Rumor mill - we're in it....

[Trace Ekies]

I ran into an old friend yesterday...I hadn't seen her in several years so we were catching up a bit when she announced that she'd heard a rumor about me...I assumed it was business related and told her that I was NOT out of business but struggling a good bit like most in the construction industry.

She told me that it was not business related but personal...I asked if the rumor was bad and she told me that it wasn't bad...but VERY interesting.

I asked if we could talk about it there (she was with her mom) or if I should come over for lunch one day next week...she told me to call her and we'd meet late in the day over drinks and discuss the rumor.

I am assuming that she's referring to our hobby...but be sure I'll admit nothing until she makes the rumor clear to me.

Assuming I am correct...what to do? Deny, deny, deny? Tell the truth?

Her and I are not especially close but she is an attractive single woman who likes to party...

It's impossible to make a plan with no more info than this...but some hypothetical planning would be helpful...I can take the advice of my expert friends and then use what I need as the conversation unfolds.

I will not use your advice for evil unless it'll get Mrs. Ekies and I laid...

While I am very interested to hear what she has to say I am not worried with what she'll do...but I want to have as much fun as I can without saying too much...

Trace

[VegasLee]

We have always been open and honest about our Lifestyle. We don't do anything we are ashamed of and most everyone knows about us. Hard to hide when your face and other parts have shown up on the local news.

We have always stood by the motto of "The Truth will set you free."

If it is someone that we care about that confronts us then they matter enough to be honest with in our opinion. If we don't care enough about them to tell them the truth then we would take the time to even speak to them about it.

We keep it simple. May or may not work for you.

[lizandtom]

Trace, I think you have to clear your mind of all the 'what if's' and just meet to hear what she has to say and cross that bridge when you come to it. Obviously you're on your toes right now ready to walk on egg shells, but I think your response to her filling you in on the rumor will have to be in how you perceive her tone; judgemental, intrigue, curiosity etc.

My first train of thought since you aren't close with her, and therefore she wouldn't care about you enough to discuss any rumor she heard, is that she may have heard a rumor that you are swingers, is curious and interested in exploring it further, but you want to be very astute and tight lipped on it until you read her body language on it and why she's talking to you about it at all.

Lee, I have to disagree about being honest and open only in the context that business could be hurt causing more of a hardship on the family if clients pull out and sales are lost. Trace, if you perceive, at all, that in your business circles this could hurt you and your livelihood, then I would simply say that you've picked up on the rumors too, but they're not true; it must have started because you have some friends that are swingers.

[fun4Ds]

Trace, will Mrs. Ekies be at this meeting ?

I would think in this case, I would want Mrsfun there..... Not that I cant speak for myself as an individual, but I would just feel more comfortable.

Oh, and if the rumor is about "your hobby", lol... Make sure to tell her about the Swingers Board

[Tia Vampire]

I like the way you think Trace , but definitely find out what the rumor is. I also think it would be a good idea if you included the Mr. That way another rumor won't get started.

[cocpl2007]

"... an old friend..." ??? An "old friend" you used to have sex with? Had a previous relationship with? Either way, you need to include the Mrs in on whatever you do, and fill her in on your chance encounter. How you approach your old friend, is dependent upon your expectations. You already highly suspect she is going to inform you that the rumor is that "your hobby" is being talked/speculated about. Why else would she want to disclose this rumor "over drinks"? It sure seems she has more in mind than just "disclosing" the rumor to you! You just might have found a candidate for some FMF play, more accurately, she just found you.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by lizandtom

Lee, I have to disagree about being honest and open only in the context that business could be hurt causing more of a hardship on the family if clients pull out and sales are lost.

Could be for some. That has not proven to be the case with me. For the last 30+ years have owned my own businesses and it never effect any of them. Before that was the VP of a national company and I was arrested at a club, made the TV news, went to Federal court and it never effect my position there either. Guess it just depends on the person and how you deal with it.

[two4youinswva]

I think lizandtom share the same thoughts that I do. You're really going to have to read the body language and nuances to see what her angle is.

If you have any concern about the rumor becoming confirmation to others, then be very careful. Even those that you feel can hold a confidence can let the cat out of the bag. We once confided our activities to a very close friend that we trusted. Said friend later entered a relationship, and let that person know. That person proceeded to share it with several people in the same career field as mine. A colleague asked me about it, telling me where she'd heard the news. My response was, "Oh wow, that is funny". It immediately diffused the situation.

Good luck.

Of course, the rumor could just be that you're sleeping with the pool boy.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Trace Ekies

She told me that it was not business related but personal...I asked if the rumor was bad and she told me that it wasn't bad...but VERY interesting.

I asked if we could talk about it there (she was with her mom) or if I should come over for lunch one day next week...she told me to call her and we'd meet late in the day over drinks and discuss the rumor.

You're a guy who hasn't been in touch with this woman for at least a couple years and you offer up a lunch meet...she comes back with the suggestion of drinks late in the day.

Come on man, she was hitting on you, you picked up the signs and hit right back with the suggestion to meet for lunch. She one upped you with the suggestion to "meet late in the day over drinks." Right now she's got all kinds of fantasies going on about having sex with you. I have no doubt this is about her hearing about you being a swinger (or maybe a player, or a cheater).

This is so easy to figure out it's embarrassing me to have to explain it to you...ah, but let's get real, you know darn well what she did, and what you did, and you're fantisizing about getting it on with this gal. That's a fun and perfectly okay fantasy to have.

Here's the thing. She may have no clue about how swinging works. She may think you'll do it with her without Mrs. Ekies knowledge. She may not know that would be cheating.

What does Mrs. Ekies think about all this? Is she an old friend of Mrs. Ekies, too?

A long lost friend doesn't set up a special meeting to discuss a rumor. You're just looking for some fun and so is she. Out-of-touch-with friends who mention they've heard a rumor about you are rumor spreaders, IMO. Play with her and she'll have a great true story to spread that will become another "rumor" around town.

If you do meet, tell this woman that Mrs. Ekies is coming along. Then see if you notice a change in your friend's enthusiasm to meet. If you all meet, why would you acknowlege that you are swingers? What point would there be in doing so unless you and Mrs. Ekies are considering playing with her?

This could could be one big mistake. Think it over carefully and be sure Mrs. Ekies is with you all the way in this. You've already given this woman the impression that you would like to meet her alone. It may seem innocent to you, but I'm sure she's not seeing it this way. I wouldn't if I were her.

Flip the coin and this could turn out to be an opportunity for play. But with what you've given me, it doesn't feel right. This needs to be approached carefully and be sure you're thinking with the bigger head.

LM

[Fundamental Law]

The problem with rumors is that they are ... rumors. Think about the potential outcomes of this meeting. The rumor concerns your playtime, and she has you alone without YOUR playmate. The rumor concerns something else, and you are in the position of having to defend or deny the topic.

The philosophy of swinging includes sharing and open communication with your partner. Bringing Mrs. along would be wise.

Your 'old friend' might be interested in casual sex. Or not. But showing up alone puts you in a weak position to deny anything if that seems appropriate.

[Alura]

I'd say (if Mrs. Eckies agrees) you should meet her for drinks, fuck her behind the juke box, and take her home for the main course.

Let us know how it goes!


Mr. Alura

[ncmd_couple]

LikeMinds,

Excellent advice, I can't add anything to that.

S

[Chicup]

I'm going to laugh if the rumor is that you are secretly gay.

[Trace Ekies]

Thanks everyone...I will borrow from each and every one of you.

I have discussed this in detail with Mrs. Ekies...she hasn't decided whether she'll go with me or not...she's afraid she'll have a couple of glasses of wine and spill the beans in detail. She also suggested that if I go alone and it turns out to be what we think that I could possibly have some fun and tell her about it.

The woman in question and I are business friends...I was her client for a good while and we had a great relationship filled with innuendo...nothing beyond some sexy looks and remarks.

Chicup...I will fall over dead...and you'll never hear from me again.

Fun4D's...My whole reason for even following up on this ridiculous rumor is to tell her about Swingersboard...

Tia...I like the way you think as well...

LikeMinds...The farthest this will go without a serious discussion is me toying with her...nothing hateful or hurtful...just some fun. If it turns out to be what we think and she suggests things move further I'll get serious and put what I've learned here and through experience to work to prevent problems.

Please keep in mind that I'd never betray Mrs. Ekies...hell, I can't even take Mrs. Ekies suggestion to have sex with this woman if I want and tell her about it.

I understand that this is serious business and do not take my responsibility lightly so have no fear...I'll do right by Swingersboard.

I'll report back as soon as I have something...good or bad...

Trace

[lizandtom]

Originally Posted by Trace Ekies

Please keep in mind that I'd never betray Mrs. Ekies...hell, I can't even take Mrs. Ekies suggestion to have sex with this woman if I want and tell her about it.

So why don't you go meet the woman, and if it turns out to be a lifestyle proposition AND it turns out the woman is bi, then have Mrs. Ekies ready in the wings to be picked up; out from drinks, see how it flows; take it from there, although if it's not, then when you excuse yourself to the mens room, make sure to call Mrs. Ekies that it's a false alarm because no doubt things will be swirling in her mind about how the 'meeting' is going.

Then you can have her order the casket because you're dead on the floor from the gay rumor going around.