No Oral...would this rule keep you from playing with us?

[porgo69]

We just had our first full swap experience with another couple. We had a blast and plan on many repeat performances. She has only one rule, which is: I can do anything I want with another woman except for give oral. She says that she wants to save something for just us. I as well as the other couple respectef this, just think It's strange. Would love to hear what other couples think. Also, would this rule keep you from playing with such a couple?

[exploringRM]

Do you mean giving and receiving oral or just one. Does the rule also apply to your wife? Many people have rules and i don't think it's strange. But if it's one sided I think it's controlling. I do think it's a pretty cut and dry rule to follow, not something more vague or something easily forgotten.

It may or may not be a deal breaker for me. If I read that on your profile we might move on. But if we met you in-person and the opportunity to play came up, we might wind up playing.

[MissConfused]

I've always thought a rule or two which are easy to follow is healthy and what makes or break the lifestyle choice for that couple. But as ExploringRM has said if its one sided it is a little controlling. I think rules set forth by one person in the relationship should be followed by both as well. If you are not to give oral then neither should she.

[MsGoneWild]

I'm gonna agree with exploringRM here.

With the way my fiance and I do things, i don't understand the need for rules I view as strange such as "no kissing" or "no oral" or "no anal." I guess we're just comfortable enough knowing that we come home to or with each other, and that is what we have between us. We don't need to save a specific sexual act to remind us of that. I guess the other thing is, the way he does oral is kind of hard for me to get into, and part of the reason we swing is so he can experience oral sex with other women who will truly enjoy it.

I mean, there is NO problem with your rules. If they work for you guys, more power to you, have amazing fun with that, but it wouldn't work for us and we don't generally meet up with people that have these kind of rules. For us, they tend to get more in the way than anything.*

*the above is the express opinion of MissGoneWild aka EroticWetAtomic and is in no way affiliated with the opinions of others.

[Alura]

Since there's a big difference between "fucking" and "Making Love," we chose to save the latter for just us. It was an easy choice; we couldn't do that with anyone else, anyway.

Alura

[The Fuse]

We've heard of no intercourse rules (soft swap), no kissing rules (absolute deal-breaker), no anal rules (okay, fine, not important), but never a no-oral rule.

If a couple saved a particular act "just for themselves" in this way, and it was an act we consider integral to sex (kissing, oral, intercourse) we would tend to stay away. The reason is I wouldn't think they could be uninhibited and really enjoy themselves. Their rules work for them and that is fine, they should do what they feel comfortable with. We would just choose not to play... most likely. In my opinion, if we are going to have sex I want to be able to have *sex*... not sex minus something that's off-limits. I think it just shows an attitude of holding back, and that's not what I want in a play partner. Sorry for sounding harsh.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by porgo69

We just had our first full swap experience with another couple. We had a blast and plan on many repeat performances. She has only one rule, which is: I can do anything I want with another woman except for give oral. She says that she wants to save something for just us. I as well as the other couple respectef this, just think It's strange. Would love to hear what other couples think. Also, would this rule keep you from playing with such a couple?

Contrary to some wise posters above, I don't think one sided rules are controlling. Within a couple, the two people may have differing levels of comfort with certain aspects of play.

For my wife and I, we have some lopsidedness...not out of rules, but preferences. The effect can be the same. She does not enjoy anal sex. She rarely does it with me, and has never done so with a play partner. I've encouraged her to do so if she wants to; there's no rule that she can't. On the flip side, she's fine with me having anal sex with another woman.

That said, I think a "no oral sex" rule is very unusual. I've never seen or heard of it before with full swap couples. I've never been in or seen a full swap situation where a man didn't give oral sex to the female play partner. There's certainly other ways to please a woman, but I would be very surprised if a play partner didn't at least try.

You've had your first experience and it went well. That's fantastic!

What you will most likely find is that your rules will continue to evolve. Many of the rules you have had have probably fallen to the wayside. This one probably will too.

When we first were exploring swinging, my wife and I had a number of things that were rules meant to reserve certain things just for each other. All of those rules are gone. Some of those certain things haven't happened in play situations, but we're both free to do those things.

What we've found is that as our comfort level in the lifestyle has increased, our desire/need to hold something back for each other has decreased. We've realized that intimacy and sex play are quite separate. We relish intimacy with each other, and therein is where we reserve ourselves.

I agree with exploringRM; if we saw this rule on a profile, we would probably move on. If we met you in person and everything clicked, probably a different result. If we did play, we would absolutely respect your rule and would insist it not change for that play session (*). But, we might also talk with you about rules, implications, etc.

(*) We don't change our rules in mid-stream (during play), and we don't want to continue playing with a couple that changes theirs in mid-stream.

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Contrary to some wise posters above, I don't think one sided rules are controlling. Within a couple, the two people may have differing levels of comfort with certain aspects of play.

For my wife and I, we have some lopsidedness...not out of rules, but preferences.

I hate to say it, but I disagree, a preference and a rule are two completely different things. Preference is your choice, precluding you from doing something while she does it would be a rule. I think, if not controlling, it is certainly, and I hate to use the term, unfair.

I would also say that a rule born out of another persons preference would not be to fair as well. For example, if I did not giving or receiving oral (LOL!) then I don't think it is fair for me to tell my wife she couldn't, even though she really enjoys it.

I wonder if that is not the case here. Perhaps the wife does not want to give oral and this is an easy way to tell a playmate it is off limits. My wife likes anal, some women don't. I would never thing of telling her she can't have anal just because the woman I was with doesn't like it (that assumes our partners are okay with him having anal with my wife). That does seem controlling.

As for the OP, a few rules are fine, if you both agree to them. But I have to admit, this one is not one I have seen. In fact even most soft swappers don't have that rule (unless you count exhibition/voyeurism, which I don't consider even soft swapping). I would also be concerned that this rule could become a point of drama between you two. You clearly have an issue with it or you would not have posted here. The longer it festers the more likely it is to become a very sore point.

I do agree with bbarnsworth that I think that rule may fade with time. We had a ton of rules at first, those quickly went away because we realized, for us, how ridiculous they were.

I also think that it would be a very tough rule for us to follow because oral is so integrated into our sex lives and we both enjoy giving and receiving VERY much. It would just be too easy for me to start moving down there on your wife, and my wife on you, without a second thought. It is not like condoms, one expects that and its at the front of your mind. I am not saying we would not respect your rules, but oral is so integrated into sex, I can see in the heat of the moment making a mistake. From the people we know, I would say the same applies. We have had discussions about what is off limits and what is not, and oral has never entered the discussion as being off limits with any of them.

I have never thought about it, but as I write this, I imagine we would avoid you as a couple for one primary reason. We would be afraid that we would cross that boundary by accident. The same would go for kissing. It's just to easy to make a mistake. It's like driving and not being allowed to look in the rear view mirror, its just part of the gig for us.

[sexcupid]

The rule is you aren't allowed to give oral...as a potential playmate, I would respect that rule...but I would pass you by since I enjoy oral very much and I would assume from the wording of the rule that my SO would be free to give her oral to her heart's content.

And my inner kindergartener says 'that's not fair!' I know life isn't fair (neither is swinging at all times)...but as others have said, for full swap couples "standard" acts like kissing, oral, and intercourse are usually on the menu.

If this is an act she's wanting to keep between the two of you, then she should be bound by it too. Otherwise, it is just a power play and I would be curious as to why she would put this particular rule in place.

[ClosetSwinger]

Unless we actually met you guys in person and totally clicked and REALLY liked you, we wouldnt play with you given that rule. Like another poster said oral is such a big part of sex and a part I LOVE getting and giving that it would be hard for me NOT to just do that instinctively. I can imagine myself accidentally breaking the rule and feeling awkward and sorry about it later.

[lookingfornow]

Probably.

Generally, we get to know a couple before we start talking rules and things. So, personality has a lot more to do with our play decisions than anything else. Also, we generally try to avoid making judgments based upon the decisions of others as to how they are willing to play. But, we really like to share oral--so the lack of it would be a negative for us. Plus, this rule seems just a little too weird to us and, maybe, deceptive. We would assume that the husband really doesn't like to give oral and is hiding that fact behind a rule.

Of course, you don't get what you won't give. So, no oral for her means no oral for you. In the end, we see too many limitations and issues associated with this rule which would likely preclude our playing.

[sweet_tna]

Would I shy away from a couple that has a rule that says the male half can do anything but give oral to me? Probably, but it would honestly depend on how we met/hit it off with that couple. If we were contacted strictly online, then most likely we'd take a pass. If we met in person and the sparks flew, I'd at least think about it. I really really really enjoy oral, but can live without it.

My biggest hesitation would be over the rule itself. Why doesn't the rule include the female half? Is there an insecurity there, or does the male half not like to give oral? Is the male half allowed to receive oral? If so, why is that okay? These are things that would be running through my head.

That said, if we knew the couple was new-ish, then we would probably be more inclined to give them a chance. Lots of couples start out with rules like that, and as the couple gains more experienced, those rules often get tossed out with the bathwater.

=)