New couple or try again?

[thiscouple]

Well, Mr.this and I did our first try at a couple swap. It went okay but didn't go very far. Started our with us girls both naked and kissing our own husbands. Got the guys down to their underwear and then since I am the 'slow' one they decided to focus on me for a bit. Mr.this did oral on me while the other wife and I did some kissing and groping. Then the other husband got in on it fingering his wife and petting me a bit. We then broke off to Mr.This making out with the other wife and they went to their bed and he started fingering her. The other husband started kissing me and trying to get me going. It didn't work. He was not a good kisser and also not good with his hands or mouth in any way. I was not into him. So, I am watching/hearing hubby help the other wife along and she's cumming and commenting how good he is with his hands... and I am thinking 'oh yes he is' and this other husband is doing nothing for me... not a thing. I try directing him a bit but he isn't responding to that. At this point he can tell I'm just not feeling it and calls for everything to stop. We all sit and talk a bit. Mr.THis asks how I am feeling. At this point I kind of lost it and start shaking. For some reason it's just not okay all of a sudden and I want to cry. I give him our signal and he tells them we are going to have to be done for the night and either can all go back to the bar for a few drinks and just hang out or whatever. The other couple says they're both worked up and elect to go back to their room for their private fun. They say they are not upset and had fun saying we did more than they thought we would.

At this point I'm thinking Mr.This is mad at me for not getting into it or letting him have fun. He says he is not. He also tells me he wasn't hard at all. I know he was when he was working on me, but he says once we switched it was gone. Said he glanced at me and noticed I wasn't into it and I wasn't making my 'noises' so he figured something was off.

Anyway that was about a month ago and this couple contacted us again. They asked if we'd like to try again. We've met this couple socially and enjoy their company but I just don't know that I'm sexually compatible with the husband. The wife is VERY into Mr.This and the husband is really into me. Mr. THis is lukewarm about the wife. Says he wouldn't mind having her but doesn't care if it never happens with them.

I'm nervous about the whole situation so am not sure if my 'not feeling it' is a product of the other husband lacking 'skill' or my nerves taking over. I am comfortable with this couple in that I am neutral about her being with Mr. This. I thought I'd be horrified or maybe grossed out by him with another but it turned out I'm neutral. Doesn't get me going but doesn't make me upset either.

So, now the question we're facing is do we try this again with them or find another couple where the husband really excites me, but then I'm not sure if anyone will excite me at that point in that moment. I think if I can just work past the nerves of the first encounter and come out the other side more confident this will be a lot of fun for both of us.

I've had a lot of issues to work through to get to this point and feel we need to push forward, otherwise I will have to start all over.

I am a nervous/worrier/anxious person in general so this isn't something isolated to swinging at all.

OK, not sure what I'm looking for here really. Advice? Ways to work through the first time? Similar experiences and how now you're happy and having fun? Any words of wisdom are appreciated.

[SecretAsianMan]

It's okay to feel nervous and you did the right thing by calling for a "stop" when you weren't feeling it that night. I'm glad to hear that your husband was very understanding & you're communicating your feelings together.

Be patient. Don't "push" to make it happen. If you're not relaxed or comfortable - then you're never going to get into it.

If you're socialable with this other couple - and get along well enough outside of the whole sex-thing... it should be okay to hang out with them - but if they don't do it for you... well, then they just don't do it for you. (We don't ALL have to be compatable with each other). Nothing says y'all can't just be friends

Be safe... Have fun. Keep communicating with each other & let us know how its going. I'm sure many of us would be quite pleased to hear about a "success"-story soon (and if not - that's okay too) But I'll keep my fingers crossed for y'all

[LikeMinds321]

I recommend passing on this couple.

You aren't into him, and your husband is only "lukewarm" about her and couldn't care if he ever played with her. That's reason enough to pass.

It is not unusual when meeting a nice couple that you think you should play with them because they're "nice." This is never a good idea because if you don't feel turned on by someone, I don't think you should attempt to play. Maybe you felt a spark before you all played, but after diving in you learned the connection wasn't there. When that happens, we move on.

There is a difference between liking someone and being turned on by them. Be honest with yourself about which it is you're feeling and don't try to convince yourself you are hot for someone when you're not. You have made an attempt with this couple and I think trying again with them will likely end in disappointment.

Considering what you shared in this thread from a month ago, I have to wonder if you should be swinging.

I get the feeling you're trying to "push" yourself do something that you don't really want to do.

LM

[lookingfornow]

Originally Posted by thiscouple

...but then I'm not sure if anyone will excite me at that point in that moment....

I've had a lot of issues to work through to get to this point and feel we need to push forward, otherwise I will have to start all over.

I am a nervous/worrier/anxious person in general so this isn't something isolated to swinging at all.

OK, not sure what I'm looking for here really. Advice? Ways to work through the first time? Similar experiences and how now you're happy and having fun? Any words of wisdom are appreciated.

Do you really want to do this? It really sounds to me like you are trying to talk yourself into doing something that you are really not that excited about doing. If playing with another partner is not exciting to you, you will find thousands of reasons why your lover is not to your liking.



It seems to me that you have already made the decision that this couple is not to your liking. I suppose the real question is whether there is any couple who will be to your liking given your apparently tepid (at best) interest in the activity overall. No lover is going to be your husband. No one is going to have his hands. No one is going to know how to play you the way he does. If you are looking for the comfort of the sameness that you share with your husband, you are destine to be disappointed by all you find. The excitement, at least for us, is in the differences that you can share. Different people, different approaches, different textures, different techniques. If different doesn't excite you, I am again at a loss to understand why you are proceeding.

I am not suggesting that you stop. Rather, I am merely suggesting that you consider whether your expectations are consistent with what you are likely to experience. In the end, I don't think you should proceed with any other couple until you take a hard look at what you expect out of the experience and whether those expectations are at all real.



Good luck.

[asncpl]

I agree with LM that you should think about if swinging is something you want to do, but for right now I think you should pass on this couple. With what happened, you are going to be even more anxious and nervous than usual, and this other guy is going have to work a double-shift at the very least to make you enjoy yourself. You have said nothing to suggest that his lack of "skills" is a one-time thing perhaps as a result of his own nerves.

My two cents is that if you are going to give this one more try, do it with another couple so you don't have any preconceived notion or expectation. Just let it happen.

[DigginIt]

I'm going to blow past everything and just focus on this couple and reiterate some of the things that have been said above and elsewhere but in my own words.

As a guy, most are not very picky about the women we will sleep with. God, I know how horrible that sounds but it's true. On the other hand, most women are extremely picky. That is why the women usually make the decisions. My wife will tell me in under 15 seconds if she is attracted to a guy. If they are borderline, then 10 minutes over drinks and she has made her decision.

It's a lot more emotional for women in my opinion. You need to be the one to say, "WOW, I'd love to get him in the bed" because at the end of the night (as my wife says) even if the sex isn't that great it was with someone that made her feel great!! And that is what is important to us.

If you are going to play, don't settle.

My honest opinion is that you are still not ready. You still have too many insecurities and worries. I still wish you both the best of luck.