Achieving orgasm through blowjob

[DiscreetDesires]

While we have been in the lifestyle for over 2 years, we have been primarily girl/girl play with the occasional fmf threesome.
We are looking to take the step into soft swap, but our concern is that the Mr. has a very hard time achieving orgasm through oral sex.
There has only been two women in his lifetime (including myself) that have been able to get him off from a blowjob.
Is this a normal occurance?
Anyone have any tips to help a blowjob feel better, so that he is able to achieve orgasm from a blowjob more easily?
The average time it takes him to cum is about 30-45 minutes.

We know that orgasm isn't everything, but when the extent of play is oral sex, we wouldn't want the woman to get too tired and just give up, and don't want him to feel bad as well.

Any suggestions?

[LagniappeDC]

I have a similar problem in that at home I cumming from oral sex is not a problem. When we play, however, it is a different story -- I just couldn't cum at all from oral. Finally, we played with one couple a few times and she was able to make me cum and has pretty much every time since. I thought that "solved" my problem. Only one other woman besides our regular play partner (and my wife) has been able to bring me to orgasm.

I'm pretty sure there are several reasons. I'm too 'mental' - meaning I usually get distracted from everything going on around me. If I feel like it's taking to long, I start to think and worry about it...and then forget it. I may have had too much sex prior to the encounter (yeah, big problem!). I may have had one too many drinks. The woman I'm with gives oral very differently than my wife.

Still, if not cumming is a regular occurrence either at home, then just communicate that. We played with one couple where that was the case and he simply came out and said it. My wife pleasured him for a bit and then he and his wife had sex. As long as you just communicate up front then that is the best way to avoid any hurt feelings.

Other techniques include mixing oral with masturbating. If you have flavored lube, perhaps she can give you a hand job. If your play partner doesn't mind, go back and forth between having sex with your wife and her giving you oral.

Biggest thing is to not stress about it. simply be in the moment and enjoy it.

[MrsPandMe]

I also pretty much never cum from oral. Only ONCE in my 37 years of life has anyone ever gotten me to cum orally, and I was a 17 year old horn dog at the time. I have no problems orgasming via intercourse. Some guys just don't cum orally. So long as you're up front about it so that the lady doesn't keep trying in futility to get you to do something you just simply can't. On the other hand, it's nice etiquette to be up front about if you cum easily from a blow job, and better still to give her a warning before it happens. Nothing kills a mood like putting cum in the wrong place!

Mr P

[metroman]

[QUOTE=DiscreetDesires;407667]While we have been in the lifestyle for over 2 years, we have been primarily girl/girl play with the occasional fmf threesome.
We are looking to take the step into soft swap, but our concern is that the Mr. has a very hard time achieving orgasm through oral sex.
There has only been two women in his lifetime (including myself) that have been able to get him off from a blowjob.
Is this a normal occurance?
Anyone have any tips to help a blowjob feel better, so that he is able to achieve orgasm from a blowjob more easily?
The average time it takes him to cum is about 30-45 minutes.

We know that orgasm isn't everything, but when the extent of play is oral sex, we wouldn't want the woman to get too tired and just give up, and don't want him to feel bad as well.
I agree with most of others. I have a hard time "getting off" with a blow job from anybody - Years back, I trained my self mentally to be a "nice long ride" for the pleasure of ladies complaining about premature ejaculation by other males. On top of that - I enjoy ejaculating inside the pussy so we can orgasm together.
So part is mental - part is preference -- But my "final answer" is COMMUNICATE to the person your with "how your body works" - should take the anguish out of it.
It's all suppose to be fun, remember!!

[Alura]

The wife of a playcouple we once knew told me early-on that she didn't like the taste of semen. I could never come close to an oral orgasm with her.

Mrs. Alura and I used oral sex as birth control between kids. She wanted to keep her body "natural" for breast feeding. (No birth control pills.) She made it plain that she relished the act. and made me feel like I was giving her a gift each time. She always said, "Thanks, Darling!" afterwards. I never had trouble giving her the treat she so obviously sought.

Mr. Alura

[DiscreetDesires]

Good to hear that he is not alone!
We didn't want this to be a problem or an issue with any of the females.

LOL.. The Mr says he would have went crazy with just oral sex between the kiddos. We didn't use birth control either, but used condoms. I don't think I could have done without it either!

[JustAskJulie]

My ex had this issue. I pride myself in giving BJs and I can honestly say that I got him off orally once in 7 years. Some guys just don't get off that way. We were mostly full swap but we did play soft swap on occasion. My suggestion is to have him focus on the girl, lest she get her pride hurt when she can't get him off... then when it's time for him to get his he goes back to you for intercourse.

[LikeMinds321]

Does your husband even want oral? I think this is a legitimate question because if he doesn't really care for it, why go there and risk frustrating himself and his playpartner?

Since you aren't ready for or interested in doing full swap, I think you may have a challenge with softswap and this oral issue when you are with women who enjoy giving oral and are used to getting their man off in shorter time.

My husband loves blowjobs and I enjoy giving him oral. He usually comes in 5-10 minutes. If I had to work on giving oral for 45 minutes...on second thought...I couldn't do that. I'd have an aching jaw. If a woman is used to a certain time frame I think she will expect something to happen close to that time. If you happen upon a woman who is used to giving her husband 45 minutes of oral then you'll be well matched. But a gal like me would feel I've failed after 20 minutes of trying.

I think Julie has the best idea, he should focus on pleasuring his partner and be prepared to have a response if she is eager to give him oral. I think it would be better to know if the man I was with isn't that into oral, or usually doesn't come from oral, even though he enjoys it.

LM

[DiscreetDesires]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Does your husband even want oral? I think this is a legitimate question because if he doesn't really care for it, why go there and risk frustrating himself and his playpartner?

Since you aren't ready/or interested in doing full swap, I think you may have a challenge with softswap and this oral issue when you are with women who enjoy oral and are used to getting their man off in shorter time.

My husband loves blowjobs and I enjoy giving him oral. He usually comes in 5-10 minutes. If I had to work on giving oral for 45 minutes...on second thought...I couldn't do that. I'd have an aching jaw. If a woman is used to a certain time frame I think she will expect something to happen close to that time. If you happen upon a woman who is used to giving her husband 45 minutes of oral then you'll be well matched. But a gal like me would feel I've failed after 20 minuts of trying.

I think Julie has the best idea, focus on pleasuring your partner.

LM

Yes, he likes oral very much so!
He loves the sensation in that it's different than sex, but he has only been able to get off with me and one other female that he says "sucks it just like me".
It doesn't take him that long every time, but that is usually not the focus when we are alone together. I will go down on him for more of foreplay for a bit before we have sex most of the time.
When I do go down on him for that reason alone it can take anywhere from 20-45min, and because I LOVE doing this.. it isn't a problem for me.

The other female that was able to get him off was a single female that we played with about a year ago. We had all been messing around on and off throughout the day and at the end of the day took things a little further and on the balcony of her apartment unzipped his pants and surprised him with a little more fun.
I sucked on him for about 5 min and then she did for about 5 min until he came. So.. it didn't take that long that time.

Was just curious if there were any suggestions or tips for a man to cum quicker. I know mostly people like to go longer, but in this instance... he'd like to cum a little sooner.

[dodgechevy]

I have never ever ever never ever never ever ever ever finished from oral. I mean I'm only 24 but still. I have to *cough* "help" myself in order to finish with oral. Its definately on me though, she has no problem with any of her playmates.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by DiscreetDesires

Yes, he likes oral very much so!

That's great! In that case I think if women can tell he's enjoying himself (even if he never comes from oral) they will enoy giving your husband oral. I think most women want to know they are pleasing a man, whether he comes or not is secondary.

LM

[biplayfulcouple]

Originally Posted by DiscreetDesires

Yes, he likes oral very much so!
He loves the sensation in that it's different than sex, but he has only been able to get off with me and one other female that he says "sucks it just like me".
It doesn't take him that long every time, but that is usually not the focus when we are alone together. I will go down on him for more of foreplay for a bit before we have sex most of the time.
When I do go down on him for that reason alone it can take anywhere from 20-45min, and because I LOVE doing this.. it isn't a problem for me.

The other female that was able to get him off was a single female that we played with about a year ago. We had all been messing around on and off throughout the day and at the end of the day took things a little further and on the balcony of her apartment unzipped his pants and surprised him with a little more fun.
I sucked on him for about 5 min and then she did for about 5 min until he came. So.. it didn't take that long that time.

Was just curious if there were any suggestions or tips for a man to cum quicker. I know mostly people like to go longer, but in this instance... he'd like to cum a little sooner.

speaking for myself; it takes a little more stimulation, to make me cum orally, but my wife knows just exactly what to do: she plays with my balls and ass and slides a slippery finger, up into me, while shes blowing me. prostate orgasms are earth shattering! now when im with a different partner, receibing a bj; i'll ask her to touch my "hot spot" and that can set me off too.

[slevin]

So, what kind of advice is given to women who take a long time to cum from oral sex? Girls that are worried what people will do when she doesn't cum quickly, or if she can't cum at all that way? Generally I've seen the advice be for the guy to take his time and keep at it until she has her orgasm. Or to seek advice on what works for her etc. How is this any different? Why does it have to be a big deal? Everyone is different, you aren't going to make every guy cum from a blowjob. That shouldn't be a hit to your ego anymore than a guy shouldn't be hurt when he can't get a girl off, or when it takes a long time.

Just be up front and let them know that you don't cum from oral sex, and while you love it that it's really just a warmup for fucking to you.

[adultfriendfind]

i usually can't come to organism through oral sex, unless we were are in a m/f/m threesome and she is getting it from the other end - doggy style.

[DiscreetDesires]

It is a great relief to him that there are so many others and he's not alone in this.

Thanks everyone.. we really appreciate it!