How to get spouse's attention back???

[anc]

So you're in the middle of a full swap and things have gotten hot and heavy, your spouse hasn't looked at you for a long time, you think she's forgotten you're in the room... you're starting to get bothered by seeing your spouse enjoy it waaaay too much. You don't want to spoil the fun, just need your spouse to realize your still there without creating a scene, don't want the other couple to see your jealousy.

Note: Don't want to stop the fun...just need your own spouse to desire you or show you some attention.

How do you do it?

anc

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by anc

So you're in the middle of a full swap and things have gotten hot and heavy, your spouse hasn't looked at you for a long time, you think she's forgotten you're in the room... you're starting to get bothered by seeing your spouse enjoy it waaaay too much. You don't want to spoil the fun, just need your spouse to realize your still there without creating a scene, don't want the other couple to see your jealousy.

Note: Don't want to stop the fun...just need your own spouse to desire you or show you some attention.

How do you do it?

anc

I think the real question is, why do you have to do it? Once again, this goes back to the reasons you needed to take at least a temporary break from swinging. It is IMPOSSIBLE to enjoy sex too much. Losing yourself in the moment is one of the absolute bonuses of this lifestyle. Let her enjoy herself. knowing that in the end, she's going home with you. That has worked for us for almost 3 years now.

[ClosetSwinger]

OMG JUST LET HER ENJOY HERSELF......LET GO!!

It seems you cannott let go and you continue INSIST that she always be looking at YOU, paying attention TO YOU, touching YOU because YOU START feeling insecure or jealous because GOD FORBID she is having fun without you being directly inovled.

Swinging is not just about YOU....it's about BOTH OF YOU. It seems to me that as soon as she looks like she is having fun, getting into it and letting herself enjoy it...YOU MUST INTERJECT aS if to say "no, no, no.....we'll have none of that....LOOK AT ME...PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!

My husband and I don't stare at each during a swap session. If he does not look at me the whole time or I at him NO ONE CARES! I enjoy watching him and so at times I do...other times I am so into what I am doing I don't look at him or make eye contact.


All of the feelings you have are NORMAL.....BUT since you don't seem to be getting past YOUR jealousy problems....YOU SHOULD STOP SWINGING. I am not trying to be mean but if you are constantly expecting your wife to stop enjoying herself SO YOU FEEL BETTER then THIS IS NOT FOR YOU! That's okay, it's not for most people.

If you continue to insist on swinging then you BOTH need to pay attention to each other during the entire session. You both need to be aware of each other's actions the entire time. This will just put a damper on things for everyone. She will constantly be like oooo I'm too into this, better stop and look and play with hubby for a while before he gets upset....while the poor guy she is playing with is going WHAT? I do doubt though that your wife would be interjecting with YOU and what YOU are doing.

I give.

[VegasLee]

Each time you pretty much get told the same thing.

YOU are not ready for this Lifestyle. You keep moving on and causing yourself and I am going to assume her more grief. WHY?

This is not for everyone and each one of your posts seems to prove that point more and more.

Time to wake up and use some common sense here. You two are headed for a

I don't understand your need to keep posting and asking for advice if you don't have any intention of listening to it.

Seems some special need for attention or something.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Time to wake up and use some common sense here. You two are headed for a

I don't understand your need to keep posting and asking for advice if you don't have any intention of listening to it.

Seems some special need for attention or something.

VegasLee is absolutely correct.

I'm reminded of a thread from last year that went on for something like 27 pages. The couple in question was told they were being stupid, over and over again. Nobody thought what they were doing was smart, and everyone thought it was going to end in disaster. Those of you who might remember; it was the couple that the wife was going to play solo with a guy half her age to 'educate' him about sex.

That ended in absolute disaster, and their young child got caught squarely in the crosshairs.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Look...

Originally Posted by anc

you're starting to get bothered by seeing your spouse enjoy it waaaay too much. You don't want to spoil the fun,

Yes, you DO want to spoil the fun. Good grief, when my wife is enjoying it WAAAAAAAY too much I'm tickled pink! Woohoo!!! FANTASTIC! For you, your wife enjoying it is a threat.

You are too insecure for this lifestyle. You have serious control and jealousy issues and don't seem to have an ability to recognize them, or to read and understand the fantastic advice that's been given to you already.

There's no way in hell I'd play with your wife, even if she was the most fantastic woman the world has ever seen. I'd forever being terrified of helping her enjoy it "too much" and what your insane reaction to it might be. You're a 50mt hydrogen dramabomb waiting to go off.

If you put on your profile "Husband has issues with his wife enjoying swinging too much", nobody would ever want to meet with you. What the hell are you in the lifestyle for? It's who you are? Like hell it is. Your desires, intentions, and wants have as much to do with swinging as snow has to do with Somalia. You're trying to fit a square peg the size of Mars into a hole designed for a mouse to pass through.

SWINGING IS NOT FOR YOU. Get over it.

Sorry to be so ridiculously blunt; it is not my style to be so. This is just too much to be believed.

[realcplub2]

Ok folks settle down, People come here to get answers and advice

Now to the OP

Do you ENJOY seeing her have a good time? And I don’t mean in just a sexual way, I mean OVER ALL..

One of the biggest hurdles for anyone that starts in the lifestyle is the jealousy that crops up when a loved one makes noises, moans or screams in anyway they don’t with you. But then, ask yourself a question.. Does it disturb you that she is enjoying the sensations or that its not you doing it? Does she do something she wont do with you?

How about looking at it in a different way, She is allowing herself to let go because, You are there and ready to PROTECT her should things get out of hand, And TRUST her enough to enjoy herself, without causing harm to your relationship. Plus, add into that the fact that swinging allows us to sample so many things that are taboo being the center of attention from two people, being pleasured by two people at the same time.. Sampling the same sex.. if not that, the newness of a stranger in bed.. the departure from the normal.. He isn't you.. he does things completely differently..

All this adds to the experience and allowing her to go with it.. might just mean she loves you all the more for bringing these experiences into her life..

Its up to you, to deal with any feeling YOU are having.. and talk to her.. in a non judgemental way, about how you felt.. Its not her fault for your feelings..

BUT the unspoken part of this is, Why were you worried about what she was doing if this was a full swap situation.. werent your hands full? if not WHY NOT?

[ClosetSwinger]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

Ok folks settle down, People come here to get answers and advice

Now to the OP

?

Sorry to have been so brash. I'm not sure if you saw his last post and the PAGES that followed about this exact topic. That is the only reason I got a little frustrated with him.

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

VegasLee is absolutely correct.

I'm reminded of a thread from last year that went on for something like 27 pages. The couple in question was told they were being stupid, over and over again. Nobody thought what they were doing was smart, and everyone thought it was going to end in disaster. Those of you who might remember; it was the couple that the wife was going to play solo with a guy half her age to 'educate' him about sex.

That ended in absolute disaster, and their young child got caught squarely in the crosshairs.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Look...



Yes, you DO want to spoil the fun. Good grief, when my wife is enjoying it WAAAAAAAY too much I'm tickled pink! Woohoo!!! FANTASTIC! For you, your wife enjoying it is a threat.

You are too insecure for this lifestyle. You have serious control and jealousy issues and don't seem to have an ability to recognize them, or to read and understand the fantastic advice that's been given to you already.

There's no way in hell I'd play with your wife, even if she was the most fantastic woman the world has ever seen. I'd forever being terrified of helping her enjoy it "too much" and what your insane reaction to it might be. You're a 50mt hydrogen dramabomb waiting to go off.

If you put on your profile "Husband has issues with his wife enjoying swinging too much", nobody would ever want to meet with you. What the hell are you in the lifestyle for? It's who you are? Like hell it is. Your desires, intentions, and wants have as much to do with swinging as snow has to do with Somalia. You're trying to fit a square peg the size of Mars into a hole designed for a mouse to pass through.

SWINGING IS NOT FOR YOU. Get over it.

Sorry to be so ridiculously blunt; it is not my style to be so. This is just too much to be believed.

To the OP, if this doesnt get you thinking nothing else will! I just feel bad for your wife having to deal with this all the while trying to make you happy.
Maybe your the type of person who enjoys negative drama in their life. Remember, swingers dont like drama!
We like to ENJOY sex with others! I enjoy seeing my man with a lady and he enjoys seeing me pleasured by another man. We have no tit for tat bull shit, sometimes one of us gets more out of play than the other, so what! We dont keep a score card. I like to make eye contact if possible to share a little wink, but if not, then no big deal.
I just dont undertand why you keep creating drama unless thats what gets you off.

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

BUT the unspoken part of this is, Why were you worried about what she was doing if this was a full swap situation.. werent your hands full? if not WHY NOT?

Well said. You're clearly not thinking about your partner if you're focused on re-establishing primary status with your wife.

[VegasLee]

Ok folks settle down, People come here to get answers and advice

Not worth it anymore.

[TNT]

If either of us were so concerned about the other having too much fun, we wouldn't be swinging. I want Ted to lose himself when he's playing and I know he wants me to do the same. We each feed off the others enjoyment, so how could we not want the other to be totally immersed in the moment?

Teresa

[fun4Ds]

I don't know the answers for you, anc. Maybe it would take a professional sex therapist for you at this point. It seems your pretty persistent trying and all, like ya really want this, but dang.

I guess I have a different outlook even though I have my faults. If it's some sort of separation anxiety, or what ever it is that your real troubles are, finding the right person to talk about this with, is pretty important. I think you both posses "some tools" in your relationship, but not the right tools and how to use them. I don't think you are going to find that in a group, or club, or the playmates you chose. It would in fact, take some special people to play with, and then talk about the issues you have. Some special people indeed, to say the least. Not that its impossible, but certainly not the playmates you have chosen so far.

I find it a bit strange that I hear no feed back from the people you are with, but again that might just be me. I believe we need good communication between ourselves. But sometimes there have been times I'll admit, that some feedback, is good with the playmates we choose. Not always....but sometimes.

I think, the communication you have is also bleeding over into the communication with your playmates, or at least I wonder.... In that, I think you need to at least think about things in a new way.....

I mean really, your so bent on your wifes issues, your missing your own as an individual, or at least how to take care of your self, your own needs. Like I say, that is either going to take a professional or a special person in the lifestyle. Nothing will change for the better until you do.


fun4ds

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by anc

your spouse enjoy it waaaay too much.

That's like saying she is getting too much fresh air.

As stated repeatedly in previous threads, you guys have too many issues to be in the LS.

You two swinging like pumping gas with a lit match, its just a matter of time until something blows up. Your post remind me of some of the most infamous phrases in Southern dialect. "Hey guys, Watch This......"

[Alura]

Originally Posted by Coupleerotic22

Your post remind me of some of the most infamous phrases in Southern dialect. "Hey guys, Watch This......"

In Oklahoma, it's "Hey guys! Hold my beer and Watch This!"

Alura

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by Alura

In Oklahoma, it's "Hey guys! Hold my beer and Watch This!"

Alura

Lol, in Alabama, we don't let go of our beer for any reason, unless it is empty