Staying a virgin and swinging

[montresor]

I've been in situations like this, where there is someone who is mostly watching and masturbating. It usually happens in the context of a larger group, where there's a nice big tangle of people on the bed, and one or two people on the sidelines, watching, masturbating, touching sometimes, etc. It was perfectly natural and no-one felt that these people were fifth wheels. The sexual energy enclosed everyone regardless of the level of participation.

I think Cabrownsugar has a perfectly fine idea that allows her to explore her sexuality and stay within her own comfort zone. I also applaud her refusal of labels. If labels were to govern us all, I'd have missed out on some of the best sex I ever had, with a woman who society would have called a lesbian because she was in a long-standing relationship with another woman and hadn't been with a man for a decade or so, the lovely Ms F, who is now a regular playmate with me in the swingers' scene. The term "lesbian" meant little enough as she fucked me every conceivable way she could -- while, by the way, her female partner watched, masturbated, stroked and guided my cock into her lover's pussy, and used a dildo on my bottom while I fucked her partner. Another "no-penetration" participant, but I felt as if I'd had sex with both of them.

[curiouscouple4f]

Originally Posted by Cabrownsugar

Spoomonkey,
Spoomonkey i might not let people perform vaginal,anal or oral sex or me but i want to perform anal sex on men, strap on sex with women,breast play with women & i'm still underdecided about performing oral sex.
I just hope both communitiies BDSM or Swinger will give me that chance.I hope not all swingers are not turn off by female voyeurs.I just want the chance to explore my sexuality as a virgin & when the time is right.I won't be too naive when i do decide to have vaginal sex or any other sex.

Hi, My husband and I are new to the swinger community, but not to sex and exploration. I personally would have loved to have had a "sex coach" female BEFORE I had sex the first time. I waited until I was almost 20. (I did not! enjoy my first time at all) I think that becoming comfortable with sexual activity is a must before taking that final step. My husband and I would not be bothered by a voyeur in the room, I think it would be fun to tease, and be teased (even with limits) by another woman. Being comfortable with yourself makes everything sooo much more enjoyable. I think that my husband would enjoy watching a woman masturbate while I gave an "instructional" blowjob

"The Mrs."

[Cabrownsugar]

montresor,
I wish i was Ms f. female partner.I would have love to guide your cock into her pussy & fuck your ass.
Thats what i want to do watch & masturbate.Any woman needs my nipples while being fuck.i just come over & feel her up while she's being fuck.
Thanks for the support.I need to find me some Ca swingers.
CAbrownsugar

[Cabrownsugar]

curiouscouple4f,
You can be my teacher any time.LOL
Cabrownsugar

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Cabrownsugar

montresor,

I wish i was Ms f. female partner. I would have love to guide your cock into her pussy & fuck your ass. Thats what i want to do watch & masturbate.Any woman needs my nipples while being fuck.i just come over & feel her up while she's being fuck. Thanks for the support.I need to find me some Ca swingers.

After reading all of your posts I wonder if your desire to remain a virgin until you're in a LTR or marry is more a fetish than based on some interest in saving yourself for that special person.

You have uniquely tagged yourself, it will be hard to cut that tag free after living to the age of 35 and still not wanting vaginal sex or to experience "outercourse either (oral sex or anal sex)."

People can talk to you about sex, you can watch it, you can fuck other people with your strap on, but none of that is going to be anything like when you experience sex yourself.

Tell me this, how will you feel if next year, or five or ten years from now, you meet the person you want to finally have intercourse or oral with and it's not what you imagined it to be? Maybe it's better or worse than you imagined. How will that make any difference in your love and commitment to that person?

LM

[Chicup]

Honey what you need to find is a LTR.

While I'm sure you will find couples desperate enough for a single female they will play with your rules, I would find it somewhat disturbing that a 35 year old was still a virgin, wanted to swing, and hasn't been in a LTR (at least where sex was involved). This isn't meant to be harsh, but my guess is you have some serious issues if you don't want to have any sexual contact on yourself but you want to fuck a man up the ass with a strap on. These issues are not something I would want to come up in a play session.

Swinging for most of us is an off shoot of our sex life, not our sex life in itself. I honestly think the best thing for you would be to talk with a qualified sex therapist and figure out where all the issues are.

[Cabrownsugar]

LikeMinds321 & Chicup,
Thanks for your post but i could say the same for you as a swinger.Some people think you guys need professional help & ruining society.We need to stop stereotyping eachother.Why is me exploring my sexuality as a virgin a threat to a swinger.I would be honor that a virgin came to me to learn about sex.I hope what i taught her or him would mean a positive thing.
I as a virgin have a right to prepare myself sexually.I shouldn't have to wait til the moment it happens.Society tells us virgins.That's my role.I never follow anybody rules & i know you as a swinger not either
What's wrong with me watching people having sex.Most people watch porn.That's voyeurism.
Another virgin stereotype.I have issue.The only issue. i'm having right now.I'm waiting for the right man to have vaginal sex.I'm trying to prepare myself sexually.A man with my consent can touch me .i'm not going to run in a corner & hide.I know what i want sexually.I don't need a sex therapist.I was rape or sexually abused
LikeMinds321 i can lose my virginity tonight if i wanted too.My virginity means alot to me.It's not a fetish to wait for vaginal sex.I want to meet the right man.I almost did with 2 men these last 2 years.
LikeMinds321 I wish you knew me in person.I already have my mind prepare for sex being terrible or great.I've been involved with men with low sex drive,celibate ,high sex drive & sex addict.I can be in a sexless or open marriage.
Thanks for your opinion LikeMinds321 & Chicup.No matter how you feel.I hope you'll support me. As I support you as a swinger.Sex is not just a penis in a vagina,ass or mouth.
Cabrownsugar

[montresor]

Cabrownsugar, if you're ever in Cleveland, let me know!

[De and Ci]

cabrownsugar, You ought to at least try oral sex and some ass pounding anal. I mean, your willing to fuck another woman or man with a strap-on. So one could make the case that since your doing the penetrating-you'd lose your "virginity" in the same sense that a man would. At any rate, engaging in oral or anal would still leave your "cherry" intact, so technically-you'd remain a virgin and be having a lot more fun than you would otherwise.

[Cabrownsugar]

montresor,
LOL
CAbrownsugar

[Cabrownsugar]

De and Ci,

I'm not interested in receiving anal.I am interested in receiving & giving oral sex.
Cabrownsugar

[Sunnylow67]

Interesting concept of virginity. Is virginity merely just a concept of physical state?

Or is it more on the concept of sexual experience?

We can go back to basics here:
Why people want to keep their virginity?
Some are because of religion/custom/law
Some are because of moral values
Some are because of medical conditions
etc....etc.....

Then, what is the definition of virginity?
From Oxford Advance Learner's Dictionary:
Virgin:
1. a person esp. a girl or woman, who has never had sexual intercourse

adjective:
in an original or natural condition; untouched

So by participating in a BDSM or swinger's party, you are subjecting yourself: your body and mind to a sexual experience with people other than your own husband. You're touching yourself by masturbating.

You're having intercourse with others by penetrating them with a strap-on dilds.

So what's the specials for the hubby?

Can you claim that you had never had any sexual intercourse?

If virginity is defined as a state of never having any vaginal insertion (or torn of hymen for some) then inserting tampons or even the doctors' fingers during O&G examination will definitely blow it.

Torn hymen can happen in a rigorous exercise. It happened to a friend of mine while in secondary school.

To me: virginity is more on the sexual experience that you are saving for that special someone. To explore each other's experience for the first time. Because some religions teach it to be sacret.

It is certainly not the case in swinger's club where you share your most intimate moment with other than only your own husband.

Think about it and I hope that you find your way.

[Chicup]

If Cabrownsugar was a 35 year old virgin male who wanted to do the same things, I wonder if people would be giving the same advice.

[intravox]

I just read the first page of post and lost track of the issue....

Lets define Virgin and Swinger..... no, I won't go there. :-D

But if a virgin and a swinger persons are defined by what they do or haven't done, I think this two terms are mutually exclusive.

Under the "classic" point of view, a swinger cannot be virgin, because the fact that a swinger has sex with another person different than hi/her spouse. You got the point. It might be a virgin ina swinger forum or group, but not a virgin swinging.

You got the point.

Greetings from Vancouver, eh?

[Carol_Danny]

Many years ago, we had a long term MFF relationship with a neighbour, who was a virgin, and intended on staying one until she married. She became very bisexual, and had a relationship with Carol that spanned a number of years (until we moved away). She was extremely sexual, and we had great threesomes. She even loved to swallow! Her virginity was a topic of discussion, but she couldn't even fully explain it. She wanted to save that first penetration as her "gift" to her husband. We respected her for it, and she held true to herself. She did get married, and that wedding night must have been insane


As to single guys who say they are still Virgins....I'll let you into a little secret, most aren't! There is a myth amongst single men where they think "Swingers" are all into virgins, and that their chances of getting laid are higher of they say they are virgins. I do know of a few guys that have been successful with that ploy. I have come across this discussion on a few different boards, where guys were talking about how to hook up with Swingers. Invariably, someone would mention the "pretend to be a virgin" game.

Personally, we won't entertain "virgins". We prefer our partners with a bit of experience

Danny & Carol