Women crazed for BBC disrespecting our relationship

[ircpl]

I need some advice on how to handle a situation. I am in an inneracial relationship and there has been a HUGE amount of white women who have all of a sudden realized what I have realized for years...Black men are HOT!! But, here is the problem, these women are relentless, they will disrepect me, walk right past me, not even acknowledge that I exist. There has been women that have propositioned him to get him to play alone(we don't play separate), even gone as far to say that if they finally do get to play with him they will fall in love with him. This is my husband, and they have husbands, but they are way crossing the line!!! He doesn't tell me everything, trying to shelter me from these women and handle it himself..until they get too into the whole situation. I have noticed as well that alot of women in the LS have just become brazen....they forget their manners and just go after what they want!!! The best way to get to a man is through the woman.
So I need to know how to get my message across to these women, without sounding like a b*@#H and/or jealous..because I am not, just want some respect.

[slevin]

The best way is for your husband to shut them down at the first hint of disrespect. No play, no flirting, no discussion. Move on.

[txlatin36]

totally agree with Slevin...he should shut em down and tell you from the beginning...that is just awful that them being in the lifestyle would be that way...im so sorry you are having to deal with that. good luck in the future...

[Goingood]

ircpl, have you taken a run at THEIR husbands? Perhaps if do, they will better appreciate your dilemma. If you assume that they won't be to your liking before giving them a try, you may not be suited for the lifestyle.

[Randies']

We all have an equal vote. If one person is not comfortable then it does not happen. He needs to be up front with these women and let them know that what they are doing is not acceptable.

[ircpl]

I have been in the LS for 15 years and that is why I am so surprised at the actions of the women. Until the last 5 years or so, women behaved, were respectful, and never would touch anothers man without permission. Now, it is a totally different story. With my husband being black it throws them in a tail spin. The thing that gets me the most is that most of these women would be the first ones who would complain if a man came at them the same way that they come at my man. There is becoming a certain frustration level and I want to say something, but then they are like what is her gig, is she jealous?? No I am not...I am sick of being disrespected!

[Goingood]

Originally Posted by ircpl

I have been in the LS for 15 years and that is why I am so surprised at the actions of the women. Until the last 5 years or so, women behaved, were respectful, and never would touch anothers man without permission. Now, it is a totally different story. With my husband being black it throws them in a tail spin. The thing that gets me the most is that most of these women would be the first ones who would complain if a man came at them the same way that they come at my man. There is becoming a certain frustration level and I want to say something, but then they are like what is her gig, is she jealous?? No I am not...I am sick of being disrespected!

Am I to assume that you aren't in the lifestyle for the enjoyment of other men?
What I was getting at is if you approach these "offender's" husbands in the same manner as they are yours, perhaps you won't have time or the inclination to be so concerned.

[funcoupledayton]

Originally Posted by Goingood

Am I to assume that you aren't in the lifestyle for the enjoyment of other men?
What I was getting at is if you approach these "offender's" husbands in the same manner as they are yours, perhaps you won't have time or the inclination to be so concerned.

I don't think two wrongs make a right. I agree with the other posters that your husband should be clear with them that they are being disrespectful and you should continue to be firm, but polite. Maybe find a new place to hang out?

[Alura]

Originally Posted by ircpl

With my husband being black it throws them in a tail spin.

I'm just a hick Okie savage and I don't claim to know much about clubs since I've only been to one, but it seems to me that whenever we use race to explain anything, a bit of prejudice shines through.

I knew a lady in Germany who had never had sex with a white man; my best and longest friend (since 1973) has rarely dated caucasian women. Both readily admitted a prejudice against the opposite sex of their same race.

I think the issue has to do with your husband and is not insulting to you. Therefore, it is incumbent upon him to deal with it. Personally, if a woman wanted to fuck me because I'm Native American, I'd be insulted.

Alura

[junglecouple]

another option is to hang out, closer to your husband. Not in a clingy way but as a "couple". Then it'll be more obvious to poachers that you are a pair, not two singles that are available. You, obviously, aren't "on the ball". You say "He doesn't tell me everything, trying to shelter me from these women and handle it himself...". It sounds like you're a bit new to the lifestyle, and if so, you're doing it wrong. The proof is that you're getting upset but aren't really doing anything to "set the boundaries". If you don't make it obvious that you two belong together, you can't really complain if it's taken to mean he's open range and available. At our parties, it was pretty obvious who was trolling, and available, and who wasn't. And it's not only difficult, but obviously rude to interrupt a conversation...(as in you and your mate talking, not you on the other side of the room or even in a different room). If I saw two people together, it's a clear signal NOT to butt in. Whether it's just two people flirting, or it was a set of mates, it's just plain social politeness not to butt in. Sounds like he's off on his own. Another point, there's nothing wrong with being a b*$tch when your property is being trespassed upon.

[junglecouple]

Originally Posted by ircpl

I have been in the LS for 15 years and that is why I am so surprised at the actions of the women. Until the last 5 years or so, women behaved, were respectful, and never would touch anothers man without permission. Now, it is a totally different story. With my husband being black it throws them in a tail spin. The thing that gets me the most is that most of these women would be the first ones who would complain if a man came at them the same way that they come at my man. There is becoming a certain frustration level and I want to say something, but then they are like what is her gig, is she jealous?? No I am not...I am sick of being disrespected!

Am I the only one that is beginning to believe you're bragging instead of actually looking for information and/or advice? "Disrespected"... I think not, possessive? yes. ready for the lifestyle.. maybe, maybe not. I have trouble believing you've been in the lifestyle for 15 years and are just now complaining. I don't want to rain on your parade, but it's beginning to sound a lot bogus. You're obviously not being pro-active, but prefer to take the victims role. You need to talk to your mate, or step up. It's hard to argue if everyone is on the same page.

[rainbowskye]

When I've been to clubs and house parties, when i was involved with someone, we were always in close proximity to one another and it was always clear we were a couple and if anyone came across as being disrespectful one of us would politely ask the person or couple to come correct.

Being at clubs and parties as a single female I've had times where i wanted to hide and it was due to being overwhelmed. i learned to have a plan b, just incase .

However, if i were to only be approached due to my ethnic background , I wouldn't entertain it and would decline.

[cplnuswing]

I have seen the exact behavior ircpl is describing. It seems like for some people, black together with male automatically puts you in a certain category that has different rules with little if any attention paid to whether the guy is part of a couple or not.

I think the solution here is mostly with your husband, in two different ways.

As others have said, he needs to be clearly communicating and taking actions with other women to make absolutely sure everybody knows where all parties are coming from. I personally don't think you need to stay glued to each other all night long just to show you are a couple and make it harder for others to approach you, go hard after the other man just for payback, etc., but rather to just have a standing rule that when either of you are approached by someone wanting to play, before things progress very far, you make it a point to introduce them to your spouse and let everyone sort of feel each other out before going any further.

In terms of the communication between you two, I don't think it is a good idea for him to continue the "He doesn't tell me everything, trying to shelter me from these women" when this is something that is an issue between you two. Not openly and fully discussing it is going to lead nowhere but trouble.

Good luck.

[lustylearning]

If your husband is being disrespected, he needs to handle it firmly. It is not up to you to handle it for him.

[ircpl]

I am not bragging, I was in the ls with my ex and this is my new...I have tried every way possible, but just trying to get advice on better ways because the others were not working. Thanks for the not so great reply