Divorced over swinging?

[midnightplayer]

Originally Posted by want2watch40

Well, I can't say that my divorce was because of the desire to explore the lifestyle. I think it mostly came from growing apart in our view of things. My ex was not a porn watcher but I enjoyed watching it periodically (didn't have to watch it every day but would check out some once a week or so). She would give me hell every time she found something on my computer and at one point was checking my surfing history, as well as my phone, every day. I did mention at one point that I thought about a 3some and was shot down immediately. I left that topic alone after that.

She became one of those "religious" types and wanted to be involved with nothing but church. I have no problem with someones beliefs but I do have a problem with organized religion that judges everyone yet the same people are hiding their own sins.

We grew further and further apart in opposite directions. She became more conservative and I became more liberal. It finally ended last November when I told her I wanted a divorce because we were both miserable.

Our divorce should be final on the 16th (depending on when the judge signs it) and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I have found a wonderful and amazing girlfriend that share in my views of sex, love, flirting and happiness.

We are not full fledged swingers but we are open to exploring our sexuality (and yes, it does involve inviting others in to the bedroom). We have just started and are taking it slow.

So, my divorce was not a direct result of the sexual desires but more of the growing apart in our basic views. I now have someone that has similar views and outlook on life in general. We just grew apart and basically became different people. My new partner and I are fully open with everything and can freely tell each other what we want. We want each other to be happy and don't rely on each other to make us happy. If we want something different, we talk about it.

You have to decide if the swinging thing is the ONLY issue and if it is, you need to figure out if it's worth giving up the other 'good' stuff in the relationship.

Well stated, I am happy for your new life.

[lotsoffun201]

Well this is tough to write, but something I should have done a long time ago. The original Mrs. lotsoffun and I have been divorced and it was over the swinging issue. She was bisexual and we had always been with single women for nearly all of our 15 years together. A few years ago we began the couples thing but were only a soft couple with our agreed upon boundarys. At some point she became interested in single men and always gravitated to the young built guys who were well endowed.

I began to feel more an more left out, and she focused her attention on one or two regular playmates. When one fell through for various reasons, she was bound and determined to find another and actually kicked me out for. When that fell through we reconciled but unbeknown to me she had another in the wings while we were apart. Actually one of the so called "swingle" guys asked me for her number when he found out we were separated. Needless to say that level of disprespect runs rampant in the community. Yes there are respecful single men out there and many wouldn't play because they felt she was falling for them and begged off and didn't want to ruin a marriage (kudos to those men out there who think that way). After some time I figured I had enough and left her to find her own way. She has since failed miserably and suffers for it, but it's no longer my problem.

Several months ago I met a wonderful girl, and swinging was NOT anything I wished to do again. I told her about my past since it would have eventually come out and there was no reason to conceal it. She is intrigued by the lifestyle as long as it is within MY boundarys. Single men are absolutely out of the question. Single females are fine as she as discovered her bi curiosity but those encounters are for her and her alone and I refuse to participate other than on a cursory level. There are some things only a woman can do for a woman you know!

We have both decided there will be NO sharing of partners for any reason as neither of us want to travel down that road. Both of us enjoy the party life within reason so as not to make it all encompassing. She had led a very repressed life for many many years and is now just coming out of her shell. She is the consumate exhibitioinist and voyeur which she has always been but was afraid to bring it up. The lifestyle allows her the opportunity to express herself freely which she enjoys as well as to dress in ways she was never allowed to do.

My advice.....tread very carefully and value your relationship with your partner first.

I am sorry if I offended any of the respectful single males that are out there but based on past experiences I find that the majority of single men out there are just looking for a way to get laid. I think any respecful single male out there who knows their place in the lifestyle would have to agree.

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by lotsoffun201

I am sorry if I offended any of the respectful single males that are out there but based on past experiences I find that the majority of single men out there are just looking for a way to get laid. I think any respecful single male out there who knows their place in the lifestyle would have to agree.

I don't think you have offended anyone. I agree there are single males out there like that, and I am sure there are other spouses out there like your ex.

Fortunately, in my experience it hasn't been rampant though. But, regardless I think you advice to "tread very carefully and value your relationship with your partner first" is very sound advice for anyone in the LS.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Baconheads

I posted a question a few weeks ago asking basically how many tries you couples in the lifestyle made before you found the perfect mate who would swing with you. So, how many?

This poll may be of interest to you.

Is this your first marriage?

And to answer your question...

First try I didn't marry Ted because I wanted to swing, didn't even know there was such a thing as swinging. I married him because I was head over heels in love with him (still am). We married very, very young, basically raising each other, and were very lucky that neither of us had any preconceived notions of what sex was or wasn't suppose to be...we figured things out as we went, made our own rules, and had our first threesome shortly after we'd been married a year (married over 28 years, first marriage for both). Swinging has NEVER been a priority for us or something we HAD to do...our main priority has always been each other and it's because of that we're able to swing.

Teresa

[The Fuse]

I think you're going to hear the same answer a LOT to this question.

Marrying someone to swing with (or just having a long-term mate) is like having a mate to go to tennis tournaments with. It's not something you build a relationship around, at least not the primary thing. When I found Mr. Fuse, we were no where near ready to swing, either one of us. It's something we grew into and discovered after being together almost 15 years.

[slim]

I have been married 12 years now this is a great topic for me .I have a friend and would like to meet more like him that has shared his wife with me mfm and it was great sex the best in years .I have talked with my wife and she says that will never happen with her and she knows that my friend and I do his wife it almost broke us up we went to conclers many times that helped but or sex life sucks now sometime we go for mouths because it has got so boring and she thinks that some of the things that I like are perv porn is wrong. she thinks toys are worng and things that may spice things up a little no kinky suff all thow I would like to try some we have 2 kids 15 &13 both boys and I want the best for them . I love my wife and wish she would come around be if not .maybe she will just have to put up with me cheating behind her back because I like to try new things and try new woman its a trun on I love to flirt and be flirted with to me it lites up my life. Thank you ! And if there are any people around northen VA. I would love to hear from you not just for sex but new friends with open minds may help my wife to know if it is safe try it she may like it
Tom

[Big Rock]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

If we could hook the American public up to a lie detector that shocked them if they lied I would be willing to be we would find ONE HUNDRED MILLION CHEATERS and LESS then ONE MILLION SWINGERS Tops.

Besides, it would be fun. Could make it into a top rated T.V. show.

There are 300,000,000 Americans. Half are under the age of consent, 2/3 of the remainder are too old or have other health or religious reasons for not having sex. Which leaves 50,000,000. 1% would be 500,000. Sounds about right.

[Big Rock]

OP, everybody is searching for a relationship that works for them. Swinger and Vanilla, alike. If there are too many demands or too many "Taboo's", then that doesn't seem to be a healthy, open, relationship to me. If you just mentioning the LS to her, brings threats of divorce, how healthy is that? Perhaps you married the wrong person for you or she married the wrong person for her. If the sum of the parts isn't stronger than the individual, then you might have other issues than just swinging. Whatever, you both need to communicate your true feelings and let the chips fall where they may.

[here4thefun69]

good reads.