Married male playing alone

[hdwideglide2004]

Hopefully I can get some help here. I am the Male of a couple. We have been to a couple of clubs as a couple, and it is not for her. She tells me if I want to, go alone. I am not sure if she really means that. I really want to play, but do not want to hurt her. Do I just go and not tell her?

[Alura]

If you want to stay married, I'd suggest you make damned sure she meant it. Once you pass that hurdle, you'll find it very difficult to find swingers who will be interested in you.

Read some of the many threads on this subject on this board. They will be enlightening.

Alura

[exploringRM]

Many (most) couples will not play with a married male as a single, especially if the wife is not aware of the activity. Yes she sort of gave you permission but you need to communicate to your wife about your activities.

And if you do actually get her permission you need to make sure you let any prospective playmates know that you are married.

Swinging is about honesty and communication.

Now that I'm off the soapbox would your wife consider going to the club for the social aspects and not play while you do. That keeps things out in the open.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by hdwideglide2004

. . . I really want to play, but do not want to hurt her. Do I just go and not tell her?

How much do you value your relationship with your wife? Are there, for example, other frustrations or significant problems?

[msexplorers]

Originally Posted by exploringRM

Now that I'm off the soapbox would your wife consider going to the club for the social aspects and not play while you do. That keeps things out in the open.

I love this idea!

[JoCoCpl]

I am a married male who has gone to our favorite club alone on a couple of occasions. Maybe our situation is different because she is as "into" the lifestyle as much as I am, and we typically frequent this club together and have many friends there.

Regardless, I still felt "guilty" about going even though my wife practically pushed me out the door. So, before you go, be sure of two things -- make DAMN sure she is truly OK with it, and second, make sure YOU are OK with it. I'm not sure I'll ever go alone again, to be honest. Just doesn't feel right for me. It might work for the two of you, and if so, that's great.

I would agree with the previous post that you will have a difficult time finding people willing to play with a married male who is flying solo. Right or wrong, there will likely be an almost immediate suspicion from those who do not know you - a suspicion that you may simply be a man who is stepping out for something "on the side." Of course, there may be exceptions, but that seems to be my impression of the perception of others.

I was able to get playtime as a third with a couple that we already knew and were friends with. My guess is that will likely be your best chance for "quality time" -- those who already know the two of you and know the situation.

Perhaps if your wife is truly willing to let this happen, she may be willing to meet with some of your potential playmates outside the club just so your new friends know what's going on.

It will also be vital that you be reassuring to your wife every step of the way -- talk to her before, during, and after you go out. Keep her in the loop, communicate with her a couple of times through the night. Find out if she wants you to call her before playing or would prefer not to know that it's about to happen. Remember, even if she's not going, she's still involved in this -- she's your life partner, after all. She still needs to have her say.

Good luck!

[slevin]

Originally Posted by hdwideglide2004

Hopefully I can get some help here. I am the Male of a couple. We have been to a couple of clubs as a couple, and it is not for her. She tells me if I want to, go alone. I am not sure if she really means that. I really want to play, but do not want to hurt her. Do I just go and not tell her?

Without knowing a lot more about your relationship and your specific situation it's really hard to know what is going on. Based on this extremely limited amount of information I'd put my money on this being her passive aggressive way of testing you. She begrudgingly gives you 'permission', but it's more of a test to see if you'll follow through with it. If you go and she knows I would expect a lot of arguments and fights at home. Maybe not on this subject specifically, but it will be caused by it.

I'd encourage you to provide a lot more information about your relationship and how you got to this point:

- How is your sex life with your wife?
- Why did you decide to try swinging?
- Did you do anything more than just go to the club?
- How long have you been together?
- What do you and your wife do aside from sex and trying swinging? Hobbies, activities?
- How is your communication with your wife? If you went to her to discuss you swinging alone how would she react in general? How did she react when you brought up swinging?

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by hdwideglide2004

She tells me if I want to, go alone.

You can take her statement many ways.

1. Sure, I am alright with it, really!
2. I don't care what you do because I have pretty much had it with you.
3. She is going along to get along. That will not last forever and it will bite you in the butt.

If you want to keep your wife I would sign off the swingers web sites and forget about swinging. She has not interest.

You have to decide what is more important to you in the long run. Keeping your wife or getting a bit of strange once in a while.

Your call!

Also interested in why you registered here as a "single male". Your not.

[Alura]

If a couple is to swing, they need to do it together.

Ask her if she'd like to go to Sturgis on the bike and stay in the campground for swingers. If she say's "yes!," make sure any play on the trip is initiated by her. If she says, "No!" give up the idea of swinging completely. It's not worth the damage it will do to your marriage.

Alura

[fun4Ds]

More information required ?

to the Swingers Board

[funat40]

It is so interesting to hear all these opinions about a married guy who wants to play alone, with his wife's permission. If this situation were reversed, no one would think twice about it. In fact, there's are two words (hotwifing and cuckholding) invented to describe this practice, because it is so "common." But when the situation is reversed, people worry about how the wife really feels about it, and advise caution.

Why the double-standard? Why is it perfectly acceptable for a wife to play alone, but a husband is expected to either play with his wife or not at all?

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by funat40

It is so interesting to hear all these opinions about a married guy who wants to play alone, with his wife's permission. If this situation were reversed, no one would think twice about it.

Can you cite an example where one of the above posters has said as much in a thread where the situation was reversed? That would be an interesting read.

[Alura]

There is no "double standard" in this case, funat40. The original poster himself was unsure if his wife was really okay with his playing alone. Most folks made the point that he'd better be sure.

Others made the valid point that even if his wife is alright with his playing alone, he'll have a tough time finding playmates who will take a chance with him.

Alura

[padoc]

If she's not a partner in swinging, than as a married man, you're nothing but a cheater. If it's not for her then its not for you as long as you're married to her.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by funat40

Why the double-standard? Why is it perfectly acceptable for a wife to play alone, but a husband is expected to either play with his wife or not at all?

Read though my posts from over the years here. You will NEVER see my presenting a double standard. I have brought this up here many times.

Will many set aside their standards to get with another women, yes. Is it right? Not in my opinion. Many here will ignore the fact a women is married to get with her, mainly if she is BI. I don't agree but your right, many will play the double standard game if it suits them at the time.