She has the Jitters - Suggestions?

Hey guys, been lurking for a bit and thought I'd throw our situation in and see if anyone has ever faced this issue. Would sincerely appreciate some advice on how to overcome it.

Here is the lowdown on us, we've been together for over 9 years, have excellent communication and just deeply love each other. We have experimented together a few times with same room but nothing beyond that - not because we backed out of anything, just situations and chemistry etc. have not led us to doing more.

There is a place close to us that is a sort of swinging retreat. They have rooms but there is a public area with a few hot tubs, a pool and a few beds. My girl and I have been there about six times now. We go, play together, she enjoys being watched... but primarily her mindset is that she is there for the freedom of swimming naked and getting a little kinky with each other - she generally tries to ignore the people around us unless she's 'performing'. (she's nice, friendly and will speak with ppl of course).

My approach is whatever makes her happy, at her speed is fine by me and it's my job to cater to her comfort level at all times.

Here is the dilemma, she is very turned on by the idea of soft-swapping and bi-play, has a huge lesbian porn collection, big fantasies about playing with another girl etc. -- every time she gets close to the point of making her fantasy a reality she backs away and closes in and at times gets emotional.

Now, keep in mind, I am not forcing anything in any way whatsoever - this is primarily girls and couples hitting on us/her - things go great, it gets fun and flirty for a while and then somewhere along the line she just disconnects.

As I said, we communicate very well - and she has expressed to me that she feels like the awkward moment directly before and directly after an encounter is what she fears.

It's almost like a virgin who REALLY wants to lose it but just builds up the event so much in her mind that it spooks her away from experiencing what excites her. Kind of like the anxiety overrules any positive aspects of playing if that makes any sense.

I am out of my league here - on one hand she expresses these exciting desires that would make her happy and be fun for her, but on the other hand it's like she psyches herself out of truly having an exciting experience and I just end up confused at the end of the night.

My question is, is there anything I can do or can be done to help us overcome this hurdle?

Sorry for the long post

Thank you

[Coupleerotic22]

I write this with the assumption that SHE wants to move forward in the LS, but is just strugling with actually doing it.

What exactly do you mean awkward moment? IS it just about inexperience and not knowing what to do, or is it some type of internal conflict that she hasn't/can't resolve? She may not even understand it herself. Just keep talking and trying to get to the root of the matter.

Can she relate that awkwardness to anything else, for example the first time she had sex with a new person, maybe even you? What did she do to deal with it then?

Perhaps you could find a couple to act as a "guide" of sorts. IN other words find a nice couple you are both interested in, make friends and confide in them. There are certainly couples out there more than willing to help a newbie into the LS gently. Some will just walk away, but some will be understanding.

[Newpants]

I am not sure there is any kind of hurdle nor am I sure there is anything that can or should be done to over come it if there is.

Without hearing her side of the story I am not sure there is really any kind of problem or dilema here. She enjoys what she is doing and doesn't seem to have any objections to that and with what you have described she is probably 10,000 times more sexual adventurous than the average american wife and there are millions of men that would kill or die to be in your shoes.

You need to always remember that 99.999999% of the Earth's population is made up of nonswingers and there is a reason for that. I really don't know what that reason is but there has to be a reason and it is probably a good one

Most people do not take sex casually and most people do not go around intentionally have sex with a lot of different people. Most people are also completely heterosexual even though they may have some bisexual/lesbian fantasies and like bi/lesbian porn.

When I go to a swingers club and look around I would bet 75% of the people at the club have either never had fullswap sex with another person or have only done it a couple times in very rare and special circumstances.

Also, one of the main complaints I read on forums on swinger sites is that there are very few "real" bisexual women out there. That tells me that there is a whole lot of flirting and dirty dancing and titty-rubbing going out there but when some woman is ready to get nakid and really get it on with another woman, most of those women are choking and backing out of the deal.

It sounds like you two are having fun and what you are doing is working for you. If you push it will backfire and she will no longer go and have fun. Just keep doing what you are doing and if she wants to do more some day she will.