This guy showed up at her place of work...

[grabbyzz]

Just wondering if y'all think we've over reacted to a situation....My friend recently signed up on of the swinger sites here....she is newly single, coming out of an abusive relationship, very nervous. Shes not really sure what she wants to do, but she has been chatting with a few people. She sent a face pic to one guy that she was chatting with. This guy recognized her and showed up to her place of work and said hi..This really freaked her out....quite a few people we talked to about it think that she over reacted and that this is part of the lifestyle....it would have been fine had he said something like don't you work at ........, or if she told him to come by and say hi....
Anyway, any opinions?

[starryeyes]

I think she is just fine... after all she just got out of an abusive relationship and she's dipping the proverbial toe in the water. I believe it would have been better for him to wait and see where the lifestyle would have taken them... just my two cents.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by grabbyzz

This guy recognized her and showed up to her place of work and said hi..This really freaked her out....

Did she know who the guy was prior to talking to him online?

If not, then yeah, freaked out a bit would be my reaction.

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by grabbyzz

Just wondering if y'all think we've over reacted to a situation....My friend recently signed up on of the swinger sites here....she is newly single, coming out of an abusive relationship, very nervous. Shes not really sure what she wants to do, but she has been chatting with a few people. She sent a face pic to one guy that she was chatting with. This guy recognized her and showed up to her place of work and said hi..This really freaked her out....quite a few people we talked to about it think that she over reacted and that this is part of the lifestyle....it would have been fine had he said something like don't you work at ........, or if she told him to come by and say hi....
Anyway, any opinions?

Over reacted? If she is uncomfortable with what happened then she had a right to be freaked out about it! I consider myself as an experienced swinger, but if someone I started chatting with that I dont know really well out of the blue shows up at my job I'd be pissed! Just imagine this gal who is totally new to the idea and this dude drops in, if it were me I'd feel uncomforatable too.
Being invited and or knowing someone really well is one thing but this doesnt sound like it was the case here. People need to respect her boundries and have a little common sense! As far as those who said she is over reacting and this is "part of the lifestyle" what are these people thinking? I"ve recognized people on Swing Lifestyle or after swapping pics but I would never just drop in to say hi unless I knew it was ok to do so.

[LikeMinds321]

I'd need a lot more information before I could say whether I thought this was something that would freak me out. You've given us so little.

I've thougt about a couple ways this could go and one way it would seem like the guy went too far and it would make me uneasy.

Another story I created left me feeling very nice:

I work as a cashier at a Super Target in a great part of town where I really like my job. One busy Saturday afternoon a guy checks out at my register and I think I recognize him...could it...be Jim...from the swinger site I've been IMing with? As I ring up his Gillette shaving cream for sensitive skin (with aloe), Dry Idea deodarant, Iams dog food, and a Happy Birthday Mom Hallmark card, he says "Hi Judy, I thought you looked familiar. I shop here all the time, I just had to get in your line and say hello"...

LM

[Cajun2Step]

Originally Posted by grabbyzz

She sent a face pic to one guy that she was chatting with.

Anyway, any opinions?

====================================
If she was unwilling to go whole all the way and jump in with both feet, she should not have sent the face pic. That said, we both think the guy was way out of line showing up at her place of work and we feel she has a right to be concerned. As to whether there was or is an over-reaction we do not have enough info to make that call.

[LFM2]

Me, as a swinger and as a person who works with all sorts of people in the public, really like it when people we know in the swinger arena are discreet if they see me in public.

I would freak out if someone I was only talking to online found out where I worked and then came to see me. I would almost feel as if I was being stalked. I don't talk about swinging with my friends. They have no idea we have this hobby and I like it that way.

He should have asked her if it was OK to stop by first and then go see her if she thought that was appropriate.

[LarryDavid]

I think it's weird for someone to just show up like that.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by LFM2

He should have asked her if it was OK to stop by first and then go see her if she thought that was appropriate.

I agree with this strongly. I know we don't have a lot of information, but I can't think of a way I would be comfortable with someone just showing up at a place where I have a vanilla interest, i.e. work, without first asking. I think it shows a strong lack of discretion and a disregard for her comfort.

[ClosetSwinger]

Yep the guy is CRAZY. Unless she had ACTUALLY also known him too, then HELL NO this is OVER THE LINE. Now that being said had she said I work at ABC and you can come by and say hi, that would have been okay. From what you are saying that is NOT what happened though. Did he tell her when he saw her pics "hey i know you from your work"?

Bottom line this is creepy for someone to show up like that unannounced. A first meet should be something agreed upon by all parties. How awkward for her to have to try and deal with that AT WORK.

She is not over reacting, the guy crossed the line. Weird.

[Olivesman]

If she is as new and nervous as you say she is, surprised she didn't go through the roof! The guy should be sat down and verbally horsewhipped- a real dumm stunt.

Olivesman

[Coupleerotic22]

I like what LikeMinds and LFM2 said.

First it really is situational, its about prior relationship, second regardless of the situation discretion is paramount.

Like LikeMinds said, if she works in a place where she deals with the public directly and this guy is a frequent visitor, then no harm no foul, IF he was discreet. In fact it would be odd, for example, if she worked in a coffee shop and the guy was there often, then stopped coming because they met online. At the same time, it needs to be handled with discretion, a nod and wink is okay, but open discussion is not.

If on the other hand, she worked in an office, for example, and she had not had prior dealings with him, then that would bother me intensely, regardless of his discretion. There is no prior relationship, so it is out of the norm.

Case this in a vanilla point of view (setting aside the swinging discretion issue for a moment). If she were just on a regular dating site, would this encounter bother her? Or or does the concern come from the fact she met him on a swinging site? If she would be okay with the encounter in that situation, then it comes down to discretion about swinging. In that case, if he was discreet, then I am would not be concerned. If, on the other hand, if the encounter would bother her, the yes I would be concerned regardless of his discretion.

One last thing. We hold back face pics until we get to know someone better. Depending on the situation, type and frequency of communications, their profiles and out gut feeling, that time varies. But you should always be cautious about sending face pics to anyone.

[Alura]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

... he says "Hi Judy, I thought you looked familiar. I shop here all the time, I just had to get in your line and say hello"...

LM

Did you ask him who Judy might be?

Alura

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by Alura

Did you ask him who Judy might be?

Alura

Lol, I can see it now.

"Hey LikeMinds321, I am WellHung3847, remember me? We chatted on Swing Lifestyle last week. I just wanted to say hi in person. So when do you want to get together so I can show you my screen name is accurate?"

As the 87 year old church lady behind him in line starts reaching for medication, and the 16 year old grocery sacker starts sweating as he stares at LM's "assets" and undressing her mentally.

[bi4me2]

Originally Posted by LarryDavid

I think it's weird for someone to just show up like that.

Yup! That's about the same thing both of us would feel, especially if they showed up at work.

This guy may just have 'jumped the gun' but it bothers me that he thought it was ok to just show up like that. There are boundaries that really shouldn't be broken.