownsugar

[JustAskJulie]

Interesting question, it's something I've wondered about. Why would a virgin want to begin their sexual escapades by swinging? That's like jumping off the high dive into 20ft of water when you don't know how to swim.

For some who have posted here (typically the guys) it seems like they think that by coming to those who they think have the MOST experience they will get the best introduction to sex. For others, I think it is because they are so scared of approaching the opposite sex that they think if they can hook up with swingers they won't have to, that someone will just jump them - because isn't that what us swingers do?

Then again in today's society of abstinence meaning you can do everything BUT have vaginal intercourse, I would imagine that some of those "virgins" are already pretty experienced and figure they can just keep doing what they've been doing (possibly have already been doing in groups of friends) and still stay a "virgin".

[Cabrownsugar]

JustAskJulie,

Thanks for your reply.I guess i should tell you something about myself.I'm a 35 year old virgin woman.I'm waiting for LTR or marriage to have vaginal sex.I've never experience outercourse either(oral sex or anal sex)
The reason why i'm interested in the BDSM & Swinger communities.The one thing i love about both communities.It's like a family & both communities try to make it safe for women to explore their sexuality .Thats what i want to do.
My story.One day i will not be a virgin.I feel i shouldn't have to wait to educate myself about sex.There are alot of stereotypes about older virgins over 30.One we're naive about sex.I'm not.
So justAskJulie I'm coming to your community to educate myself about sex.I'm also asking men and women swinger for their help in educating me.I might not be about to act out on some things but i can learn by being a voyeur & maybe some sexual act that doesn't mean me having vaginal or anal sex.
I'm hoping to find & talk to fellow single women swinger to hopefully be a sex couch to me.I would like to go to a swinger party as a voyeur or go to a masturbation party.
I know i'm going to get some confusion from some people on this board but i hope.My post gets some understanding.So please don't ask me for vaginal sex.That is not my goal.My goal is to educate myself & explore my sexuality as a virgin. Oh and no i don't have a trusted man to help me.
Thanks for the support.
CAbrownsugar

[Spoomonkey]

This is a good topic - and I hope you forgive me for being very honest, but I think it can make for good discussion.

As a swinging couple, we have enjoyed a few MFF with other females and they are almost always memorable experiences. But, simply to have a voyeur in the room... Well - no...

I have a bit of an exhibitionist side. I think Mrs Spoo is beautiful and that our sex is animalistic and exciting and would be quite a show for anyone. But, the kink for me would be the "pornographic charge" of it all; knowing that the people watching us are getting turned on by it - not simply being educated - watching us like a show on the Discovery Channel.

Meeting a woman who is a virgin (in itself would be a turn off for us, simply because we prefer to play with people who have a deeper understanding of sex and their sexuality) and plans to stay that way would only present us with the question of "what are we supposed to do with her?"

"Sit here in the corner and take notes..." (?)

Not exactly our idea of a good time...

It may be considered a benevolent act - a public service perhaps - but it wouldn't enhance our marriage and our sex life. And that is, bottom line, why we do it: for us. That may sound selfish, but we ARE talking about openning up our bedroom - a very private, personal space - to others.

Why virgins would seek out swingers? I don't know - I do suppose that Julie is right on the mark, as are you. We are an open, accepting community - as long as people are not trying to force us outside of our comfort zones for their own gain.

But we are not a group of people who are simply going to jump any fully functioning person indiscriminately - as many seem to believe. Nor are we so rampantly sexual that we don't care who watches, jumps in or knows about what we do. I think virgins (males, specifically, as I would not classify you in this statement) and cheaters come here for the same thing - easy sex... And that is one thing they will be hard pressed to find here. They would have far better luck in any bar on any given night than they would here.

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

Spoo brought up what would be my question as well.

WHY? If you have no interest in sex (vaginal, oral or anal) what is it that you plan to do? What do you plan to give? You want education, what do those who educate you get in return?

I can see the BDSM community being a better place for someone in your situation because BDSM is typically NOT sex, the whole idea of the bdsm culture is that while it may be at turn-on, sex and bdsm rarely ever mix, it's about the bondage and the pain aspects of things. But then how does that help you explore your sexuality?

[Cabrownsugar]

Thanks everybody for the debate.Spoomonkey,JustAskJulie & other swingers.I have to thank all of you for your sexually freedom & sharing your views with me pro or con.I'm learning from you.It makes it easy for me to explore my sexuality.There are alot of stereotype about virgins & yes us virgin stereotype nonvirgin people too.I've been exploring my sexuality as a virgin for 5 years now.I'm not going to stop now after suppressing my sexual freedom because of virgin stereotype.Virgin are naive to sex & virgin should only learn about sex after their first time.I'm not waiting & i shouldn't have too
I use to judge BDSM & swinger communities until i befriended some people.It's like a family & some people are willing to help eachother.Both communities are very protective of eachother.I think a virgin can learn alot from both communities without having vaginal or anal sex.There are some virgins who could use a sex coach before having vaginal sex.I know some nonvirgin hate being a teacher but one time in your sex life.You did or wish you did have one..
I know some swingers are not into voyeurism but all of us are voyeur.I know i'm not going to get much replies from this board but i hope i do from some swinger women.I hope another woman would like to help another women & show her. What does it mean to be sexual confident free woman & how to turn a man on.
My fantasy is to have man or woman watch me masturbate.I want to know how it feel to turn a person on by masturbating.There are things i would like to do to a woman put on a strap on dildo & finger fuck a woman.I have no interest in a woman doing me except breast play.Men.I would like to do hand jobs on a man.I would like to talk dirty & take advantage of a man while another woman fucking him.My all time favorite fantasy.I would like to fuck a man with a strap on dildo in the ass.
I know.I won't be receiving vaginal,anal or maybe oral sex but i do hope either BDSM or swinger communities can help me express those fantasy.
Really thanks for the talk.I might not be having sex but i think i still can go to a swinger party & enjoy everybody company.
CAbrownsugar

[Cabrownsugar]

Spoomonkey,
I would like to address your post.Yes i want to be educated about sex but i also want to be turn on.i'm not going to be taking note & just looking.I will respect your private bedroom.
I did get invited to a swing party in California last year but i couldn't make it.I wasn't planning on staying in a corner quietly.I was planning on masturbating.i wasn't going to let couples or women to women have all the fun.I'm a seriuos female voyeur & i get turn on touching & talking to people while a couple or women are having sex..
Spoomonkey i might not let people perform vaginal,anal or oral sex or me but i want to perform anal sex on men, strap on sex with women,breast play with women & i'm still underdecided about performing oral sex.
I just hope both communitiies BDSM or Swinger will give me that chance.I hope not all swingers are not turn off by female voyeurs.I just want the chance to explore my sexuality as a virgin & when the time is right.I won't be too naive when i do decide to have vaginal sex or any other sex.
Thanks for you opinon.
CAbrownsugar

[Spoomonkey]

I am sure that you will very likely find couples who will play within your comfort zones - and good luck to you in that!

I just thought it made an interesting topic and felt I could/should post how we would approach it.

The phrase "not my cup of tea" is a pretty popular one around here - and this would probably fall under that for us. But, I certainly don't think there is any thing wrong with it at all - and I have no doubt that there are couples out there who will accomodate you.

Spoomonkey

[Cabrownsugar]

Spoomonkey,

(kiss)Thanks for your support.
Cabrownsugar

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Cabrownsugar

Spoomonkey,

(kiss)Thanks for your support.
Cabrownsugar

I pretty much do anything for kisses

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

There are couples out there who are looking for an extra female for soft-swinging, for some of them you may be a perfect fit... others will look at your limits as a bit too tight (but that can happen regardless of where your limits are).

No one is trying to pigeonhole you or stereotype you, just trying to understand what it is that you are looking for/ wanting.

How has your experience been so far with swinging, have you been able to find others who are interested in playing with your limitations?

[Cabrownsugar]

Spoomonkey,
I could use your ass.Another kiss to you.LOl
CaBrownsugar

[Cabrownsugar]

JustaskJulie,
I really haven't been to a swinger party yet or had any big problem with swingers or BDSM crowd..The problem.The timing is alway wrong for me to go to events.Where i live in Cailfornia.It's kinda boring & laid back.I would have to go to San Francisco to play but I'm not familiar with the scene over there.
I've mostly been trying to find single women(straight,bicuriuos,bisexual or lesbian) to meet offline but i'm not having any luck.Most of the women live outside of Northern California.I think i would be more comfortable masturbating in front of a woman first.
I mean once i get over that step.I want to fullful my female voyeur side watch couples,lesbian & gay men have sex.Justask julie I wouldn't mind watching you have sex with a man or woman & while he/she fucking you.I would love to come over there. I would whisper dirty thoughts in your ears while you moan.I would rub,lick, & nibbling all over your body.Hmm maybe rub your clit.I would go over to the man whisper dirty thought to him too.I would push my hip into his ass.He needs to fuck you more.
Trust me.i'm not going to be sitting in a corner..I want some fun too.
CAbrownsugar

[Miss_Piggy]

I find the subject of virginity very confusing. I mean, if you are a lesbian who has never had sex with a man and never intend to but you've done everything under the sun with your lover are you still a virgin? Where is the line drawn? Or is it a personal label and one can apply to one's self similar to bisexual?

On the subject of finding single women. As a single woman you will probably have a lot more luck than couples do but the fact remains, single women are a minority in the swinging community. And the one's you do find aren't likely to be straight. Has anyone out there ever found the elusive single straight female? bi curious and bisexual single women do exist here, there aren't a lot of 'em but they do exist.

[Cabrownsugar]

Miss Piggy,

I don't mind talking with a bisexual or lesbian female swinger.I think a woman body is beautiful. i just think i would feel more comfortable having a woman touch my breast & watch me masturbate first.My goal is to be comfortable masturbaing in front of people period. I just need to find some women
Nice talking to you Miss piggy.
CaBrownsugar