Outed by our 14 year old

[duo33470]

We have a major problem, and neither of us are sure how to proceed. We have posted relatively little here, but if you look at our threads you will see that our swinging does not usually involve couples, but multiple men.

We typically entertain in our home, and when we do our children go to stay with grandparents for the weekend. We have tried to keep our sex lives and family lives seperate and until know have been successful.

This weekend things changed. We had a few guys over, but unknown to us our son had left a webcam going on the computer in our den... and unfortunately he managed to video tape our fun. We had 4 men over all of whom had sex with my wife, and all of it was captured on the cam. I did not participate directly, though I am seen in the video masturbating.

We do not think he intentionally captured this video. We discovered him looking at it. We were all so embarassed we really have not talked about it yet...

has anyone ever been in anything remotely similar?

any opinions on what we should do would be appreciated.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by duo33470

We had a few guys over, but unknown to us our son had left a webcam going on the computer in our den... and unfortunately he managed to video tape our fun. We had 4 men over all of whom had sex with my wife, and all of it was captured on the cam. I did not participate directly, though I am seen in the video masturbating.

We do not think he intentionally captured this video. We discovered him looking at it. We were all so embarassed we really have not talked about it yet...

This hasn't happened to us, we have no children.

However, I remember being 14 and I highly doubt I would have left my webcam going accidentally when I left for an overnight stay with the grandparents.

I think your son felt something was up and left it on to catch what he suspected.

I don't know what you're going to say, but you do need to talk soon. Hopefully, some members who are parents of teens will have some advice for you.

Maybe you live in the boondocks where you have no neighbors who can view your home, but if you live in a typical neighborhood your neighbors know something is up, too. Four men coming over while the kids are gone is going to get noticed. Guys coming to your home to fuck your wife walk different, dress different and send off a vibe that is unlike buddies who know you well and come by to barbecue, talk business, or play pool.

Don't play at home in the future.

LM

[cplnuswing]

No, thankfully haven't experienced anything even in the same universe as that. So, take this for what it's worth.

You need to talk ASAP. Without knowing your exact situation, it's probably a fair guess that there is a lot to lose if this isn't handled well. Family, friends, neighbors, jobs or businesses, and maybe even your parental rights, at least temporarily, should a hysteria get going. Last but certainly not least, your relationship with your son. Unfortunately, all of that is hinging on the decisions that a 14 year old is going to make.

Without knowing the maturity level, family dynamics, etc., I'm not going to guess at the best way to approach it in terms of your relationship with him. But what should be front and center though as part of any conversation is to impress upon him, with examples, the seriousness of what could happen to his family, including him, should he treat this lightly. It's a burden he shouldn't have to bear at that age, but then again he brought it upon himself (I too think the cam was no accident).

Good luck.

[Alura]

I remember Mrs. Alura discussing this issue with me long ago. Fortunately, neither son ever asked us about the lifestyle even after they found out we posted on this board.

Anyway, we had decided that we'd talk to them about it like any other issue, leveling with them, of course, and hope they'd understand. We used the same approach in telling them of Laura's impending death. They handled that quite well, maintaining their individual statuses of "Honor Student" during the semester in which she died.

It's been my experience that kids can handle a lot as long as their parents are honest with them and let them know beyond doubt that they are deeply loved. Sounds kinda like marriage, doesn't it? ...or maybe just life.

Alura

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by duo33470

We had actually started the "is HPV inevitble" thread a while back... about the time we decided that our preferred play was with multiple males for my wife, as opposed to couples swinging.

We have now had quite a few bareback gangbangs, and my wife is completely addicted to it and would not have it any other way. We are aware of the risks but could not change even if we wanted to.

Originally Posted by duo33470

Is the risk we take each time we are with a new partner add to part of the excitement and addiction?

After reviewing your other posts I found these two statements above stood out.

I have to wonder if excitement, risk, and addiction play a role in this situation with your son.

Is it possible that getting caught by your son is another risk that excites you?

LM

[DiscreetDesires]

I don't have any advice as our children are still too young yet, but I can almost guarantee that your son is as embarrassed to approach the subject as the both of you are.
Be honest and upfront with your son, and most of all... let him know that he is loved and the both of you are very much in love.
He may have viewed this (or intentionally set the cam up to capture this) because he may have been thinking that one or both of you were cheating on the other.
Reassure him of your love and commitment for each other.

[duo33470]

Is it possible that getting caught by your son is another risk that excites you?

There is a certain amount of excitement associated with getting caught, but this is not really what we were looking for and I certainly hope no one is accusing us of getting caught on purpose.

[padoc]

All we can say is ..."Holy Crap"!! We don't envy you two at all in this matter. Who knows what your son was thinking when he set up the camera and who really knows what he is thinking now. 14 is such a highly charged age in many ways and how this incident will effect his further development is anybody's guess. We are not generally big believers in counseling, figuring that most adults should be able to solve their own problems but in this case, I think you'll need some outside help and fast. Good luck!

[Chicup]

I think this is an extremely serious problem.

It will vary child to child but 14 is a very hard time sexually for a boy. Things are changing fast, your emotions are messed up, and you are going from boy-man.

I recall when I was 14, I once saw an thing on 'real people' (remember that show) where a guy was a nude model for an all female art class. As stupid as this sounds now, I was mortified this guy would do this, I thought it was wrong and humiliating for the man. As I said I was 14. Anyways I can't even BEGIN to imagine how I would feel seeing my mother get nailed by 4 guys while my dad jerked off. It would have been devastating. I even would have questioned my own paternity.

You have taken the most sacred person in a childs life, his mother, and basically made her into a whore. I'm not saying this as MY judgement but the feelings of a 14 year old.

This isn't the usual its "not their business" what you do in bed, he saw what you do (and don't believe for a moment it was accidentally recorded, it doesn't work that way).

Depending on your son this might even require counseling.

[ncmd_couple]

Our kids are all in their 20s now.

I would kick my son’s ass, verbally, if not physically.

Ok, here are the technical issues. You have to download a program to your den PC that runs and detects movement and then records everything it has seen for 3 minutes prior to the movement, and then everything after as long as movement continues. I have such a program because we were having office thefts several years ago, turned out to be a security guard.

So….

1. Your PC won’t “accidentally” do this.
2. Your son had to download the software, after paying $35 for it, and then install it on your PC
3. Then, he had to go and review the video.

Yeap, the two of you have been busted. But you need to deal with your son’s violation of your privacy, and have a very, very long talk with him. You have a mess on your hands. Good luck!

S

[LagniappeDC]

Our kids are younger, but agree with the general sentiment that in this day and age, with kids as tech savy as they are, you should assume that the camera was probably left on on purpose.

Unfortunately, in this day and age of sexting and you tube, you should probably assume that the video is "out there". You need to get on that computer ASAP and scan it thoroughly for that video. Heck, I'd just reformat the thing because who knows if it's been renamed etc. Same goes for any smart phones, thumb drives, external drives, etc.

As others have noted, sitting down and talking to your son needs to be a priority. Do it asap - tonight. More than anything, your son's mental health is critical. He needs to understand what was happening, why, and that you are still a loving couple and family. Follow that up with one on one conversations as well.

Only you will know if he would confide in his grandparents. If that is the case, you may need to preemptively have that conversation with them.

As you can imagine, every time you send him off to the gparents house, he will probably be thinking that you'll be engaged in the same activities. You should consider putting a halt to the gang bangs for a while...and ultimately, you need to consider having them in another place. For us, this would be a simple security issue. If you host a lot, you can't know all of these men very well and you never know when one decides to "stop by" or worse, become a stalker.

No judgement here on her activities, but you've gotten yourself into quite a mess and that's too bad because it sounds as if you were doing what makes you happy as a couple and all activities were legal.

[duo33470]

We have talked with our son and have discovered he has shown this video to a couple of friends as well. This really sucks. Not exactly sure what to do at this point. One of the boys was 16 and the other 17

[LikeMinds321]

I'm noticing an odd smell in the air.

LM

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by duo33470

We have talked with our son and have discovered he has shown this video to a couple of friends as well. This really sucks. Not exactly sure what to do at this point. One of the boys was 16 and the other 17

Interesting. Thinking back to when I was that age, much as chicup said, I'd be mortified. I think showing a couple friends would be the absolute last thing I would do. I can't imagine even telling anyone what I'd witnessed.

So, with that being said, I have no freaking idea what is in your son's head right now. His actions appear to be the exact opposite of what mine would have been. Also, IMO, there is no damn way he "accidentally" recorded the action.

As to the previous post, I don't think LM was accusing you of getting caught on purpose. She referred to the thrill of "The thought of getting caught". Lots of folks get off on the possibility of being caught, but don't actually want to get caught.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by duo33470

We have talked with our son and have discovered he has shown this video to a couple of friends as well.

As a further thought on this: Your son may be a bit technologically savvy, but on a social level, he's apparently not very bright.

Any male that ever spent a week in school knows you NEVER give information to other teen boys that can be used against you. They will use this information to make his life a living hell the next four years. You think two teen boys are going to keep this info to themselves?

I really hope your son was smarter than that. If not, then you may be able to BS yourselves out of this situation yet.