How do we find some relaxing, drama free fun at the clubs?

[redsticktwo4u]

I don't know if this is the proper place to post this...
My girlfriend and I have been interested in swinging for about a year, but so far, haven't had any luck finding any compatible couples or single females or single males to play with. We have posted ads on just about all of the sites, but find that few of them have any activity for our area (Baton Rouge, La) and of those that do, we've not had any luck making contacts. Next Saturday, we are going to one of the on premises clubs in New Orleans, for about the 6th or 7th time. Like the ads, we've never had any luck making connections for play in the clubs we've gone to. Frankly, we are both baffled. We are not entirely shy, yet try not to be overly obnoxious. We are average in appearance and certainly aren't hunting for perfect Ken and Barbie types (how boring!). We are in our mid-40s, are HWP and maybe look just a bit younger than our years. Does anyone have any suggestion as to how we might enhance our chances of finding some relaxing, drama free fun at the clubs? Really, this is a baffling situation for us. We are both professionals, pretty good at interacting with people in our work (both of our jobs require a lot of interpersonal activity), but I don't know...maybe when it comes to approaching people in a sexually charged situation or environment, maybe we are clueles...
Anyway, wish us luck! I think we need it, hehe.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by redsticktwo4u

Next Saturday, we are going to one of the on premises clubs in New Orleans, for about the 6th or 7th time.

It's hard to say why you aren't finding people to play with since there are so many factors to consider that aren't known at this point. I'd like to hear more about your experiences there.

You've attended this particular club enough times that I would think you'd have gotten to chat with quite a few people. Have you become acquainted with enough folks that you are now able to see many again and chat with familiar faces every time you go?

How have people been reacting to you? Do they approach you?

Do you approach many people?

Since it's an on-premises club, have you played alone with each other, where people could observe you as a couple? I believe some couples have found that approach seemed to get people's attention, from there they discovered people would approach them afterward to get to know them, that led to finding people to play with.

LM

[Newpants]

I see you posted on our newbie thread so maybe we can help each other out here. Perhaps there is even a common thread here in that people are a little standoffish with you since you are newbs and are afraid of freaking you out and you interested in making the next step but just need a little guidence on how to make that step.

First off IMHO you are going the right way in going to clubs where you can meet real people in the flesh as opposed to just talking to some phantom on the internet that could be a 14 year old playing on the computer for all you know.

The first quetion that comes to my mind is what is it that has kept you from playing in the 6-7 times that you have already been to the club?

Did you just not find any people that you found attractive? Were people not talking to you? Did anyone make you any offers? If so what kept you from taking them up on it?

Did you make anyone any offers and if not why not? And if so why didn't they take you up on it?

While you were talking to people did the topic of sex ever come up? It's one thing to not be boarish and behave in an aggressive and disrespectfull manner but it is another thing to just talk about mundane normal-life type stuff all night. At some point in the evening the topic of sex is going to have to come up in order to get to the bedroom.

Give us a little more background and specifics and perhaps we can offer some suggestions.

[redsticktwo4u]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

It's hard to say why you aren't finding people to play with since there are so many factors to consider that aren't known at this point. I'd like to hear more about your experiences there.

You've attended this particular club enough times that I would think you'd have gotten to chat with quite a few people. Have you become acquainted with enough folks that you are now able to see many again and chat with familiar faces every time you go?

How have people been reacting to you? Do they approach you?

Do you approach many people?

Since it's an on-premises club, have you played alone with each other, where people could observe you as a couple? I believe some couples have found that approach seemed to get people's attention, from there they discovered people would approach them afterward to get to know them, that led to finding people to play with.

LM

In answer to your questions... in fact, our chats with people have always been very short and inconsequential. The few times that people have actually engaged us in conversation, or have been receptive to our initiations, the talks have been interrupted by "oh, there are our friends, we need to go meet with them..." and such. We have never even gotten to the point where talk beyond the "where are you from" and such occurs. Maybe it's because we're from Baton Rouge, and the clubs are in New Orleans-maybe people are less than interested in playing with out of towners, I don't know.

Yes, everytime we go to these two clubs, we play together in the large group rooms. Still, nothing doing. We play, we watch, we smile. We're not such social misfits that we don't know how to interact with people...lol.

Maybe next Saturday I'll take notes so I can give you a more specific rundown on what happens.

[redsticktwo4u]

Originally Posted by Newpants

I see you posted on our newbie thread so maybe we can help each other out here. Perhaps there is even a common thread here in that people are a little standoffish with you since you are newbs and are afraid of freaking you out and you interested in making the next step but just need a little guidence on how to make that step.

First off IMHO you are going the right way in going to clubs where you can meet real people in the flesh as opposed to just talking to some phantom on the internet that could be a 14 year old playing on the computer for all you know.

The first quetion that comes to my mind is what is it that has kept you from playing in the 6-7 times that you have already been to the club?

Did you just not find any people that you found attractive? Were people not talking to you? Did anyone make you any offers? If so what kept you from taking them up on it?

Did you make anyone any offers and if not why not? And if so why didn't they take you up on it?

While you were talking to people did the topic of sex ever come up? It's one thing to not be boarish and behave in an aggressive and disrespectfull manner but it is another thing to just talk about mundane normal-life type stuff all night. At some point in the evening the topic of sex is going to have to come up in order to get to the bedroom.

Give us a little more background and specifics and perhaps we can offer some suggestions.

Well, see above...but to more specifically answer your questions...we have never gotten any offers. We have not even been able to engage in enough conversation to make any offers of our own... I guess this is the best way I could describe it: Have you ever been to a party where everyone else knows each other and you don't know anyone? And more, at this party, try as you might, no one seems interested that you are there or that you are attempting to talk to them. It's really strange. My gf and I are both fairly outgoing people, adept at talking to people, putting people at ease and so forth. We are respectful of others, we have open minds as to what is "attractive." Quite frankly, I would say that we both are people persons. Does this make sense? We like people. We do well with people in every situation, except, apparently, this one.
But we do have fun, at least together, so all is not lost, lol.

[exploringRM]

Have you tried contacting people online and inviting them to meet you at the club? On Swing Lifestyle (and other sites) there are typically posting for the club events with a list of people planning to attend.

We've not had much luck just showing up at a swing club and finding a couple to play with (though that's how our "cherry" was popped with finding a couple at a club). We have better success with discussing meeting via online emails and or chats and then planning a meet at a swing club. We are selective so usually things go well at the face to face meet.

[redsticktwo4u]

Originally Posted by exploringRM

Have you tried contacting people online and inviting them to meet you at the club? On Swing Lifestyle (and other sites) there are typically posting for the club events with a list of people planning to attend.

We've not had much luck just showing up at a swing club and finding a couple to play with (though that's how our "cherry" was popped with finding a couple at a club). We have better success with discussing meeting via online emails and or chats and then planning a meet at a swing club. We are selective so usually things go well at the face to face meet.

None of the swingers' ad sites have worked for us at all... We've had profiles on most of them, and have never been able to make contact with people that way. Go figure, lol.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by redsticktwo4u

None of the swingers' ad sites have worked for us at all... We've had profiles on most of them, and have never been able to make contact with people that way. Go figure, lol.

I would love to see what your profile states then.

On a weekend you know you are traveling to NOLA, hop on Swing Lifestyle or AFF (or wherever you have an active profile)...change your location to NOLA (instead of BR) put on your status "We're going to (insert club name here) on (insert date here)...let's meet up" or something of the like.

If the reason you are going is for a particular event weekend, rsvp on the site where your profile is and you will be able to see others who are planning to attend the event as well. See if someone strikes your fancy...or even if you think they just look like nice people to talk to have you dropped an email saying "we'll be attending the event too...hope to see you there" kind of thing.

I am a people person too...but hate walking into a party or event where I don't know anyone. People pick up on those vibes. But if I walk in knowing we've made contact with people its not nearly so indimidating as having that outsider feeling.

[redsticktwo4u]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

I would love to see what your profile states then.

On a weekend you know you are traveling to NOLA, hop on Swing Lifestyle or AFF (or wherever you have an active profile)...change your location to NOLA (instead of BR) put on your status "We're going to (insert club name here) on (insert date here)...let's meet up" or something of the like.

If the reason you are going is for a particular event weekend, rsvp on the site where your profile is and you will be able to see others who are planning to attend the event as well. See if someone strikes your fancy...or even if you think they just look like nice people to talk to have you dropped an email saying "we'll be attending the event too...hope to see you there" kind of thing.

I am a people person too...but hate walking into a party or event where I don't know anyone. People pick up on those vibes. But if I walk in knowing we've made contact with people its not nearly so indimidating as having that outsider feeling.

Well, since they've never had any luck there, we've closed all of our profiles. We didn't want to be one of those "last visited 6 months ago" couples. Also, it's a lot less frustrating to have no profile than to have a failing one, lol.
Maybe we'll try it again, but we're feeling a bit burned out on those things, to be honest.
And yes, we tried posting our plans to going to the clubs. I think maybe these clubs are just cliquish. We'd like to try some others for comparison, but finding time for long distance travel is a bit difficult.
Thanks for the tips though.

[Newpants]

From your descriptions it really sounds like you are doing the right things and taking the right steps. There is a chance that your ship just has not come in yet and the next time you go there you will be living the life of porn stars

Sometimes it is like that at the clubs. Some nights things just fall into place without even trying and other nights it's like you couldn't get laid if it was a whorehouse and you had the winning lottery ticket in your pocket.

I'll offer these random thoughts -

- Try bumping up the flirtation a little more. People don't go to onpremise clubs unless they are at least open to the idea of playing that night. Don't be afraid to be flirtatious and seductive. It's ok to make chit-chat and pleasantries for a few minutes after the introduction but people are sizing up who they want to play with and you only have a few minutes to make an impression.

- While you are at the club, take that as an opportunity to meet new people and make introductions and ask them to introduce you to these friends that they are walking away from you to see. Ask them to integrate you into their little clique so you aren't just left sitting alone.

-along with that take a little pen and notepad and the people that you meet that seem like the kind of folks you are interested in, write down their profile name or email or ph # and contact them afterwards and see if they would like to meet outside the noisy club environment to get to know each other a little better and develop a bit of a rapport outside the club and perhaps some of that relationship will carry over inside the club as well.

And just some side thoughts, going to a club time and again without playing can be a bit of a double-edged sword. On one hand when people see you coming repeatedly they will tend to think you are more serious and may take you more seriously and give you a chance. But on the other hand if they see you there time and again just hanging out and not really doing anything they may think you are just spectators or "tire kickers" and not really there to play.

Again it sounds like you are making an honest effort and are taking the right steps, things should fall into place soon. Otherwise my main advice is to turn up the heat and kick up the flirtation and seduction a couple notches and get out of the shadows make things happen.

Good luck and report back how things went!!!

[redsticktwo4u]

Originally Posted by Newpants

From your descriptions it really sounds like you are doing the right things and taking the right steps. There is a chance that your ship just has not come in yet and the next time you go there you will be living the life of porn stars

Sometimes it is like that at the clubs. Some nights things just fall into place without even trying and other nights it's like you couldn't get laid if it was a whorehouse and you had the winning lottery ticket in your pocket.

I'll offer these random thoughts -

- Try bumping up the flirtation a little more. People don't go to onpremise clubs unless they are at least open to the idea of playing that night. Don't be afraid to be flirtatious and seductive. It's ok to make chit-chat and pleasantries for a few minutes after the introduction but people are sizing up who they want to play with and you only have a few minutes to make an impression.

- While you are at the club, take that as an opportunity to meet new people and make introductions and ask them to introduce you to these friends that they are walking away from you to see. Ask them to integrate you into their little clique so you aren't just left sitting alone.

-along with that take a little pen and notepad and the people that you meet that seem like the kind of folks you are interested in, write down their profile name or email or ph # and contact them afterwards and see if they would like to meet outside the noisy club environment to get to know each other a little better and develop a bit of a rapport outside the club and perhaps some of that relationship will carry over inside the club as well.

And just some side thoughts, going to a club time and again without playing can be a bit of a double-edged sword. On one hand when people see you coming repeatedly they will tend to think you are more serious and may take you more seriously and give you a chance. But on the other hand if they see you there time and again just hanging out and not really doing anything they may think you are just spectators or "tire kickers" and not really there to play.

Again it sounds like you are making an honest effort and are taking the right steps, things should fall into place soon. Otherwise my main advice is to turn up the heat and kick up the flirtation and seduction a couple notches and get out of the shadows make things happen.

Good luck and report back how things went!!!

Actually, I think there is a misunderstanding. My girlfriend and I have not been to the club without playing-even though it's just the two of us, we still have an amazing time. We're certainly not (just) spectators, though of course, from time to time as we catch our breath, we enjoy sitting and watching the goings on around us. And when we play, we always make sure that we are in the group room, and that there is plenty of room around us so that should anyone get the notion of joining us, there wouldn't be any impediments.
Like you said, maybe it just hasn't been our time. We're going again next Saturday, so I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks for your input.

[sexcupid]

Just another thought...if you haven't already, speak to the host couple/couples and see if they might introduce you around (or at least introduce you to some of the other "new" couples there that night).

Unless you are going to the club every week (or more than every 2-3 months on average...I know travel time is a p.i.t.a.) you will continue to be the "new people".

When you had an online profile, what was your general MO for contacting people? Not saying its a sure fire way to meet people...but now its just shooting in the dark if you have cut off access to at least seeing event listings in your area (for our area there are hotel parties, meet and greets, as well as club events listed).

If you have a Yahoo acct...do a search on Yahoo groups. It might be a good way to find house parties or smaller events where you could be one of the "regulars" without having to travel so far.

Good luck and hope you have fun the next time you are at the club

[redsticktwo4u]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

Just another thought...if you haven't already, speak to the host couple/couples and see if they might introduce you around (or at least introduce you to some of the other "new" couples there that night).

Unless you are going to the club every week (or more than every 2-3 months on average...I know travel time is a p.i.t.a.) you will continue to be the "new people".

When you had an online profile, what was your general MO for contacting people? Not saying its a sure fire way to meet people...but now its just shooting in the dark if you have cut off access to at least seeing event listings in your area (for our area there are hotel parties, meet and greets, as well as club events listed).

If you have a Yahoo acct...do a search on Yahoo groups. It might be a good way to find house parties or smaller events where you could be one of the "regulars" without having to travel so far.

Good luck and hope you have fun the next time you are at the club

Well, I really find I'm starting to sound more negative than I want to...We've tried yahoo groups-there simply aren't any groups in our area. As to the host couple, these clubs in New Orleans are fairly large, more like night clubs-you pay your money and go in, but unless you have something to complain about, the only club employees you see are overworked bartenders and bouncers.
Anyway, we will have fun, lots of fun, even if it's just the two of us
Thanks again.

[DiscreetDesires]

The website that you were members of... Did they have forums and chat rooms?
If so, make yourself known on the site. This will make yourself more visable and also more approachable.
I will tell you that the main site we are members of, we have met most people from chatting with them in the chat room.
People tend to get a feel for you, and will recognize you when you send them an email.
Make yourself known and then I'm sure you'll have some sort of success!

[redsticktwo4u]

Originally Posted by DiscreetDesires

The website that you were members of... Did they have forums and chat rooms?
If so, make yourself known on the site. This will make yourself more visable and also more approachable.
I will tell you that the main site we are members of, we have met most people from chatting with them in the chat room.
People tend to get a feel for you, and will recognize you when you send them an email.
Make yourself known and then I'm sure you'll have some sort of success!

Well, if we decide to give the sites yet another try, we will take your advice. Thanks.