It was a good run ... now what?

[synergy]

We've been playing in the lifestyle for a couple years and having a great time meeting couples. Aside from the occasional couple that drank too much or online meet ups that never worked out, we've really enjoyed the friends we've made and all our interactions, drama free ... until the last one.
We are at a swing club sitting at a table and we invite a cute couple we've never met to sit and share our table. After a few hours of entertaining conversation, they invite us back to the sex rooms. They told us about the fact that they had only been to a lifestyle venues prior and were very new, but because they invited us, we figured they were really ready to play with us.
We get back there and the wife, let's call her "Jill" tells us that her husband, "Jack" can't wait to see us two girls together. She tells me I'll be her first girl/girl experience. After heating things up between the two of us for a while, Jill starts playing with my husband and I start playing with Jack. After Jack goes down on me for a little while, I tell him I want to suck his cock, but to let me know if I do anything wrong. So, I start getting into it and about 30 seconds later, he's cumming into my mouth. "Alright", well it's uncommon to do that without warning a girl, but I know Jack and Jill are new, so I sucked it up, haha. No problem, right? I'm happy he's obviously having a good time.
So then, Jack sits up and looks over at Jill who is lying next to us smiling, eyes closed with rock hard nipples and from the looks of it is about ready for the big O. My husband is going down on her. Jack suddenly says "I think Jill wants to be done because she's signaling me with her face." Jill shakes her head and says something about everything being fine. My husband looks up and asks if anyone wants him to stop. Jill, still has her eyes closed and still smiling gently pushes his head back down. I recline next to Jack, playing with Jill's nipples thinking it would be nice if the two of us could watch their action, but he still seems uncomfortable staring at Jill and has an uneasy smile. I'm not sure what to do, but seconds later Jill seems to tune in to Jack, pulls away from my husband and leans in to listen to Jack. Right away, she gets up and stalks out of the room, fully naked. Jack says, "we're done" and I point out where Jill's clothes are. He gets dressed and leaves while several other couples in the playroom watch dumbfounded and I (mortified) coax my husband to just continue playing with me.
What happened? Was Jack embarrassed that he came quickly? Was he embarrassed that he came in my mouth without warning? Or was he feeling jealous watching Jill enjoying oral sex from another man? He was still good to go after watching me on Jill... As far as I can tell, we took things very slow and indicated that we were fine with stopping at any time they felt weird, so what else could we have done in this situation??
Also, they told us their screen name, so we didn't know if we should contact them and apologize or ask if they are okay? I don't think they would ever contact us because not only did they leave without so much as a "fuck you", Jack took my shoes. I'm sure he thought they belonged to his wife, but that was the only thing she was wearing when she walked out. Did they bring me back my shoes or turn them in to lost and found? No, they just threw them in the vicinity of my locker. We don't want to fuel drama, but don't want to leave things awkward either.

[Alura]

Of course we can't know what was in Jack's mind.

Still, I'd suggest y'all contact them to say, "We had a great time, y'all, but what the hell happened there at the end?"

An orgasm can totally change a person's way of thinking.

If y'all never hear from them, the situation is beyond your control.

Alura

[it'sso]

I would consider us lucky, were we in your shoes and never heard from these people, again.
moo

[exploringRM]

Sounds like Jack wasn't as ready as he thought he was for the swinging experience. All of what you describe could have been the issue (cumming quick, watching wife, etc). As far as the shoes, they could have just been too embarrased and wrapped up in that to think clearly about how to return them.

I don't feel you have anything to appologize for. It's not like you jumped right into intercourse, things progressed slowly. And it didn't sound like they other couple had reservation AND THEY invited you to a room.

I'm not sure what I would do regarding contact..send them a link to this website? You did spend a good bit of time with them so it might be right to drop a nice to meet you, we're sorry things didn't work for you. I would not say anything about meeting again. Having been through a number of "drama" situations with other couples I would probably not play again..too many eggshells.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Alura

An orgasm can totally change a person's way of thinking.

Thats what I was going to say.

All his lusts were gone and hes watching someone go down on his wife. Jealousy kicks in, and sex is completely off his mind.

[BiloxiCouple]

Jack and Jill need to go back down the mountain. They are not ready for the full pail of water.

Find yourselves another J&J. Things happen and keep going at your speed.

[Alura]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Thats what I was going to say.

All his lusts were gone and hes watching someone go down on his wife. Jealousy kicks in, and sex is completely off his mind.

Back in my Hippie days I was crashing (at 21 Guineas a week) in an apartment in London. Also living there were an American man and his Irish girlfriend. Every night they'd make love urgently and loudly in their bedroom.

When she came, she'd suddenly go nuts. "You're always treatin' me like a fookin' whore!" she'd yell as she started throwing things at him. One evening she threw all his clothing and his luggage out of the window onto the sidewalk below but soon after she coaxed him back and they'd kiss and make up. Then the whole process would start all over again.

Alura

[funcoupledayton]

We had a situation that is similar in some ways. Jill was getting into my husband at a party (making out, etc), and I was having a nice conversation with Jack. She told him she needed to talk with Jack before going further. Jill leaves and next thing we know she is running past us, avoiding eye contact and ends up going off with another couple. I said to my husband, "I think we just got dissed." We waited awhile, but Jack and Jill never return and we need to get home to the sitter. I know it's not the same as your situation, but I'm sure you guys had the same confused, WTF feelings we did.

Jack and Jill were brand new and we really liked them so we reached out to them online later. Jill apologized. She wanted to kiss a girl and this other couple they abruptly went off with offered that opportunity, whereas, being straight I did not. But, they wanted to get together with us. We set a date, arranged a sitter, and guess what?, their sitter fell through. Jill and I continue to chat online and we tentatively set another date. I ask her to check with Jack and their sitter and get back to me. Then we hear crickets chirping for the next two weeks.

So my advice, based on this long story, somewhat like yours, is don't waste your time on these two! They're not ready to be honest and upfront with themselves or you. Sorry you had that crappy experience. I'm sure you'll meet more great couples soon!

[Trace Ekies]

I agree with moving on...they'll work it out or they won't...and you'll have no input either way...

I would send an email telling them how much we appreciated the time we spent with them and that I hoped we had not caused them to be uncomfortable.

It'll do two things...1. Show an enormous amount of civility. 2. Make them think about how they handled the situation and hopefully save themselves and others some grief in the future.

You should be applauded for how you handled the surprise cum attack Mrs. Synergy...

Trace

[bbarnsworth]

The other side of the story from Jack & Jill's perspective might shed a different light on this, but I think the outcome would be the same.

First, drama happened. You don't know exactly what happened, and I think it unlikely that you'll get the full picture from them if you do contact them. Would you want to play with this couple again given this drama? We would be very, very leery or doing so.

Second, beyond playing with them again, what is your purpose in contacting them? Expressing good will is nice, and I don't mean to diminish that. But, from what I read from your perspective, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I think they either have or will realize that. If you're trying to get more information on what happened and why, I don't think you'll be satisfied. They had an issue erupt. It's between them, and very likely has little bearing on you.

So, I don't see there being much reason to maintain contact with them. If you happen across them again at the club, be pleasant of course, and maybe they'll provide some explanation of what happened. Beyond that? I don't see much happening in the future.

Also, as others have noted an orgasm can change a male's perspective on swinging. It certainly does with me. I'm still very much pro-swinging immediately after an orgasm, but I'm at my lowest ebb, so to speak, after an orgasm. Jack's low ebb may have been very far below the point at which everything is hunky dory swinging wise.

[ClosetSwinger]

I've seen this before. Jack got off, didnt like watching Jill have fun, so his first attempt to end things was to say Jill was having an issue. That was his way of telling his wife he was DONE and to stop (realllly crappy of him btw since he had just cum in ur mouth). She was FINE and was having fun and clearly WAS NOT finished OR having issues as shown by her pushing your hubby back DOWN! When that didn't work Jack was REALLY annoyed because his wife was not allowing his manipulation. Likely Jill sensed the tension and that's why she got up, listened to whatever Jack had to say and stormed out.

You guys DID NOTHING WRONG. Jack is jealous and he is not ready. This has happened to us before where the male has gotten off with me and my hubby and his wife are still going at it and so he figured out a way to make them stop. His way though was going into the bathroom and FAKE vomiting (even that didnt stop his wife or my hubby from getting it on, THEY WERE REALLY INTO IT and i was having fun watching) and so THEN he started screaming from the bathroom EVERYONE STOP. You can imagine how great it made ME feel for him to run into the bathroom right after getting off with me and then puking. LOVELY.

These two went outside and argued while I finished hubby off.

We have since not played with these two again and have heard of multiple other stories of hubby finishing first and then stopping whatever wifey was doing. they have a reputation for that now.

[bi4me2]

(him)

Gotta agree with the others, he has some 'issues' to work out... can we say self-centered?

I wouldn't bother contacting them again either. They need to work out their issues by themselves before getting back into things.

[LagniappeDC]

We're of the opinion to just let it go and move on. This comes down what we see as several examples of the male half not having any respect from women.

The first being the fact that he came in your mouth without any warning. New or not, common sense - heck common decency - indicates that the man should warn a woman before doing this.

The second is the his interrupting his wife, who clearly was enjoying herself, in the middle of the fun. He got his, he was done, end of story.

Lastly, the shoes. Simply throwing them on the floor rather than trying to find you or bring them to the front area to hold, is just one more piece of the respect puzzle.

I think each in isolation could all be overlooked and forgiven, but when the start to add up (three strikes!), then the pattern is pretty clear.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by synergy

We've been playing in the lifestyle for a couple years and having a great time meeting couples. Aside from the occasional couple that drank too much or online meet ups that never worked out, we've really enjoyed the friends we've made and all our interactions, drama free ... until the last one.

Your experience is still growing, sometimes that comes with dealing with the un-expected. You did well, naturally

What happened? Was Jack embarrassed that he came quickly? Was he embarrassed that he came in my mouth without warning? Or was he feeling jealous watching Jill enjoying oral sex from another man? He was still good to go after watching me on Jill... As far as I can tell, we took things very slow and indicated that we were fine with stopping at any time they felt weird, so what else could we have done in this situation??

What happened ?

I think what happened was experienced people (you) encountered the inexperienced (Jack &Jill) That doesn't make everything good, but it does lead to what makes sense.

Was Jack embarrassed that he came to quickly ?

We cant possibly know that.... He might be a greedy individual, but then again there may be allot of WTF going through his head also now. Giving the benefit of doubt, I would say if he wasn't embarrassed at the MOMENT, he probably has some embarrassment to face now, on his own.

Also, they told us their screen name, so we didn't know if we should contact them and apologize or ask if they are okay? I don't think they would ever contact us because not only did they leave without so much as a "fuck you", Jack took my shoes. I'm sure he thought they belonged to his wife, but that was the only thing she was wearing when she walked out. Did they bring me back my shoes or turn them in to lost and found? No, they just threw them in the vicinity of my locker. We don't want to fuel drama, but don't want to leave things awkward either.

I am going to say something that might get me bashed by others.

What about the rules of engagement here. We promote for all in any situation of discomfort, to say NO, Stop the play at any given time and abort all play to those who are new, especially going into this for the first time. They/He did just that. I'm truly sorry you took the brunt of disappointment in this situation, but as the more experienced its kind of our responsibility, to let the smaller things go. We have had similar experiences and when we say its OK to stop at anytime during play (either party) it should be done and accepted.

I would like to think Jack and Jill actually did the right thing. They are probably talking now about why things went down hill for Jack, but I'll wager he is not only happy that Jill caught on to his (inappropriate message "I need outa here") Jill did the right thing, she left immediately without question in front of others..... Imagine the outcome if she had made a bigger scene in front of others. They encountered the unexpected perhaps... and by swinger rules, did the only appropriate thing, with the tools or rather experience, "they" had.

If you do feel like sending them a message now that you have their screen name, I would consider telling them what they did wasn't so bad. Ask them if they are indeed OK now. Let them know, although things ended unexpectedly you are willing to chalk it up to experience as they hopefully are also. I think thats what good people do in the lifestyle. You don't have to fix their problems, but listening never hurts either, if they reply at this point.

On the next note, I can say that with Mrsfuns "talents" We have experienced the premature finish. I have to wonder, did you really not even see his climax coming ? I think it might be in your favor being a very sexual person knowing when a man is about to come, might be worth some understanding so you can either stop the climax or change things around. I know with Mrsfun, she enjoyed the learning experience, learning and understanding when a man is about to come did wonders. It makes for a much longer experience sometimes, but not always. Some men are sooooo stoked up, cold water couldn't put the fire out. But the thing is we don't know till we get there....

Second thoughts, the shoes.... At least you did get them back, although rude to find them the way you did. I know shoes are important to a woman or at least I'm learning Just be glad it wasn't your panties LOL. Had I been there, I would have picked them up, held them to my face, and came looking for the rightfully owner




fun4ds

[femnewb4u2]

Thank you FUNDs.

As new to swing (in couple's play) I have found myself in the postion of NOT stopping or signaling to my love for fear it will be seen as drama. We state over and over here that everything needs to go at the slowest persons pace, even if it means helping the newbies find their pace. We say we need to communicate clearly with our partners (in life and in the moment of swing). We say every situation is different in a swing play date no matter how skilled, experienced, educated or well at communication the parties involved are. Yet, when those moments come up...those moments that can happen to any of us....in our human-ness we can forget to look at all the possible sides of what may have happened. Then the potential exists for feelings to get hurt, anger to emerge, misunderstandings leading to murky waters all where may be they did not need to exist.

Yes. We can try to avoid some pitfalls by playing only with experienced swingers. Yes. We can try to avoid some angst by being social aquaintances with our playmates before we actually move beyond flirtation. But in the end no matter how we play, or in what settings, swing is an interaction between 2 or more individuals from unique histories, experiences, mindsets, swing philosophies, sexual priorites and needs. A great formula for misunderstandings, hurting one another and bad deeds. And yes, I say bad deeds because much as I would like to wave a rainbow over all of swing, not everyone in swing is a caring and compassionate person. Some see swing as all about them with complete disregard for their playmates. I give points to those who are honest if swing is all about their needs when meeting new playpartners. Those are not the ones I am refering to. Others see it as a shared experience, mutually beneficial to all. But I would like to believe most who practice swing are good, honest, compassionate and caring people.

Now that was a soap box! Feel free to fire at will.