We didn't "reconnect" with sex after playing and I feel jealous

[happycouple5047]

First a statement and then a question...
The first time my wife and I played with another couple, when we got home, we had some great married loving sex by ourselves.
The second time we played, we did not have that re-connect time right after. It was late when the other couple went home (she got her first orgasm from a woman's tongue) and she was tired and felt worked over. We didn't in the morning because I couldn't sleep that night, because all I saw in my head was her legs up and him inside her. We didn't the next day because she was not feeling well.

I consider that re-connect time to be my time to be the last guy in (so to speak), and to have some loving sexual moments between us and kinda reclaim her and our closeness. Truthfully I felt jealous, and rejected. She had time for play, but not time for us.

Have any of you felt the same, if so, what did you do?

[Coupleerotic22]

Yes, something similar has happened. Once we did not make it home until sun up. On the way home we picked the kids up from their sitter. They were awake and wanted to play with mom and dad, so that morning was out of the question.

Another time, she was just exhausted, she had a fun night. The next morning, we were still alone, but she was still a bit worn out, so we just cuddled. So sex didn't happen.

Most of the time we do have after play sex and it is great. Sometimes it doesn't work out. Sometimes one or both of us are just worn out after a night having a some wild and crazy fun.

The fact you may not have sex after a party is not in and of itself reason to worry anymore than not having sex on a Tuesday night because she had a rough day and is tired. If there are other signs you should be concerned that it may mean something more. Most likely, she is just tired.

Relax and enjoy your play time with others and your love making with your wife. Don't expect one to be a quid pro quo for the other. Perhaps you should talk a little about why you got in to swinging, what each of you expect, what each of you perceive as slights etc. Let her know how you feel and listen to how she feels. I am willing to bet she didn't even realize it was an issue with you.

I would be careful that she understands this was an issue with you, but you respect her desires to skip "after sex" sometimes, otherwise it might become a bigger issue. If she has after sex even when she is not up to it, it may put a damper on her desire to play, or worse, feel like after sex is an obligation rather than fun.

You also said this is only your second time to play, again, most likely she was just tired.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by happycouple5047

I consider that re-connect time to be my time to be the last guy in (so to speak), and to have some loving sexual moments between us and kinda reclaim her and our closeness. Truthfully I felt jealous, and rejected. She had time for play, but not time for us.

Have any of you felt the same, if so, what did you do?

You were there together that night during play. You had time for play, too, not just your wife.

She had good reason to not feel up to having sex with you after returning home, she was worn out. You admit to not feeling like sex the next morning, so I would think you'd have some understanding of how it can happen that sometimes you just don't feel like having sex after a swing date.

My take on your post is that the issue isn't reconnecting in a loving way after playing, but rather your need to feel in control by reclaiming your wife through being the "last guy in." I can see this as a need some males have, but I don't think it can always be accomodated, due to the reasons you mentioned.

My advice, if you feel you have to have it, I'd suggest you ask yourself why is this so necessary, and, if you don't get it, is it going to put a damper on your swinging? If so, you and your wife should do some soul-searching on this issue and decide how you're going to handle it.

For us, we've never felt the need to have sex after we get home from swinging. We have done it, but most often not. We're tuckered out after playing and staying out so late.

The next day, He is still mine, I am still his.

LM

[lustylearning]

I think there have been other threads on this topic. When we first started in the lifestyle, hubby had a huge need to reconnect, and I didn't. We had to work through it. He needed to understand I was tired, lol, and I needed to understand he wanted the last piece of the pie. Over time, his need has lessened somewhat, and I have learned how to better prepare myself mentally when the need is still there.

Talk about it. Figure out why it's such a strong desire for you. Be reasonable.

[exploringRM]

If all that is running through your mind, and not in a good way, is your wife's playmate all over her, is the lifestyle really right for you? IMHO swinging is about sharing, allowing your spouse to have fun as well as you having fun. And by sharing, I mean allowing one's spouse the opportunity to enjoy their playmate without jealousy or concern over her having a better time.

The bond between you should be emotional and not (always) need the (immediate) physical contact to keep that bond.

[sweet_tna]

We prefer to have that post-playtime sex too, but it's not make or break for us. There have been quite a few times when we've had a long ride home and/or we're just too tired.

You have to be secure enough in your relationship that it's just a bonus thing for you, too. It should be enough for you to go home together. You can still have those loving moments on the drive home by talking and holding hands.

[ENCRYPTEDTX]

I feel it is a NECESSITY and make it one of my rules with a partner....if we play with others we absolutely MUST play when we get home. I am very talkative during sex and like to replay the scenes to her. We have had nights where she would be sore and we could not go for long, but we still kept our promise and re-connected.

When you swing with others you are sharing a sexual experience, and there is no better way to end the night than a loving experience.

Kyle

[MsGoneWild]

me and the boy like to play after we get done with our play time... BUT it rarely happens. Normally we're so sore or tired my poor vagina can't even fathom letting him back in..But then there are days we play twice and have sex for the next several days after in a row.

It depends on a lot of factors for us.

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by ENCRYPTEDTX

I feel it is a NECESSITY and make it one of my rules with a partner....if we play with others we absolutely MUST play when we get home. I am very talkative during sex and like to replay the scenes to her. We have had nights where she would be sore and we could not go for long, but we still kept our promise and re-connected.

When you swing with others you are sharing a sexual experience, and there is no better way to end the night than a loving experience.

Kyle

Seems a little too much to me when you use words like neccessity and must. What happenes when circumstances trump that rule? Sounds more like a desire and in the best of case it happens, but sounds a bit strong to say not matter what, it's gonna happen.

[The Fuse]

We almost never do. Sometimes the next morning. Sometimes, not for days. I guess a couple of things contribute to that: number one, Mr. Fuse doesn't feel the need to "reclaim" me. He knows I'm his. Number two, we both really enjoy having had the experience with a swing partner, and have no urge to blot it out or blunt the feelings we've had by having sex with each other again right away. It's like having a great dinner and then immediately having dessert. We prefer to wait a while. We both like to savor the after-feelings... the little throbs, the scents, the memory of the feeling of the playmate's skin and hands and...

Not least, we're both pretty tired after playing. We are always connected through kissing, hugging, smiling at each other, and eventually when we both want to, sex with each other.

[Coupleerotic22]

We don't always "re-connect" with sex after, but we are usually still turned on so much that we want each other. We do re-connect regardless, in other ways like Fuse said.

For us us we are usually still so turned on that we both want to do it with each other, unless one or both of us is so tired we can't move or one of us doesn't feel well.

I don't really get the reclaiming aspect of it. We never lost each other to begin with. Besides, we are not property that might end up in lost and found. At least not yet, maybe if she has me stuffed when I die, then there might come a time I need to be reclaimed. lol Somehow I don't think she would do that (stuff me I mean) .

[JustAskJulie]

We try to do this but it doesn't always work out. What we've found is more important is to make sure that we do have sex within the day or two before we plan to play with others to prevent a disconnect.

[divenaked]

If we are playing with a couple or single at home (ours or theirs), we are already playing with each other throughout the time. After a large house party or a trip to an on-premiss club, we are usually so tired we don't even think about sex afterwards..................which is sometime the next morning.