How should we end it?

[largenlovinit]

So the day of our planned evening of fun with this couple the wife texts me to let us know she started her period. Oh crap! I talk to the husband and we decide to go anyways because the room is paid for the babysitter is set up and we can go and just have dinner and hang out. Well we get and still end up having fun. The other wife gives blow jobs and the guys are happy with that. I have sex with the other guy while sucking my husband and then end with my husband. It was a great time. We all shower and head out to dinner. Which was perfectly fine, during dinner the other husband makes a comment that he would like me again later in the night. I make it perfectly clear that I will not be "putting out" again that night as it is unfair to my husband who didn't get to enjoy his wife. He says he understands, no big deal.

We head back to the hotel (which we are sharing for the night, and have done in the past), again the other husband says he would like to have sex again, again I say no. At this point I am annoyed but other wise fine. We do a little play within our own couples, and then head off to bed. It was like four in the morning. Again, the other husband asks, if he can have sex with me, and again I say NO! At this point I am feeling seriously frustrated, my husband see's this and says again why I am saying no, and the answer will not change. And at this point even if my husband had gone and had sex with the other wife I still would not of had sex again with the other husband, I was super turned off!

The next morning we are up and all taking showers, when my husband is in the shower the wife is trying to get me to have sex with her husband, probably because he has spent the last hour bitching that he wants more sex in their marriage, and that he hates her period. At this point we are just getting our stuff together as fast as possible and trying to get out of there.

Once my husband and I are in the car I tell him what happened when he was in the shower. Boy o' Boy is he mad, our rule is we always play in the same room, no exceptions!!!!! I felt pressured and he feels that they broke one of our most important rule, we decide not to play with them again. But now here is the problem. How do we tell them. My husband thinks we should tell them why, that I felt pressured by the husband, and that trying to get me to have sex when my husband was in the shower was the ultimate no, no. I think we should just gloss over it and say we are moving on and wish them the best of luck in there future play. What does everyone think, should we tell them the truth, or should we just say goodbye and let them try and figure out what happened?

[Alura]

Here's my suggestion, Largenlovinit.

"I'm very disappointed, Mrs. Playmate, but your husband was far too aggressive for my tastes. I only say "No" when I mean it. We won't be able to play with y'all again."

Good Luck!

Alura

[lovinher]

Why sugar coat it? Just go ahead tell them the truth. They just may learn something from it but I doubt it. IMO, the guy don't deserve a pass on this.

[LikeMinds321]

Just curious, was this the second time you played with them, or have you had a longer ongoing relationship with them?

You could give your reason, however, they could come back and apologize profusely, begging you to reconsider. Would you reconsider? How would you would deal with that type of reply back? Think about it before you write them.

When you give a reason, people are very likely to write back apologizing, saying they will never do that again. They can end up making you question your decision; you may even feel a twinge of guilt for wanting to dump them. Do you want to put yourself through that?

I prefer not to go through that. When we have decided to end a play relationship it has never been for one reason. A single event may have triggered our decision, however, on further review it has always been a number of things that, when added up, resulted in our decision to drop them. We don't give a specific reason.

I don't think you need to say anything at this point. If you haven't made contact since your date. Don't. If they write asking to get together again, then send them the general statement you said above. I think it sounds fine.

LM

[BiloxiCouple]

If you want nothing more to do with them, just ignore them. No sense creating more headaches for yourself.

Your rules are yours. Hopefully, others will respect them, if they understand what they are beforehand.

[largenlovinit]

No, I would not play with them again. Even if they are were to apologize, I would accept the apology and maybe stay friends but I would NEVER play with them again. They are nice people and are good in the bedroom but my husband and I swing to expand our sex life and fulfill fantasies together not to deal with other peoples issues.

[LFM2]

when my husband is in the shower the wife is trying to get me to have sex with her husband, probably because he has spent the last hour bitching that he wants more sex in their marriage,

Isn't that a scary quote.

If they contact you again, give a general statement. You could also do like Alura says... but I'd only tell them that if they contact you first.

[amid]

Definately tell them why and tell them the truth. Some people are just plain ignorant to what is right and what is wrong. By telling them the whole truth perhaps you will give them something to think about and it might also help them to modify their behaviour in future social situations.

I don't agree with ignoring them. All that does is lower you and your standards to that of the countless ignorant people already in the world.

[good times]

We have found that giving reasons always equals drama. That is why I would highly recommend that you just tell them it is time for you to move on, and leave it at that. What will usually happen then is that they will then ask you why. To that we always just respond that the reasons are personal and we will not discuss them. They may be hurt or disappointed that you do not want to play with them any more, but take it from someone who has been there, it beats the heck out of the drama that will ensue if you give them reasons which they would naturally feel they hand to defend against.

Put yourself in their position. If someone told you that they didn't want to play with you any more because you were being too pushy, what would you do. You would either apologize profusely, or become defensive, as that is human nature. The result, more often than not, is unneeded drama that could have been easily avoided by not giving the reasons in the first place.

[LikeMinds321]

This is a topic that has come up many times on the Board.

I've often felt that the desire to tell a playmate what they did wrong is primarily done as a retaliatory measure. It is done to vent anger, to punish, more than to help them avoid making the same mistake when playing with others.

If you have an interest in continuing a play relationship with someone, then pointing out what was offensive to you would make sense. But if you don't want to play with them again I don't see the point.

LM

[Newpants]

- You are hurt and angry right now (for legitimate reason I would add) do not contact them and say anything out of anger it will only blow things up more.

- If you are done with them then just do not initiate any more contact with them. Chances are they are done with you also and probably won't contact you either. If noone initiates contact then it's all over anyway and noone fights about it and no drama.

- If they do contact you and do want to get together again I agree with Likeminds321 and Good Times in that there is nothing to be gained by getting into specifics and they will just try to explain why you are wrong for dumping them and that you are overreacting.

You can respond with a simple, "We have enjoyed your company in the past but we are no longer interested in continuing a sexual relationship with you in the future. We wish you lots of fun and adventures in your endeavors blah blah blah" and just leave it at that.

Since they do seem to have a tendency to use pressure tactics they will most likely try to pressure you for an explaination but I agree with those that say it's best to just let that dog lay.

If I were to bet odds I would say you have a 60% chance you won't hear from them again and a 40% they will give you a call for a rematch once Aunt Flow is out of town. You'll have to let us know which way they go.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

If you want nothing more to do with them, just ignore them. No sense creating more headaches for yourself.

Your rules are yours. Hopefully, others will respect them, if they understand what they are beforehand.

I think it is not right to ignore people, especially if you have played with them. I agree with your signature -- you will be judged by how you treat other people. People don't cease to exist because they did something that displeased you. Ignoring them is like pretending they're not there. It's a real hot button for me. I've learned not to let it bother me in most cases, but if we'd played with someone and then they just didn't return messages or calls, I would think it was horribly rude and would think less of them for it.

Alura's approach seems like the right one to me. If they pursue it further that is when you say you won't discuss it. I think in the situation you described, it is appropriate for you to say something about what upset you, since it upset you more than a little. If someone acts unacceptably then I think saying something is quite appropriate.

In many playmate situations it is not important to say anything... then the other couple would just assume they weren't doing it for you anymore. But I think that in cases like the one you described, it is very appropriate to say something. They disrespected you. Do you want this other couple to go on and treat others the way they treated you? Do you think they treated others the same way before you? Wouldn't you have appreciated one of those others letting them know the husband's behaviour was not okay? Then maybe he wouldn't have acted that way with you. Similarly, if you let them know what bothered you, they may wake up and realize it's not acceptable.

It's not vindictive or punishing to tell them. It's simply feedback. I'm sure you won't get any gratification out of them feeling bad, if in fact they do.

Recently we were seeing a couple we liked a lot. They stopped seeing us fairly abruptly, but we remained in touch. We thought we knew the reason why they weren't seeing us as playmates anymore. In the end they ended up telling us why. The real reason was something quite different from what we had assumed. Without going into details, it was something that was not fun to hear, but having the knowledge is providing us with the opportunity to improve ourselves. We really appreciated knowing the truth, and we remain friends.

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

having the knowledge is providing us with the opportunity to improve ourselves

This is why feedback is important. There are some who will never change, but there are others who will benefit from knowing what their mistakes were.

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

I think it is not right to ignore people, especially if you have played with them. I agree with your signature -- you will be judged by how you treat other people. People don't cease to exist because they did something that displeased you. Ignoring them is like pretending they're not there. It's a real hot button for me. I've learned not to let it bother me in most cases, but if we'd played with someone and then they just didn't return messages or calls, I would think it was horribly rude and would think less of them for it.

Alura's approach seems like the right one to me. If they pursue it further that is when you say you won't discuss it. I think in the situation you described, it is appropriate for you to say something about what upset you, since it upset you more than a little. If someone acts unacceptably then I think saying something is quite appropriate.

In many playmate situations it is not important to say anything... then the other couple would just assume they weren't doing it for you anymore. But I think that in cases like the one you described, it is very appropriate to say something. They disrespected you. Do you want this other couple to go on and treat others the way they treated you? Do you think they treated others the same way before you? Wouldn't you have appreciated one of those others letting them know the husband's behaviour was not okay? Then maybe he wouldn't have acted that way with you. Similarly, if you let them know what bothered you, they may wake up and realize it's not acceptable.

It's not vindictive or punishing to tell them. It's simply feedback. I'm sure you won't get any gratification out of them feeling bad, if in fact they do.

Recently we were seeing a couple we liked a lot. They stopped seeing us fairly abruptly, but we remained in touch. We thought we knew the reason why they weren't seeing us as playmates anymore. In the end they ended up telling us why. The real reason was something quite different from what we had assumed. Without going into details, it was something that was not fun to hear, but having the knowledge is providing us with the opportunity to improve ourselves. We really appreciated knowing the truth, and we remain friends.

This is a very good arguement and sounds very reasonable and most reasonable, self-reflective people would agree with this approach. I too would want to know why someone was dumping us and I would like to think that I would learn from past mistakes and not commit them again in the future.

The problem is not everyone is reasonable and I have a sneaking suspicion these people are prone to pressure tactics and manipulation. My gut is telling me that if the OP comes out and spells out specifically why they are dumping them it is going to result in some escalating drama as opposed to self-reflection and amends.

To Largenlovinit, you know these people better than any of us and have a better idea of how they will react than any of us do. There are good arguements on both sides of this and in the end you will have to decide on how to handle it. Which ever way you decide to go my recommendation is do not do anything while the emotions are still high and there is still hurt and anger in your heart.

Give it a while for the emotions to calm down and you can do whatever you do with a cool and calm head and don't let the emotions do the talking for you. If you do tell them why you are no longer interested in playing with them, do it for the sake of openess and honesty and not out of retaliation and anger as Likeminds321 mentioned. There has already been enough drama out of this, don't throw any more fuel on the fire.

[lizandtom]

Originally Posted by largenlovinit

What does everyone think, should we tell them the truth, or should we just say goodbye and let them try and figure out what happened?

Like many have already said, IMHO if you try and explain, it's drama just waiting to unfold, and will come back to haunt you elsewhere, like with other couples or in a club.

We've found that it's just better to let it rest and do not be upfront, just mentally get past your issues with them and move on; look for your next rendezvous.

When they ask if you are available, if you already have plans, say so. If you don't, just tell them that you; a. don't have a sitter, b. are staying in that night, c. just feel like dancing at the local club and that's it .... They'll get the message after a few tries.