Full-Swap vs. Soft-Swinging

[b_and_sc]

we are a full swap couple as well...but we did start out as soft swap too

I don't mind soft swap in the beginning....but we enjoy the full swap sooooo much more

bon

[Olympia221]

Originally Posted by chickadiva

We're also full swap, but we've done soft as a lead-in on occasion. We don't rule out soft-swap couples, particularly those that say they'd be open to considering full after some time passes.

Although we're newbies who have only had the FMF, we're still exploring what works best for us. So for now, Chickadiva defined us perfectly: a soft swap couple that is open to a full swap after time and I (the female half here) and the other woman are both comfortable with moving on. I need to trust the other male first, and I am just one of those people that have had past relationships that now make me a little wary. I love men, but I do want to feel wholly comfortable first, then I feel I can truly get into the action and enjoy myself and give more to my partner.

[Greg & Sheryl]

1. We are a full-swap couple.
2. For us, swapping is the whole point of swinging, so we don't meet with soft-swing couples.
3. Not applicable.

[colleen4]

We enjoy full swap best. We love meeting new people and are very open. I love watch my man have sex with another women and he enjoys watching me with another man. Soft swap really does nothing for us but wet our appetite

[WA_Cple]

Mrs WA here

When we started swinging, I was only interested in being with another female... but realized after being a member of this board that I was going to have to expand my horizons if we were ever going to have an opportunity to play.

After talking about things thoroughly... we decided to try full swap and have really been happy that we were open to the experience. I didn't quite realize how incredibly sexy it would feel being with another man... but it is AWESOME! However, I must say that my #1 choice and fantasy is to watch and help my hubby fuck another woman... matter of fact I make a point of being involved and participating during my hubbys sex time...

If your relationship is ready for it... and you are both on the same page and have worked out all of your emotions... I highly recommend full swap!!

[Spoomonkey]

We just like to go with the flow. If a couple was soft swap, we'd be just fine with that - but most of the couples we meet are full swap - and we have no problem with that either. If in the midst of conversation someone said, "hey, tonight you get to have sex with Mrs Spoomonkey" I would be up for that in a heartbeat...

Full swap - soft swap...

Win/win as far as I'm concerned...



Spoomonkey

[chickadiva]

Another interesting but related phenomenon that has us a little more cautious and questioning with those who say "soft swap only" and "not into full swap" is the couple searching for a bi-fem but contacting couples with bi-fems (hinted at in my earlier post). After a few chats and a meeting, just when we think all is going well, we hear from them that "she doesn't do anything with other men" or "she has no desire for a man other than her own" but they assume I (female half) will still play with both of them. As when someone says the female wants absolutely no contact with another male - no touching, no oral, nothing. Then they proceed to get upset with us when we explain that is not a swap of any kind...soft or full. What we've finally realized is to some newbies soft swap meant he swaps, she doesn't. As if "full" is both partners and "soft" is half. Umm, no fair. What's my male half supposed to do, sit home and watch TV?!?!?!

This has happened to us a few times, and I suspect we aren't the only ones hearing this too. We actually got into a heated exchange with one couple after we said No to that proposition because it wasn't a swap of any kind but a threesome. They proceeded to tell us we didn't know the lingo! We realize everyone has slight differences in what might be "soft swap", but "full" (or hard) is almost universally full intercourse and we can understand why some aren't ready for that yet. But "swap" is "swap" - it's changing partners or playing with another's partner to the extent all are comfortable. Oh and the couple that got so upset specifically used the word "swap" not "swinging", although most of us use those interchangeably. I recommended if they wanted a threesome or soft swing/original-partner, same-room sex to say that specifically instead of saying "soft swap" which I thought misleading.

Has this happened to anyone else? Or are we just...well, just us?!
This actually ties into Julie's #3: For soft-swingers... what do you consider soft-swinging?

[Eroica]

We are comfortable to go with the flow depending on the couple and the chemistry. Usually, with relationships of this kind to use a metaphor, " water will seeks it own level".

[leftcoastcouple]

Originally Posted by MIbbwcpl

We are full swap only. We don't understand the point of soft swinging. I wouldn't go as far as to say that soft isn't swinging, we just don't understand it. It's not for us. Nothing against anyone who likes it though. Different strokes, ya know?

I agree with this sentiment in its entirety, including the "different strokes" aspect.

Years ago, when we were dating, the two of us had what some people would define as "soft swinging" experiences on a couple of occasions--same room, a bit of contact, etc. We thought that was really hot--at least until we had our first hard-swap experience.

Having been there, I don't see the attraction to soft swapping, other than as an appetizer. It occurred to me when I saw Julie's question that it hasn't even come up in our conversations about "wants." Whether to seek MF vs M, together vs separate, how far to go, etc...have all come up. But soft swinging hasn't even registered on the radar.

For those who don't wish to cross that line, more power to you for knowing your limits. But if we're gonna dive, we're gonna dive all the way.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by chickadiva

Another interesting but related phenomenon that has us a little more cautious and questioning with those who say "soft swap only" and "not into full swap" is the couple searching for a bi-fem but contacting couples with bi-fems (hinted at in my earlier post). After a few chats and a meeting, just when we think all is going well, we hear from them that "she doesn't do anything with other men" or "she has no desire for a man other than her own" but they assume I (female half) will still play with both of them.[/i]

We have fortunately not run into this. I don't know how we'd handle it, but it wouldn't be something we'd do. We have talked about doing a MFF with another couple - with the males taking turns. But we've never met a couple so arrogant and linguistically challenged that they think there is anyway that we, as a couple, would go for that.

I have no idea how you could get in a heated arguement with them, though. You really wouldn't have to say much more than "moron" to cover the issue completely.

Spoomonkey

[xxoticangel]

After our first time which was full swap we began to dabble with soft swing. We started with same room, then girl/girl only. After about six months we progressed swapping everything but intercourse. Shortly after that we had our first MFM and never looked back. We are not opposed to soft swap with someone. We enjoy watching and being watched. Angel loves the touch of another female and still has the occasional girlfriend that does not include me.

[chickadiva]

Ahhhh, Spoomonkey, thanks for the laugh!

Maybe "heated" was too strong a term. A little back and forth and then we Surrender . It was funny though because they kept insisting that "soft swap" was THE term for two couples doing bi-fem play and only one male allowed (and expecting) to play with both females because one of the females has no interest in any male other than her hubby. Too one-sided for us. :rollseyes Whatever! head bang I don't see the "swap" part, possibly "soft swing", 3some - definite.

We have also done threesomes like you mentioned, alternating partners between full-swap couples. In fact I am doing that now while J's deployed. Two couples we know well, and I occasionally join them as the ever elusive single bi-fem. We'll switch around when he gets back home, so he'll get his FMF's and we'll all be even! We also plan some MFM's too...and FFFM's and a mini gang bang too!

~M, the female half

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by chickadiva

I don't see the "swap" part, possibly "soft swing", 3some - definite.

I would love to know where those guys got their definition at. Sounds more like "soft loaner". I think I'd have said, "yeah, we're into that very thing. Your wife can come over tonight - and if we like her - mine will come over to your place tomorrow. How's that work for ya?"

There are a lot of great people in the lifestyle, but there are a lot of really dense folks as well... Looks like you guys have a lot of luck finding the dense among us...

But, maybe, a George McFly would say, they were your "density"...

Spoomonkey

[chickadiva]

Looks like you guys have a lot of luck finding the dense among us...

Well, Spoomonkey, luckily our other friends are just that - great friends and fine full swap swingers. So I can take a little density now and again in exchange for some real fun now & again!!

[BradAndJanet]

We're a full swap couple, but if someone we were attracted to asked us, we would soft swap with them. All the foolin' around would be arousing and sex with each other is never settling for something less.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's all fun!

-B