House Parties & Only Playing Together?

[skham]

Mr Ham and I have been in the lifestyle for less than a year. We have attended a house party (same house) for the last four months. We have "graduated" from soft swap to full swap. Our one hard-and-fast rule is that we only play together, we have reiterated that in almost every discussion that we have together regarding our questions, concerns etc. That being said, my husband told me today that he felt constrained last night having to think of me last night (at the previously mentioned house party). That if he started flirting/touching another person, at what point and how do you say "my spouse and I only play together"? And how does that seem? I should add that the majority of folks at this party play separately. This is the first time this issue came up, as we had only played together with couples who also played together.

So, I'm asking. How does "only playing together" at a house party work? Do you only approach others as a couple? Do you have a lot of threesomes? If you are mid-flirt/touch, how do you tell the other person that you are part of a package?

Any input is appreciated.
Mrs Ham

[The Fuse]

Hi there,

Welcome to the Board! You have arrived with a very good question about a worthy subject. There have been some discussions on this already.

House Parties to avoid the 4 way match problem

Playing separate but not playing alone?

You'll find a lot of different answers to this question. Many couples who normally only play together will play separately at parties, for the very reason your husband brought up. Then again there are some couples who are just not comfortable with the idea of their spouse playing alone, even if it's at a party. You and your husband have to decide what your comfort level is. You should ask yourselves, what are your reasons for not wanting to play alone at parties? Be honest about whatever the reasons are, even if they involve insecurities. You may decide not to loosen your rules. In that case, the sooner each of you tells a potential playmate that things can only go so far before the other one joins you, the better.

Keep in mind that if you decide playing separately is okay, it is likely that one of you will have more opportunities than the other. Usually the woman will get more offers, but that's not always the case. You'll have to be prepared and be happy for each other rather than keep score and be jealous of each other. If this doesn't work for you, then sticking together might be a better idea.

[VegasLee]

Best way to keep it simple.

If you two have a hard and fast rule that you only play together, then stay together. Don't give the impression to others that there is a chance of anything else.

Your adults and your playing with adults. Honesty works.

If the two of you are in the mood for a couple, approach couples. If your in the mood for a three way, then together go for singles.

Don't over think common sense things and last but not least, Have fun!

[socolais]

Welcome to the board, I think you'll fit in very well in this group.

Repeat visits to the same house party is a comfortable way to enjoy the lifestyle. The regulars will typically know and respect your rules. If your rules and restrictions are compatable with enough other folks, things can work very smoothly. Of course, communication is the simple answer. Describe your play style preference with a positive slant rather than a play restriction.

[JustAskJulie]

Have to agree with Lee. But it sounds like your husband is wanting to move away from playing only together and this is something you really need to sit down and talk about. If he's feeling restricted and wants more, it may turn into resentment. I'm not saying you should or have to play separately but you do have to make sure you are both on the same page and in agreement on your rules.

[lizandtom]

You probably started with flirting, then a rule of soft swap, then graduated to full swap, so perhaps your rules aren't keeping up with your exploration pace? I think Fuse asked it best; what is the reason behind not playing separately at a private party? Obviously it's not a 'green light' go since it was broached by your husband, and you're not enthralled with going that direction, but like Julie said a worthy heart to heart should be done between you two. If he's outgoing and you're afraid of not enough attention and by yourself (which is fear no. 1 in separating), then be honest and tell him. Perhaps he wouldn't dare leave with someone until he saw that you were in good hands with someone you hit it off with, which is how we work it a lot of the time, and also for her security.

[Newpants]

First off this is not answering your questions but just some food for thought.

Many people who normally do only play together will often play separately at a house party because in that environment you can often unshackle yourselves from the omnipresent 4-way-click dilema. Make no mistakes, if you rigidly stick to your together-only rule and only play with other couples who play together you ARE constraining yourselves considerably.

Since you have been in the lifestyle for awhile and have moved up through may of the typical milestones and have been attending a house party regularly with whom I assume are some of the same faces, it is not unreasonable to have an honest sit-down conversation and discuss whether your "together only" rule is still valid at this point in your lifestyle career and at this particular house party with these particular people. There is a big difference between playing separately at a house party under the same roof with a bunch of people you know vs going out on separate dates with people.

It is good and healthy to periodically review your rules to see if they still have the same validity and necessity that they once did and amend them accordingly.

The time to do this is well before an encounter and NOT in the middle of a party!!!

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by skham

.

So, I'm asking. How does "only playing together" at a house party work? Do you only approach others as a couple? Do you have a lot of threesomes? If you are mid-flirt/touch, how do you tell the other person that you are part of a package?

Any input is appreciated.
Mrs Ham

Now since your questions were not "should we continue to only play together?" but rather "HOW do we continue to play together?" I'll see if I can offer a creative idea.

As far as "how does only playing together work?".... You have already been doing that, so that is how it works. I'm not being a wiseguy here, you have done it, you have been successfull - that is how it works. You can keep doing what you are doing and live with the results or you can try a couple new things.

You can only approach people as a couple if you want, nothing wrong with that at all. You can also approach one person at a time for 3somes. Some will accept and some will decline. A question of ethics comes into play here though. How would you feel if a couple approached your partner and asked him/her to play but said they were not interested in you? How would your partner feel about that? How would you each feel if they only approached you but wanted to exclude your partner?

So let's get a little creative here. Here is something you can try, maybe it might work and it might not but it would be fun to try.

At the next party you can each mingle and flirt with whoever you want either together or separately. then lets say you have a guy or two or a lady or two you are interested in, you could say "at 11pm Mr Ham and I are going to go into the upstairs bedroom and get nekkid and you can come up and join us if it is ok with your partner. If your partner is not interested in Mr Ham that is OK, he/she does not have to do anything with him (or me)" (if the parnter is another lady that might not be interested in playing with you.)

Then at the same time Mr Ham can be schmoozing the ladies and if there is one or two he is interested in he can tell her, "at 11PM, Mrs Ham and I are going to go into the upstairs bedroom and get nekkid and you can join us if your partner is OK with that. Mrs Ham may have some friends joining her but you do not have to do anything with them if you don't want to and Mrs Ham may not be interested in your partner but the choice to join us or not is up to you two."

It may not be a universal solution all the time but I bet it would generate some naked bodies and a whole lotta fun more often than not