I had mixed emotions seeing my husband with another woman

[timswife28]

My husband and I have been married for almost 28 years when we decided we might try something new. We started talking about our fantasies and checking out different websites about swinging.
Last year we met a couple for dinner and decided to meet them again at their home in two weeks. Being new and not experienced in this we discovered how important chemistry is. We just didn't click. So we took a break from meeting and decided just a few months ago to seriously look again.
We found another couple on a different website and started chatting to get to know them. Seems like we really clicked with them. Yesterday was our first meeting. The chemistry is definately there. We had a lot of fun just hanging out.
I had my first fmf encounter and I really enjoyed it. I believe that because we did click so well it wasn't awkward, it felt natural. I had mixed emotions seeing my husband with another woman. Sometimes I felt really turned on and proud that she was all over him, other times through out the day/night I felt a distance from him. I imagine these are natural first time feelings, not sure maybe you guys can give some insight here. Her husband seems to be more of a watcher than a doer at this point. There was a lot of touching and kissing done by everyone. I think possibly as time goes on we will all walk away very satisfied.

[lustylearning]

Overall, it sounds like you had a very good experience It's normal to have some mixed feelings, especially if you had the dual dynamic in play of watching hubby very involved, while your own partner was watching, instead of doing. It sounds though like you accept this is something that will naturally resolve. It is amazing how things change when comfort levels grow.

[red96]

Be sure to communicate your feelings to your husband in detail, it will probably help you to overcome them faster.

[timswife28]

Thanks for the comments. I have been talking to him and he was sitting next to me as I composed the post. Since I posted we chatted with the other couple and they too have had similar feelings. So we are all on the same page in communicating. Thanks again.

[WildMiCouple]

The mixed emotions is pretty common early on. I'd bet that the majority of us had similar mixed thoughts after our first time or two playing. So consider yourself normal and as you mentioned, it'll get easier as you gain some experience. Just make sure you keep the talk going as Red mentioned. Us guys would much rather talk with our girls and KNOW what they are thinking rather than try and be mind-readers during the next playdate

Brett

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by timswife28

I had mixed emotions seeing my husband with another woman. Sometimes I felt really turned on and proud that she was all over him, other times through out the day/night I felt a distance from him. I imagine these are natural first time feelings, not sure maybe you guys can give some insight here. Her husband seems to be more of a watcher than a doer at this point.

The experience of feeling "excited" and then "distance" can be a natural thing for some people that are new I think, it was a major feature of my first time, and for me it was a cycle of excitement/distance/excitement/distance, etc.

The important thing is if that feeling of distanced from your husband has carried over when you two are by youself. Reading between the lines and your subsequent post, seems like that is not the case for you two, and thats good!! The best outcome is if you both feel even closer now, especially as you both process the experience.

It's really a great thing that you have discovered that "feels natural" feeling and why that is so important. Follow that "natural" feeling, let it be your guide.

That her husband is more of a watcher may be a positive thing at this point. Things can be unconsciously distracting at first, in fact that may be one origin of "distance" feeling... as a way of ourselves pulling back enough to process new experiences, or as a natural artifact of you noticing your husband increasingly focusing (as would be natural for him) on his partner. And vise versa. So having her husband mainly watching may have kept things from being even more distracting and allowed everyone to absorb this new and thus distracting new experience. A way of staying out of "too much at once" land. Hopefully he will be more involved as you all become more comfortable and as things take a natural, step by step course.

It may be fun and valuable for you both to get together with the other couple to all share your reactions to your encounter, similar to the way you have shared here. As you have found via your email to them, you all share similar feelings. So exploring that face to face with them can be validating, and reassuring, and even point to the best way to proceed.

[prometheius]

First off,

You came to the right place if you're looking for swinger info. We all look forward to getting to know more about you and sharing our thoughts with you.

The only thing I might have to add is that you mentioned that the other male seems to be more of a watcher than a doer at this point. If the other couple is also new to swinging, it could be that he has not found his comfort zone yet. If that's the case, he'll probably come around once he's gotten to know you a little better and finds his comfort zone. keep the communication going and good things are sure to cum your way!

[ebsfgncu]

Since it's all very new to you it will be cases of trial and error for awhile. You'll find your comfort zone. The most important thing is that you talk about it and directly after. If something bothers you, say so and be honest. It's the only way to make this lifestyle work. Don't worry about getting it all right the first time; hell the first few times. It takes practice to know what you like and don't like.

[Fringeswinger]

No one can say what will happen if you go through with it. People can give informed advice based on experience, but in the end, you have 4 complex personalities meshing at a particular place and time. A miilion things can go wrong, or just enough things can go right to make everything "work".

I hope it goes great for everyone involved. I find it fascinating trying to understand the dynamics of relationships and how committed people can share the most intimate experiences with others - or groups.

Personally I think you are incredibly brave to move your fantasy to reality. 28 years is a long time to go before branching out. I would guess that the majority of people have sexual fantasies that they could not fulfill in reality for more reasons than I can imagine.

Best of luck,

Bill

Originally Posted by timswife28

My husband and I have been married for almost 28 years when we decided we might try something new. We started talking about our fantasies and checking out different websites about swinging.
Last year we met a couple for dinner and decided to meet them again at their home in two weeks. Being new and not experienced in this we discovered how important chemistry is. We just didn't click. So we took a break from meeting and decided just a few months ago to seriously look again.
We found another couple on a different website and started chatting to get to know them. Seems like we really clicked with them. Yesterday was our first meeting. The chemistry is definately there. We had a lot of fun just hanging out.
I had my first fmf encounter and I really enjoyed it. I believe that because we did click so well it wasn't awkward, it felt natural. I had mixed emotions seeing my husband with another woman. Sometimes I felt really turned on and proud that she was all over him, other times through out the day/night I felt a distance from him. I imagine these are natural first time feelings, not sure maybe you guys can give some insight here. Her husband seems to be more of a watcher than a doer at this point. There was a lot of touching and kissing done by everyone. I think possibly as time goes on we will all walk away very satisfied.

[timswife28]

Just wanted to update, we have met a few more times since the first post and things have been a lot more relaxed and FUN with all participating. It appears that my communicating to the others what i was feeling has made us all more comfortable.

[lustylearning]

So glad to hear that!! May your journey continue to be a happy one