Swinging and my play partner's ED...what to do?

[Droid87]

My husband and I recently started playing with an incredible couple. They are super sexy and we all have great chemistry. The only problem is that the male cannot get hard. He gets excited, and can get off, just can't get hard. (he is 31)

I really want to help, but the couple times we have casually chatted about viagra he has mentioned being too embarrassed to seek medical help (and while he hints at knowing he has issues will not directly admit it). There a lot of of other solutions (herbal supplements, diet and exorcise changes) that I would love to suggest, I am just not sure the appropriate approach. He is aware of his problem, and his wife is aware, but they aren't doing anything to fix it.

What is the best way to express that you are really attracted to him and have a lot of fun but would really like to help him have better erections? Do you approach him directly, or maybe his partner??? I am at a total loss!

Any advice helps

[ClosetSwinger]

We have been in the lifestyle for a year and a half. I would say about all the men I have met that are swingers have had this issue at one time or another whether it be nerves/pressure/alcohol or whatever else. We purchased a supply of Cialis from an online pharmacy (buying it in the states is VERY EXPENSIVE) and it works great, hubby has used it a couple of times and so have friends of ours. Sometimes hubby will take one just for fun because it lasts for two or three days usually. He can have sex multiple times in a night if needed with no issues. It's like insurance, this way the man can just relax and not worry if it's going to get up (which sometimes makes it worse and then they can't get it up because they are so worried about getting it up)or not....cause with the pill....IT'S GONNA GET UP (for most).

I would just gently slip him one pill and I promise he will be SOLD, you could also say your hubby is taking one too and they should try it just for fun, this would make the other guy not feel so self conscious about it.

GOOD LUCK!

[SW_PA_Couple]

Hello, new member. Glad you found us.

Presumably the man you are meeting is able to get hard for his wife when at home in the more-familiar environment. In other words, he has nothing medically wrong. True? ? ?

The men with whom my wife plays are, admittedly, in a different age group. But she came to a realization at a certain point in time that a significant percentage have anywhere from occasional to habitual inability to get hard. If he is a man she likes, she simply looks past it and enjoys whatever the man has to offer. If fact, she seldom mentions it. One or two of her men have eventually "come around". My theory, and she can find no reason to dispute it, is that many men stay soft owing to the fact that they are thinking too much about it. When they are not thinking about it, it comes to them.

~Michael

[slevin]

I might be a paranoid bastard, but I wouldn't offer medication to anyone and suggest they take it. Imagine he has a heart problem and taking viagra, cialis etc. trigger something. I wouldn't want to be responsible for that.

If he doesn't have the guts to talk to his doctor (or a public clinic doctor) then I'm not sure what you can do. If he won't even directly admit he has an issue then bringing it up directly will be difficult. If you're having fun with them anyway then I'd keep playing with them. At most I'd mention how your husband takes cialis sometimes, or have your husband casually discuss it with him. Not as a suggestion, but as a narrative about how he swallowed his fear, brought it up with his doctor and is so glad that he did. Establish some rapport connection about understanding ED issues.

Tough topic to bring up, good luck.

[ClosetSwinger]

Originally Posted by slevin

I might be a paranoid bastard, but I wouldn't offer medication to anyone and suggest they take it. Imagine he has a heart problem and taking viagra, cialis etc. trigger something. I wouldn't want to be responsible for that.

If he doesn't have the guts to talk to his doctor (or a public clinic doctor) then I'm not sure what you can do. If he won't even directly admit he has an issue then bringing it up directly will be difficult. If you're having fun with them anyway then I'd keep playing with them. At most I'd mention how your husband takes cialis sometimes, or have your husband casually discuss it with him. Not as a suggestion, but as a narrative about how he swallowed his fear, brought it up with his doctor and is so glad that he did. Establish some rapport connection about understanding ED issues.

Tough topic to bring up, good luck.

I like your suggestion about bringing up that her husband sometimes takes a cialis. I also agree as far as if the person possibly has some sort of heart condition. Definitely something to think about....I agree.

[Alura]

I'm just a hick Okie, and I can't claim to know anything about Erectile Dysfunction, maybe not even how to spell it, but I have a free (which gives y'all some idea of its value) theory of its cause.

For thousands of years men have been encouraged to populate the Earth; it was somehow an honorable thing to fuck one's wife. At the same time, men who fucked other ladies were often called the "scum of the Earth," or worse. We're at ease with our wives and have no problem.

I find it helps me if Mrs. Playmate lets me know she really wants to fuck me, especially on a first Playdate. If she seems timid, unsure, waiting for me to show her what to do, I can't get it up. (I'm sure that's not the case with the O.P.)

There is another fun reason to introduce Viagra or Ciallis into a foursome's Party Night. Not only will the guys get it up, they'll keep it up. It will be a great evening for all... and if the ladies also take a physician-recommended dose ...

Does that use make them Recreational Drugs? If so, is the fact that its fun, by nature, immoral?

Alura

[Droid87]

Thanks for all the responses

I have seen my fair share of first time nerves and such but I think this is a little more than that. He has been swinging for more than 6 years.

As far as whether or not he gets hard for his wife, I haven't seen it, and I get the vibe that this is a recent and consistent problem.

I like the idea of having both the guys take something, more fun for all! And that is probably the easiest way to address the issue.

[exploringRM]

Cialis and viagra act differently, longer term versus short term. I even see now they have a daily type cialis. Both also have potential side effects. Some serious some just annoying.

That being said I ordered viagra online and too 1/2 pill and it seemed to work great. I am in good health, do not have any know conditions that would prevent me taking the pills.

I need to setup my yearly physical with my doc and may ask for a viagra script at that time just to make it easier to get.

[realcplub2]

Droid, Have your Lovely, gently speak to his.. and ask if this is an ongoing thing (Recent or not)

She can since she has a much better handle on his health concerns answer many more questions than you can. Nothing stops my wife from speaking to my Doc.. and she comes to appointments to make sure we discuss anything going on with him..

ANd yes, that includes any bedroom issues.. We have used both Cialis and Viagra, when the usual mechanical process arent working. Not all the time, but as a back up, every once in a while.. Better living thru chemistry